gave him the boot cause he is too small?

[LongTimeComing]

Doesn't it all come down to being a kind human being?

There is no reason two people should continue a relationship if they discover an important incompatibility. Maybe the discovery happens BEFORE they even "date." (Like, the man thinks her breasts aren't attractive, or the woman feels the man is not tall enough, or if they are more mature, they just don't feel they like each other particularly.) Maybe the discovery happens once they become intimate -- his cock is too small, he is an inconsiderate lover, she is too passive, she is too loose, etc. If the incompatibility is important enough to discontinue the relationship, it is better to end it sooner than later. BUT -- end it with KINDNESS! Even if it means a little lie to avoid hurtfulness. This is not gender specific! It is HUMAN specific!

All that aside, I agree that society has placed unequal and unfair burdens on men and women regarding expectations and desirability. But that isn't really the issue here. The issue is how to end a relationship -- even one that is only hours old -- without being meanspirited and hurtful. And that cuts both ways.

 

[jonb]

Originally posted by madame_zora@Mar 31 2005, 08:30 PM
*sticks tongue out at jonb* Well, you started it!


No, really, I'm not on the side of hurting anyone, and I would never turn a guy down for size at the last moment. It's just one more amoung billions of things men have the advantage on, and you have to realise how fucking old it gets. I prefer to find like-minded men who are interested in a woman like me. Knowing this ahead of time eliminates the whole situation.

[post=295797]Quoted post[/post]​

Yeah, well, you can still turn us down for being too fat or too skinny at least.

 

[madame_zora]

Oh silly boy, there's no such thing as too skinny!

Anyway, my favorite reason to turn down a guy is still for being an ass, so I'm sure that won't ruffle any feathers.

 

[jonb]

Originally posted by madame_zora@Apr 2 2005, 02:42 AM
Oh silly boy, there's no such thing as too skinny!

[post=296095]Quoted post[/post]​

Speaking of gender double standards, keep that up and you can give a guy an eating disorder.

 

[madame_zora]

You just won't let me get away with anything, will you?


It's really a shame about how society molds our views. Skinny guys try to gain weight like crazy, even though (probably unknown to them) there is a whole faction of women for whom that is their preference. Bigger guys try to lose weight, even though some women love a guy they can have desert with! Lots of guys strive to be extremely muscular, thinking that's what every woman likes, but I know a lot of women who will have no part of a "work-out" guy.

*Madame zora pulls down jonb's pants and paddles his skinny ass for giving her such a hard time*
And if that doesn't do it, tickle torture is next!

 

[SexyJean]

Originally posted by bibdoc@Mar 30 2005, 09:25 PM
i got in a tiff with a coworker because she said that if a man is too small (under 6) she won't sleep with him. do other women do that! i never heard of such a thing!

[post=295365]Quoted post[/post]​

Well, I have mixed feelings on this. If a woman really feels this way, better to never start the relationship in the first place. But to judge solely by size, IMO, is pretty shallow. After all, who's to say that the guy with 6" who's very experienced isn't going to be a great lover as opposed to the guy with 9" who's either selfish or not good in bed? Unless you have an obvious physical misfit -- a woman with a very large vagina who can't feel a smaller man -- I like to think things can work out somewhat.

I come from experience here because my husband, despite his size, had the misfortune of having as his first partner a woman who was way too experienced for him and way too sexual demanding. I'm not saying she should have continued with him despite her misgivings, but you want to be considerate and not rude. To dump someone or not start with someone just because they're the wrong size or not too skilled -- well, I guess because of my situation I find it a bit heartless.

I remember one of the first times I kissed my husband -- then my bf -- and I jokingly said "You're not a very good kisser, are you?" I meant it more as a joke, not self-criticism, but I could immediately see I crushed him. He looked like he was going to cry. Ever since then, I've tried to be very complimentary of him in the bedroom or when he shows affection. Besides giving it an "A" for effort, he's gotten better (even in the kissing department) and he's a good husband. If I had made my decision to be with him strictly on his lovemaking skills (let alone his kissing) I would have broken up with him after our 1st time in bed together. The fact that he was hung didn't help him, but even if he was average-sized I wouldn't have dropped him. In fact, I never thought his being large was going to make it easier for me to teach him to be a good lover; self-confidence was his biggest problem, not how many inches he had to work with.

Ladies, the guy who may not measure up on the size meter or in the bedroom may improve later on. And he may have other qualities you find you will value down the line, too!

 

[13788]

illpo: I think we need to stop comparing breast size with penis size, because they are completely different. Not everyone wants big breasts. Plus, they are just a bonus sorta like a guy's six pack or nice defined chest. It's not necessary for a good fuck, just a turn on.

If a girl had wonder bra, or something that made her breasts look fuller or bigger and you got to her house, removed her clothes to see that it isn't the size you thought, would you kick her out? Probably not, why because you wanted to fuck her pussy.(unless you wanted her just for a titty fuck)

You'd prolly stop messing with a female if she was extra loose, because it isn't sexually satisfying. Just like a woman would stop messing with a man with a small penis because it isn't satisfying.

