Fucking on the First Date

[B_subgirrl]

I knew that you would have a response for me:wink: We haven't been bantering enough lately! And I miss Petite!!!!!!

I agree!! About the bantering AND the missing Petite (but she's back now - yay!!!! :smile::smile::smile.

I posted in this thread earlier as well and said I wouldn't rule it out. I came close once, even went back to his place. I was there about fifteen minutes before I panicked and told him I had to go:redface: Epic fail (you're laughing your butt off which is cool), but it made me firm in my belief that I cannot get over the idea of letting someone touch me that isn't something more than just someone I'm attracted to.

You know me well - I DID laugh my butt off :biggrin1:! But I really love and admire how you can be sure of what you want and stick to it so well.

Haha, shuddery guys get the I'm an uber bitch don't even try it look. My best friend taught me:biggrin1: I'm more of a kitten, but some people tell me IRL they always thought I was stuck up until they got to know me. I tend to hold myself back sometimes and observe those around me. More of my weirdness:tongue: However, I also flirt and I don't even realize I'm doing it most of the time.

So you hold yourself back whilst accidentally flirting :tongue:?

Of course I would be giving and taking as well. We both view a lot of sexual feelings and needs the same way. The big difference is I'm never going to relax with someone I don't care about. So you may find satisfaction that way, but I cannot. Mentally I'm not going to let it go.

I respect your cannot-ness. I just don't get it. :smile:

I'm a hugger:smile: I'm sure I don't have to tell you that.

Somehow I knew you would be :tongue:.

I'm such a strange bird because I'm so very hippieish (is that a word) when it comes to everything except sharing myself with someone. It's the one time I feel like I let myself be completely vulnerable. It's hard to let that wall down and really let someone take control, I control everything, but I want to not be in control. Making crazy sense yet?

Totally. It sounds rather like me when I first discovered my sub side. Seriously. Until then I HADN'T let myself be totally vulnerable, even during sex.

I thought you did, but it wouldn't be a big deal if you didn't. Well maybe it would have because I see you as being very open minded like I try to be. I have my moments, but I work on those:smile:

We all have our moments :smile:.

I guess I frequently asked the wrong woman out.

Were you asking the kind who did, or didn't fuck on the first date? :tongue:

Now..i'd rather not have sex on a first date..I do tell you this..because it always makes me feel a bit nervous after about what they will think of me..

But second dates ..haha hell yeah..if the chemistry between us is obvious..Why not?

This I understand even less than I understand SG83's position. I can at least understand her position in an intellectual sense. But I don't understand your position at all. What makes the second date so different to the first?

I honestly believe now that men who think like that aren't worth keeping because of how they think, but I was young.

Totally agree. Not only do they have different beliefs to me which would make us incompatible, but on top of that, they're hypocrites!

TheBF and I also had sex on the first date, despite my promise to myself that I wouldn't because I wanted more than just a one night stand with him, and we ended up getting married and having a baby! I don't really think that TheBF counts, though. TheBF and I had known each other socially for months and we spoke on the phone for several hours every night for a month before our first date, ~120 hours of conversation, so we knew each other very well by then. Going out on the date was just our first opportunity to be in physical proximity to each other, and we just couldn't keep our hands off! It was just the best date ever!

That so doesn't count as first date sex!!!!

So for the ladies who've had sex with a person the first time they met, was there any feeling of risk or danger? Did that factor into your decision any? I feel like if I were a woman, I would wait more than one day just for safety.

Most of the time, having sex with them didn't put me into a dangerous situation. I can only think of two incidences offhand which could have been dangerous (but luckily didn't turn out to be).

 

[HiddenLacey]

So you hold yourself back whilst accidentally flirting :tongue:?

Isn't anticipation great?

I respect your cannot-ness. I just don't get it. :smile:

Inability to stop thinking makes relaxation and just "going with the flow," near impossible for me when it comes to this particular subject.

Totally. It sounds rather like me when I first discovered my sub side. Seriously. Until then I HADN'T let myself be totally vulnerable, even during sex.

:wink: See you do understand my "cannot-ness" alittle bit. It doesn't really have to do with getting to know someone. It's something else. My it could have happened guy was someone I had known for a long time through friends, but just the thought brought on anxiety. It's best to withdraw from a situation when I know I'm uncomfortable.

 

[EmJay]

@subgirrl:you don't have to..its my body, my boundaries, my feelings of safety..You don't need to understand and I don't have to explain. I do what i feel comfortable with. 2nd date no different than 1st for some, 4th no different from 3th to some..

Next..if i read some of the opinions here my 'first date sex'-experiences could not even be counted as the *real first date sex* ones..

