Fun giving up control in bed

Discussion in 'Women's Issues' started by stud_hunter, Apr 2, 2006.

  1. stud_hunter

    stud_hunter New Member

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    Well, recently we had a post by ClaireTalon saying how she likes being in control in bed. So I thought I'd start one asking if any of the ladies or guys have experiences giving up control? I'll start by sharing my recent adventures.
    I've been having sex with this fellow the past couple months. Lately we've been having some fun with delaying my orgasm. He'll get me to the brink, then stop, my feeling subsides, then he'll start up again. When I finally cum it's extra intense :tongue: . I find it exciting to give up the control too. One thing about me is I'm NOT good at delaying my own gratification. In fact, I'm TERRIBLE at it. If I'm on top and I feel I'm close to orgasm, I'll be honest here - there's no way I'm gonna have the willpower to hold off. When I feel it close it's really an intense urge, like I MUST have the orgasm. So it's fun to give up control because he'll get me to the edge and then back off before I cum and there's nothing I can do about it. For me it's this agonizing, wonderful pleasure-torture! :tongue: And lately we've been really going all out, like he'll tease me 5, 6, 7 times, and when he finally pushes me over the top it's sooooooooo intense, a real full-body orgasm! :biggrin1: :tongue: :biggrin1: Plus with the harder orgasms I sometimes squirt which is fun. Anyway, he says he likes the power trip, and for me the whole thing feels great.
    I'd love to hear if anyone has experiences giving up control or delaying orgasm like that!
     
  2. ClaireTalon

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    Those feelings you describe are about what I feel when I AM in control. But it takes some turns until I'm willing to give up that position of power and have the guy take over controls. I guess I'm too much an in charge girl to give it up for nothing. Sorry, not nothing! For a great orgasm, I mean ;-)

    After some orgasms, however, I usually mellow out some. Giving up control then is okay for me, but I have to know I did my sex job before I can lay back and relax.
     
  3. Gisella

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    Im learning to relax about that...:wink: need more time to say something more.
     
  4. stud_hunter

    stud_hunter New Member

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    I can understand this. The more times I have sex with a guy the more comfortable I am giving up control. Part of it is just familiarity and comfort and part of it is if he's gonna be running the show he needs to show me he can deliver! Right now I've found the perfect situation for giving up control - a younger guy who knows exactly what he's doing. Highly exciting! I was thinking about why that is and I think going against expectations is exciting, so the natural expectations is I'm 13 yrs. older than the guy I'm going to be the teacher and all that. So it's really fun to have a younger guy who doesn't need me to teach him anything! Hence the fun in giving up control. Plus, lemme tell ya, with that whole orgasm delay thing, by the time I finally get there my body is sooo ready to cum, it's freakin' incredible :biggrin1: :biggrin1: .
    I also can relate to what you say about mellowing out after you orgasm. I do this too. A lot of times it seems there's a certain fury leading up to my first orgasm and after that we tend to find a more sustainable rhythm :tongue: . Mmmmm... sustainable rhythms....:tongue:
     
  5. ClaireTalon

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    Are you suggesting that I don't have enough sex? ;-) I know what you mean. Yes, I agree that it's definetly a good thing to have the guy deliver, but I reserve the right for myself to make sure he delivers properly! Either by straight telling, or by dropping hints, show him what he has done good and what I liked. That's the minimum of control that I need to feel good.

    It's a shame so many guys have to be taught about orgasm delay, most that I've been with had to be given a hint at least, or been shown things like stopping or slowing down. Ideal sex to me should be a game at the beginning, bringing each other close and retreating, like a fencing match, and end with a no-holds-barred finale. Again, this requires some control from my part. After all, what's a sex battle if you give in immediately?

    Arent those hormones? Endorphines? Raised state of happiness? Whatever it is, I like the feeling, especially after a sex "battle" like the one I explained above. It really doesn't matter to me then who won it, I know that I won pleasure from it, and that's sufficient to make me happy.

    But after all, I need to be in control at least as long until my partner knows what's to do. Of course, if he does something new to me and it pleases me, that will be added to my repertoire. I might be a control freak ;-) but I can learn. And after we have fought battle number one, I can let myself go.
     
  6. stud_hunter

    stud_hunter New Member

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    I agree completely. I think we're talking about the same thing. When I say I sometimes like giving up control I'm not really talking about true submission, which I am not into. When I think of giving up control all I mean is he's on top, he's controlling the thrusting movement, and he's doing most of the "work." But I never just lie there and don't get my input in! I'm very expressive during sex, both by talking and through moaning, grunting, etc. So I guess truly I'm always holding onto some control. And for a guy to "deliver", he definitely needs to pay attention to all my verbal and body language cues.


