Gay And Married To A Woman

Jkus2424

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Would love to hear from any guys who are gay and married to a woman. I always thought I was bi, ultra conservative parents etc so deep closet. Married, kids etc but always internal conflicts. Over time with a lot of self assessing came to realize I am gay not bi. Still in closet. Would appreciate chatting with others in same boat.
 

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My wife's sex drive evaporated with menopause. Although she acknowledged the problem, and, spoke to her doctor about it, she took no further steps to address it. My sex drive had always been much higher than hers. I would masturbate to address the imbalance between the sex drives. She told me to "take matters into my own hands", in other words keep masturbating.

Instead of just masturbating, I started visiting bath houses while travelling for work. Those visits provided some measure of intimacy without any commitment. The developed into recurring encounters with some men.

I realized that men are far less complicated from a sexual standpoint that women are. I preferred that and the company of other men over that of women. My sexual attraction to women has all but disappeared, and, has been replaced by one to men. Maybe the latter was always there, but, was repressed.

I have no intention of ending my marriage, as there are three dependent children still in the picture. I have a responsibility to them to provide them the best home life possible.
 

tito21

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My wife's sex drive evaporated with menopause. Although she acknowledged the problem, and, spoke to her doctor about it, she took no further steps to address it. My sex drive had always been much higher than hers. I would masturbate to address the imbalance between the sex drives. She told me to "take matters into my own hands", in other words keep masturbating.

Instead of just masturbating, I started visiting bath houses while travelling for work. Those visits provided some measure of intimacy without any commitment. The developed into recurring encounters with some men.

I realized that men are far less complicated from a sexual standpoint that women are. I preferred that and the company of other men over that of women. My sexual attraction to women has all but disappeared, and, has been replaced by one to men. Maybe the latter was always there, but, was repressed.

I have no intention of ending my marriage, as there are three dependent children still in the picture. I have a responsibility to them to provide them the best home life possible.


I have seen plenty of your posts over the years on LPSG. You’re a good guy and a good father.

Also, from the stuff that you wrote, I gathered that you also have a big dong. I checked your profile plenty of times but no pics.
 

Jkus2424

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My wife's sex drive evaporated with menopause. Although she acknowledged the problem, and, spoke to her doctor about it, she took no further steps to address it. My sex drive had always been much higher than hers. I would masturbate to address the imbalance between the sex drives. She told me to "take matters into my own hands", in other words keep masturbating.

Instead of just masturbating, I started visiting bath houses while travelling for work. Those visits provided some measure of intimacy without any commitment. The developed into recurring encounters with some men.

I realized that men are far less complicated from a sexual standpoint that women are. I preferred that and the company of other men over that of women. My sexual attraction to women has all but disappeared, and, has been replaced by one to men. Maybe the latter was always there, but, was repressed.

I have no intention of ending my marriage, as there are three dependent children still in the picture. I have a responsibility to them to provide them the best home life possible.
If I may ask, do you prefer sex with men or women
 

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Would love to hear from any guys who are gay and married to a woman. I always thought I was bi, ultra conservative parents etc so deep closet. Married, kids etc but always internal conflicts. Over time with a lot of self assessing came to realize I am gay not bi. Still in closet. Would appreciate chatting with others in same boat.
That is called down and out in JOCO.
 

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I figured I would stay married forever. But in 2018 she decided to make me a free agent and divorced me. Strange how 30 years of marriage, three kids, became just a financial transaction. Glad it’s over but because of other reasons I have to stay in the closet. But it’s something that I’ve thought about since age 13. But as you know you do what you have to do to survive and stay in the closet.
So I really don’t have a lot of experience other than getting a Lotta great male massages with happy endings
 

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I am and for 21 years. Nothing to do with being bi or anything like that. Her work visa was about to run out and she had a kid that was born in the US. She was from the UK. So we got married so she could get a green card and stay. This was prior to 911 so it wasn't that strict, especially between the US and UK. I know that some will think this is a horrible deed, but for me it was no big deal and I was happy to help out a close friend. Besides, who is the gov't to define "marriage" to me? I don't mind admitting this now as the statute for prosecution ran out about 16 year ago. I'm more worried about being on an INTERPOL list for questioning regarding drug trafficing in the '80s. :confused:
 

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I figured I would stay married forever. But in 2018 she decided to make me a free agent and divorced me. Strange how 30 years of marriage, three kids, became just a financial transaction. Glad it’s over but because of other reasons I have to stay in the closet. But it’s something that I’ve thought about since age 13. But as you know you do what you have to do to survive and stay in the closet.
So I really don’t have a lot of experience other than getting a Lotta great male massages with happy endings
Where do you go for the massages
 

