Gay --> Bi ---> Straight

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by Falcon9, Feb 15, 2007.

  1. Falcon9

    Falcon9 New Member

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    tell me... who has gone this route? I know many go the other direction... starting out (mostly) "straight," then ---> "bi," then ---> gay... which is cool, but what about the ones that start out (mostly) gay... then realize they are bi and then might even (in the end) be fully functioning "straight?"

    All I know is that both men and women are attractive to me, but over some time, men (as relationship material) seem less interesting. For some reason I don't think this is all that unusual... it is just unusual that anyone actually talks about it. It seems to be a LOT more common for those that are "coming out" in some sense have a lot to express about their new found freedom. But it seems that some that go in the other direction (from bi or gay to ---> mostly straight) are never heard from. Like it is much less to announce I suppose, and probably less understood.

    I know the advice already... "Dude, just do what you want to do." yeah, I know, and I do... and I'm ok with it. But because this place nevers fails to amaze me, I thought I might just ask if there are any others that know this other route. I'd be glad to compare notes, here or in pm's. thanks.
     
  2. AbercrombieStud4627

    AbercrombieStud4627 New Member

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    that is a really good question. i am eager to see what people will say about this...

    for me though...

    i was like for sure str8 at one point

    but then my cousin taught me how to jack off

    and so for like a summer we played around, and that turned me like gay...
     
  3. B_dxjnorto

    B_dxjnorto New Member

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    I read about this someplace. Probably in Details magazine.
     
  4. inofthearts

    inofthearts New Member

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    Man, it is so good to hear you saying that. I'm literally on the exact same page. I came out as bi, and have done my thing with guys over the past 4 years or so, pretty much excluding girls. And of course everyone is just saying that I'm just transitioning into being gay, but it really feels more like the other way around. I feel like, while guys are fun, the depth of a relationship with a girl is much better. And its partly because of the mystery. When you're with a guy you understand them inherently, at least to the degree that you are both men. But with women, its an entirely different story. And i think it's a good story, one that adds so much flavor and life to a relationship. So while I'm still straddling the fence, its nice to know that there are other people out there who, first off, won't label me, and second off, are going through the same things.

    Isn't weird feeling to be going from gay to straight? It sure as hell is for me. Just as I start accepting myself as something that society rejects, suddenly it kinda starts fading. It still has its strong appeal, but it's just not the same anymore. I'm mostly just confused. And good lord is it confusing. It's easy to say, "Just go for whatever is appealing," but for some reason I feel lost without knowing what I am. Kindof silly now that I think about it. I should really just get over that. But that's how it goes I guess.

    So yeah, I'm right here with you. Glad to hear I've got company (and well hung company at that ;)).

    Best of luck,
    K
     
  5. Stormyjjl

    Stormyjjl New Member

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    As for me I tell everyone that i am GAY because i am happily takken by my S/O who is another guy. Both my S/O and myself agree that we both ar actually bi but it just makes it easier to let a chick down when they make a pass.

    GAY BI STR8 what are these? these are just lables that peoples minds create to force facts in to rabbit holes. I belive it is not that simple.

    I belive you are born with the sexuality you will die with. I do know that before puberty sets in rarely will you know which sex one is attracted to.

    There was a thread here before thats said something like.

    What we know as to be "gay" and "str8" is only the two extrems like high and low and middle would be "bi" but what about the people who are alittle lower than high or the people who are just above the middle?

    So my theroy is that in this world you find more people who should be identified as just "NOT STR8" then people who should be "gay" or "str8"

    If someone asks my sexuality i say "Oh, I am not str8"
     
  6. Falcon9

    Falcon9 New Member

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    inofthearts, thank you, I am glad you can relate to my sense of change. (and the questions it makes us ask. Those are heartfelt words and you also have my support.) Stormyjjl, thank you also for your words which I agree with to some degree. I am not seeking an identification "label" to define anything here. Similar to you, I also don't think that is very important. (although other's do which is why I suppose you give a generalized answer to the women you meet.) It is not the label of "gay, straight or bi" that I am concerned about, it is about hearing from others who have made the (less talked about) shift from (more or less) gay to ---> (more or less) bi to ---> (more or less) straight. thanks.
     
  7. SomeGuyOverThere

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    With the help of LPSG I think I've gone one step further:

    Straight --> Bi --> Gay --> Who gives a fuck about self labelling?!? :tongue:

    I've given up trying to label myself (hence the "unsure" tag), I want to screw guys, I want to screw girls, possibly both at the same time, I am just sexual.
     