 

[madame_zora]

Illpo, that's a great point. Nomatter how many times I say it, post it, or scream it, people try to make this a behavioral thing or lack of manners or grace. I am guilty of neither! I have a very deep vagina, a smaller guy will slip out, and I won't even know if he's in. That's a lousy way for both of us to be spending time. You bigger guys won't understand that, so you'll think I'm being a bitch, but in reality I'm trying to save everyone a lot of heartache that I've already experienced for years and wish to avoid. If I didn't care about how other people felt, why do you think I was celibate for over five years? There is just no point whatsoever in mercy sex, it makes me feel dirty and is dishonest to my partner. Believe me, there's NO WAY to hide the facts once things begin. I have left too many encounters with a very nice guy where his ego is bruised and my needs are completely unmet, and I have to keep it all to myself and pretend to have had the time of my life. Fuck that, seriously! And fuck celibacy as well. We are all human and have the right to be happy, even those of us who are different. I would have thought some of you here of all places would have understood that, guess I was wrong.

 

[jonb]

Originally posted by madame_zora@Apr 2 2005, 05:07 PM
It's really a shame about how society molds our views. Skinny guys try to gain weight like crazy, even though (probably unknown to them) there is a whole faction of women for whom that is their preference. Bigger guys try to lose weight, even though some women love a guy they can have desert with! Lots of guys strive to be extremely muscular, thinking that's what every woman likes, but I know a lot of women who will have no part of a "work-out" guy.

[post=296273]Quoted post[/post]​

Desert? Well, Americans have tried to stake a claim on the entire Sahara, if that's what you mean.

Bad spelling notwithstanding, I know what you mean. Women have the same problem; there's athletic sexy and voluptuous sexy, but I've never heard any guy describe heroin chic as sexy, yet that's what fashion designers claim is sexy and therefore what women strive to be. (Just remember, chic is derived from chicanery.)

 

[D_Barbi_Queue]

The very first guy I almost had sex with was either very small or pretty limp since he was intoxicated. But yes, I chickened out when I saw/felt the lack of what was going on down there and am very glad that I did. Either way it would have been a very awful first experience for me.

 

[madame_zora]

Originally posted by jonb+Apr 4 2005, 12:26 AM--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(jonb &#064; Apr 4 2005, 12:26 AM)</div><div class='quotemain'><!--QuoteBegin-madame_zora@Apr 2 2005, 05:07 PM
It&#39;s really a shame about how society molds our views. Skinny guys try to gain weight like crazy, even though (probably unknown to them) there is a whole faction of women for whom that is their preference. Bigger guys try to lose weight, even though some women love a guy they can have desert with&#33; Lots of guys strive to be extremely muscular, thinking that&#39;s what every woman likes, but I know a lot of women who will have no part of a "work-out" guy.

[post=296273]Quoted post[/post]​

Desert? Well, Americans have tried to stake a claim on the entire Sahara, if that&#39;s what you mean.

Bad spelling notwithstanding, I know what you mean. Women have the same problem; there&#39;s athletic sexy and voluptuous sexy, but I&#39;ve never heard any guy describe heroin chic as sexy, yet that&#39;s what fashion designers claim is sexy and therefore what women strive to be. (Just remember, chic is derived from chicanery.)

[post=296596]Quoted post[/post]​

[/b][/quote]


Wow, you&#39;ve really been riding me rough lately- I&#39;d have thought you&#39;d give me credit for a typo rather than bad spelling, but I guess I can always use a little ego-busting.

The fashion industry is run predominantly by gay men, so I don&#39;t know if gay men are into heroin-chic or they&#39;re just uncomfortable with the female form. It&#39;s odd, some gay men seem to love women my size with Marilyn Monroe hips, but some really dislike us for being feminine, so I guess like everything else, diff&#39;rent strokes for diff&#39;rent folks.

 

[SexyJean]

Madame Zora, I think your stance is completely justifiable.

It&#39;s one thing to simply be obsessed with something for status-sake or because you have imaginary wants, it&#39;s quite another if there is a direct physical need.

My husband&#39;s 1st sexual encounter was with a woman who neither cared for him as a person nor was willing to be patient with him as a lover. In retrospect, it would have been better had she turned him down (or he turned her down).

People need to be compatable. But if they aren&#39;t, for sure, they should try and break up as amicably as possible.

 

[eireblev]

denying the importance of physical compatibility can lead to long term frustration, but at the same time it is not necessarily a death sentence on a relationship.

Is there is a size incompatibility it will certaintly need to be addressed in any relationship. If a woman chooses no to go through that sort of work and to choose her partners a bit more selectively, then that should be respected and even admired.

I am behind you 100% Madam Z

 

[madame_zora]

Thanks guys, I&#39;m going through some weird stuff right now and I&#39;m sure I&#39;m coming off bitchier than I need to, but this has been a lifelong frustrating issue for me. Thanks for understanding.

