Funny Hospital Chart Write ups

Discussion in 'Et Cetera, Et Cetera' started by Imported, Dec 17, 2003.

  1. Imported

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    warmsunshine: ACTUAL SENTENCES FOUND IN PATIENTS' HOSPITAL CHARTS

    She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.

    Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

    On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.

    The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.

    The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.

    Discharge status: Alive but without my permission.

    Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful.

    The patient refused autopsy.

    The patient has no previous history of suicides.

    Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.

    Patient's medical history has been remarkably with only a 40-pound weight gain in the past three days.

    Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

    Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.

    Since she can't get pregnant with her husband, I thought you might like to work her up.

    She is numb from her toes down.

    While in ER, she was examined, X-rated, and sent home.

    The skin was moist and dry.

    Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.

    Patient was alert and unresponsive.

    Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.

    She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.

    I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.

    Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.

    Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

    The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

    The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stockbroker instead.

    Skin: somewhat pale but present.

    The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.

    Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.

    Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.

    Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.


    This item is a subset of a larger list that appeared in one of Richard Lederer's several "Anguished English" collections of humorously mangled language, The Bride of Anguished English (2000)
     
  2. Imported

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    str8_nnj: :D
    funny but scary

    Remember the good news bad news line?
    ..bad news: we took off the wrong leg
    ..good news: the guy in the next bed wants to buy your shoes
     
  3. MASSIVEPKGO_CHUCK

    MASSIVEPKGO_CHUCK Well-Known Member

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    the pain behind your eyes
    Demented. Really and truly demented warmsunshine, but hey, you're one of us now! ;)
     
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