Gay And Needs Support

KingOfGames

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Hi everyone. I’m writing this out because 24 and gay with nobody that understands gay lifestyle to talk to. I’m so tired and feel so alone at is point in my life. I’ve been trying to workout and make myself feel better. It’s been working but today I just feel defeated. Like everything I’m doing is for nothing and I’m going to die alone or end up marrying somebody that I don’t love.

I have this guy that I really care about. I believe he is bisexual, probably sexually attracted to girls and romantically attracted to guys. I told him about my feelings and he said he was straight blah blah. But our friendship and odd closeness never changed until a year later. Lately he has been ghosting me when we text. But in person our conversations have been more deep. I believe he has feelings and attractions to me but it scares him. That’s just my theory.

so I’ve been just trying to be a good friend and focus on me. Even having random hookups to get my mind off of him. But today we were sitting with a mutual friend and he started talking about this girls ass and how good it looked in front of me. It really broke my heart. 1 cause he knows how much I care about him, so I kind of feel disrespected. Two just because I feel like it’s pointless, why bother liking guys if they are never going to like me back, regardless if they are bi or not. It just sucks how this world has made it so difficult for LGBTQ people to find love. I want to let go of this crush but I felt a connection with him. I’m just tired of trying to make him feel comfortable. I want somebody to chase me for a change.

so please I’m hoping somebody can give me support and some kind words of wisdom please.
 

Theoxer

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Stop waiting for him! If you have opened yourself to him and he said hes straight, he made his decision and you must respect that and stop waiting for something different. And you must respect yourself if he is taking advantage and hurting you, and maybe tell him this if he is a really good friend. It's hard in this LGBT world, but as long as you stay true to what you want and you'll find someone special that feels the same way, don't suffer for what you don't have right now and enjoy yourself and what youve got, and what you dont like make a plan to change it.
 
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OKCLane

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You are only 24 so take a deep breath and relax. I found my first real partner when I was 40. Now hang on before you despair. I had lots of great boyfriends and relationships during the years but when I met my first partner there was a connection at a deeper level. I don’t want you to think I was alone or lonely or sad or something else during those years.
I grew up during a time when having a real husband was science fiction and although I thought it would be legal some day I never thought I’d live to see it. My first partner died of an unexpected heart attack at 49 and I locked my heart away never wanting to experience that much pain again.
God had other plans and I recently celebrated my tenth wedding anniversary. I feel completely blessed to have found a second love.
On the way I did a few years of therapy. It wasn’t inexpensive and wasn’t covered by insurance so it was a choice that came with sacrifice. I had an abusive and very difficult childhood so there were issues to work through. It was worth the time and effort.
I’d recommend counseling. Seek out and interview, yes interview, therapists in your area. Ask pointed and tough questions. This person is going to help guide you through some difficult personal growth so you need someone you can trust completely.
Get involved in the gay community in your area. Volunteer for organizations that ignite your passion. Take care of yourself for awhile and don’t put so much pressure on yourself. You’re a few decades away from being a spinster.
Finally, one observation. You say that you’re a gay man but label yourself as 10% straight. That makes me curious. Accept yourself as you are my dear. There’s only one you on the planet. Love that guy and take good care of yourself.
I’m on your side. You are welcome to send me a private note on here. I’m happy to chat and share my years of bad decisions. Best of luck.
 

11PeaceandLove11

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Hi everyone. I’m writing this out because 24 and gay with nobody that understands gay lifestyle to talk to. I’m so tired and feel so alone at is point in my life. I’ve been trying to workout and make myself feel better. It’s been working but today I just feel defeated. Like everything I’m doing is for nothing and I’m going to die alone or end up marrying somebody that I don’t love.

I have this guy that I really care about. I believe he is bisexual, probably sexually attracted to girls and romantically attracted to guys. I told him about my feelings and he said he was straight blah blah. But our friendship and odd closeness never changed until a year later. Lately he has been ghosting me when we text. But in person our conversations have been more deep. I believe he has feelings and attractions to me but it scares him. That’s just my theory.

so I’ve been just trying to be a good friend and focus on me. Even having random hookups to get my mind off of him. But today we were sitting with a mutual friend and he started talking about this girls ass and how good it looked in front of me. It really broke my heart. 1 cause he knows how much I care about him, so I kind of feel disrespected. Two just because I feel like it’s pointless, why bother liking guys if they are never going to like me back, regardless if they are bi or not. It just sucks how this world has made it so difficult for LGBTQ people to find love. I want to let go of this crush but I felt a connection with him. I’m just tired of trying to make him feel comfortable. I want somebody to chase me for a change.

so please I’m hoping somebody can give me support and some kind words of wisdom please.


Thanks for reaching out!!!
You are loved and you are not alone. I have had my share of liking and being attracted to guys, an attraction more intense than most of everything else I've experienced on earth. Even though they never returned or displayed any physical or sexual affection, nor confirmed any romantic affection, I held onto the belief that I cared about them for a significant reason. However, I feel like I lost a lot of myself on both occasions because I didn't focus on myself and my hobbies. I used to be a writer, and when I wrote the first guy I thought I was in love with, I lost the zest I had for writing. The other guy, I felt security but at the same time anxiety and uncertainty, but I continued to focus on him regardless. Each guy I'd say I like for at least a couple of years, but we never had any romantic interactions. I accept responsibility for how I felt, and the self-neglect is what hurt me most after all. Like I stopped investing in making a difference in the world, I stopped writing stories for myself, I didn't care much about anything else. Because I didn't have the discipline to focus on anything else, I don't know the worth of those experiences.

and my take away is that After all, we only have our choices. I don't like to project my experiences and circumstances onto everyone else and I do believe that we are all capable of anything in this world. So I won't say that since it didn't work out for me, that it won't work out for you. Just believe in yourself and work on yourself, never settle. Keep putting yourself out there. The guy you want to be with will manifest, just don't lose yourself to get him.