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I'm struggling with this right now. As a teenager, I wasn't very sexually active. Had massive anxiety and depression and much of that clouded my ability to really understand my sexuality. It hit me the summer of the senior year of high school that I might be gay and it scared the shit out of me. I spent a year and a half in a deep depression and no one knew it while I struggled with the fear that there was a part of me that I could not escape even if I tried. I felt trapped and could not understand why something that felt very real to me was not (at the time) accepted in society. Years went by and I coped as best I could. I found after dating several girls in college that I did like women but I had a hard time making it past 1st or 2nd base. Some of that was due to past childhood sexual abuse, but part was that I didn't feel as turned on as I was looking at a man's body. Over time I learned to love a woman's body and the pleasure I could give her and myself. I fell in love and got married to my college sweetheart. We've been together for over 30 years. We have two older kids now. One in college, the other a senior in high school who is extremely independent. There were many, many times during those years that I would see an attractive man and my knees would buckle (and I'd have to force myself to look away). Many times I was caught looking. At age 50, I cracked. My need for being with a man became undeniable. I started getting gay massages, escorts, hookups. I eventually was caught (I think I wanted to get be caught as I wasn't very careful covering up) and we are dealing with it as I speak. We have built a life together and because of that it complicates things tremendously. I wish I would have come to terms with my sexuality earlier, but I wasn't ready to admit what my body and brain were telling me at the time. I recently found a man I've fallen in love with. I have not yet told her as I'm trying to figure out a best exit strategy from our marriage before I make the announcement. There is so much pain and heartache ahead of me, but I know that I have a right to be happy. Life is too short for me not to be.
 

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I'm struggling with this right now. As a teenager, I wasn't very sexually active. Had massive anxiety and depression and much of that clouded my ability to really understand my sexuality. It hit me the summer of the senior year of high school that I might be gay and it scared the shit out of me. I spent a year and a half in a deep depression and no one knew it while I struggled with the fear that there was a part of me that I could not escape even if I tried. I felt trapped and could not understand why something that felt very real to me was not (at the time) accepted in society. Years went by and I coped as best I could. I found after dating several girls in college that I did like women but I had a hard time making it past 1st or 2nd base. Some of that was due to past childhood sexual abuse, but part was that I didn't feel as turned on as I was looking at a man's body. Over time I learned to love a woman's body and the pleasure I could give her and myself. I fell in love and got married to my college sweetheart. We've been together for over 30 years. We have two older kids now. One in college, the other a senior in high school who is extremely independent. There were many, many times during those years that I would see an attractive man and my knees would buckle (and I'd have to force myself to look away). Many times I was caught looking. At age 50, I cracked. My need for being with a man became undeniable. I started getting gay massages, escorts, hookups. I eventually was caught (I think I wanted to get be caught as I wasn't very careful covering up) and we are dealing with it as I speak. We have built a life together and because of that it complicates things tremendously. I wish I would have come to terms with my sexuality earlier, but I wasn't ready to admit what my body and brain were telling me at the time. I recently found a man I've fallen in love with. I have not yet told her as I'm trying to figure out a best exit strategy from our marriage before I make the announcement. There is so much pain and heartache ahead of me, but I know that I have a right to be happy. Life is too short for me not to be.
Thanks for sharing your story. For whatever reason, we ending up marrying a reason, our gay orientation eventually dominates and we are trapped addressing the issues and the fallout. None of us deliberately set out to hurt our wives. For many of us we suffer in silence and will carry our secret to the grave. For some, they can't stand the double life and the lies associated with being the closet (even if it is just the lies to yourself) and have the courage to come out. For some, they are outed and must deal with not only coming out but the fact they did something to be outed. Whatever you particular circumstances, none of us have it easy.
Good lucky in sorting out your situation, your exit strategy and your new relationship. Just a thought, for a guy who is considering an exit strategy to leave his wife to move in with a man, you may want to change your profile to something other than 80% str8
 
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fuckyeah

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Thanks for sharing your story. For whatever reason, we ending up marrying a reason, our gay orientation eventually dominates and we are trapped addressing the issues and the fallout. None of us deliberately set out to hurt our wives. For many of us we suffer in silence and will carry our secret to the grave. For some, they can't stand the double life and the lies associated with being the closet (even if it is just the lies to yourself) and have the courage to come out. For some, they are outed and must deal with not only coming out but the fact they did something to be outed. Whatever you particular circumstances, none of us have it easy.
Good lucky in sorting out your situation, your exit strategy and your new relationship. Just a thought, for a guy who is considering an exit strategy to leave his wife to move in with a man, you may want to change your profile to something other than 80% str8
Good point man. I’ll change it now.
 