  8. Falcon9

    Falcon9 New Member

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    see? this subject always causes confusion. Again, the reason I posted the question has nothing to do with labeling one's self. (See post #6 above.) The question is about a shift in sexual orientation that is not well documented nor understood. It is really not about being self-identifed or being comfortable as gay or straight or bi (or just plain "sexual" as rightly mentioned above.) Suggesting that sexuality is fluid tends to cause friction and seems to be a challenge to some I have opened up to. Reasons for that seem obvious to me, it is sometimes taken as a bit of a challenge, when it never is intended to be. I am still curious to know of others (men or women) experienced in a more defined progression as originally posted above. Thanks too, for the PM's on this subject, they really are helpful. thanks.
     
  9. buffbaldy

    buffbaldy New Member

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    I am in my 50's and until I was 42 I had never had a blow job! Married we had great traditional sex. She shut down due to medical reasons and went without for 2 years except for rosey palm. I was having a beer at a striaght bar and this guy and I were moaning and groaning about our lack of sex. I went in to take a piss, he followed. I was 3/4 hard, get that way when I have to reallly take a piss. He looked and grinned. He invited me up to his room and gave me my first bj. Man I was hooked. Now I go out once in a while and get myself a bj, always a man. NOt sure what that makes me but I am happy.
     
  10. SomeGuyOverThere

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    Ahhh, appologies, I got the wrong end of the stick.
     
  11. Falcon9

    Falcon9 New Member

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    no apologies needed SGOT, all responses are valid and appreciated. Each of us is equal in our quest for understanding, not just understanding ourselves better but others as well.
     
  12. bakerz dozen

    bakerz dozen New Member

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    __________________________________________________

    Interesting topic dude. My best mate is the only person I know to go the gay to straight route. When I met him he had been in a gay relationship for 5 years. They split up 5 years later. After they split he tried the bar scene for a while (we are all non-scene normally), but didn't find anyone. The next thing I know, he started speaking about a girl who he worked with. They were married within 2 years, I'm proud to say I was their best man at their wedding. They are still happily married with 2 kids. By the way, she knows all about his past.

    I never questioned him about it to be honest. He's my best mate and as long as he is happy I am. What did annoy me was the attitude of many of our gay friends. Comments like; 'It'll never last' 'He'll be back' really annoyed me. I think if you find love you follow it, it's that simple. I suspect that is what motivated him. Granted, some guys just want cock, full stop and couldn't follow love if it had a vagina. But many men can go both ways so they can follow it.

    One last thing I'd like to point out is the attitude in this forum is fantastic. There is a good mix of both straight and gay guys. The best part is that sexuality doesn't seem to be an issue here. You guys should all be proud of yourselves. If I was an audience, I'd give you a standing ovation. :biggrin1: {{{{CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP}}}}

    peace
    Baker
     
  13. Vestigial

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    Things change, the world changes, we change... science struggles to change with us...

    One day (recently) I fought to free myself of a "straight" orientation, and rapidly transgressed into Pansexuality,.. My orientation tends to drift as it pleases now... kinda like the tides,.. quick to be pulled by those in orbit. :p



    If your happy with your sexuality and the way it's changing, it shouldn't be such an issue... Probably keeps things interesting,.. `tis a shame we live in such a prudent, fickle society. ~_^
     
  14. fortiesfun

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    Well, I'll have to dig a bit, but there is some reasonable research on this out there. If I recall the data correctly, it is relatively rare for a self-identified gay man to decide later he is straight, but extraordinarily common for young bisexual men to eventually orient toward women to the degree that they self-identify as str8. (In fact, I think it is more common than men who always identify as completely straight, but I have to double check that.)

    It make take a day or two to unearth this stuff, but I'll try to find the data and post the source.
     
  15. dudepiston

    dudepiston New Member

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    Yep I'm one of these guys, for sure. I was pretty sure I was gay in middle school & high school but didn't come out until college....had very little luck finding guys that I could click with and as luck would have it I found love in a woman, and haven't regretted that. I do miss my youth & a sexuality that was never fully explored but I think many, many women & men can say that same thing. You deal.....and I agree I really enjoy the mix of gay, straight & bi here. Here I don't feel like these labels mean much, really. I don't see myself as gay or straight, but something else entirely, that doesn't HAVE a label per se. My behavior sexuallly has been straight, but it might not always be that way.
     
  16. Male Bonding etc

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    I'm thinking we are born with a certain degree of propensity to be one or the other, just as we are born with a certain native intelligence if you will... or strengths in one area and weaknesses in another. As time passes and we react to our environment and how we are treated, we may move a little in one direction or the other. It is doubtful that anyone is 100% at either end of the gay/straight spectrum, but our leanings may be so strong and the environments we're in and the ways we are treated may be so supportive of one or the other, that it all helps ensure that our experiences are 100% straight or gay.