In essence..I feel that the whole 1st to 10th date sex is a bit ridiculous. we should all do what we feel we like to do and not be so judgemental about it. But mentally or emotionally I'm not quite there yet to practise what I preach..that's all i'm saying.

 

[Pitbull]

Were you asking the kind who did, or didn't fuck on the first date? :tongue:

The kind who didn't of course. :smile:
Not always of course.
And then there are those who did - but not with me. :frown1:

The worse were the ones who would straight up tell me
"I used to be a slut who would sleep with anyone but now I have different dating rules."

Uhmm - could you put those rules into effect starting tomorrow?

 

[B_subgirrl]

Isn't anticipation great?

Fantastic! :tongue:

Inability to stop thinking makes relaxation and just "going with the flow," near impossible for me when it comes to this particular subject.

Ah, now this helps me to understand, if only because I come from the other side of things. Wave the idea of sex in front of me and all ability to think goes out the window :redface:.

:wink: See you do understand my "cannot-ness" alittle bit. It doesn't really have to do with getting to know someone. It's something else. My it could have happened guy was someone I had known for a long time through friends, but just the thought brought on anxiety. It's best to withdraw from a situation when I know I'm uncomfortable.

You definitely did the right thing. Although our boundaries lie in different places, it seems that we're still following similar guidelines - withdraw when uncomfortable.

I find it interesting that you've pinpointed that it's not really to do with getting to know someone. I actually started to ask if it would be different with a good friend, but couldn't think of a good way to word it! I think a lot of what we do or like sexually is down to 'something else'. It's not always something we can describe in a logical manner, and it can drive us nuts trying to figure it out!

 

[HiddenLacey]

Ah, now this helps me to understand, if only because I come from the other side of things. Wave the idea of sex in front of me and all ability to think goes out the window :redface:.

See I envy that. Which is why I said he would just have to WOW me. Otherwise I just can't The inside of my mind becomes like a wild bird caught in a cage. You know flying around, bashing into things:redface:

I find it interesting that you've pinpointed that it's not really to do with getting to know someone. I actually started to ask if it would be different with a good friend, but couldn't think of a good way to word it! I think a lot of what we do or like sexually is down to 'something else'. It's not always something we can describe in a logical manner, and it can drive us nuts trying to figure it out!

Yeah, it's not that, I knew him. I've given up trying to understand myself so I wouldn't expect anyone else to understand me.

 

[D_Sigmund Fockbuddy]

I WANT TO GO ON A FIRST DATE WITH subgirrl!

 

[petite]

I agree!! About the bantering AND the missing Petite (but she's back now - yay!!!! :smile::smile::smile.

Aw, thank you subgirrl and submissivegirl! I've missed both of you, too, you sweet horny vixens! :grouphug:

That so doesn't count as first date sex!!!!

I agree with you subgirrl, I don't think that really counts as a first date, and it was silly of me at the time to think I needed to follow some sort of silly dating guideline, but I've been so conditioned to think that's what men expect and I so badly wanted to date TheBF for as long as possible, that I tried my best to be a prude that night. Gawd, I failed miserably. At some point in the night I gave up all pretexts. He had me totally nekkid in under a minute once I entered his bedroom. In fact, in my memory I don't even remember how my clothes came off! What's even sillier, but so charming, is the fact that he was also playing the same game. After getting me all nekkid and getting me horny and going down on me and making me come a few times, he confessed that he had no condoms so we couldn't have sex. He said that he didn't want to make any assumptions that we might be having sex so he wasn't prepared. My response? "Are you seriously telling me that you're turning down sex with me?" I think my tone sounded both amazed and a little bit threatening. He drove out to an adult bookstore and bought some condoms! :biggrin1:

 

[B_subgirrl]

See I envy that. Which is why I said he would just have to WOW me. Otherwise I just can't The inside of my mind becomes like a wild bird caught in a cage. You know flying around, bashing into things:redface:

Aww. Poor bird-you :frown1:. My mind does that when I'm trying to go to sleep - maybe I just need a good fucking before bed for the mind-wipe effect :tongue:.

It does have its negatives though. Once I go into that state, I really do struggle to think sensibly. I've been lucky that my brain has never been needed during sex, because if it was, I'm not sure if it would have been available.

Yeah, it's not that, I knew him. I've given up trying to understand myself so I wouldn't expect anyone else to understand me.

I think with some things sexual you just have to accept that things are the way they are, without being too concerned about why. I've always had the feeling that you are very much accepting of the way your are in this and I have immense respect for it.

I WANT TO GO ON A FIRST DATE WITH subgirrl!

Why? Because I put out? :tongue:

Just joking - thank you :smile:.

