Gay, 40+ Hung and Black! Let's TALK

[Kanashi]

I've tried em before and they've never done much for me. seems to be more of an aesthetic thing, imo.

 

[17264491]

Hi. 42 y.o. male here. Wow. I thought I was the only one! I too was relentlessly teased in my younger years and throughout school for not being into sports and not acting "black" by the few other black guys that attended my school. As well, some of my male family members did the same. To this day, I still feel uncomfortable around other black men. Going to the barbershop is the worst. I feel like I have to "butch-up" or else I'll get teased again.

Due to religious trauma, I've never really "dated" but I have fkd around with a few black guys before. But mostly it's been white guys or latinos. I live in OK and around here, most of the whites guys that are okay with blacks just see us as BBCs. So if I want to hook up with a white guy, most of the time they expect me to be a dom top; which I *can* do, but it's not necessarily my default personality.

And I feel guilty to some extent that I don't hang out with other black men. Like I'm a failure to my race. But I also feel judged by other black men in apps if I'm honest with them about my anxiety around black guys.

It's been a super confusing struggle I've dealt with for most of my life. I just recently started therapy about a month ago to start working through all of these things. I have to say, knowing that others have had similar experience truly does help!

I just wish we could all think of each other as the HUMAN race. Sadly, societies and families don't allow that to happen. That is however, how I was raised. Yes I can see skin color, but I prefer to judge by the color of ones character, soul & heart. I realize I am a rarity to many, but I will not change how I see and treat my fellow humans.

 

[deleted955030]

Are y'all on PreP?
I'm not, and somebody asked me a few weeks ago and when I told them "no" they looked at me really funny.

No. Have not had penetrative sex of any kind with anyone since my late husband passed in late 2018 - actually, more like the year before that; also, do not plan to. Demisexual, so can't do the random hooking up thing, barely did it in my 20s. And I'd rather not be attached any time soon. A cuddle buddy and eventually a tantric sex partner is about the closest thing I'd even want at this point in my life.

like here's a rando topic... COCK RINGS lol!!
yay or nay?

it's a nay for me... i don't GET them and what they are supposed to do. like i don't get the biology behind the mechanics and it ends up just being super uncomfortable for me.

Yes, but not for its main intended purpose. I do love the look, feel, and weight of a metal cock ring. Instead of wearing them for a stronger erection, however, I get them a size bigger - closer to a three finger fit, as I love the hanging and bulging effect it gives in underwear. But also, because I am on the asexual spectrum and have little desire to engage in sex with others, it reminds me I actually have a dick just from the weight of it, so any shifting, bit of stimulation, etc., goes a long way. Not only does it make me have a more like puberty-like relationship with my dick (a phase that was a bit traumatic for me), but I think of it kinda as sexy chastity, lol.

What else do you all want to talk about on here? Throw out some topics

Fetishes - where do you think yours come from, if you have any; sexual activities you'd like to try at least once and why; tv shows that had the greatest impact on how you envisioned/envision your life/etc.; one I'd be really interested in is music during sex. In theory, I would like music during sex, but my tastes in music is kinda eclectic. Hmm, top 3 favorited porn stars, if you have any; choice in underwear and why. I also know in the 90s I wasn't the only one looking at underwear packages o.o; a destination you would want to go to for whatever reason; what you learned about yourself through the lens of your sexual position; your journey with your own masculinity(/femininity); what you look for or want in a guy/partner; something you are currently working on - self improvement

 

[HOU_HEADHUNTER]

I don't use them but I understand their purpose. There are some that wear them for the look and then there are those that wear them for the functionality of it keeping blood in their dick. Then you have those cock rings that vibrate which I think is partially used to stimulate the other partner. I'd say it's more beneficial for stimulating a females clitoris.

 

[QueenLeo40]

No. Have not had penetrative sex of any kind with anyone since my late husband passed in late 2018 - actually, more like the year before that; also, do not plan to. Demisexual, so can't do the random hooking up thing, barely did it in my 20s. And I'd rather not be attached any time soon. A cuddle buddy and eventually a tantric sex partner is about the closest thing I'd even want at this point in my life.