    My own experience has been that I thought I might be gay when I was younger because I had interest in other males. Since our society tends to do this either/or thing about being gay or straight, I actually tried to accept being gay for a while. It was not a good label for me, I still liked sex with women. As I have matured, I have increasingly recognized that my wiring tends to lean toward monogomous heterosexual relationships, but I still enjoy the appearance of good looking and well built men... and their attention to some of my desires. This is a complication, but it is also just me being me. When and if I marry again, I expect to be completely monogomous... Until then...
     
  17. Matthew

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    There really are; but it makes a lot of sense to me why some bisexual people would not intuitively believe that, just as some of "monosexuals" can't seem to believe that there really are bisexuals (which we even see posted here once in awhile).

    As someone whose sexuality was fixed on one "end" from the beginning, I am learning how common it is for people to experience their sexuality as fluid, and to have a shift during their adult life - even a major shift - in one "direction" or the other. Thanks especially to fortiesfun for illuminating these ideas for me and for a lot of others here. And thanks to hardguard for raising a very interesting topic.
     
  18. Countryguy63

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    I have always had an extremely hard time with this. I have had relationships with both, short spans with men in my early 20's, and was married for 12 years to a woman. I find that inevitably, after a while I start really missing the other gender. Don't misunderstand, I do not cheat. I just get a very strong desire. I don't know if it's stronger one way, or the other since the majority of my experience is with women.
     
  19. NCbear

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    This makes me wonder a lot about my father, who I've always thought was gay and who (I thought) confirmed it way back when I was 18 and just coming out.

    Here's the story:

    I'd just come out to my parents and was riding in the front passenger seat of the car, Dad driving, my straight next oldest brother in the back. I saw a shirtless construction worker and said "Wow!" and made a loud, vulgar slurping sound. (Hey, I was 18 and young and brash.)

    The steering wheel wobbled a bit and Dad said, "I wish you wouldn't do that." We got into an argument about what's "acceptable" and so forth and he really pushed my buttons by telling me "it's a phase."

    Being young and immature, of course I had to ask how he knew. His response completely shocked me: "Because I went through that phase too."

    My straight brother leaned forward and said, "You DID?!" The steering wheel wobbled again and Dad said yes. He said he'd played around sexually with other guys in his neighborhood, friends of his in the Boy Scouts, and guys his age at the Y growing up. In fact, he said, he thought he was gay until he was 25.

    Knowing that he and Mom had gotten married at the age of 28, both my brother and I had the same thought at the same time (and voiced it): "What happened in those three years?" (We also gave him hell about "magic pussy" and that sort of thing. We thought it was funny at the time.)

    _____

    For most of my life--until reading this thread, in fact--I thought Dad was a sellout who married in order to have a conventional relationship during a time period (the late 1950s and early 1960s) when being gay meant police raids, severe victimization, and no chance whatsoever of having a normal life with another man outside a few square miles in Paris, London, New York City, or San Francisco. He's still rather effeminate, and still rather bookish and nerdy, so sometimes I wondered whether those late nights at work during the 15-20 years when my parents' marriage was quite visibly going through bad times proved that he was finding love (or at least affection) in other places (i.e., with other men).

    But this thread really makes me wonder, now, whether his sexuality actually progressed from gay to bi to straight. It's an interesting thought.

    The concept is made more complicated, of course, by his propensity toward lying to avoid revealing uncomfortable truths (case in point: he says now he never had the conversation I related above, even when both my brother and I are present to refute him) and his recent impotence due to prostate cancer and the resulting surgery (the nerves were cut when his prostate was removed).

    Hmmm. To think he could actually have moved from being gay, to being bi, to being straight, instead of just blowing a lot of smoke out his ass and lying to cover up really being gay the whole time.... It changes my perception of him, and frankly of the possibilities of the sexuality of men from that generation, whom I'd perceived only as sellouts who married to cover their gayness and have a conventional life.

    NCbear (for whom this is a really big shift in thinking about his own parents and the choices their generation made about sexuality)
     
  20. Falcon9

    Falcon9 New Member

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    yes, it is possible NCbear's father followed his own path regardless of the strictness of society back then... As I mentioned above, it is a subject that is not well understood. No matter what period of history we are talking about, people get a lot of grief for expressing their views of their (gay, bi or changing) sexuality. I think those that were once gay or bi and have then followed more or less of a straight path are sometimes seen as "traitors" by gays or bisexuals or even some "progressive" straights that are convinced it is cool to be gay so why go back the other way. That somehow, as NCbear observed, they are seen as sell-outs. My guess is that when an individual makes this kind of change, rather than shout to the world "I've changed!" they simply live their life as they wish and go forward from there. It becomes less important to justify their love than to simply love the way they choose to. In questioning this, and from reading thoughtful responses here I've begun to appreciate the complexity of sexuality rather than seek any definitive answer. I never knew my x-pic posting would have led to this kind of awareness. Thanks to those that continue to share ideas and thoughts.
     
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