Gay bar VS straight bar eye contact

Superresolution022

Sexy Member
Joined
Oct 25, 2020
Posts
31
Media
1
Likes
45
Points
28
Location
San Francisco (California, United States)
Sexuality
Unsure
Gender
Male
I found the most interesting thing this weekend in San Francisco, because it was Folsom street fair. But I felt it very obviously this time, I realized that some guys broke eye contact so quickly, in gay bars, and I haven't experienced for a while when I go to bars. Are they assuming that I may come on to them? Most of the gay guys, most of them. We made brief eye contact, they immediately break it before we give each other a smile or a nod like any other public places. Any thoughts? What is going on in their mind?
 

WilliamG

Worshipped Member
Verified
Gold
Cammer
Joined
May 31, 2018
Posts
3,134
Media
40
Likes
11,753
Points
433
Location
Los Angeles, California, US
Verification
View
Sexuality
69% Straight, 31% Gay
Gender
Male
I found the most interesting thing this weekend in San Francisco, because it was Folsom street fair. But I felt it very obviously this time, I realized that some guys broke eye contact so quickly, in gay bars, and I haven't experienced for a while when I go to bars. Are they assuming that I may come on to them? Most of the gay guys, most of them. We made brief eye contact, they immediately break it before we give each other a smile or a nod like any other public places. Any thoughts? What is going on in their mind?
I think since covid... Many "social norms" have been broken. I have no clue about gay bars. But in the "straight" ones, eyes stay glued to tiny phone screens. Kinda sad really.
 

Stephenmass

Legendary Member
Joined
Apr 24, 2008
Posts
2,589
Media
2
Likes
2,254
Points
333
Location
Boston
Sexuality
80% Gay, 20% Straight
Gender
Male
Thanks for your reply, I am not even interested, just a polite eye contact and say hallo....on the gay street
Nothing wrong with talking to people. Doesn't mean it has to go further. SOME gay guys to be fair may take it as hitting on them. Others are approachable without expecting more.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Superresolution022

Stephenmass

Legendary Member
Joined
Apr 24, 2008
Posts
2,589
Media
2
Likes
2,254
Points
333
Location
Boston
Sexuality
80% Gay, 20% Straight
Gender
Male
I think since covid... Many "social norms" have been broken. I have no clue about gay bars. But in the "straight" ones, eyes stay glued to tiny phone screens. Kinda sad really.
Ever go out with someone who can't seem to get off of their damn phones even during the time you are spending with them. I find it infuriating to say the least and rude. Now if their phone rings and it's important, I get and understand that. But the people that as you describe are constantly glued to their phones are aggravating. I take the train sometimes to work and at the stations I'd say 90% are glued to their phones. It's almost as if the phone runs them and not the other way around. I have a cell phone as well, but generally I'm not browsing at BS all day long. Others are not the same apparently.
 
  • Like
Reactions: WilliamG

WilliamG

Worshipped Member
Verified
Gold
Cammer
Joined
May 31, 2018
Posts
3,134
Media
40
Likes
11,753
Points
433
Location
Los Angeles, California, US
Verification
View
Sexuality
69% Straight, 31% Gay
Gender
Male
Ever go out with someone who can't seem to get off of their damn phones even during the time you are spending with them. I find it infuriating to say the least and rude. Now if their phone rings and it's important, I get and understand that. But the people that as you describe are constantly glued to their phones are aggravating. I take the train sometimes to work and at the stations I'd say 90% are glued to their phones. It's almost as if the phone runs them and not the other way around. I have a cell phone as well, but generally I'm not browsing at BS all day long. Others are not the same apparently.
Maybe a generational thing. 65 here so I keep it in my pocket. Then again. I have friends my age that stare at them all day. I love to be present wherever I'm at. Maybe it's because I'm retired now and want to take it all in. I do remember the days where folks would read the paper on the train or bus. So the phone replaced that as a way to avoid contact. But if one is out at a bar... paying for overpriced drinks... Hell, I want to socialize!
 

FrankieGuile

Admired Member
Joined
Apr 12, 2023
Posts
870
Media
0
Likes
788
Points
103
Location
San Diego, California,United States
Sexuality
50% Straight, 50% Gay
I found the most interesting thing this weekend in San Francisco, because it was Folsom street fair. But I felt it very obviously this time, I realized that some guys broke eye contact so quickly, in gay bars, and I haven't experienced for a while when I go to bars. Are they assuming that I may come on to them? Most of the gay guys, most of them. We made brief eye contact, they immediately break it before we give each other a smile or a nod like any other public places. Any thoughts? What is going on in their mind?
Why not ask some of them? You could do your own field research which could stimulate some fun and interesting conversation. Be a little intellectually curious -- the results might surprise you. Whereas you think it odd for people to quickly break eye contact with you, I think it odd that people are afraid to talk to strangers.
 

John johndon

Sexy Member
Gold
Platinum Gold
Joined
Jan 5, 2019
Posts
38
Media
0
Likes
38
Points
303
Location
Connecticut (United States)
Gender
Male
Ever go out with someone who can't seem to get off of their damn phones even during the time you are spending with them. I find it infuriating to say the least and rude. Now if their phone rings and it's important, I get and understand that. But the people that as you describe are constantly glued to their phones are aggravating. I take the train sometimes to work and at the stations I'd say 90% are glued to their phones. It's almost as if the phone runs them and not the other way around. I have a cell phone as well, but generally I'm not browsing at BS all day long. Others are not the same apparently.
If someone gets on their phone that's the last time I'll go out with them. Pulling out the phone is a dead end for me. First date you'd think someone is trying to make the best impression. If being on their phone is that much of a habit, I'm really not interested. There are times when something happens - family emergency, work fire-drill, sure. If I ever have to go on my phone I let the person know at the start of a date (I have to approve something for work so waiting for an email, etc, at least offer an explanation). If it's to text or reply to a text or look at social, hard pass.

As for the eye contact, it's a tough one. Sometimes it has to do with them being self conscious (we're gay, almost all of us as self esteem issues of some sort), so they're looking but don't want to get caught. It could also very well mean they're not interested, they're curious to see who's there, but don't want to chat. But don't look too much into it - it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them.

At least that's been my experience.
 
  • Like
Reactions: malakos

malakos

Superior Member
Joined
Oct 29, 2012
Posts
8,358
Media
30
Likes
6,518
Points
223
Location
Cumming, GA, USA
Sexuality
No Response
Gender
Male
I've never been (long before covid) one to hold eye contact outside of intimate conversations, and it has nothing to do with phone use. I see sustained eye contact as an intimate, vulnerable act, so why would I want to give it to strangers? It just feels very uncomfortable and unnatural when people do this.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Overdbus