Funny Work Stories

Discussion in 'Et Cetera, Et Cetera' started by Mem, Jan 6, 2009.

  1. Mem

    Mem
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    Once I worked in a restaurant as a waiter. It was a small chain restaurant and they had great food quality. They always aimed to please and the customer was always right.

    One time a man ordered the spicy boneless chicken breast special. He said he didn't like it. The problem was that he had eaten all but 3 scraps, less than 1/2 an ounce was left. He had eaten his potato and the garnish also.

    I had to call the manager over to speak with him. I told the manager that the man had eaten almost all of his food. The manager asked the man if there was a problem with the food. The man said it was too spicy. I expected the manager to take it off his bill or offer to replace it with a different item.The manager then asked the man "well, do you want a glass of water"? I burst out laughing and had to walk away.
     
  2. midlifebear

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    When my best friend, Mr. D., who had slaved away as a waiter for 25 or so years and finally worked his way up to somalier at the very upscale (according to a dull majority) restaurant/private club, he finally succumbed to an AIDS-related illness and died. We had talked many times about his upcoming demise and he had divulged to me and one of his coworkers what he wanted done with some of his ashes after he was cremated.

    The morning we picked up his cremated remains, his coworker and I spent hours sifting through the smallest bits of black charred bone plucking them out with eyebrow tweezers among the fine white ashes of Mr. D. until we had enough to pulverize into about a cup fine dust with a marble mortar and pestle. When it was his turn to prepare for a catered affair at the restaurant his coworker then made sure an equal portion of our friend was spooned into all of those super-duper large black pepper grinders This was over 20 Years ago when $195 a person would bail you out of this particular dump -- including tip.

    So, for several months my friend's old clients, those upon whom he had waited and suffered for so many years, were the unknown benefactors of seasoning their meals with a bit of Mr. D.

    We spent about 2 more years sending the rest of him encased in glasine envelopes, the type used for collecting postage stamps, to various friends around the world for appropriate disposal.

    ¡Buen provecho!
     
    #2 midlifebear, Jan 6, 2009
    Last edited: Jan 6, 2009
  3. whatireallywant

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    I don't think anyone's going to be able to beat out Midlifebear's story! :biggrin1:

    I have two stories though, one very recent, and one from some years ago.

    The recent one: I work in retail and I was checking out a customer. One thing the store I work at does is give out coupons that are good for $10+ off of merchandise during special promotions they have. Anyway, a customer comes in with these coupons, I ring her up, scan the coupons and when I'm done with that, she says "Can I get a discount if I use <the store's> charge card? I looked at what she owed after the coupons and laughed (I had to apologize!), and said "You only owe 87 cents!" :biggrin1:

    The one from some years ago (when I worked in fast food): I worked in the drive-thru and a car came through after going shopping, and I saw in the back seat they had bought some cutlery knives and one had packaging that said "6" Boner". I was cracking up over that alone, but the NEXT vehicle made me completely lose it. It was a pickup truck, and painted on it was: "When in doubt, whip it out!" :biggrin1:
     
  4. nay-nay

    nay-nay New Member

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    i was working at my tribe's casino in 2007. this huge man came up to the counter and was going to get a voucher printed out to take to the cashier for his $10 weekly coupon. well then he couldn't get his back pocket open. so he went up to this guy i worked with and asked if he could help get his wallet out of his back pocket. he said "no, i'm sorry i can't do that. but she can help you" and pointed to me. i looked at him like "WTF DID YOU JUST SAY!?" this man was wearing sweats with a back pocket that was zipped shut. well then he turned around and i stood there, my face was BEET RED b/c i didn't want to be rude and say "no thanks." plus the guy i worked with was standing there trying not to laugh and watching me the entire time! so i tried to unzip it, but it would not budge. so i said "its not budging..." then he goes "just cut it open with some scissors." my mouth dropped open and i was like "what?" :eek: :redface: he said "go ahead, i don't care. just get some scissors and cut it open." so i was like "...okay................."

    ok so here's the problem. i didn't want to touch his ass. i have a problem with touching. i don't like to touch others and i don't like to be touched. i didn't want to accidently cut him with the scissors either. his sweats were so fucking tight i couldn't even cut them. i could barely get them pulled away from the skin. so i said "yeah this isn't working...if you just go over there to security, they can help ya out." (they were within ten feet away). so i watched the man go over there and ask the guy sitting there at the podium if he could cut his back pocket open, and the look on his face was priceless!!! the guy turned beet red as well (he probably looked just like i did when the man asked me for help!) and the security guy got it cut open for the man. so i called the guy in security and i said "GOOD JOB! sorry but i didn't feel like doing it." and i wrote him out a "good employee" card. you put their name, badge number, what they did to impress you, and then it can be put in this box for the monthly drawing.

    afterwards, me and the guy i worked with just stood there and laughed our asses off. i was extremely embarassed, but i guess to others it probably looked hilarious. i cannot fake anything if i tried! so it was probably obvious that i was uncomfortable with it. and the guy i work with just threw it on me! i'm like yeah thanks you asshole! :tongue:
     
  5. MASSIVEPKGO_CHUCK

    MASSIVEPKGO_CHUCK Well-Known Member

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    I used to mix paint for a living, and in the section we also had drywall spackle, joint compound, etc. Well, one day this fabulous shapely blonde lady walk over, and just blurts out to me, "Excuse me, can you help me fill my holes?" I dropped my can cracker in complete surprise, baffled by her unexpected quiery when she added, "holes in my drywall?"

    Snapping out of my befuddlement, I showed her the materials she needed to help her. As we walked back up the aisle, stil amazed by this, I said clearly, "Yes, what I have will help you fill your holes." Talk about all eyes, associates and customers alike in the vicinity of the dept turned and looked; some of them wide eyed, jaw scraping the floor, the others holding their hands over their mouths, barely able to contain a snicker.
    I felt an incredible heat in my face after realizing what I said. My lady customer, however, only blushed slightly. she grabbed a paint swatch card from the counter, wrote down her name & address, kissed me on the cheek and said, "I'd love to know how you can fill all my other holes."

    It must've been 30 degrees on that day, but I grabbed a cold lemonade after that.
     
  6. Sirius Black

    Sirius Black New Member

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    ...And then? :biggrin1:
     
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