"Gay" as a bad word

warmhorizon

Sexy Member
Joined
Mar 21, 2006
Posts
129
Media
9
Likes
55
Points
248
Age
39
Location
Surrey, UK
Sexuality
90% Gay, 10% Straight
Gender
Male
I believe that warmhorizon's comment is meant to be a joke.
Um, no actually. Oh dear, I thought this might happen. Really though, it's just how we talk and I thought it might be helpful if people knew that "gay" isn't meant to be offensive all the time. After all, it's just a word, like bookcase or gumption. The offence comes with the context.
I honestly didn't mean to offend, just to give my two cents.
 
D

deleted298367

Guest
Really though, it's just how we talk and I thought it might be helpful if people knew that "gay" isn't meant to be offensive all the time.

I think your Analyzation was pretty correct :D
 

MisterMark

Expert Member
Joined
Oct 6, 2002
Posts
2,021
Media
10
Likes
126
Points
383
Location
Palm Springs, CA
Sexuality
99% Gay, 1% Straight
Gender
Male
Um, no actually. Oh dear, I thought this might happen. Really though, it's just how we talk and I thought it might be helpful if people knew that "gay" isn't meant to be offensive all the time. After all, it's just a word, like bookcase or gumption. The offence comes with the context.
I honestly didn't mean to offend, just to give my two cents.

I would have taken you seriously, but your examples didn't make sense to me.

The issue doesn't have to be complicated. I think it's easier to just not use the word "gay" as an insult. The English language has a vast number of words that can be used as insults and put-downs. Why risk offending a group that already deals with discrimination based simply on who they are?
 

StateofMind

Experimental Member
Verified
Gold
Joined
Nov 14, 2007
Posts
44
Media
5
Likes
3
Points
253
Location
Louisiana
Verification
View
Sexuality
100% Straight, 0% Gay
Gender
Male
I used to use it a ton, but I've never really had anything against gay people.

I still let it slip every now and then, but when I hear it I always just assume the person saying it just lacks a decent vocabulary not that they want to execute all homosexuals or something.
 
Last edited:

warmhorizon

Sexy Member
Joined
Mar 21, 2006
Posts
129
Media
9
Likes
55
Points
248
Age
39
Location
Surrey, UK
Sexuality
90% Gay, 10% Straight
Gender
Male
The English language has a vast number of words that can be used as insults and put-downs. Why risk offending a group that already deals with discrimination based simply on who they are?
And therein lies the point. It isn't a put down unless you mean it to be. And even then, it is only a put down if you perceive it to be insulting. So unless a part of you thinks that being gay is somehow wrong, someone calling you gay is usually more of a correct / incorrect issue. At least it is here and that is what I'm trying to say. Different countries really are DIFFERENT COUNTRIES.
Also why refer to gay people as a group? For everybody to accept each other everybody needs to STOP accepting each other. Accepting implies there is something negative or alternative to "accept". If people stop reffering to themselves with pointless labels and separating out into other people in "their group" rather than just blending en masse there would be nothing to segregate.
And in case you were wondering yes, I'm gay. I'm so gay. I'm not making a song and dance about it, I'm not "straight acting", my voice didn't mysteriously rise an octave and I didn't start wearing knee-high pink leather boots and denim cut-offs or growing a biker-'tache and riding a Harley or any of that stereotypical bollocks. I just can't quite wrap my head around why so many other people DO though. I'm all for being yourself but changing to match a labled group is retarded!
It took me a long time to realise that the instant you stop trying to be accepted and fit in is when you really fit in. I'm just wondering when other people will do the same.
 

drowning deep

Just Browsing
Joined
Dec 23, 2008
Posts
12
Media
0
Likes
0
Points
86
Location
New Zealand
Sexuality
No Response
Gender
Male
Can I tell you how "gay" this post is? Why is everyone so sensitive? Can't people get off their politically correct high horses and live in reality? Stop trying to control everyones thoughts and words.

I don't personally use the the term "gay" but I really hate having to watch every word I say for every particular sensitivity, it's impossible. I hardly think that anyone who says "that's so gay" is meaning to say "that's so homosexual" they are obiously saying something like "that's so lame" and are not equating the two.

Excuse me while I go cry, someone just winked at me, I feel sexually harrassed, does anyone know of a good lawyer?

What I got from your comment was:

Gay = Homosexual Gay = Lame

If someone is offended by what someone else says and voices it then you're saying to hit back at them for being so sensitive or taking offence. I'm sorry, what were you saying about stop controlling everyone's thoughts?
 

MisterMark

Expert Member
Joined
Oct 6, 2002
Posts
2,021
Media
10
Likes
126
Points
383
Location
Palm Springs, CA
Sexuality
99% Gay, 1% Straight
Gender
Male
It isn't a put down unless you mean it to be. And even then, it is only a put down if you perceive it to be insulting.

It's not about me. It's about having a little consideration for the feelings of those around me.

Using your logic, it should be perfectly fine to call black people "niggers" to their faces; if they perceive the word to be insulting, well, then that's their problem, right? No. In order to be civilized people, we need to have some sensitivity to how others perceive our actions and our words.