Aw, thank you subgirrl and submissivegirl! I've missed both of you, too, you sweet horny vixens! :grouphug:

:grouphug:

I agree with you subgirrl, I don't think that really counts as a first date, and it was silly of me at the time to think I needed to follow some sort of silly dating guideline, but I've been so conditioned to think that's what men expect and I so badly wanted to date TheBF for as long as possible, that I tried my best to be a prude that night. Gawd, I failed miserably. At some point in the night I gave up all pretexts. He had me totally nekkid in under a minute once I entered his bedroom. In fact, in my memory I don't even remember how my clothes came off! What's even sillier, but so charming, is the fact that he was also playing the same game. After getting me all nekkid and getting me horny and going down on me and making me come a few times, he confessed that he had no condoms so we couldn't have sex. He said that he didn't want to make any assumptions that we might be having sex so he wasn't prepared. My response? "Are you seriously telling me that you're turning down sex with me?" I think my tone sounded both amazed and a little bit threatening. He drove out to an adult bookstore and bought some condoms! :biggrin1:

I giggled all the way through that!!! I've also had someone do the no condoms thing! But we had no handy adult bookstore :frown1:. I love how they wait until AFTER you've started to proclaim that they have no condoms!

 

[yoursgetsmine]

I marvel that we are all so hung up on that question. First of all, we have to worry "what will he or she think of me if I put out on the first date?" and will they not view me as a long term partner potential.....well, a couple things come to mind.

When I was in Europe, I met a Frech girl who told me "you Americans are amazing in how much you make of the sex act" She said "in Europe if we are hungry, we eat. If we're thirsty, we drink, and if we're horny, we have sex, but you Americans must "make love" and that confuses the issue." Blame the "make love" on Hallmark cards and the whole "love" connection to having SEX on our hang up that if we make love, it's alright, but if we have sex, it's fucking which makes me immoral....righttttt.!

There are two kinds of sex....1.physical, get it on sex, and 2. emotional, or attachment type sex where it's mental and physical.

I have never walked in a cemetery and saw a tombstone that beyond giving the name, date of birth and death, relationship, like "wife of", or "son of" etc., had a special engraving that said "fucked 200 different people, or fucked on a lot of first dates" so my point is, we tend to worry about other people's impression is of us, and generally act accordingly. After we're gone, nobody really cares and then it's too late anyway.

I imagine we have all lost out on a lot of good sex, good times and who knows what else conforming to some fear that someone will judge us for doing what we want to do, but hold back because "I don't want to appear loose or easy" and ruin my reputation. I know women who pride themselves on how few lovers they had, and I always ask why. It's like they aren't damaged goods if they only slept with 4-5 men, but I hate to tell you, but once the first dick passes the magic threshold, you're not a virgin anymore, and the rest is just a sequel to the first time, but if they had 3 kids by another man, and lived with him for 10-15 years that's different because they were an "honest" women and the next guy will accept that, but if I'm single and no kids, suddenly I'm being judged by the number of lovers I've had. What if I've had 5 lovers, but was REALLY IN LOVE with each and everyone? Am I still "loose"? If a woman fucked one guy a 1000 times is she better than a women who fucked 5 guys just 1 time each? Is one number differnt than the other number in so far as our moral judgement? Probably, and that's sad.

Enjoy yourself, do what you're comfortable with, and sometimes the "taboo" breaking is the most erotic times you'll have. And remember this.....it's about satisfying YOUR needs too!!

 

[WhiteZombie]

Fleur, I'd fuck ya on a first date. No doubt.

 

[B_subgirrl]

When I was in Europe, I met a Frech girl who told me "you Americans are amazing in how much you make of the sex act" She said "in Europe if we are hungry, we eat. If we're thirsty, we drink, and if we're horny, we have sex, but you Americans must "make love" and that confuses the issue." Blame the "make love" on Hallmark cards and the whole "love" connection to having SEX on our hang up that if we make love, it's alright, but if we have sex, it's fucking which makes me immoral....righttttt.!

There are two kinds of sex....1.physical, get it on sex, and 2. emotional, or attachment type sex where it's mental and physical.

I liked your post a lot, particularly the part I quoted. Pretty much how I feel on this issue.

 

[NePlusUltra]

Maybe the difference is that some people don't have both kinds of sex, and those that only have the second kind have a hard time understanding how eating, drinking, and sex could ever be seen as equal in terms of emotional or spiritual attachment. A person with only the second kind of sex would probably resist the idea of true first date sex because they feel more like they are sharing something vulnerable and intimate, and sharing that with a stranger is threatening in some ways. Whereas if you can make sex purely physical, you feel that you are satisfying a need and not sharing anything, so there really is no issue.

Next..if i read some of the opinions here my 'first date sex'-experiences could not even be counted as the *real first date sex* ones..