Yes, but not for its main intended purpose. I do love the look, feel, and weight of a metal cock ring. Instead of wearing them for a stronger erection, however, I get them a size bigger - closer to a three finger fit, as I love the hanging and bulging effect it gives in underwear. But also, because I am on the asexual spectrum and have little desire to engage in sex with others, it reminds me I actually have a dick just from the weight of it, so any shifting, bit of stimulation, etc., goes a long way. Not only does it make me have a more like puberty-like relationship with my dick (a phase that was a bit traumatic for me), but I think of it kinda as sexy chastity, lol.

Fetishes - where do you think yours come from, if you have any; sexual activities you'd like to try at least once and why; tv shows that had the greatest impact on how you envisioned/envision your life/etc.; one I'd be really interested in is music during sex. In theory, I would like music during sex, but my tastes in music is kinda eclectic. Hmm, top 3 favorited porn stars, if you have any; choice in underwear and why. I also know in the 90s I wasn't the only one looking at underwear packages o.o; a destination you would want to go to for whatever reason; what you learned about yourself through the lens of your sexual position; your journey with your own masculinity(/femininity); what you look for or want in a guy/partner; something you are currently working on - self improvement

tv shows that had the greatest impact on how you envisioned/envision your life.


The Golden Girls/Will and Grace- Because of this show. I couldn't wait to be 'grown' and the roommate situation I lived for 13 years.

Designing Women- The Clothes, Makeup and the fact that they had an at home business. Plus, they were from different parts of the south and the midwest like myself.

Living Single/Noah's Arc- It was great to see aspects of myself on screen (I am Regine and she is me) Plus, I have friends that remind me of some of the characters. I'm also a mix of chance and alex. Though I don't dress as....loud.

 

[TDJ6]

Fetishes - where do you think yours come from, if you have any; sexual activities you'd like to try at least once and why; tv shows that had the greatest impact on how you envisioned/envision your life/etc.; one I'd be really interested in is music during sex. In theory, I would like music during sex, but my tastes in music is kinda eclectic. Hmm, top 3 favorited porn stars, if you have any; choice in underwear and why. I also know in the 90s I wasn't the only one looking at underwear packages o.o; a destination you would want to go to for whatever reason; what you learned about yourself through the lens of your sexual position; your journey with your own masculinity(/femininity); what you look for or want in a guy/partner; something you are currently working on - self improvement

1. Fetishes: one thing i'd like to try is piss play. i don't know where it comes from, but i would love to piss on a guy once. and not to sound racist but it would be a white dude so there's probably something about humiliating them!?
2. TV shows: Six Feet Under for me. Michael and David, even though they had plenty of issues, I enjoyed the bits of their sex life they showed. It was kind of the fantasy to be gay, but have a husband that's in a masculine kinda field and have threesomes here and there.
3. Music during sex. It's funny cuz alot of white dudes love heavy EDM during sex and i'm like... nah. I hooked up with this one dude who used to love playing real ratchet hip hop music (like west coast shit) and for some reason I think I fuck better to that kinda music.
4. Top 3 Fave porn stars... currently I'd have to say Aaron Trainer, Luke Truong and Alessio Vega (who is in town this weekend and I can't see him cuz i'm broke this week boooo)
5. I buy underwear from Target, but on that same Underwear token... Antonio Sabato Jr and Mark Wahlberg used to do things to do me in the 90's with their Calvin Klein ads. ALSO, Woody Harrelson was in this movie "the cowboy way" and at the end of the movie his character posed for a Calvin Klein ad and when I tell you that BULGE was out of this world!
6. Destinations: just anywhere outside of the US! I will probably do my traveling in my senior years tho
7. What have I learned about myself. That's interesting because I have been thinking back to my early days of porn and sex. What I've learned is that I probably should have been a bottom... BUT I'm kinda glad I wasn't back than.
8. I'll have to come back to the "journey with my own masculinity" because when I was going through puberty I really wanted to be a girl. When I reached early 20's I was so happy to be a male.
9. I don't know that I want a partner but If I did I'd want them to be funny, adventurous, freaky and just a good person.
10. I have been working more on art and "building a brand" which sounds so cliche these days... but I would really love to write a graphic novel or animate a series about my gay experiences. So I've more or less been self-teaching. I also NEED to get into school for UI/UX design ... it scares me though because I generally do not like school. Also biggest goal... i want to buy a house by 2025.