So unless a part of you thinks that being gay is somehow wrong, someone calling you gay is usually more of a correct / incorrect issue.
Now it sounds like you're trying to convince me that using "gay" to describe something negative isn't an insult at all. Get real.

I don't think that being gay is wrong at all. What's wrong, in my opinion, is using the word "gay" to mean "stupid" or "undesirable". Luckily, it seems to be mostly limited to school-age dialogue and/or those with a limited vocabulary. The downside is that those young people who are struggling with their sexual orientation hear the word "gay" used negatively day after day, and it's hurtful to the majority of them. There are very few gay kids who aren't bullied at some point growing up because they're perceived to be homosexual. Why make it worse for them?

At least it is here and that is what I'm trying to say. Different countries really are DIFFERENT COUNTRIES.
That's fine, although I doubt you speak for the whole of England. I do know that in the U.S. and Canada, most gay people aren't real keen on hearing the word "gay" being used to describe something stupid.

Also why refer to gay people as a group? For everybody to accept each other everybody needs to STOP accepting each other. Accepting implies there is something negative or alternative to "accept". If people stop reffering to themselves with pointless labels and separating out into other people in "their group" rather than just blending en masse there would be nothing to segregate.
It's delusional to think that there aren't differences between people. We do affiliate with certain groups, whether we're part of the majority or part of a minority. The experience of growing up gay is still quite different from the experience of growing up straight, and being gay leads to different experiences as an adult than being straight does. The experience of being Jewish is different from the experience of being Catholic. Being black is different from being white or brown.

The labels aren't pointless. They reflect the reality of who we are and with whom we affiliate. What are you going to say next - that's there's really no difference between an American and an Iranian?

It took me a long time to realise that the instant you stop trying to be accepted and fit in is when you really fit in. I'm just wondering when other people will do the same.
Believe me, I don't lose sleep over this issue, but I have no problem pointing out that I and many others are troubled by the use of the word "gay" to describe something stupid or broken when it also describes me. I can't think of any other words that have a double-meaning quite like that.
 
Last edited:

ssongs

Expert Member
Joined
Jul 6, 2006
Posts
177
Media
3
Likes
129
Points
263
Location
Norfolk, VA, USA
Sexuality
69% Straight, 31% Gay
Gender
Male
A year or so ago I was having a rehearsal for a piece of music that I wrote and both of the french horn players were gay. It was pretty obvious too. And during the rehearsal I was talking about something and then I mentioned how "gay" that would be if it happened! I didn't think! It just blurted out because I do say that a lot, usually just not in front of gay people. I quickly looked at them and they didn't seem to care. They probably here it a lot and knew I meant nothing by it. But now I'm a lot more careful when I use that word!
 

MisterMark

Expert Member
Joined
Oct 6, 2002
Posts
2,021
Media
10
Likes
126
Points
383
Location
Palm Springs, CA
Sexuality
99% Gay, 1% Straight
Gender
Male
A year or so ago I was having a rehearsal for a piece of music that I wrote and both of the french horn players were gay. It was pretty obvious too. And during the rehearsal I was talking about something and then I mentioned how "gay" that would be if it happened! I didn't think! It just blurted out because I do say that a lot, usually just not in front of gay people. I quickly looked at them and they didn't seem to care. They probably here it a lot and knew I meant nothing by it. But now I'm a lot more careful when I use that word!

I appreciate your sensitivity to this issue, but are you saying that you now only avoid using "gay" as a slur when you know you're around gay people? It's too bad if that's the case, because if you truly think it's crude to refer to something as "gay" when you mean "stupid" or "dumb", then why use the expression at all?

I have an aunt who used to work at a bank where there were a lot of customers who were black. While she was at work, she was very polite and respectful of everyone. But when she wasn't at work, she would say the most racist things about black people. It was so two-faced.

I know it's not exactly the same situation, and it sounds like you don't hold any ill will toward gays, but I just wanted to give you my reaction to what you said.
 

MisterMark

Expert Member
Joined
Oct 6, 2002
Posts
2,021
Media
10
Likes
126
Points
383
Location
Palm Springs, CA
Sexuality
99% Gay, 1% Straight
Gender
Male
A year or so ago I was having a rehearsal for a piece of music that I wrote and both of the french horn players were gay. It was pretty obvious too. And during the rehearsal I was talking about something and then I mentioned how "gay" that would be if it happened! I didn't think! It just blurted out because I do say that a lot, usually just not in front of gay people. I quickly looked at them and they didn't seem to care. They probably here it a lot and knew I meant nothing by it. But now I'm a lot more careful when I use that word!

I appreciate your sensitivity to this issue, but are you saying that you now only avoid using "gay" as a slur when you know you're around gay people? It's too bad if that's the case, but if you truly think it's crude to refer to something as "gay" when you mean "stupid" or "dumb", then why use the expression at all?

I have an aunt who used to work at a bank where there were a lot of customers who were black. While she was at work, she was very polite and respectful of everyone. But when she wasn't at work, she would say the most racist things about black people. It was so two-faced.

I know it's not exactly the same situation, and it sounds like you don't hold any ill will toward gays, but I just wanted to give you my reaction to what you said.