gay crush

[madman411]

well it seems like every time i post on here is when my crushes always go to shit.

recently started back at my old job from about 3 years ago. i fucking hate it but work is rare here. i just can't seem to get a leg up in the industry i went to school for.

i've recently developed an attraction towards a boy i work with. he's only 17 which makes me feel like a fucking pervert (i'm 21), but through experience i've learned first hand you can't help who you like. just like with my past crushes i believe him to have quite a few gay qualities which i think has only helped my attraction towards him develop more. he's very cute and charming and at various times he's expressed an interest towards me, especially on my first day back. i'm surprised he hasn't mentioned any girlfriends actually. tonight he left me responsible for his huge bag of jelly beans and i broke the bag while throwing them as somersaults in the air. fucking failure, right? i might have to stop and buy him another bag and drop it off at work tomorrow. it'll stop me from feeling like a shitbag.

needless to say i'm going to dwindle on this, yet again, failed crush i've developed. i wouldn't feel right even making a move on him because of his age, so if anything were to happen he would have to initiate it... even then i'd hesitate. god can only help me now. i swear i'll be single for the rest of my life. i don't know where i went wrong in my life. i've been told by many people i'm attractive. i just get these compliments from either women, or someone that i have no general interest in and i always end up back at square one.

please don't focus on the fact he's a minor - i get that. i think it's part of the reason why i'm a little down on the situation. comments/advice would be nice about now.

 

[Uslidenme]

Chill my friend. I know at the grand old age of 21 you feel decrepit and that your life has passed you by but you have plenty of time. In between finding the right one you may get your heart broken , probably will get your heart broken. Stop putting so much pressure on yourself.

 

[EdWoody]

Wow, are you ever a masochist.

21 to 17 is nothing. Four years for crying out loud. My husband and I are 13 years apart. 51 to 17 might be an issue, but you probably don't even look any older than him, do you?

And a bag of sweets? That's your biggest trauma? Seriously?

Stop deliberately trying to find reasons to hate yourself. Ask the guy out, as a casual two-guys-having-a-beer-together thing if nothing else. At least you'll get your answer one way or the other, and you can stop torturing yourself over absolutely nothing.

 

[nedly32]

Wow, are you ever a masochist.

21 to 17 is nothing. Four years for crying out loud. My husband and I are 13 years apart. 51 to 17 might be an issue, but you probably don't even look any older than him, do you?

And a bag of sweets? That's your biggest trauma? Seriously?

Stop deliberately trying to find reasons to hate yourself. Ask the guy out, as a casual two-guys-having-a-beer-together thing if nothing else. At least you'll get your answer one way or the other, and you can stop torturing yourself over absolutely nothing.

good advice minous the beer part

 

[SpeedoMike]

in places where the age of majority is 18, don't "go too far" until his birthday. I agree that a four year difference isn't anything to worry about. how many 21 yo guys do you know who are dating 17 or 18 yo girls.

you can get to know him better by going out to coffee or lunch together, ask him to join you next time you do a guys thing like a ball game or ??? before long you will probably be friends and more able to see where the friendship may go.

 

[AM_092]

You sound like a sweet guy, madman411!!

I guess just see where things go! Throw jelly beans in each other's mouths!

 

[erratic]

Yeah, dude, go easy on yourself. Hating work and not getting far in your field is totally expectable at your age. Doesn't make it any better - I know exactly how you feel - but it's true. Just being out of school sucks because you've got all this education but no respect because you're still young. Plus, you have all these older adults who have chips on their shoulders about very young, highly educated coworkers (whom they often ascribe telling labels like "overeducated kid"). So yeah, it sucks, but you can only do the best you can, and the more you try to wrestle with the universe the more frustrated and angry you'll end up. I'm not saying give up on finding meaningful work, but do consider giving the angst a break (again, this coming from someone who is only now making it out the other side of where you are now).

And, not to dwell on the minor business, but make sure you're very clear on the age of consent laws where you live before dating a 17 year-old. You're right in that 21 to 17 is no big deal, but the law's the law and angry parents are unpredictable.

 

[B_imnotthere]

Its not something to feel down about, hes not much younger and is almost a considered adult anyway.

At 17 I had a bf who was 21.

 

[Bbucko]

Are you so isolated that you can only find acceptable dates at work? There's an old saying that even dogs don't shit where they eat.

As regards the minor thing: I was 17 the first time I had sex, and the guy was in his 40s. He raised a flag but I was very aggressive to lose my virginity and chased him more or less by default, not because he had any outstanding characteristics (he didn't). But this was 33 years ago, and my parents, by that time, were pretty neglectful; parents today might well be much more vigilant than mine were. You'd probably be better off waiting for his 18th birthday to pass before attempting anything.