 

[TDJ6]

of course I meant David and Keith lol!

 

[TDJ6]

5. I buy underwear from Target, but on that same Underwear token... Antonio Sabato Jr and Mark Wahlberg used to do things to do me in the 90's with their Calvin Klein ads. ALSO, Woody Harrelson was in this movie "the cowboy way" and at the end of the movie his character posed for a Calvin Klein ad and when I tell you that BULGE was out of this world!

Antonio... and you can barely see Woody, I remember I had a magazine with the actual "ad" in it and I kinda obsessed over it I'm not gonna lie.

 

[Kanashi]

oh lord yes, marky mark in dem calvins was

 

[HOU_HEADHUNTER]

Fetishes - where do you think yours come from, if you have any; sexual activities you'd like to try at least once and why; tv shows that had the greatest impact on how you envisioned/envision your life/etc.; one I'd be really interested in is music during sex. In theory, I would like music during sex, but my tastes in music is kinda eclectic. Hmm, top 3 favorited porn stars, if you have any; choice in underwear and why. I also know in the 90s I wasn't the only one looking at underwear packages o.o; a destination you would want to go to for whatever reason; what you learned about yourself through the lens of your sexual position; your journey with your own masculinity(/femininity); what you look for or want in a guy/partner; something you are currently working on - self improvement

Fetishes- I am very oral. That includes sucking, eating, and kissing. I'm also an exhibitionist and a voyeur. I love the rush of being caught/seen and I also love the idea of catching others without them knowing. I have a thing for gloryhole play but don't often engage in it due to all of the obvious risks. I was really turned on by amateur gloryhole porn where guys had private setups and they'd allow guys to show up and unload in a safe way and presumably by invite only which means there is a level of trust and familiarity. I've always been a sexually free person. I even worked in a porn store for a few years and was exposed to so much. As a result of my time working in a porn shop I started to despise certain fetishes and types of porn which I'll go into further if there is any interest.

TV Shows- I'm not a big tv watcher. There are shows that I did enjoy but I didn't envision my life being similar to those shows. There became a certain point in my life when I started watching documentaries and reading more than watching tv. I rarely go to the movies.

Music During Sex - I'm okay with it. I don't need it but I don't have an issue with it when the other person is trying to set a mood with the music. I've learned that music can actually set the tempo. If I had to choose I'd choose RnB (80s to 90s ie. Sade, Jodeci, Prince, etc.) I'm also very eclectic in the music that I listen to on a daily basis but RnB puts me in a love making mode.

Top 3 Porn Stars- I don't really have many favorites but there are a few names that come to mind. Marc Williams, XL, and Remy Mars. I tend to prefer amateur porn. When I was into porn I was more drawn to porn that consisted of an all black cast which was labeled urban porn which I hate that it's called that. Working in a porn store you start to see how things are labeled, what's popular, and what's promoted more. This is where I can go into a rant. My issue with some of the black male pornstars that I used to enjoy is that they went mainstream and that was pretty much the end of seeing them interacting with other black performers. I know it's about money and mainstream is about creating a fantasy for a certain demographic but I always found the sex in those to be very performative and the chemistry never looked quite sincere. Some of you may have come across some of my threads concerning black male fetishism so this may come as no surprise. I despise the depiction of black men in mainstream porn which is usually white producers creating porn to appeal to white people. Interracial, BBC, and Cuckold porn is all racist to me and is intended for a target audience that is usually white and I say this because I worked in a porn shop where I saw what was popular and with whom. I also saw was was promoted more so this lead me to start analyzing a lot. I'd see old white men come in and rent interracial porn or cuckold porn and take it to the trunk of their car and hide it under a bunch of rubbish. You'd look in the window and see a confederate flag hanging from the rearview mirror. I also started to realize that black performers were usually depicted a specific way. This is where I really grew to hate the mainstream porn industry because even in gay porn black men were depicted the same way and if it was interracial it was always the black performer as a top. I am cool with interracial but I like variety. Black men are not all hung chiseled tops and not all display the characteristics that seem to be very popular in mainstream porn (hyper masculine, hyper sexual, aggressive, etc.) Now in the world of social media and internet I'm starting to notice that even amateur performers are going the way of mainstream by trying to make content that they feel will appeal to the larger gay white community. I simply don't like the agenda that is pushed and while the sex scene might be hot, I can't get into it knowing that it's not made for people that look like me as the intended audience. The flipside of that is that non black men are in my inbox more than black men and I think it's due to racial fetishism which is promoted through porn so people are developing fetishes from what they see in porn. Some might see that as a benefit but it really isn't when you are one that finds yourself predominately attracted to features that are only available in black men.