    That's one of the reasons I sometimes like to let him have "control." I know it sounds weird but I really have a hard time backing off if I feel my orgasm close, so I know what you mean about it requiring some control on your part. Seriously, if I'm about to cum and I'm controlling the movement, it's just a weakness I have - a lot of times I just CAN'T stop and deny myself. It's hard to explain. You ever have that really intense urge?

    Ahh, the best lover is someone who can follow and react to my cues but also throw in some wrinkles of his own that I hadn't thought of!
     
  7. Stursberg

    Stursberg New Member

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    My current lady has a tendency to want to control things at certain levels, but has begun to let me take over more and more. At first, she told me that doing this was a turn off of sorts, but it was my persistance/insistance that brought her around. She now gets as good as if not better orgasms by letting me "use" her. With her, I think it was a matter of trust.
     
  8. ClaireTalon

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    "Using" is way off my boundaries. Using a partner for sexual pleasures, or being used, appeals not at all to me, it implies selfish satisfaction of one's own needs, which it basically is. If she gets her pleasure from it, it's okay for you, but as for me, it's not my menu.

    I think control is a too strong term for what this discussion is about. Maybe we should talk about charge and taking the lead, control sounds too much like a strict way of guiding the partner. Or being a cue card girl, telling the star of the show what to do ;-) Basically, that's what I do, and I guess I can't stop myself from doing so, just as you describe it, stud_hunter. We won't let the reigns slip completely, but we can pull them tighter, or lead a guy by them loosely.

    Of course I know what you mean about giving in to your urge to climax now, I feel that urge too all too often during sex, and sometimes I can quell it, or suppress it, but only temporary, and only when I'm not so wound up that I just have to get some sexual feasting before the gourmet session starts. And every time I push it aside, it will return, just a bit stronger then, until there's the final point where I can't stop it any more, and mostly don't even want to stop it.
     
  9. stud_hunter

    stud_hunter New Member

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    It's true I don't let the reigns slip completely, but I do find it really exciting to give up some amount of control. Like with the whole edging thing. Like I said I really have a hard time edging myself. Once I feel my orgasm close it's like I must have it and often I really just can't bring myself to stop. So the best way for me to edge to have him control the movements. The way we've been doing it he'll get me to the edge and then back off a bunch of times until one time he won't tease me but instead keeps going until I cum. I like not knowing when he's going to do that. It just adds this excitement every time of not knowing until the last minute if I'm getting teased or if I'm getting an orgasm. And lemme tell ya after 6 or 8 teases when I finally get there my orgasm is biiiiigggg. I've had a few that felt so good I actually had tears. :biggrin1: :biggrin1:
    Obviously I've given him "permission" to take control, so I guess I'm still holding the reigns as you say!
     
  10. ClaireTalon

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    You're the company guru, who allows the junior manager to handle something on his own, but in silence, you pull the strings!

    Wow, teary orgasms, that's truely something I haven't felt so far. Sometimes, if they're strong enough, I know they'll make me dizzy and my vision goes all blurry, but I haven't heard something like "Are you crying, Claire?" so far. Big orgasms really can rock, can't they? I guess when I have a big orgasm, it's the only moment that the reigns slip from my hands completely, especially if it's the "secondary explosion". I'll have to take care that I won't drown the guy then.

    Obviously your guy is very skilled that he can drive you so close to the edge. He'd be a real challenge for me, since I can smell a tease from a real drive from a mile away with the majority of the guys I've been with. To control him could be a true challenge, I can't imagine him being easy to control, but I'm willing to take it!
     
  11. stud_hunter

    stud_hunter New Member

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    Indeed, big orgasms are a fantasmical, wonderous thing! And I do love that "secondary" explosion. As for the crying thing, it’s not that I bawl my eyes out or anything, but if I’m really feeling it I do sometimes pleasure-weep :tongue: . It’s just an involuntary response. It might happen if my orgasm is particularly big. I also sometimes get teary-eyed if I’ve had a lot of orgasms and my defenses are down. Those marathon sessions are really the best, when there just seems to be no end to it. By the time I’m on orgasm 6, 7, 8… I just half-dissociate and get blurry eyed and teary eyed all at once. God I love guys with stamina!!