 

[MASSIVEPKGO_CHUCK]

Aww, you know we love ya no matter how weird things get. :hug:

 

[13788]

orionsword57:

Originally posted by madame_zora@Apr 3 2005, 03:00 AM
....There is just no point whatsoever in mercy sex....I have left too many encounters with a very nice guy where his ego is bruised and my needs are completely unmet, and I have to keep it all to myself and pretend to have had the time of my life. Fuck that....

[post=296407]Quoted post[/post]​

Most men can tell when a woman is "faking" a good time, so unless things are above board, it&#39;s really a bad trip for both the man and woman. My dating-type experiences that led to sex have been almost exclusively in later life (post-late 50&#39;s), and it has seemed a natural thing for the women that came along to have my cock size be an important factor in the continuation of the relationship, one way or the other. I&#39;m going to guess that when people get older, both men and women become more comfortable with the reality of size-importance. My issues of make or break relate to the comfort of a woman with my size and not directly with her size(s), although I do judge a woman&#39;s figure from the standpoint of how she keeps herself in shape and not on specific measurements. Does she make the best of what she has? A man or woman with self-pride will keep themselves fit (unles they have a glandular problem), and addiction to feeling bad about oneself is a turn-off for me. I say MZ and women like her are almost obligated to be honest about their needs for everyone&#39;s well-being.

 

[summertime01]

<There are a VERY FEW women on this site. Of those here, even fewer feel that size would be a big issue. Amoung we few, we have one thing in common- we all have very large/deep vaginas. >

The above is quote by madame zora.

My repsonse:
Jana, not all of us women on here have a deep or large vagina. And size is not an issue for me. I happen to have a well-endowed partner & did not know his size before having sex w/ him, which was not until after we had been dating for 6 months.
I&#39;m not disagreeing or agreeing w/ you on anything, just wanted you to know that not all of us women have the same build or size issue that you have.

 

[madame_zora]

Summertime, that was exactly my point&#33; Even here where an assumption could be made that the women are all into larger size, it&#39;s NOT true. There are actually very few women who have large vaginas, just like there are very few men who have huge penises. Sorry if I wasn&#39;t clear, but I only know of about four women EVEN HERE who share my issues. Look at women&#39;s issues, there&#39;s almost no talk of "bigger is better" except coming from me.

 

[brainzz_n_dong]

Madam Zora likely will never need me to pick up a pitchfork and defend her (she could probably kick my butt, but anyway....)

Why assail her for simply being honest with who she is and what she prefers? There is enough smoke and mirrors in relationships for three lifetimes and here&#39;s a lady laying on the line what she likes in a man and letting you know what she&#39;s all about. What&#39;s not to respect about that? I&#39;ve got a lot to learn, but I know I wish the girls I try to date played as few head games as she does.

If you&#39;re a well endowed guy, would it be sexist of you to say you prefer women who were a little more "accomodating"?

Just a few thoughts from the heartland...

 

[madame_zora]

Brains-n-dong, no one likes an agressive woman, anywhere&#33; It&#39;s not like it&#39;s news, it just keeps being disappointing. I am used to it, I usually let it roll off. I rarely talk about myself at all, preferring to try to help others. One thing I have a hard time letting roll off is when people refuse to READ what I write and jump my shit about something I never even said, so to make it crystal clear:

1) I ONLY, EXCLUSIVELY date men I meet online from a certain group where we have previously expressed a preference for similar-minded people.

2) Even there, I have never approached anyone, I posted what and whom I am looking for, so if a man contacts me, he knows the score already.

3) If someone who doesn&#39;t fit what I&#39;m looking for contacts me, he usually says "I know I&#39;m not what you&#39;re looking for, but" and I send him a sincere thank you for the letter and wish him well in his search.

4) I NEVER date by chance, never ever&#33; I would NEVER turn someone down at the last mintue, I&#39;ve said that at least five times now. In this thread.

5) There are probably about 2% of women who have the situation I have, but I&#39;ll bet less than half even know it&#33; In reality, a man will likely never meet a woman who feels the way I do, it&#39;s not worth worrying about. Evidence, most of the women even here don&#39;t agree with me, so you do the math. (This could have been avoided by reading what I was quoted as saying&#33

Thanks to the few who bothered to understand that my voice counts at all. I get a lot of praise and accolades around here for trying to help others, but when it&#39;s my turn, I do feel like I kinda get the shaft. I&#39;m not going to shut up, stay in the kitchen and bake brownies, so what the fuck ever. I&#39;ve spent most of my life, since I was about 12 being "Dear Abby" to everyone I meet, but when I have something that needs adressing, I get looked at with shock and horror. Imagine how much fun that is.

Oh yeah, and to the next poster who is about to say "Isn&#39;t it all about being considerate?", read the above and tell me how I&#39;m not being considerate? I&#39;m not a liar or a fraud, I don&#39;t hurt others, I treat people with respect. All I want is to be fulfilled in a relationship in EVERY way, why is that so awful? I don&#39;t ever advocate others to think as I do, just respect my right to.