Gay and Depressed?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by hornyh89, Oct 30, 2010.

  1. hornyh89

    hornyh89 New Member

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    Is anyone just coming to terms with being gay? Or have any of you had similar feelings?

    Ive known I'm gay for a while now and recently have had sexual interactions and am feeling very depressed.

    Being Indian + Muslim, being Gay is not really an option. Some of my gay friends tell me I don't need to tell anyone, so its fine- but it's still getting me down. I feel like I'm living a lie.

    Help please :(
     
  2. erratic

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    I've been at peace with myself for some time now, but yes, I was definitely in turmoil and depressed. Almost all of us feel that way. We all get laden with the nasty messages from people about what gay people are and what their lives are like - but those messages come from ignorance. Being gay can be just as wonderful and just as frustrating as being straight or bi or whatever.

    This is totally normal. Actually having sex is much, much more intense than the idea of being gay. People's first sexual experiences, regardless of their orientation, usually leave them in emotional turmoil. Add on feeling down about being gay and that just makes things worse. What you're feeling is something that many, many, many gay people can relate too.

    Being queer in some religious and cultural communities can be especially hard. I won't sugar coat that for you. Don't think it's impossible, though. There's a group in Canada called Salaam that is run by and for LGBTQ muslims. I know people who've been involved with it, and who are very happy people. You can find it here: Contact Salaam: Queer Muslim Community
    Regardless of where you live, they might be able to point you in the right direction for help if you need it.

    This is true. If it's too much for you, or if you're worried about your safety, there's no requirement that you come out of the closet. It will get you down, but you have to weigh what's more important to you in this case.

    This is the biggest trade-off of being a good, honest person living in the closet. I'm very sorry for you.

    I looked up "gay and lesbian muslims" on google and found this: Gay and lesbian Arabs There are lots of links on that page. Like I said, I don't know where you live so I don't know if it's the right fit for you. Doesn't hurt to check it out, though. I'm gay, Canadian and Christian and I found it really interesting :)

    There are lots of other resources online that are not specific to a religion, too. And there are lots of people on this website who, I'm sure, understand how you feel and have been through the struggle of coming to grips with being queer.

    Congratulations on being honest with yourself. You said you have friends who tell you you don't need to come out. That means you have friends who know you're gay. Congratulations on that, too. Both of those things, being out to yourself and to others, are enormous steps and proof of how courageous you are.
     
  3. D_Delbert Dingleberry

    D_Delbert Dingleberry Account Disabled

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    The hardest knowledge, but most profitable knowledge is to know thyself. To be in touch with, to be aware of what we are feeling at any given moment. Even when we do not reveal those feeling to others.

    To know who and what we are.

    Philosophers have said it far more artfully and cogently than I have, but you should, and probably already know this to be true.

    So I'll remind you of something factual, even though it may not feel like something that should engender joy.

    Congratulations!

    I said: CONGRATULATIONS!

    We all have struggles in life, and some of the most heated struggles pertain to our sexuality. What you deserve congratulations for is that you have surmounted the biggest hurdle. Figuring out what you are. Knowing that.

    How you present that to the world is secondary.

    Secondary, as in, the lesser of the struggles. I celebrate the fact that you've addressed the biggest problem: Knowing where you stand.

    DO NOT EVER underestimate how difficult surmounting that hurdle is.

    The challenge now is to balance your tolerance for discrimination and your desire for authenticity. Perhaps the depression that you feel is the realization of the amount of discrimination that you would receive, or, it is the loss of self esteem by denying yourself full participation in life as you without deception.

    Wherever you are in that spectrum, know that here is no right or wrong. And please keep someone, even us here at LPSG, anyone in your life whom you can be open and honest with. Talk about how you feel. With SOMEONE. You are not alone.

    I think that Allah, God made us all. And you. You're fine. Just fine as you are.
     
  4. Salias

    Salias New Member

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    Ditto to what the other guys said. I couldn't have said it better myself.
     
  5. D_Anton_Pavlovich_Jerkhov

    D_Anton_Pavlovich_Jerkhov Account Disabled

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    If you have gay friends, that means you aren't completely alone.

    I agree that this may not be the right time for you to come out; apparently you are still a young man.

    A hard moment for you may come when and if your family asks you to marry. How are you going to handle this?

    My advice is for you to study with the purpose to have a good and stable profession (and you can even use your study as a way to postpone marriage, if you haven't come out yet) and possibly later move into a country where homosexualism is more acceptable and never punishable.

    Please - this goes without saying - think about your health in the first place and always have safe sex.

    And last thing: you are not living a lie; you are living a secret.
     
  6. FuzzyKen

    FuzzyKen New Member

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    You do not state if you are residing in an area where you could be in fact killed for your viewpoint, nor do you state if your family has a history of customs such as "arranged marriages" or anything like this.

    These could be major complications in your life in addition to the feelings of isolation that you are already feeling.

    Coming out and self acceptance are not easy for most gay men. For some of us the reason is based on our age and the times we were born into with regards to family. For others the problem is the religious tenants of the family into which were born. Understand that there are many gay men born into families that are "Christian Extremists" who are equally bigoted against homosexuality and in fact want to re-write Science to back up their point of view.

    The first part of acceptance is knowing well that there are in fact not only other people who are gay that you know, there are guaranteed to be other gay people in your family. Those people may live in the closet in shame and pretend to be straight, but they in fact are not.

    You need to begin to examine your life and the belief systems under which you were raised. This is a first step, and if you were to seek counseling outside the church, synagog or mosque this would be the kind of advice you would get from a mental health professional.

    If you cannot live and grow under the tenants you were given you need to go to some other and different rules that allow you as a male and a gay male to not only live but to prosper and be happy.

    Remember that life lasts many years as a whole. Every year that you live in secrecy and misery or denial of your real feelings is a year taken away from you on every level.

    With regards to your family the reality is that you have the right to slowly pull away and they do not have to know until you yourself choose the time that is right. If you choose to have a LTR with another man then things may be a bit more difficult and you will need to have a very understanding partner to deal with your family on that one. But, there are many people out there who will understand your needs.

    The biggest thing here is to take one single step at a time and do not try and move too fast with anything.

    This is very difficult and I wish you the best of luck

     
  7. B_nyvin

    B_nyvin New Member

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    Screw being Muslim...that religion is retarded
     
  8. bearvwe

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    A lot of sound (and kind) advice here. All worth following up. Just one extra thought though. You say being gay is "not really an option". But being gay - or staright - is not optional. Like the colour of your skin, or being colour-blind or short or left handed. You are what you are.
     
  9. bearvwe

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    And having re-read my post I see its true what my friends say. I can't even spell straight. LOL
     
  10. B_lrgeggs

    B_lrgeggs New Member

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    You don't say much about your situation. So we don't know the details.
    But if it helps any, I know how you feel. Most people want to be accepted by society we were raised in. If there is a way you can move away and find support elsewhere I bet you will be better off. But don't abandon the positive values that your religion teaches. It's so important to have a spirtual base. To know that ultimately god loves you. Even though you might be angry at him.
     
  11. ericbythebay

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    You don't have to come out until you want to.

    Al Fatiha may be a good resource for you.
     
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