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Amaethon

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My wife's sex drive evaporated with menopause. Although she acknowledged the problem, and, spoke to her doctor about it, she took no further steps to address it. My sex drive had always been much higher than hers. I would masturbate to address the imbalance between the sex drives. She told me to "take matters into my own hands", in other words keep masturbating.

Instead of just masturbating, I started visiting bath houses while travelling for work. Those visits provided some measure of intimacy without any commitment. The developed into recurring encounters with some men.

I realized that men are far less complicated from a sexual standpoint that women are. I preferred that and the company of other men over that of women. My sexual attraction to women has all but disappeared, and, has been replaced by one to men. Maybe the latter was always there, but, was repressed.

I have no intention of ending my marriage, as there are three dependent children still in the picture. I have a responsibility to them to provide them the best home life possible.

So, in other words, you just view men solely as sex objects, are implicit in the continuation of a vicious culture of promiscuity, and are being unfaithful. Simply astounding but not unexpected on here.
 

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Can we just stop pretending this is okay? I'm sorry for the thousands of gay people (men and women) who cracked under the pressure of a reproduction-based society and most of them had to live a lie all their life, but this is very wrong. In the end, this was their decision and they chose the easy way out and because of them things stalled. I've never understood this, as much as people around me condemned homosexuality, even from a young age, I never bought into it. The exact opposite happened, I always do what people don't like, sometimes to just to anger them. How do you let yourself influenced by what other people say so easily? How can you be in a marriage with someone you're not attracted to? Forcing yourselves to like women just to have an easy life, marry them and then make kids? I'll never forgive you this and you're a shame. You've made things difficult for the future generations. Imagine if the world and the bigots know a supposedly gay man actually likes females and can live with them in a marriage. You like conversion therapy? Either you were more bisexual than you thought (which is okay) or you're a sad coward and if gay people are really this weak, then we deserve our fate. The whole point of nature making you gay is to not reproduce (well one of them) because if gay people do, then what's to stop the bigots from forcing me or other gays to do the same? And I'd rather get beaten to death than having anything to do with a woman, other than being friends.
 
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Can we just stop pretending this is okay? I'm sorry for the thousands of gay people (men and women) who cracked under the pressure of a reproduction-based society and most of them had to live a lie all their life, but this is very wrong. In the end, this was their decision and they chose the easy way out and because of them things stalled. I've never understood this, as much as people around me condemned homosexuality, even from a young age, I never bought into it. The exact opposite happened, I always do what people don't like, sometimes to just to anger them. How do you let yourself influenced by what other people say so easily? How can you be in a marriage with someone you're not attracted to? Forcing yourselves to like women just to have an easy life, marry them and then make kids? I'll never forgive you this and you're a shame. You've made things difficult for the future generations. Imagine if the world and the bigots know a supposedly gay man actually likes females and can live with them in a marriage. You like conversion therapy? Either you were more bisexual than you thought (which is okay) or you're a sad coward and if gay people are really this weak, then we deserve our fate. The whole point of nature making you gay is to not reproduce (well one of them) because if gay people do, then what's to stop the bigots from forcing me or other gays to do the same? And I'd rather get beaten to death than having anything to do with a woman, other than being friends.

You have a lot of growing up to do. In 10 years time, hopefully your mindset would improve and gain some sympathy and empathy. Like the old saying, you need to walk a mile in someone’s shoes before making any judgement.
 

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You have a lot of growing up to do. In 10 years time, hopefully your mindset would improve and gain some sympathy and empathy. Like the old saying, you need to walk a mile in someone’s shoes before making any judgement.
Well said tito21. Life is complicated and you don't always have the opportunity to understand the full perspective. I am guessing Caprian24 is 24 yrs old. I am 64. Totally different times back when I was 24. TITO21, you have a good handle on things. Thank you for being you
 
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Well said tito21. Life is complicated and you don't always have the opportunity to understand the full perspective. I am guessing Caprian24 is 24 yrs old. I am 64. Totally different times back when I was 24. TITO21, you have a good handle on things. Thank you for being you


His ( @Caprian24 ) whole post came off sounding quite self-centered really!

Saying he’ll never forgive you and that you’re a shame? What the fuck? Who does he think he is? He’s a nobody to you and to everyone on here.

