Gawd! the temptation

[B_625girth]

cliff notes: me... male, 57yo, straight, married 31 yrs.
female, 51 yo, straight, married 20 yrs, separated

we have known each other for 16 yrs. she has been on the verge of leaving her husband for 5 yrs because of his infidelity. the divorce papers are filed. she has been living with her new bf(an old friend of mine) since last spring. we hang out in the same bar, in this small city. she has confided in me for about 5 yrs about her marital woes. she was hugely wounded by her husband's infidelity, and really hung in there until their daughter turned 18. there were times when she literally cried on my shoulder in the bar. this being a small town, my wife was made aware of this, but we talked and assured her nothing was going on. well, over the last few years, my wife & I are not all that tight anymore. menopause or what? I don't know. in the last year, the gal indicated she wanted more than friendship from me. she heavily flirted with me in front of her husband at an event, and I got pissed, because she was just using me to piss him off. a couple weeks after that, I was sitting in a beer garden with friends, and she sat on my lap, we made light conversation, as her pinky finger probed my shorts for my cock. first, for length, and then over the top for girth. no one could see what was going on. and at that point, she got up and said, "that is very nice, XXXX." as her eyes darted to my crotch. what she said also fit into the conversation.

since then she has asked me to fuck her twice. those were before she hooked up with my old friend. he is a good guy, and I heard she was in love again. last night, he was out of town, with the boys out in the country, and I saw her in the bar. we talked, flirted, laughed, danced for a few seconds. I had an arm around her, she had one around me. I dropped my arm and she put both of hers around me, and then hands on my hips. "XXXX, you are so hot. I know what you got, you know that, and I need it. Let's go to my house. Please fuck me." The Temptation!!! and she is hot, long wavy black hair, still thin, big natural boobs. Time just froze as I looked at her, looking at me. she glanced down at my bulge, and I was BULGING, which doesn't happen at my age like it did when I was 20. but I had one hell of a chub. she smiled that pretty smile of hers. I told her I would if I was single, same thing I told her before. only this time, I told her if I went with her, I would be no better than the husband she is divorcing( and i find him dispicable). and let me tell you, I am a hell of lot better man than him for many reasons. she gathered her jacket and purse, went outside, blew me a kiss and left in her car. 10 minutes later her soon to be ex husband shows up in the bar. kind of looking for her, but not really, he supposedly has a young hot little number he is going out with. this is not the first time that has happened, she must have radar that he is on his way, either that or their daughter is at daddy's house and is texting,"dad's on his way" or similiar.

I just don't know how long I can hold out, and had to let this out. sometimes I am glad to see her, and sometimes glad when I don't see her.

 

[Symphonic]

Do not succumb to the will of your penis! A man of integrity and strength controls his carnal desires, and is not controlled by them.

 

[Gillette]

Toxic.
Avoid.

 

[D_Rawkesbye Deadheade]

Sticky situation. Good to hear you're true to your integrity. Keep it that way.

 

[finsuptx]

It sounds like you already know its not a good idea, but its a struggle. You compared yourself to her ex, and she's not looking for someone like that. She's looking for good old-fashion, clean, dirty fun. She doesn't care if your married, and she's already dating another man. So it's all about your marriage, I guess, and how you deal with all of those components.

 

[goodwood]

Hey 625 -
That is admirable that you have avoided taking things any further with this woman. Her situation is less than ideal and she has a lot of things to work out. And of course you are married. And while you are not feeling particularly close with your wife, if you were to fuck this other woman, that would be in very poor taste to your wife and your marriage.
If you have no intention of divorcing your wife then it seems like it would be foolish to have a few hours of fuck time with this other woman. I can understand the temptation to be sure, but I can't see any good coming of a roll in the hay with her.
Hang in there and remember what Nancy Reagan said "Just say no". lol. Good luck.

 

[whatadork]

You should do it only if you can cover all 4 bases

1) Your wife is ok with it. This is kind of doubtful, but hey, if she just doesn't have a sex drive and you do maybe you can work out an agreement, but don't cheat on her.
2) Her husband is ok with it. Which is sounds like he is because he's apparently with someone new. BUT do you really know this? Or is this just suspicion from her side? It'd be terrible if there was nothing going on for real.
3) She's ok with it. She says she wants to fuck you but is there something on the table other than sex? Does she expect you to be her pseudo husband and take care of her? Is she just offering cuz she's feeling vulnerable? Is she offering just to piss her husband off?
4) You're ok with it. My guess is if you cover all the other bases you'll be fully ok with it.

 

[B_Nick8]

I appreciate the difficulty of the situation you're in but, more so, the fact that you're staying true to your morals, values and yourself. You're absolutely right that you would be no better than her ex, a man for whom you seem to have no respect, if you commit the same acts.

If you need to avoid her to maintain your integrity, do. But I would have no problem explaining to her why you need to take this position. She is being entirely unfair to you.