    Yes he is VERY skilled, and only 24 y/o too! Actually as you can imagine the more we’ve done the edging thing the closer he’s been able to get me to orgasm and still tease me. He says he’s gotten used to the body cues I give when I’m close to orgasm, so he’s learned what’s the farthest he can go before he has to stop to keep me from going over the edge. Of course it wasn’t as good at first as it is now, but he’s gotten REALLY good at it :biggrin1: :biggrin1: . The other day I told him I think he knows whether I’m gonna cum before I do. I guess THAT is giving up control!! Just goes to show that a guy who pays attention to my verbal and body cues -- :biggrin1: .
    As for the "sex battle" you refer to, that indeed can be fun. Sometimes when he’s edging me I feel it so close I start trying to "take" the orgasm, pushing up into him and such :biggrin1: , only to have him pin me down to deny me! It’s really quite a battle. And, in the short term you could say he wins because he keeps teasing me, but believe me, in the end I win. Teasing makes my orgasm so much more intense. On a few occasions we’ve really gone all out, like one time he literally spent what had to be a half hour just teasing me. Eventually I actually told him if I didn’t cum soon I was gonna kill him J . Lemme tell ya after a half an hour of teasing, OMG that’s one great orgasm. Ain’t nothing like a big, deep, full body orgasm.
     
  12. ClaireTalon

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    I'm the type of girl who takes what she wants, even if it's just an orgasm. If the guy tries to keep me from it, that makes me just more determined: The woman on the desperate hunt for her orgasm.

    Once I've been with a guy who had an almost perfect way of doing this with me, must be like 10 years back. He was a master of deception in bed, I'd almost have dumped him at first because he played so reluctant and submissive at first, but then he did something like a 180-degrees-turn. I had thought about it as an easy game, and was riding him, and when I was close, he suddenly rolled us over so that he was on top of me, and pinned me down. Have you ever revved up an engine to the red part of the scale, and then slammed into reverse? I suppose that must make engines feel like I felt that moment. Crashing down from near orgasm to reality, and he had that playful smile on, and told me he would like to make it last a little longer. We were not finished by long, he in fact stretched the teasing for so long that at some time I just pushed him around again and pinned him on the bed so hard his wrists showed bruises and abrasions where my nails had dug in too deep. It was the beginning of two wonderful years. In fact, the teasing sometimes stretched through the week (having sex with crew members isn't exactly approved of by superior officers), but during flights on monday, he sometimes would provocatively look at me while he scratched an itch in his crotch or on his thighs, while I'd shuffle around in my seat from the hard fucking. By the time it we both were free again, we were so tuned for fucking, the first ride would end as a draw, but with two winners.
     
  13. D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah

    D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah Account Disabled

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    My guy is only very VERY new to sex so ive taken on the role of teacher, but as things are progressing and hes getting more experience and confident he is taking more control. At first i loved seeing how innocent he was and that was the turn on but now he is learning exactly what he needs to do to make me orgasm without me telling him and that is the turn on now
     
  14. ClaireTalon

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    Yeah, it feels great to be the one to break them in, and teach them what to do. I have been the sexual teacher for a few guys already, and as long as you make sure you have sex with someone who already knows the tricks between those, bringing on the role of the experienced woman who knows what to do is a turn on. But if the guy sticks with his "student" role for too long, the game becomes boring, I'm afraid. If he tries to take over control, it shows me he has learned something, and that's the best feeling of all.
     
  15. stud_hunter

    stud_hunter New Member

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    I agree that being the "teacher" is only fun for a brief while. Before long I want the guy to know what he's doing, and frankly, I don't want to even start a sexual relationship with someone who is a true novice. One thing I seem to try to "teach" is the importance of him holding off his orgasm. I'm a bit of a special case I think, because I really like very long intercourse sessions and I think there aren't a lot of women who really do. Recently I've learned more about the male erectoral (word?) response and I've been able to help a couple of younger guys learn to last longer. But honestly I think my preference would be if the guy didn't need my help!
     
  16. Contonilia

    Contonilia New Member

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    Hello Studhunter....I`ve always been a submissive kind as I find it easier for the guy to take control. Experince has taught me,that most men like to take charge at the point of no return. I tried once to take control with a young guy working for my Man,I sat on him..got him back on top,all the time shouting in his ears to keep going.. kept telling him to push harder...and when he wanted to come, I tried to stop him..he did not make love to me anymore,even though i tried many times and failed miserably,I then gave up. Ha !
     
  17. stud_hunter

    stud_hunter New Member

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    Yeah, you sure sound like the submissive kind...:confused: . Sure :wink: .
    As for that guy, I'm sure it was his loss. But if he's cumming before you want him to perhaps you're better off anyway. I know I have no interest in guys who are quick on the draw :wink: .
     
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