Choice In Underwear- I workout a lot so I prefer boxer briefs of the brands Nike, Puma, Adidas. I also own a few pairs of jockstraps and some more fashionable underwear by Andrew Christian. I think underwear ads was my initial clue into my homosexuality. I was turned on by the catalogues and ads that you would get in the mail where the Older men were modeling underwear.

Destination- I'm a city dweller but I'd be okay in a much more subdued atmosphere. I used to want to live in NYC and still do to some degree but now that I'm a little older I think I'd like to visit some Caribbean and African nations. I'm really intrigued with visiting/living in a place where life is simpler and most of the people about are black. I'm very Americanized as someone born in the United States but I do think I can adapt and possible relocate if I find I like those locations.

My Position and What I've learned- I'm probably more of a bottom because I'm very much a pleaser so I don't mind submitting. I've topped before but I've bottomed more and I think I'm naturally more of a bottom. I adapt to the person I'm with and do whatever it takes to make them enjoy my company. Maybe that's the scorpio.

Masculinity/Femininity - Yin and Yang. I think I have a perfect balance of both and I think that's a good thing. Outwardly I'm very masculine and I'm comfortable in that but I do have feminine qualities that I don't shun and I think guys appreciate. I feel that there has to be balance.

What I want- Right now I like my freedom so I'm not actively looking. I think if I were looking I'd be okay with an open situation with a few parameters. I don't think humans are meant to be monogamous but I do think monogamy is ideal and more healthy. Because I think humans are not meant to be monogamous, I think men are more prone to cheat which is why I say an open relationship with parameters. It sounds good in theory but I guess I'd have to experience it first hand to know if this is something I would be cool with.

Self Improvement- I'm constantly working on myself. I am always seeking knowledge and I'm a health fanatic so I have the mind and body part covered. Soul takes a little more work but as I age I feel that I'm getting there. I am now comfortable with myself and what it is to be a black homosexual man regardless of how it's viewed within the black community. I don't feel that my sexuality was a choice and I don't argue with people about this fact anymore. I used to question the reasons why but I no longer question it because it was meant to be.

 

[Kanashi]

one I'd be really interested in is music during sex. In theory, I would like music during sex, but my tastes in music is kinda eclectic.

lol yeah i absolutely have a playlist that i put on when i fuck around with someone. it's mostly 90s r&b slow jams. a lot of janet. in my opinion, she has the best booty bumpin songs!

 

[QueenLeo40]

No. Have not had penetrative sex of any kind with anyone since my late husband passed in late 2018 - actually, more like the year before that; also, do not plan to. Demisexual, so can't do the random hooking up thing, barely did it in my 20s. And I'd rather not be attached any time soon. A cuddle buddy and eventually a tantric sex partner is about the closest thing I'd even want at this point in my life.

Yes, but not for its main intended purpose. I do love the look, feel, and weight of a metal cock ring. Instead of wearing them for a stronger erection, however, I get them a size bigger - closer to a three finger fit, as I love the hanging and bulging effect it gives in underwear. But also, because I am on the asexual spectrum and have little desire to engage in sex with others, it reminds me I actually have a dick just from the weight of it, so any shifting, bit of stimulation, etc., goes a long way. Not only does it make me have a more like puberty-like relationship with my dick (a phase that was a bit traumatic for me), but I think of it kinda as sexy chastity, lol.

