gave him the boot cause he is too small?

Discussion in 'Women's Issues' started by bibdoc, Mar 30, 2005.

  1. bibdoc

    bibdoc New Member

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    i got in a tiff with a coworker because she said that if a man is too small (under 6) she won't sleep with him. do other women do that! i never heard of such a thing!
     
  2. LOVEARIAS

    LOVEARIAS New Member

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    I used to be like that when I was younger. Now I am more open minded.
     
  3. madame_zora

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    Have you ever heard of a man won't won't sleep with a woman unless she has a nice rack? Sure it happnes, just a matter of preferences.
     
  4. climber

    climber Member

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    well zora...i guess it depends....

    if a guy is attracted to a woman because of obviously large breasts...that is one thing...

    however, if a guy and girl are getting down to it, and the minute he drops trou she snickers and shows him the door because he's not packin what she's wantin....

    well....that's just mean.
     
  5. madame_zora

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    Wow, that about the most chauvanistsic thing I've ever heard in my life, are you serious? So, I guess it's okay for women to be judged by their sex organs but NOT men, right?

    *stomps off into the night*
     
  6. climber

    climber Member

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    jesus zora....ok....whatever....

    i was at no point making any remark about it being good or bad or trying to be chauvanistic.....

    personally i think it's unfair and mean to judge or reject anyone purely on physical characteristics...men or women

    if you want to date only women with big boobs, fine...if you want to date only men with big cocks, fine....for some people that is important...more important than say, personality or compatibility...

    mabey my post was poorly constructed....and thusly misinterpreted...and thusly attacked and so on...

    you give chimera full constructive discourse...yet somehow i'm the douchebag.....

    great....

    thanks.
     
  7. thirdlegmeat

    thirdlegmeat Member

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    Bibdoc,

    With all do respect...

    I think your friend was very likley just talking a "big" game (no pun intended).

    Though I know--and definitely appreciate--that there are women out there who prefer, or even seek after, well-endowed men, I know few women who would have the balls (he he) to do what your friend says she does.

    Both men and women like to hype things up around there friends. Guys will say that they won't sleep with a girl unless her breasts are so large she qualifies for a handicap car permit.

    I doubt that your friend would even know the difference between 5.5" and 6.5". She would probably just notice that the second cock was a tad bigger. Furthermore she's probably never even seen a really endowed penis in the 8"+ range and would likely go bragging to her friends that it was 12" if she did. Women like this are a parellel to the overcompensating cocky male.

    Why would she say such a thing? Simple...to make you jealous (as if she's seen a number of huge dicks)--and that's the bottom line.
     
  8. MASSIVEPKGO_CHUCK

    MASSIVEPKGO_CHUCK Well-Known Member

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    I think superficiality over physical attributes isn't acceptable as an excuse not to have sex with them. Certainly I wouldn't turn down a woman because of having small breasts.
    Sure, it's all preference, but damn if it doesn't hurt when they make it known.
     
  9. madame_zora

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    Climber, I get very pissy whenever someone insinuates in any way that women should be "good little girls". You may not have read your post before you hit "send", but it was a kick in the ass to me. Despite our vast differences in opinions, Chimera and I were able to argue pretty well, that is to say we each put a lot of effort into explaining our side so as to be easily understood by the other, I think that is the difference here.

    All of socialisation for women tells us to worry about the men more than ourselves, be pretty for them, but have no preferences for ourselves. We are encouraged to slave away to be the right size, have the right breasts, be coquettish and flirt, but give any ugly slob who approaches you an equal shot because he might be a "nice person" and boy, wouldn't you be a bitch to reject him based on his looks! He'd damn sure reject you in a New York minute for the same thing though.

    I only date hung guys, everyone here knows it. I don't care how anyone feels about that, it's my choice. I also only date attractive (to me) guys, intelligent guys, guys who are into music, and political leftists. I feel perfectly entitled to seek out men with whom I feel I could be the most compatible, it just makes sense. I advertised for these things and men responded knowing the deal in advance. I don't date at all by "chance meetings" in real life. Any guy I meet in real life I keep as a friend, so as never to have to ask the penis size question, I would never take the chance of insulting someone based on a natural physical trait. I would never seek to hurt anyone, but I think it's absurd for guys to think women owe you a shot based on your personality, but it's okay for you to judge them based on their looks. Bullshit. Over and out.
     
  10. BobLeeSwagger

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    I think maybe what climber was trying to say is that the discriminating woman won't find out he's not endowed enough until foreplay is well underway. So she would be rejecting him pretty late in the game, even if she made up some excuse instead. Whereas a breast man just won't bother asking out women with small ones. The principle is pretty much the same, but the woman's rejection would probably be harsher. I think that's what he was getting at.
     
