Funniest Thing During Sex?

stretch8888

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Had a fuck buddy years ago, timid little thing, last chick anyone would ever expect to be in a casual relationship but she LOVED my cock, in all honesty she wasn't that great in bed, average over all but had an incredible ass and a very tight pussy, she'd barely suck dick and she certainly didn't swallow or take facials.

Anyway she comes over one night for a booty call and we're going at it, i haven't gotten off in like a week, i have her bent over the mattress and i'm fucking her brains out, i'm getting close at that point of no return and suddenly things get real wet and feeling too good, i look down and the condom is broken and bunched up at the base of my cock, i say something about the condom being broken and she looks back just as i pull out and slide my cock between her firm little ass and unload, two spurts hitting her square in the face along with several more up her back and in her hair, i've got mirrored closet doors and could see the reaction on her face which was just priceless, i burst out laughing, she didn't think it was as funny as i did, ended up needing a shower before she left cause there was a lot of cum, it was one of those loads you can't help but be proud of.
 

DiamondJoe

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I met this young chap, 27, blond, tattoos. As he collected me from the station and we're driving back to his, he says, "Oh, I hope you don't mind but I live with my mum and she's in." I like the look of this guy and said, No problem - you have to live with her.

So we go to the house, mum is watching telly in the sitting room. There is the briefest of hellos before I'm shuffled off to his room where we get down to it toot sweet. So we're rolling around the bed and I'm fucking him and it's making quite a lot of noise so we pull the mattress onto the floor and I've got him on his back, in a ball, eyes locked as I'm arched over, screwing him...

And the front door bell goes...

...hear mum go past the bedroom door and there's some service guy there to check the gas or the electric or something... I have slowed down by this point but I have not stopped and, a moment later...

...there's a knock on the bedroom door and it's mum who needs the PIN for said meter that the chap I'm fucking has in his head just a few feet away. I feel his arse contract and I start laughing at the absurdity of the whole thing while he's hissing at me to STFU!!!

We did finish.

After, when I was back on the train, I txt'd him to say thanks and was told that mum wasn't happy "with all the banging". Told him to tell her it was the man round to sort our his pipes. I saw him a few more times.
 

EdWoody

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I was fucking my boyfriend (husband now, still with the same guy) while I also had a buttplug in my own ass. At the moment of climax, I clenched so hard that the buttplug shot out of my ass and fired across the room like a projectile weapon.

.
 
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RowanB

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Omg. Haven't thought about this for years.

In my teens, the guy I was shagging had just moved into his own place, barely had anything and what he did have was cheap rubbish (as most of us had when you first leave home).

Anyway, he had a bed with a flimsy wooden frame, was fucking him missionary and his head kept bashing into the wall, which gave us both a good chuckle and we decided to change position before he got a concussion. Moved back towards the end of the bed, got him on all fours and we're going at it hard and rough when the one leg of the bed breaks, we both tumble off the bed onto the floor, he goes into the mirror, glass everywhere, utter chaos & he just lies there, looks at me and goes - "well, i guess we should move this to the lounge."

Both of us just burst out laughing, took a shower to make sure we didn't have glass on us, had an epic shag and then cleaned up the glass and fixed the poor lads bed.

One other funny story was with an ex boyfriend. He lived with his brother who was out for the day. He took a shower, walked into the lounge naked and obviously, i immediately started sucking him off.

Having a lovely time until we suddenly hear his brothers key in the door. Im dressed, so im fine, but my boyfriend freaks out, tries to run to the bedroom before his brother gets in the door and he runs face-first into the door frame! Had a massive cut on his eyebrow and lots of bruising. He didn't think it was funny, but watching it happen was hilarious
 
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HungBtmVegas

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There's a longer one I'll post when I get home, but I was giving someone head in their car on a rooftop parking lot and the lot security guard knocked on the guy's window. He jumped up in his seat (jabbing his cock too deep in my throat, almost making me throw up on it), shrieked, and LOUDLY farted. It wasn't funny at the time, but I laughed SO hard about it when I got home later on lol
 

ChanelleNo5

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This is pretty recent. So this guy and I were hooking up and he puts on his Spotify Playlist for such an occasion and it is all like trance or...Pretty Lights kinda stuff with no real vocalist or whatever. So we're making out and and there's this silence between songs while he's kissing my neck and the next song was e-40 burping super loud going "skiggity skag shibhity shag" or something and we both just erupted.

That song was supposed to be on another Playlist.

Edit: this was it
 

Ladavid9

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This was more embarrassing to me than funny but the guy may have thought it was funny. I was giving head to a guy with a rather large dick. He was lying on his back and I was going for it and for some reason, I guess it just hit something wrong and I barfed on him. Not a whole lot and it was easy to clean up at least then we went right at it again.
 

longstroke7

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I told this story in another thread:

Had anal sex with my ex, first time she let me in her ass and I was stroking her ass hole like I did her pussy: long and deep to the hilt. It felt so good being in her ass, eventually I ended up pumping out a big load in her and when I pulled out my cock, she got up and ran to the bathroom, sat on the toilet and it sounded like a bomb went off as all of the air and God knows what else came out pouring out. She forbid me to come anywhere near her ass for a good while