Fetishes - where do you think yours come from, if you have any; sexual activities you'd like to try at least once and why; tv shows that had the greatest impact on how you envisioned/envision your life/etc.; one I'd be really interested in is music during sex. In theory, I would like music during sex, but my tastes in music is kinda eclectic. Hmm, top 3 favorited porn stars, if you have any; choice in underwear and why. I also know in the 90s I wasn't the only one looking at underwear packages o.o; a destination you would want to go to for whatever reason; what you learned about yourself through the lens of your sexual position; your journey with your own masculinity(/femininity); what you look for or want in a guy/partner; something you are currently working on - self improvement

1. Fetishes - where do you think yours come from? I have a cum fetish. Not the cum itself but the way it shoots. It started during my time in college. I had a guy who came on my body and the way it shot out really turned me on.

2. Sexual activities you'd like to try at least once and why; I'd like to try a big penis. I've given oral to some but I've never been fucked by one. I'd also like to try a DP. It looks neat to me.

3. Music during sex? Yes and No. If they were music it would have to be bossa nova or smooth jazz and I'd like to think our moans, goans and verbal talk would be a "music" all it's own.


4. Top 3 favorited porn stars? 1. Papi Sango 2. Daddy 3. Gino Colbert


5. Choice in underwear and why? Jocks, Boyshorts and Trunks. As they all make my legs and thighs look wonderful. Anything with silk, satin or lace as I LOVE lingerie. Plus, it highlights my body and I look damn good in it.

6. A destination you would want to go to for whatever reason- Greece, Monte Carlo, Rome. The culture, the art, food and shopping. Though I live in a big city. I'm really a small-town kinda girly-guy. Maybe Portland or North Carolina. I need trees and seasonal weather damn it!

7. What you learned about yourself through the lens of your sexual position? I've learned that I'm very sensual. Foreplay, touch and chemistry. Are very important to me. To me sex should be more than just getting a nut. It should be an experience. Where we BOTH want to please one another. I'm a very oral guy and I'm a bottom but that doesn't mean I'm "just a hole" I submit because I WANT TO. NOT because I have to.


8. Your journey with your own masculinity(/femininity);I've always been girly/fem. I fought it for years. YEARS but I've come to realize. It's a natural part of who I am. My masculinity comes out in different ways. In business, when showcasing my strength. Things like that. As I'm getting older, It's on thing I'm learning," Not everyone is going to buy what you sell." and that's okay. It truly is okay.

9. Something you are currently working on - self improvement. I'm unlearning the "rescue me" trope. The only person that is going to truly rescue me is me. That king/prince I'm looking for is gone. And has been replaced with a man who wears a smelly poncho and rides a donkey, Also, taking better care of my body/mind/spirit. I feel that many of us who are older "throw in the towel." I refuse to do that. I'm never gonna be thin but I can at least be healthy. No. I'm not 18, 25 or 35 but guess what? I'm glad I'm not and I don't wanna be.

10. What you look for or want in a guy/partner; A sense of humor, a passion for himself and life. Someone who is active. Protective. Who has goals for themselves. Intelligent and they're taller than I am. (I'm 5'1 ) Has a sense of strength, secure and in touch with their emotions.

 

[Kanashi]

what you learned about yourself through the lens of your sexual position;

My Position and What I've learned- I'm probably more of a bottom because I'm very much a pleaser so I don't mind submitting. I've topped before but I've bottomed more and I think I'm naturally more of a bottom. I adapt to the person I'm with and do whatever it takes to make them enjoy my company.

i too feel like mentally/internally i'm a bottom. i always want to please my partner. and i'm usually fine even if i don't get off during sex, as long as my partner does. and i like to be submissive and i kind of place bottoming in that category.

but many years ago, i "bit off more than i could chew" so to speak, and afterwards i backed waaaaaay off from bottoming and switched to strictly topping. it's easy for me to get attention from other guys for the size of penis, so i figured "Why not just go with it? I usually don't have sex very often anyway, so surely I can top and it'll be fine."