A true first date to me is limited to a date with somebody you've just met in a brief encounter, not somebody you've connected with in other ways.

Also, the OP mentioned fantasy, which we all know can be very different than real life. I think even people who are against first date sex can probably see the appeal in the fantasy of it. For example, I've fantasized about the blue chick from Avatar, though I'm pretty sure I wouldn't ever have sex with a 10 foot blue female alien with a tail, even if she was real, and super fine. Not even if she had that cool face-glitter.

 

[petite]

I liked your post a lot, particularly the part I quoted. Pretty much how I feel on this issue.

I totally agree.

Also, the OP mentioned fantasy, which we all know can be very different than real life. I think even people who are against first date sex can probably see the appeal in the fantasy of it. For example, I've fantasized about the blue chick from Avatar, though I'm pretty sure I wouldn't ever have sex with a 10 foot blue female alien with a tail, even if she was real, and super fine. Not even if she had that cool face-glitter.

Bwahhahah! :lmao:

 

[yoursgetsmine]

Thanks.....I appreciate it "subgirrl"!

 

[Fleur]

I liked your post a lot, particularly the part I quoted. Pretty much how I feel on this issue.

I definitely agree with what he said too. There are two kinds of sex and I think a lot of people put a big moral issue on the physical kind and there doesn't need to be or have to be for making love to exist.

 

[B_doogie888]

The way I think of this is, if a girl fucks you on the first date, chances are she has had sex with a decent sample size of men. This is not always the case, but I would say more often than not one goes with the other. What would trouble me about this is that the more men a woman has been with, the higher the chance that you (her current lover) will not be the best sex she's had. Whatever way you want to turn it, that is troublesome to a lot of men (me included). It actually bothers me a lot to know that my current girlfriend has slept with around 10 guys in her life before me, because a handful of them will statistically be bigger than me, and I may never be able to satisfy her in the same way. No matter what kind of emotional connection she has with me, there will probably have been a time in her life where she had a more mind blowing orgasm that I could ever give her, and that irks me.

Edit: and to clarify, her past would not make or break our relationship. I would probably not break up with her over this, but in would nonetheless bother me immensely and weigh down on my self esteem as a man.

 

[Pitbull]

What would trouble me about this is that the more men a woman has been with, the higher the chance that you (her current lover) will not be the best sex she's had.

... it would nonetheless bother me immensely and weigh down on my self esteem as a man.

Will you just try to enjoy the sex and smile :smile:

And pay attention.
Women will tell you (if you will listen) that self confidence is extremely attractive. Possibly even sexy.

Such thoughts and attitude with knock you out of the position of #1 best much faster than your performance in the bedroom.

 

[v32bone]

Yeah, I've had a couple of first date fucks...not that I don't always HOPE for it...but since the first one I had way back in college was a nightmare...I won't relive the details but let's just say it was ME who faked orgasm to get rid of her!!! How many times in 15 minutes can you hear "Am I good? Am I good? Am I the best?"...So I sort of purposefully steered clear of them for years until a couple of years ago when on a first date things were just going swimmingly (actually that's an appropriate choice of words as you will see) and we headed back to my place after a long dinner out and great flirty conversation. Needless to say, It was not only a 36 hour date but other than the first 3 hours at dinner and about a 6 hour nap in the middle we were naked and fucking and wildly insane the whole time. She was my first squirter and I have never before desired a mask and a snorkle while having sex but it was wild. She counted over 30 squirting orgasms and I while using the Taoist injaculation methods came many times both innies and outties and she liked to call them. Pretty fucking intense. On our next date we fucked in the upper balcony of a 3/4 full concert hall rightin our aisle seats and then in the bathroom at the post-party. Needless to say, I will never forget this wild one. And I swear this is a true story. My legs were actually shaking as I typed this. Unfortunately, part of her inhibitions and her fluid retention resulted from copious amounts of alcohol she ingests which made all other parts of having any kind of continuing relationship unfathomable. C'est la vie.

 

[RawDog]

To quote the same part as Pitbull:

What would trouble me about this is that the more men a woman has been with, the higher the chance that you (her current lover) will not be the best sex she's had.

See, I see this more as a challenge. If she's had 2 or 3 before me and she says I'm the best she's ever had, it doesn't lend as much credibility as a woman who's had 20 or 30 before me saying the same thing.

Besides, if she's had 20 or 30 guys before me, she probably knows what she wants and how she wants it. If I get into the ring to spar with someone, the quality of the workout is dictated by the one with less experience.

Unfortunately, part of her inhibitions and her fluid retention resulted from copious amounts of alcohol she ingests which made all other parts of having any kind of continuing relationship unfathomable. C'est la vie.

Why are all the best ones most often the most disfunctional ones?