One last thing: at least when I was a kid, I was hungry to try all of life's possibilities as quickly as possible, except for one: monogamy. Your crush might well turn ugly if he's more interested in a teacher (sherpa, if you will) than a BF. Keep this in mind. You may well be after two different things.

 

[madman411]

Wow, are you ever a masochist.

21 to 17 is nothing. Four years for crying out loud. My husband and I are 13 years apart. 51 to 17 might be an issue, but you probably don't even look any older than him, do you?

And a bag of sweets? That's your biggest trauma? Seriously?

Stop deliberately trying to find reasons to hate yourself. Ask the guy out, as a casual two-guys-having-a-beer-together thing if nothing else. At least you'll get your answer one way or the other, and you can stop torturing yourself over absolutely nothing.

haha so forward! i understand that it's only four years, it's the fact that he's under 18 which has put me off it. i was a little peeved over the sweets because they were his. i felt bad i dropped his candy all over the floor... can't really help that.

Are you so isolated that you can only find acceptable dates at work? There's an old saying that even dogs don't shit where they eat.

hey now i did say in my OP that you can't help who you like. his personality just jumps out at me... he's very attractive, what can i say? besides it's a temporary part time job. i see no harm in it.

it's been a few years since my last relationship and since then i always find a reason why a certain guy isn't the right guy for me. it's like this bad habit i've developed. when i meet a guy i genuinely like i feel it's so out of the blue and random that i instantly feel very attracted towards them. maybe i should lower my standards? it's hard to even grasp that concept when attraction is something you feel naturally. it's hard to force myself to be attracted to someone when i just don't feel it.

 

[Bbucko]

hey now i did say in my OP that you can't help who you like. his personality just jumps out at me... he's very attractive, what can i say? besides it's a temporary part time job. i see no harm in it.

it's been a few years since my last relationship and since then i always find a reason why a certain guy isn't the right guy for me. it's like this bad habit i've developed. when i meet a guy i genuinely like i feel it's so out of the blue and random that i instantly feel very attracted towards them. maybe i should lower my standards? it's hard to even grasp that concept when attraction is something you feel naturally. it's hard to force myself to be attracted to someone when i just don't feel it.

I didn't say that I cannot understand a workplace romance, all I said was that my experience has shown it repeatedly to be a bad idea.

This is an open message board, where you'll get all manner of feedback; not all will be positive. No one said anything about lowering your standards (whatever they may be), but if your standards include trolling your workplace for acceptable beaux, then maybe elevating them is in order.

Crushing on a high-schooler isn't exactly an example of lofty standards either, frankly. But I always get the same negative reactions whenever I bring up the fact that the four years between 17 and 21 are far different from the four years between 26 and 30. You two travel in completely different worlds, and no matter how "fresh" and "young" your outlook (or how mature his) , you live your life as an adult and he's still a kid.

Legality has nothing to do with it. It's a question of having an equal emotional maturity. You're thinking of a night out with some friends, he's thinking about his homework assignments. You have grown more emotionally than you seem to have recognized, hopefully. If you haven't, then how can you account for a self-sufficient adult with the maturity of a high school senior? Or are you really stuck in HS mode and are "twenteen-one"?

 

[LuciferChild]

oh how i miss those feelings of real love atraction when dealing with someone......

 

[EdWoody]

i was a little peeved over the sweets because they were his. i felt bad i dropped his candy all over the floor... can't really help that.

Yes, I realize that. I'm just saying that it's no reason to kill yourself. Go to him, say you're sorry, you were just being silly and it backfired, and you'll buy him another bag. He'll probably find it cute that you were so worried.

it's been a few years since my last relationship and since then i always find a reason why a certain guy isn't the right guy for me. ... maybe i should lower my standards? it's hard to even grasp that concept when attraction is something you feel naturally.

Yeah, this can happen, unfortunately. If you've had a bad breakup, you feel vulnerable, and to avoid being hurt again, you subconsiously look for doomed relationships, or doom them yourself with neurotic nitpicking, so that you can dump them before they dump you. It's a very bad vicious circle, and you should try to break out of that before it becomes too much of a pattern.

...I bring up the fact that the four years between 17 and 21 are far different from the four years between 26 and 30. ... Legality has nothing to do with it. It's a question of having an equal emotional maturity.

This is actually very true. That four years is less about age and more about growing up. 17 to 21 is a time of much growing, particularly emotionally. But still, a guy of that age is looking for love as much as anyone else. And everyone is different. You can't necessarily say he's immature, just because he's 17. If you're attracted to him, I can only follow Sheldon Cooper and suggest Schroedinger's cat. To wit, the only way to find out is to try it and see.