ffw to two months ago, i decided it's time to start shed the shame i feel with having sex. i find a guy who, like me, is interested in a casual f-buddy. he's 100% a bottom. we hooked up several times. not once did i get off when i topped him. and it's nothing that he did wrong. he's a very skilled bottom. but i just physically don't feel stimulated when topping.

i asked myself why this is. i think part of it has to do with being addicted to porn and masturbating so much that i've conditioned myself to orgasming in a very specific way. but another part is i just don't see myself as a "top". and that's because i am not a dominant person. i've always been more of a follower than a leader. i've always been a "people pleasure". want to do whatever i can to make someone like me.

and then i ask myself, why is it that i associate those traits with bottoming? being a bottom doesn't mean that you have to be submissive. a top can want to please their partner just as much as a bottom does. should "bottom vs top" be more about what physically stimulates you instead of personality. why do i have sex with a guy that i have no feelings for if i don't get any physical pleasure from it? these questions and many many more are why i decided to start seeing a therapist!

 

[Kanashi]

yikes! sorry for the long post. i'm super stoned right now lol

 

[deleted955030]

yikes! sorry for the long post. i'm super stoned right now lol

I need to get on your level, lol.

and then i ask myself, why is it that i associate those traits with bottoming? being a bottom doesn't mean that you have to be submissive. a top can want to please their partner just as much as a bottom does. should "bottom vs top" be more about what physically stimulates you instead of personality. why do i have sex with a guy that i have no feelings for if i don't get any physical pleasure from it? these questions and many many more are why i decided to start seeing a therapist!

Because of grooming, my physical stature and demeanor, a bit of conditioning and being somewhat a "people pleaser," I started out as a bottom, but it was lines of questioning like this that made me realize I was more of a dominant bottom/submissive top, but with severe issue, lol.

Due to sexual and sport trauma and conditioning from porn early, the most stimulation I have ever had while topping was just enough to keep me erect; so have never experienced an orgasm as a top. Additionally, due to injuries, bottoming for me has always been 'le painful'; have only experienced orgasm twice. I can deal with a lot of pain - having my fingers smashed in car doors, toe nails taken off, running on a leg with a bilateral tibial stress fracture, but the way my brain registers my prostate being hit no matter the size of the member, it's like a brain shutdown in the making. Have only fainted once in my life - the penicillin shot - yeah, I was that one, but bottoming causes fainting spells, blackouts, etc. As to causes, there's like way too many to even differentiate - from the brain injuries, low dopamine, sexual and psychological traumas, even just the way my body healed as a result of being temporarily paralyzed after pulling both my hamstrings, and others.

I was shocked, however, while on my second deployment getting off from a blowjob two days in a row from the same guy as I had never before; which gave me hope for at least one of my fetishes - face/skull fucking (giving/receiving), whereas anal penetration is just off the table for me (unless in a relationship, and even then). Even with the former on the receiving end, I do not like the smell or taste of ejaculate, to include my own; that I definitely know is due to the sexual trauma.

 

[QueenLeo40]

I need to get on your level, lol.

Because of grooming, my physical stature and demeanor, a bit of conditioning and being somewhat a "people pleaser," I started out as a bottom, but it was lines of questioning like this that made me realize I was more of a dominant bottom/submissive top, but with severe issue, lol.

Due to sexual and sport trauma and conditioning from porn early, the most stimulation I have ever had while topping was just enough to keep me erect; so have never experienced an orgasm as a top. Additionally, due to injuries, bottoming for me has always been 'le painful'; have only experienced orgasm twice. I can deal with a lot of pain - having my fingers smashed in car doors, toe nails taken off, running on a leg with a bilateral tibial stress fracture, but the way my brain registers my prostate being hit no matter the size of the member, it's like a brain shutdown in the making. Have only fainted once in my life - the penicillin shot - yeah, I was that one, but bottoming causes fainting spells, blackouts, etc. As to causes, there's like way too many to even differentiate - from the brain injuries, low dopamine, sexual and psychological traumas, even just the way my body healed as a result of being temporarily paralyzed after pulling both my hamstrings, and others.