 

[B_625girth]

It's just the temptation is pretty intense. I have not seen much of her since she hooked up with my old friend. her husband might still care but he fucked up 5 yrs ago. I mean she was a basket case. I told her at one point she was riding the fence too long and she had to make a decision either stay with hubby or divorce and move on or she was going to go crazy. so for awhile she really tried to make a go of it with hubby, but she just could not get past the idea that she had been cheated on. so she got her own place, and I and others were invited over for a party. I did not go. one night, my wife went out with me(which is very rare anymore), and the gal was a little tipsy, did not see my wife, and came up, big hug and kiss on the cheek. THAT did not go over well, I was in double deep shit for 3 days. shortly after, she hooked up with my old friend, and I did not see them very often. in fact, last nite was the first time I have seen her by herself in 5 months. 2 weeks ago, she filed for divorce, and I think it will be quick. they worked out the details in advance of filing.

it is very difficult to think with the big head, when the little head is bulging. she was doing a little grinding on my leg, and told me I made her "wet". she is not a big tease. my friend, Steve, and I were talking when she came up and heard most of what was said, except the invitation to fuck her. after she left, steve said, " was that about what I think it was about?" I nodded yes. "Geez, that never happens to me, and you are married and I am single." "But," I said," you are not hung like a horse." "how does she know that?" "what? that you are not hung like a horse/" "NO. how does she know you are?" I said, "sort of have a reputation, and she poked around with her finger one night, sitting on my lap." "I was there that night." "Yes, you were, sitting in a chair across from me." " I had no idea what was going on." I said, "neither did her husband who walked into the beer garden about half way thru her "exploration." last night when she left, and then her husband showed up, Steve says "uh oh" you're in trouble now, and I said no, he don't give a shit. and he came down, said hello, ordered a drink and we talked about the NBA game, Celtics and Atlanta, I think. he knows its over.

anyway, I got to stay clear, and when I can't, think with the BIG head on my shoulders!!!!!

 

[D_Rawkesbye Deadheade]

Well, I'm here once again to concur with your integrity. You're also right to think with the right head. Best wishes, mate.

 

[Ramsey]

No one else has mentioned this, but you said she is living with a new boyfriend. Why can't he take care of her sexual frustrations? Is it because you are the forbidden fruit?

Yes, avoid this woman. If you have to, explain yourself bluntly but kindly.

 

[B_625girth]

No one else has mentioned this, but you said she is living with a new boyfriend. Why can't he take care of her sexual frustrations? Is it because you are the forbidden fruit?

Yes, avoid this woman. If you have to, explain yourself bluntly but kindly.

she and new bf are together about 50% of their free time. she doesn't work, a trust baby, lots of community work tho, heads up a few committees. she is no dummy, masters degree in ???(I forgot). he is a self employed contractor, lives and works in a nearby city, sometimes work will take him away for 4 days straight. He's been married a couple of times, kids are grown, had a recent relationship for about 5 yrs with a gal, and she died. he was real down, but he is a survivor like myself. I have known him for 35 years. you can bury us in shit and knock us down, we won't go away. I think she likes that in both of us. we are totally different physically, backgrounds, and education, but we have a tenacity.

am I the forbidden fruit? I think so. she was after me before she met him. last night I missed her by about 15 minutes. so that was good. I bet her soon to be ex-husband breaks his leg kicking himself in the ass in the long term.

 

[B_quietguy]

Don't do it unless you, your wife, and her can have a calm sit-down conversation about it first. You'll need to discuss health issues (STD's), emotions, fidelity, what each of you wants from it, etc...

 

[B_625girth]

well, there ain't no talking it over with the wife. she would flip out. divorce for me then. and I don't want that for many reasons.

 

[Hippie Hollow Girl]

I am not too impressed with your temptation bar fly female friend. There she was for years crying in her beer on your shoulder about not being able to handle her husband cheating on her. And now she is trying to get you to do the same thing to your wife which was done to her. I think she is just trying to make herself feel better by getting you to fuck her. She is jealous of your wife, because she has a good man. I am guessing you have probably told her or hinted about your situation with your wife (your wife not taking care of you) and she knows you are weak and vulnerable. You are only human. I think you being faithful to your wife is what is attracting this woman (besides your physical attributes). I would be very careful if I were you unless you are prepared for your marriage to go up in smoke. If you sleep with this woman one time she may decide that she has to have you and since it sounds like the two of you have a bit of an emotional relationship this might just be the tip of the iceberg. I assume you don't want to divorce your wife because of all kinds of financial and legal entanglements and hopefully love and loyalty. I would recommend you trying to stay away from and avoiding the lady from the bar as much as possible. Good luck on your relationship with your wife improving!

 

[mr_unattractive]

I can see this going two ways.

One outcome; you keep your integrity intact and survive without having an affair. You come out of it stronger and wiser and a better person. She comes out of it having learned that in fact all men are NOT like her ex, that some have principles and actually stand by them. She learns that men can be good and can be trusted. She also respects you all the more, as does your wife and as do you.

Second outcome, you go to her place and fuck her brains out. She learns that men are all weasels, and no better than her ex. She learns that you are evil like all the other men out there and you lose a friend and a marriage at the same time.

Pick one.

 

[helgaleena]

I hope this woman finds another toy soon to focus on trying to win, as you have a marriage you value. She does not, but the urge to try her seductive chops out on someone is strong after so long in misery.

Likely her present bf will not be more than a phase for them both. Best to keep clear, as you say. If she respects you and values your friendship, she will back off now and flirt more widely in the circles you are living in.