If you have any specific questions feel free to ask!
 

Player_01

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Like everything I’m doing is for nothing and I’m going to die alone or end up marrying somebody that I don’t love.

I felt the same way in my 20s. The idea of being old and alone seemed so scary. My MySpace had blogs about how I was scared of dying alone.

I don't know if there's anything I can say to help, it just was something I worked through over my life.

I've been there with the straight friend I crushed on. Two really, a boy in college I was head over heels for but didn't feel the same about me and the other was a straight friend who was, an is attractive, funny and caring but isn't into me. It can feel so intense when it's happening but it does fade in time. The second guy I am still friends with but it's just that, I still think he's cute LOL but I know that nothing will actually happen. I live with it, it's manageable.
 

Brodie888

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Firstly, the best version of you is all you should aspire to because that's all you can do. Don't compare yourself to others. If that's not enough for someone, then that's their problem not yours.

Secondly, your best version of you is the journey in the right direction, not the destination. You deciding to walk in that direction is winning. There is no point spending most of your life miserable for those fleeting moments of hitting a new goal before pursuing the next.

Thirdly, to be successful you need to be willing to fail repeatedly. The key is to learn from your failures, not repeat them. In that way, the more you fail, the closer you will get to success.

Now with this guy, he is a dead end. You are wasting your time. Your inability to move on is preventing you from finding someone worthy. You need to be brave and just rip the bandage off. You can't find someone else unless you remove him to create the space in your mind.

The one asset you have and can never get back is time. You still have plenty but don't waste it on long shots.
 

hayual

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You are not alone in the feelings that you're having. When I was in my teens and 20's, I had several deep infatuations with guys who I would scrutinize every word, conversation, and look to try and verify what I wanted so badly- returned interest in me. I never got it. Believe people when they tell you who they are or what they want. You may be right that he's not completely straight, but his actions have shown you who he is and what he wants (and doesn't want). As you know, you can't change or control him, and you deserve someone who wants to be with you as much as you want to be with him- and whose actions match those desires. Try not be hard on yourself- it was a long journey for me to start dating other men who were interested in me as much as I was them (I'm from a small midwestern town so it wasn't until I moved to a city that I found these connections). A side story- there is one guy from my hometown with whom I was attracted to for years and years, and eventually, I fell in love with who I thought he was. I would do everything possible to try and covertly see if he was interested, but never once did he return interest. I spent so much energy thinking about, pining away, fantasizing, hoping, investigating and all for nothing. He was dating girls, and now has a wife and children. My advice for you is to find a way to go visit or live in an area, at least for awhile, to meet the men who deserve you.
My heart goes out to you- I know the ache of wanting someone like that, and the loneliness that I think you might be feeling. It truly does get better, and you will grow and move past this. You're not alone!
 

11PeaceandLove11

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The feeling was so strong about one of the guys I liked, and I don't know quite why. It's not important to know right away, and I have to accept that I will be just fine if I never actually find out why. I put so much energy in trying to see if there was a connection, without actually admitting my feelings to him. I don't regret not telling him, as before I met him, I've been able to confess to other guys when I liked them, and when it didn't work out the way I hoped, I decided to try to learn from poor choices. I am the most optimistic person and I typically listen to myself more than anyone. All things considered, I had to stop making excuses as to why I should focus on him. Also had to stop trying to replace my resistance to letting go of him with bad habits and reckless actions. After all, was said and done, I realized because of how much attention and fantasizing I indulged in, my subconscious mind kept fostering the idea of us together, and that caused issues with me in being able to connect with other people and other experiences. I had to take the time to admit that I overindulged myself and that it did not feel good, and I had to make the conscious decision to meditate and ask that my subconscious energy be drifted from him. In order for this to work, I had to DENY myself the idea of any possible outcome of us being together. He became irrelevant. I'm not afraid of being alone, but this is because I learned I need to work on myself and not neglect my responsibilities: other relationships, finances, personal goals, etc. I am a lot happier now, and I feel I have control over my life. I know I have the potential for much much greater. Don't ever give anyone else your power.
 
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11PeaceandLove11

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Your guy, nor anyone for that matter, is responsible for making you feel happy or any kind of way. Don't allow him to be this perfect idea of a guy, because how perfect can he be if he didn't make himself available to you in that way? Sometimes our better development of self grows when people don't tell us what we want to hear. It can be hard. But don't make it harder than it already is. You'll be just fine!
 
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Brodie888

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Something else I thought of later was this:

Often when you are infatuated by someone, you want them so badly that you tend to turn a blind eye to the things that are wrong with that person AND you will tend to see attributes in them that are not really there.

Your heart wants true love so bad it will convince you that it can shoehorn this elephant into a phone booth.

I think you already know this, otherwise you wouldn't have posted your situation here. I hope people's replies give you the confirmation to do what you know is the best for you.