Funny things people say

[deleted509196]

I wanted to start this because I remembered something funny I said years ago (yes I've always been 'dirty minded and proud'). My sister was teasing me saying I'm a man (I'm a tomboy and she's not, and she just likes to joke that I'm her "brother"). Anyway... I'd said something about my wallet (bare in mind women often have "purses") and she said "You're such a man" or something, and I said "Why, 'cause I've got a wallet? Or is it this big dick that gives it away?". It amused me anyway!:tongue:

So I want you guys to post funny things you've said, or people you know or things you've heard... and if they're in any way sexual, all the better!

 

[unzipped]

damn officer, that's quite a weapon you're packin

 

[CluKobalt]

After McDonald's gave me a large shake instead of a medium.

"I actually like it bigger, thicker, and there's way more to swallow."

 

[powdersnow]

once upon a time me and my friend went to a restruant and waiter was soo hot

waiter: so? what are you guys gonna get?
my friend: are you in the menu ?
me : WHA- ??

 

[snobbes]

me : I like a coke , please
waiter , Is Pepsi OK ?
me: sure , is Monopoly money OK ?

 

[B_hungprepjock]

Snap!

 

[D_Ivana Dickenside]

my 4 yr. old niece called me yesterday and said, "auntie, when you come over can you bring my belt because my buttcrack keeps showing? oh, and also bring my transformers dvd." LMAO :rofl:

 

[B_hungprepjock]

Ha-ha… Buttcrack!

(Jeez, this blizzard must really have got to me!)

Actually, I’m still ROFL at the very idea of an Englishwoman, calling a handbag her ‘purse’ (which as far as I know is just an Americanism).

It’s as the song says, ‘First, I look at the purse.’

(No Shit! I’ve got to get out of here, today!)

 

[unzipped]

co worker buddy offering a platter of jerky and pecans at a gathering. .. asking all if they wanted to taste his meat and sample his nuts... lol

 

[B_hungprepjock]

Ha-ha… Jerky!

No, wait, that’s not his… Arggh!

 

[D_Sparroe Spongecaques]

When one of my daughters was 4 she asked me "mummy,was you frightened of dinosaurs when you were alive?'

LOL!

 

[D_Relentless Original]

"Well, i'll go to the foot of our stairs". And we live in a bungalow??

 

[accemb]

At the deli counter, a woman asked the male clerk: "show me your salami"

 

[bigboy9239]

About 6 months ago......a buddy of mine (found to be eating mixed nuts) said on the company radio @ work....."MffffSDFDFD"...I Said "WHAT", I didn't understand you? "Hold on, I got nuts in my mouth!" Suffice to say, he is still ribbed to THIS day!!

 

[bigboy9239]

How about the commercial for the Chop Chop..? Vince... (with a smirk)....."You're gonna love my nuts"