  11. Max

    Max New Member

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    Aloofman ... I agree 100%.
     
  12. madame_zora

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    Oh, I understood that very well. It's always the argument for why it's okay for men and not for women. I was just pointing out that men claim not to do this, but they do it by not even asking out the fat girl-girl with small tits-girl with braces. Men are extremely judgemental about women's physical characteristics, but women being interested in penis size is strictly taboo and mean! I get it, I just think it blows.
     
  13. jonb

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    Yeah, well, at least we're modest about our judgment; you have to lead a guy on like he has a chance until you can see him naked. FWIW, women enforce gender double standards more than men do.
     
  14. jonb

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    Well, there's AcronymFinder.com. Don't worry; I don't use them that much, unlike the rofflecopters.

    FWIW = for what it's worth
     
  15. madame_zora

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    *sticks tongue out at jonb* Well, you started it!


    No, really, I'm not on the side of hurting anyone, and I would never turn a guy down for size at the last moment. It's just one more amoung billions of things men have the advantage on, and you have to realise how fucking old it gets. I prefer to find like-minded men who are interested in a woman like me. Knowing this ahead of time eliminates the whole situation.
     
  16. Max

    Max New Member

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    Madame_Zora,

    I can see that this is a touchy subject. Of course women are every bit as entitled as men to be attracted by certain physical characteristics. Most of us, men and women alike, are drawn by the whole person as they are, not by a predetermined check list of requirements. We'd probably think that a man who insisted on a certain cup-size before he'd even consider a woman as a potential date was pretty shallow.

    But simply not to open negotiations, not to begin a relationship at all, even because a woman is flat chested, is one thing. He might well have lost the chance of a wonderful relationship though his 'shallowness', but no hurt or insult is involved. It is just the same as a woman not being attracted to a man because she thinks he is too short or too poor; she could be missing out on someone really good, but unless she comes out with "You're too short!" she hasn't insulted him.

    I suppose with people who go for one night stands pretty well anything is allowable (it is totally outside my experience). But to close off an existing relationship because of the later discovery of a physical factor (e.g. 'insufficient' penis size) is entirely another matter. It would cause the man appalling hurt, particularly as it would be happening at a time of intimacy and vulnerability. The true equivalent the other way about would be a man who broke off a relationship on the basis that he found her vagina too loose. In both cases it is simply an insult. The only plus side for the offended party might be that they had been saved from someone who could have treated them very badly in other ways too.

    That's not to say that there aren't women who are turned on by well endowed men. We all know that to be the case, and of course why not? Though just like well endowed women we're not keen just to be seen as the life support system for a big dick. Maybe to level up the playing field a little we (if we are available) should dress so that our size is a little more obvious. B)

    I can see that in many cases the woman to whom size is a make-or-break factor is in a difficult position. Even with more form-fitting clothes, men retain a lot more concealment than women can. But if your own need is for a really big man, you can probably tell once you have seen him in several different settings wearing various sets of clothes. There are plenty of us around for whom complete discretion is impossible.

    But the worst thing about this sort of discussion is that it gets us back into viewing other people with a check list of requirements that they must fulfill.
     
  17. madame_zora

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    Yes, Max, I do realise this is an incindiary subject. I've posted about this before, but here's a few things to consider: There are a VERY FEW women on this site. Of those here, even fewer feel that size would be a big issue. Amoung we few, we have one thing in common- we all have very large/deep vaginas. What this means is a smaller guy slips out easily, neither of us will get much of a sensation of friction, for those of us not very clitorally oriented, it means almost never having an orgasm. I hate to tell you this, but sex with no hope of an orgasm is too high a price to pay just so others will think I'm a nice girl. Walk a mile in my shoes- have a serious relationship with a nice girl with whom you simply cannot orgasm with. See how much her other attributes help after a year or so.