Also, he thinks he’s so brave because he’s living his gay life and doesn’t give a damn what other people thinks. Well clearly he doesn’t have any empathy to understand that not all gay men can just come out and live a gay life so simply. Some gay men cared about their families and don’t want to lose or disappoint them by coming out in a religious/conservative household. It affects everyone in the family, not only just you! It would change the whole family dynamic. Some gay men are fortunate that their family doesn’t care about them being gay. Most families would disown their gay son and abandon them. I have seen it happened to 2 of my high school friends. He dropped out of school when he was just 16yo because he didn’t have a home to go to and was forced to sleep in the park. Another friend got disowned by his single mother at 17yo and was kicked out from his home. That’s the reality for many young gay men/youth even in today’s time. And i’m living in Australia. In most third world countries, coming out as gay could get you kill and end up dead with your cock cut off.

He also said he’d rather get beaten to death than being with a woman. It’s easier said than done when he has never felt that his life and livelihood could be in danger by coming out. What you imagine in your head is very different from reality when you have a group of men coming after you with knives, baseball bats or guns. Or getting kicked out from your home and cut off from all supports.
 

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Well sai
His ( @Caprian24 ) whole post came off sounding quite self-centered really!

Saying he’ll never forgive you and that you’re a shame? What the fuck? Who does he think he is? He’s a nobody to you and to everyone on here.

Also, he thinks he’s so brave because he’s living his gay life and doesn’t give a damn what other people thinks. Well clearly he doesn’t have any empathy to understand that not all gay men can just come out and live a gay life so simply. Some gay men cared about their families and don’t want to lose or disappoint them by coming out in a religious/conservative household. It affects everyone in the family, not only just you! It would change the whole family dynamic. Some gay men are fortunate that their family doesn’t care about them being gay. Most families would disown their gay son and abandon them. I have seen it happened to 2 of my high school friends. He dropped out of school when he was just 16yo because he didn’t have a home to go to and was forced to sleep in the park. Another friend got disowned by his single mother at 17yo and was kicked out from his home. That’s the reality for many young gay men/youth even in today’s time. And i’m living in Australia. In most third world countries, coming out as gay could get you kill and end up dead with your cock cut off.

He also said he’d rather get beaten to death than being with a woman. It’s easier said than done when he has never felt that his life and livelihood could be in danger by coming out. What you imagine in your head is very different from reality when you have a group of men coming after you with knives, baseball bats or guns. Or getting kicked out from your home and cut off from all supports.
Well said, tito21
 

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His ( @Caprian24 ) whole post came off sounding quite self-centered really!

Saying he’ll never forgive you and that you’re a shame? What the fuck? Who does he think he is? He’s a nobody to you and to everyone on here.

Also, he thinks he’s so brave because he’s living his gay life and doesn’t give a damn what other people thinks. Well clearly he doesn’t have any empathy to understand that not all gay men can just come out and live a gay life so simply. Some gay men cared about their families and don’t want to lose or disappoint them by coming out in a religious/conservative household. It affects everyone in the family, not only just you! It would change the whole family dynamic. Some gay men are fortunate that their family doesn’t care about them being gay. Most families would disown their gay son and abandon them. I have seen it happened to 2 of my high school friends. He dropped out of school when he was just 16yo because he didn’t have a home to go to and was forced to sleep in the park. Another friend got disowned by his single mother at 17yo and was kicked out from his home. That’s the reality for many young gay men/youth even in today’s time. And i’m living in Australia. In most third world countries, coming out as gay could get you kill and end up dead with your cock cut off.

He also said he’d rather get beaten to death than being with a woman. It’s easier said than done when he has never felt that his life and livelihood could be in danger by coming out. What you imagine in your head is very different from reality when you have a group of men coming after you with knives, baseball bats or guns. Or getting kicked out from your home and cut off from all supports.

Again, you are hiding behind your fear. The only reason some countries have a positive gay policy now is because a few strong gay people assumed and sacrificed themselves and they didnt coward behind a straight marriage. They fought back and that was the cost. You didn't understand my post anyway, otherwise you would have started my answering those questions. I was talking about choosing a heterosexual lifestyle when you could simply abstinate or never marry, I wasn't talking about risking for life to be publicly gay. And it's not easy being gay in my country, but you are right that I'm an awful person and I literally choose people in my life based on this unique criterion, how they react to the gay thing, because I am more important than their mental comfort. I know kids get disowned by their 'families' and I'm upset patricide isn't a thing anymore. Or are you your families' donkeys? If you know you arent safe being gay, then be neutral, no one will ask questions and you dont have to betray your people. And let me rephrase then, I'd rather end up on the streets and probably kill myself than having to get involved with a woman ( I can just say nothing and choose a monk lifestyle as an alternative - just as I am doing now when I'm with my family ) or I'd rather cut off my balls and eat them on a plate.
 
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