I would kick the bastard to the curb. Period. If he broke the rules of whatever relationship we had, be it completely monogamous, slightly open (we play as a couple) or completely open (we play singularly with others) then it would be over. For the monogamous relationship: You fuck around, emotionally or physically, your out the door. Please have the balls and common decency to inform me what you are thinking. I will always be honest in my feelings. Talk to me first.if you can't do that, there's the damn door. Also i would like to know WHO you are playing with if we mutually decide to open the relationship. If we were monogamous, we wouldn't be using protection, and if we opened it up, protection with other will need to be used. No exception! I would not believe a person who unilaterally would decide to open it, and sneak behind my back, would most likely not be using protection, telling people we was clean, as he was or is an a monogamous relationship and is clean. So clean he'll pick something up and give it to me. As BBB2.5 has shown, that does in fact happen.
If we start or end up in a partially open relationship, then the rule would be play only as a couple either with other couples or very carefully with singles. They would have to meet BOTH our approval, or it doesn't happen, and we treat it as sex only. Friendship is fine, but we would have to be guarded against feelings blossoming. I hve had these kinds of relationships. They can go either way. I would tread cautiously. If emotional cheating occurs, or he plays with someone sans me? Drop kick to the curb.
My least favorite (for me, for those of you who love them, enjoy. If you can work it wonderful) is the full open, we can play with whoever, whenever, their partner not needed or approval granted. I always felt like just a glorified roommate in those, and for that, if I ever entered back into one, I would most likely bump them down to FWB or FB and be done with it. Not for me at all. There are people who can make it work, and who are perfectly happy. I leave it to them. If I still had some say as to WHO they played with...or some involvement, maybe. But then it is just for the sex. No emotions. You fuck others to scratch an itch, fuck and go, no cuddling, or snuggling afterwards. Fuck that. In and out. No chance for stupid hormones causing bonding feelings. If you stray emotionally, you will come home to changed locks and your stuff burning in a bonfire on the lawn. You would have basically said "I convinced you that this would keep us together, and I lied." This has happened to me . No I didn't burn their clothes, but we started in a closed relationship and I was talked into opening it up, the, "it will keep us together, you know I love only you" BS line being used, and he decided after six months that he found the next best thing and when could I move out (his house).
Obviously there are a hundred thousand permutation and variations across the board. For example, if me and My Guy ever became an official couple, he would be permitted ONE female playmate to dally with. We would be allowed to see other couples or singles as long as we both wanted that and only after much discussion. No play without the other play.
One thing has bothered me in this thread. Non monogamous members who diss those of us who would want a monogamous relationship! My way of thinking: If monogamy is not for you, fine, but don't put down those of us who want it. Grrrr. makes me so mad! Most of the non monogamists were cool though. Bb as always was awesome and gave, of course, a well thought out explanation as to why he wouldn't enter one again. And without dissing anyone who craved or was in one. Unlike some OTHER members who not only looked down there snooty New York noses at it, but then offered childish rhymes in response to well thought out, honest, and heartfelt replies.
Too me that is just as bad as those who would dismiss the validity of solid emtional relationships of couples in non traditional open relationships. Like I have stressed, while not for me I don't begrudge those who are in them and who such a set up feels right for both partners. So to that New York member, please keep that in mind. Just becauswe a losed relationship is not for you, that does not give you the right to be a snarky naysayer towards those who want them, or are in them.