Gaslighting..

Discussion in 'Women's Issues' started by B_laborator, Oct 3, 2009.

  1. B_laborator

    B_laborator New Member

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    I have a big problem with people who try and distort a person's sense of reality.. Or 'gas lighting'. I guess after a certain point, the victim starts doubting themselves and need reassurance that what they're sensing as real, is. For example. I look at a black mug, and my friend tells me it's white. As how white is defined and represents in the English language.

    I am incessant with it. Particularly in situations where the issues are quite serious. I know that there have been many stand-up comedians who make fun of feminine styles of debate, and urge men to just say "I'm sorry, I'm wrong - you were right!" and just walk away from it.

    I believe I have walked away from many arguments with me where I knew deep inside, the 'mug was black.' 90% of the time it's not an issue worth pondering, probably.. But, at which point to you become 'incessant'..? When it becomes a 'legal' issue? When your reputation is at steak? Examples?
     
  2. hud01

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    it is never a legal issue. The phrase is at stake.

    Gaslighting is making a person think they are losing it and is done over time. In your example you would start out with a white mug and someone would replace it with one that was a little gray, but would convince you that it was the same mug. Then it would be replaced by one a little darker, until eventually the mug was black, but you were made to believe that it is the same mug and that there must be something wrong with you.

    You haven't really provided examples to show what you are talking about.
     
  3. D_Drew Peacock

    D_Drew Peacock New Member

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    Fascinating thread. Thank you! I often find myself biting my tongue and just letting things go. Rarely is it worth while to argue a point in my experience. Even if I know I am right, I will agree or let a topic drop just to keep the peace. With us guys there is the awareness that there is a big difference between being right, and getting laid!
     
  4. SpeedoGuy

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    The choice between being happy and being seen as "right?" Its an old question.

    Some people have an incredible need to be seen as 'right" and always have the last word in an argument. Those same people almost always strike me as being unhappy. Anxious and unhappy.
     
  5. SilverTrain

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    Yeah, I think this is off-topic from the thread title, but I, too, am quite dismayed at this phenomenon. I usually (usually) end up feeling sorry for the person who just can't let go, because I realize it is indicative of how unhappy or mentally unbalanced they are.
     
  6. B_laborator

    B_laborator New Member

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    The first example after my initial post has occurred to me as well..

    because I realize it is indicative of how unhappy or mentally unbalanced they are.

    Sometimes, a person is so desperate to prove they were not in fact "seeing things" or "perceiving things strangely", maybe a hangup from childhood, I don't know.. They are desperate to surface the mendacity and fight for their sanity back. Or at least know that they are in fact "sane" and can trust their perceptions again.
     
  7. Wish-4-8

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    Or, you just have to know how to pick your battles.
    I guess if the assumtion that being right means being intelligent, well, there is the fallicy. Whatever the reasons, and there are many premutations of these examples, one thing is for sure:
    You will never convince a person who has already made up thier minds. In other words, you can't win an argument. I can go into all the reasons why but I wont. So, you could only hope to keep the peace. And that is the smarter way to go. Because then everyone wins.
     
  8. voidout

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    I don't understand how this is a woman's issue? Aren't you referring to people in general?
     
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