Gay Dad’s For Sons Anyone Else In A Similar Situation?

When you add the sexual component, your proposal goes from philanthropic to prostitution.

 

It's almost as if you're trying to convince yourself of this.

 

It is all great but sex part is troubling. The problem is that you have a young men (18-25) who needs mojey and you help him but then you ask for sex. In that moment you are superior to him because he is poor and he doesn’t have a real option to say no because he would be afraid what will happen next.

 

Seems very creepy to me. I think helping and caring for the young men is great. But when you add in the sex part, it becomes creepy. You are wanting to have these young men come to you because they need help/money/guidance. You are put in a role of being a mature level-headed father-like role model. But that is thrown out the window when you add the sex to the situation. Then you are either their pimp or you are the john buying their services.

 

Ick. Just ick.

 

I'm willing to buy that you may not be expecting/demanding of sexual interactions. The more relevant question, in my view, is what precisely your motive is. Why are you drawn to this idea? I get the sense that sexual exploration is one of the main interests you have here. If this is the case, even if you aren't demanding, it would color the associations you have with these young men. It doesn't sound terribly credible when you say "we're just really caring". And I think these men would likely pick up those vibes from you, even if you don't overtly express any expectations.

At the very least I would hope that you can clear up your own sense of what you are thinking of doing and why.

 

A power dynamic in relationships is very tricky. Sooner or later one side feels well put upon and it creates problems. Over the last 40 years I had a few guys who needed a place to land - but I only let them land for a week, two at the most. They are vulnerable and after looking, but not touching I get cranky. I can go into a lot of specifics but the summary is this - they younger, dependent person feels obligated after a point to repay in some way - even if it is not asked sex is implied. It's different if it is a relative, or even a relative's child fresh out of college, but a gay man with no other connection other than he needs a place to land - that is not going to end well. It's problematic in Foster Care and that is a contracted relationship.

Your op outlines a utopian situation where you and your bf are benevolent mentors. The real world has a way of fucking that up. It was a plot device of sorts in the original "Tales of the City" by Amistad Maupin. That was the only place I even knew that it worked somewhat - and that was a novel.

I agree with @Mister B .

 

Putting the ethics aside for a moment. I'm not really sure how wise it is to create a situation where you are sexually involved with other people in the house when your relationship is not very well developed.

 

I can hear it now....Eat your Beets or no Dick tonight.

 

The other plot point with a similar scenario is "My Fair Lady," - the only question is who is Higgins and who is Pickering. The Eliza's are usually interchangeable.

 

This is disturbing. You aren’t doing this out of genuine kindness, you want to live out a fantasy. You want to take advantage of someone’s misfortune. Especially someone who is young, naive and maybe even desperate. Unfortunately the gay community is full of men like you and you SO. You can try and hide it any way you want but you are a predator and I highly doubt you want 18-25.

 

Then don't talk about wanting to have sex with- what would arguably be called- your adoptive child.

The moment you mentioned that you would indulge in the sexual fantasies of your adopted child, that's when it became creepy. It's not even creepy in the sense that you imagine your son being the one to initiate sexual contact, but it's creepy because you are anticipating it, it's something you've actively thought about and in the way you are describing it, you are actively hoping that it will happen.

That's how porn works, but not real life. In the real world if your teenaged child, plagued by hormones, is trying to explore his sexuality with you, who is an authoritive figure and/or parent, you should create a healthy distance between yourselves. You can explain to the child that what he is experiencing is sexual desire, or just plain curiosity, but you also need to explain that you can't physically be part of that journey. The age difference isn't so much the problem, but the level of development is a far bigger problem, you are an adult who has experienced those feelings before, you have already been shaped by your experiences, your child hasn't. You are a parental figure, not a sexual equal or partner, you need to know that, and so does your son. If you engage or indulge in that behaviour it will alter the relationship on a profound level and will endanger the development of your child.

People have written books about how it is wrong for a parent to engage in sexual relations with their children. Read them, they haven't been written without reason.

Also, that's the socio/psychological reasoning why you shouldn't do it... there is also the law, which says you shouldn't do it, because when you aren't convinced by intrinsic reasons, there is an excellent extrinsic reason why you shouldn't do it.

When porn becomes something you want to act out in real life... you need to change your porn-diet. Porn is fantasy, not reality.