Funeral Etiquette

wallaboi

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Thank you for all the input :smile:.

...I feel as though there are so many people higher than her on the grief totem pole that she really needs someone to acknowledge her loss and let her know that she is important too.

I think I will also send a condolences card to the family as a whole.

Thanks again everyone :smile:.

I think you have identified here your most important role in this sad time for your friend. Children, husbands, wifes and parents of the deceased are quite rightly afforded the greatest sympathy. It seems sibllings are often expected to be strong and be the glue to hold things together. This can be a very difficult and stressful role, let alone dealing with their own grief.

Be there to hold your friends hand, hug her so that she can feel the warmth of your body and the beat of your heart, hold her gently and with calm if the grief becomes too strong.

I hope this is a positive experience for you, and brings you even closer to your friend.
 

FuzzyKen

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As a guy who served as organist for multiple funeral parlors and mortuaries over the years the most important thing is to bring yourself. Number two on the list would be a nice card to the family offering your sympathy and support on their loss.

Funerals in general have no set rule. There will be commonalities in services of each denomination but even these are to some degree flexible.

I once played a funeral in a funeral home in Pasadena, California. The home had a small Robert Morton Theater Pipe organ that had all of the tuned percussions still attached and working. Because the deceased had cancer and knew he was going to be departing he had chosen this particular parlor because of the instrument. He did not want his funeral to be a solemn occasion instead he wanted it to be a remembrance of his life and his love of the instrument and particularly what was played in pipe organ pizza parlors which were his favorite places. I was as organist asked to play "pizza music" which included things like "The Beer Barrel Polka" and similar selections.

In playing for a particular Catholic Church they had to approve all of the music performed and they demanded certain things be played at certain times. Some do this and others have no pre-programmed things at all.

I had known this family well. The main was extremely devoted to his wife who had the name of Cecilia. He had left notes that he wanted that particular 1920's novelty tune played at his funeral mass simply because it was a final gift for his wife left behind.

There are often celebrations of life where balloons are released at graveside or at another location. There are often celebrations of life where basically a party is thrown in honor of the deceased where people can share memories of the person now gone.
This is something I agree with because it helps all to accept and work through the loss.

Some of the family gatherings after the service do have "pot luck" food and others do not. The best thing is to contact the family directly and ask them for instructions with regards to their particular concept of a memorial or celebration of life. Most people will not be offended and will help you to help them.......

Good Luck and sorry for the loss. . . .
 

midlifebear

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I've already paid for and arranged my funeral, along with strict "go against my wishes and suffer legal consequences" wording in my Living Directive. It's amazing what a couple of thousand bucks thrown to the right people can ensure.

But I, too, think remembering a family member or friend who has passed away should be remembered with a damn good party, a celebration of the deceased's life. I rewrote and changed the formal directive in my living trust last year, but couldn't come up with the correct wording. Fortunately, my attorney is a bit of a word smith and changed the paragraph with which I had trouble to say, "And X number of $ is reserved to purchase an adequate quantity of Pinots, Pinot Noirs, and Champagne of a quality vintage to quench the thirst of those invited to attend "midlefebear's" memorial at the trail head of lakes in the Ruby Mountains." And then there is a foot note to my executor to illegally dump my ashes nearby in my favorite alpine meadow.

As Fuzzyken noted, family and friends often are fed at these events, which I think is a good idea. My restaruant/bar will cater the event, however, the engraved invitations I have ready and waiting clearly state that my memorial event is to be a J-ELLO Free Zone. After all, there is no reason to have the funeral/celebration of life you want, especially if you're paying for it. :smile:


R(est) I(n) P(leasure) :biggrin1:
 

B_subgirrl

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Thank you again for all the advice :smile:. I really appreciate it.

The funeral was extremely moving, with tears from many of the attendees.


You could send flowers if you want, but staying away from conversations about big cocks is a definite.

When I saw this this morning I had to laugh. My friend found it rather amusing too.