I was shocked, however, while on my second deployment getting off from a blowjob two days in a row from the same guy as I had never before; which gave me hope for at least one of my fetishes - face/skull fucking (giving/receiving), whereas anal penetration is just off the table for me (unless in a relationship, and even then). Even with the former on the receiving end, I do not like the smell or taste of ejaculate, to include my own; that I definitely know is due to the sexual trauma.

I have to say, I absolutely love your honesty. You may not know it but, you may help someone.

 

[deleted955030]

I have to say, I absolutely love your honesty. You may not know it but, you may help someone.

. Not that I do not have my own issues, but at different points in my life I have considered becoming a counselor/therapist of sorts for gay men. I am just not one for a completely traditional approach, so haven't really completely "figured out" my niches.

Funny enough, I actually tend to keep my mouth closed because most people do not want to hear the honesty that comes out of my mouth, lol. Not that its evil intended - at least not usually, but I don't like to spend time beating around a bush, and word choice is just so imperative. I do not like to mince words or waste anybody's time, lol

 

[Kanashi]

I need to get on your level, lol.

Because of grooming, my physical stature and demeanor, a bit of conditioning and being somewhat a "people pleaser," I started out as a bottom, but it was lines of questioning like this that made me realize I was more of a dominant bottom/submissive top, but with severe issue, lol.

Due to sexual and sport trauma and conditioning from porn early, the most stimulation I have ever had while topping was just enough to keep me erect; so have never experienced an orgasm as a top. Additionally, due to injuries, bottoming for me has always been 'le painful'; have only experienced orgasm twice. I can deal with a lot of pain - having my fingers smashed in car doors, toe nails taken off, running on a leg with a bilateral tibial stress fracture, but the way my brain registers my prostate being hit no matter the size of the member, it's like a brain shutdown in the making. Have only fainted once in my life - the penicillin shot - yeah, I was that one, but bottoming causes fainting spells, blackouts, etc. As to causes, there's like way too many to even differentiate - from the brain injuries, low dopamine, sexual and psychological traumas, even just the way my body healed as a result of being temporarily paralyzed after pulling both my hamstrings, and others.

I was shocked, however, while on my second deployment getting off from a blowjob two days in a row from the same guy as I had never before; which gave me hope for at least one of my fetishes - face/skull fucking (giving/receiving), whereas anal penetration is just off the table for me (unless in a relationship, and even then). Even with the former on the receiving end, I do not like the smell or taste of ejaculate, to include my own; that I definitely know is due to the sexual trauma.

thank you for sharing this! realizing that I'm not the only one who goes through similar struggles truly makes me feel a liite bit less crazy.

 

[Kanashi]

I have considered becoming a counselor/therapist of sorts for gay men. I am just not one for a completely traditional approach

this is why i waited so long to seek out therapy. i was not at all interested in going the traditional route (or at least what i imagined the traditional route to be.)

Funny enough, I actually tend to keep my mouth closed because most people do not want to hear the honesty that comes out of my mouth, lol. Not that its evil intended - at least not usually, but I don't like to spend time beating around a bush, and word choice is just so imperative. I do not like to mince words or waste anybody's time, lol

i'm the opposite. i'm much more likely to tell people what i think they want to hear. i have such a hard time being honest with someone if i think it will hurt their feelings. i've always wanted to be able to easily (and even bluntly if necessary) be open and honest. that's yet another reason i'm in therapy lol.

 

[QueenLeo40]

. Not that I do not have my own issues, but at different points in my life I have considered becoming a counselor/therapist of sorts for gay men. I am just not one for a completely traditional approach, so haven't really completely "figured out" my niches.

Funny enough, I actually tend to keep my mouth closed because most people do not want to hear the honesty that comes out of my mouth, lol. Not that its evil intended - at least not usually, but I don't like to spend time beating around a bush, and word choice is just so imperative. I do not like to mince words or waste anybody's time, lol

Believe it or not. People like you make the best therapists. When you've walked through bullshit you usually become less tolerant of it. One of the best therapists I've ever had was a therapist by day and a powerlifter by night. And you've found your niche' sometimes, you gotta shake the table. Also, I'd be remiss by not saying this, you (checks out pics) are gorgeously delicious. ❤