    No one wants to be a walking dick, and they're not, at least not to me. If that were true, I would have kept the first one I found, but life just isn't like that. I waited and kept meeting guys until I found one with whom I shared a lot of interests, including sexual compatibility. It's so nice to be able to have rewarding sex with someone and spend the whole day hanging out talking as well. It's so fun to have someone who shares common interests, is on a similar schedule, has similar relationship goals, background, political views, but still retains his own unique perspective. Yes, a big dick is part of that picture, just like his multi-racial heritage, it's all good, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

    If we had no preferences, couldn't we just be matched randomly by a third party and work out the kinks later? Surely you can see the absurdity of this! You said,
    "But the worst thing about this sort of discussion is that it gets us back into viewing other people with a check list of requirements that they must fulfill." I hope you're not suggesting we don't already do this! Nomatter what you seek in a relationship, you are seeking SOMETHING! Regardless of what your desired traits are, there's some women you just wouldn't have. It might be crackheads, even though some of them are very nice. It might be women who make more money than you, or women who are taller than you (don't act like you don't know tons of guys who won't date a taller woman!). It might be a girl over a certain size, and you REALLY better not tell me you don't consider that! So, if it's okay to only date women whose bodies are a certain size, why then do you feel justified in saying I'm bad to have a penis size preference? I'll jump in here- because now we're talking about your ego instead of mine. No one gives a fuck if a woman gets her feelings hurt, but God forbid anyone do that to a MAN! Yeah, all women are bitches and whores if they won't fuck any (and I do mean ANY) guy who asks, but men still have THEIR preferences, and that's "one thing", which means "fine".

    I challenge everyone reading this to consider the point, even if you think I'm horrible. Don't men do this to us every day? Why are we so much more concerned with men's egos than women's? Women are supposed to accept rejection gracefully but never dole it out. Am I getting through at all? No one's suggesting going out of your way to humiliate someone, but is it wrong to have preferences, even if they are based on potential for sexual satisfaction?
     
  18. Max

    Max New Member

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    Actually, Zora, I don't look at other people with a mental check list. Or it would be better after 27 + years of marriage to say that I didn't. We were both attracted to each other on first meeting (in my case it was her smile — seemingly reserved for me alone — that began it), and then we just took it from there and got to know each other better in a gradual way. As most people always have done. Yes, maybe if she had been six inches taller than me, or I had been earning less than half her salary (which is true now, funnily enough ...) or either of us had been very fat, it might not have worked. But then probably the chemistry wouldn't have been there in the first place.

    [All the anxiety about penis size was on my side; I did fear after a negative experience before that this could be a deal-breaker; I also felt that she should know the scale of the challenge before she committed herself. As it happened, once she was in the picture I realised that I need never have worried. In your case, I can see that this subject would have to come into the picture at some point, sooner rather than later, and also that dealing with it tactfully would be a huge challenge to anyone's diplomatic skills.]

    Of course it is not wrong to have preferences and needs. We all do. But that doesn't mean adopting a check-list approach.

    As for the double standards: I don't agree that the way things are favours men in all respects; some men get plenty of rejection, but still keep coming back for more. I suppose in the traditonal view in which men in theory have to take the initiative, rejection is the male problem, while being ignored and unasked is the female one. But of course these days it is a whole lot more subtle than that, and I think women have always taken at least 50% of the initiative in any case.

    A good man will be as concerned about bruising someone else's self esteem as any woman would be. And that in my view goes for same-sex friendships and acquaintanceships as well as for any sexual relationship. We all (men and women) need to be as tender of other people's sense of themselves as we are of our own. In the end IMHO it is just plain good manners.
     
  19. madame_zora

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    I think we are probably not too far off, just perhaps our experieces have been a bit different. I've said several times now that I would never bruise someone's ego. I feel this way so strongly that I spent over five years in total celibacy just to avoid hurting someone else. Obviously, this is a bad choice for a whole lifetime, as I did not get the calling to become a Nun! To this day, I will NOT ask a guy I meet in real life his penis size. Those who say I might be missing out on some really cool people are dead wrong! I don't miss out at all- I can have meaningful friendships that bring delight to both of us, it wouldn't be possible (or even interesting) to have a sexual relationship with every man I meet anyway, I find too many things attractive. Now, if I'm going to have a sexual relationship with a guy, I need to be able to enjoy the sex too, or I'm just not going to feel like doing it for very long. Mercy sex gets tedious very fast, my whole life has proven this to me and I'm not young.

    Anyway, any man who chooses to get involved with me will already know this and we will have traded pics of each other before we even meet, so I'm not surprising anyone at "that crucial moment" with disappointment. There has only been one time that I did that, and it was because the guy had sent me pics of someone else, of another race! So the issue wasn't primarily his dick, but the fact that he had been deceptive.

    Max, I hope I haven't been too blunt about this, I guess I get defensive because my choices really come down to either making a priority of my needs, or just taking a chance that he'll be one of the 2% that has what I need. Not good odds for me to ever have a happy relationship. I'm glad you are happily married after 27 years, I'd give anything for 2 or 3 years like that. Wish me well.
     
  20. Max

    Max New Member

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    I will indeed! :)
     
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