1. Mustang86

    Mustang86 Member

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    I don't know if this has been discussed, but can't find it anywhere. Does any one here have or are a gay dad? I'm gay and not interested in having kids, but have some gay friends what do...Whats your thoughts etc? Would it bother you if your dad was gay?

     
  2. Joseph

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    Interesting topic. I don't have a gay dad, but I suppose it could technically make certain things easier, I surely wouldn't have to move mountains to hide my own bisexuality.
     
  3. erratic

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    I know a bunch of gay dads. Their kids are just as well adjusted as any others, and having two parents of one gender doesn't phase them at all. I'm sure they'll get teased for having two dads, but you get teased for anything and everything in school anyway. You also get kids who think it's cool. So whatever.

    One nice thing about having two dads is that you know you were not a mistake. They really, really wanted to raise you. Plus, you get double the piggy-back rides.
     
  4. rogeris

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    Gay dad here in NW Arkansas! Was married back in the 1970s, have 1 daughter & she has 4 children with her terrific husband! Not always an easy road, but we've worked out our "trouble spots" during the years, and I have a good relationship with her and my former spouse, as well! When I lived in Washington DC area for 25 years, there was a support group for gay fathers, as well as group for gay married men and a group for the spouses of gay men.
     
  5. niceone0305

    niceone0305 Active Member

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    I am a gay father of 3 well adjusted grown boys.......oldest is married 2 kids,middle has a live in girl friend,yougest is an educator and is hetero....yes,there always issues raising kids, part of the job,my sexuality never caused issues...........yes they asked question and I answered them.........Being gay is what I do in my bed..Not how I live my life...
    TO much emphasis is put un being gay......that is the root of causing problems.Gay is what we do in bed........now we have turned into a "lifestyle".......
     
  6. houtx48

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    Gay dads are not as uncommon as one might think, alot depends on how the individuals handles the situation. I know a few gay dads.
     
  7. williamm

    williamm New Member

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    Niceone0305 nailed it. My partner was married a long time ago and has a 27-year-old son. Our relationship is totally not an issue to him or anyone else in the family. Our sexual orientation is just a small part of who we are - we don't define ourselves by it. We now have a 4-year-old grandson, and since he's never known anything different in this side of the family, the situation is perfectly normal to him. He's starting to ask a few questions about marriage, etc., and I just answer it on his level: "sometimes boys marry girls, and sometimes boys marry boys.". That satisfies him, and off he goes to play.
     
  8. williamm

    williamm New Member

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    Forgot to mention, though, that we all foresee that he will get teased about it sometime in school. Kids can be merciless. But, our 4-year-old grandson is very close to us (me - his "step" grandfather - in particular) and is "all boy", so I simply told my partner that if someone teases him in school, he'll just knock the shit out of them... LOL
     
  9. Countryguy63

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    2 wonderful kids (teens now)from a hetero marriage. Bi and in a MM relationship.

    Positively takes more adjusting than those born into a same sex parents family. I think they did go through "what will my friends think", might still be? As much as I have opened myself to them, they are very protective of my feelings and haven't said anything to me, but others have told me.

    It's been a few months and we are like any other family. We all attend school and social club functions together, and the oldest has pictures of my bf and I together on her facebook.

    A couple of weeks ago, she even said "I love you" to him, although kind of made it a half joking, half serious type situation. I think it was her way into easing into it, lol.
     
  10. avg_joe

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    I don't have an answer to your question because my dad was not a gay. Keep in mind that not all gay men act like girls.
     
  11. Mustang86

    Mustang86 Member

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    I know, as I am gay but unless I tell people, they actually think I'm straight.... I am just looking for advice as I may want children one day and want to see how people have brought up there children, the issues with other friends/family and the children themsevles explaining having 2 dads etc
     
  12. FuzzyKen

    FuzzyKen New Member

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    Dear Mustang,

    The decision to be a parent is a tough one. If you decide to have children as a gay man either through natural means or adoption the responsibility lasts your lifetime and the good part is that so does the love.

    I think that the hardest part to really grasp is that they do not come with an owners or operators manual and you have to figure out what you're doing as you go along. It takes being a parent to realize what your own parents endured with yourself and maybe your siblings.

    This is a task that has embodied my greatest fears and at the same time has also presented some really great rewards in very small ways.

    As Dad maybe it will be you who teaches your child how to paint the inside of a doll house or how to throw that first baseball and actually get it over the plate. Maybe you'll be the one there to support him on the athletic field or her at her first barrel racing competition and you will know and be rooting for her because it was you who taught her to ride giving her the interest in the first place.

    As Dad you may be the one teaching the Son or Daughter how to drive for the first time, and the sharing of your life experience is the best, and to some degree only teacher you are going to have.

    The next thing you have to do is to remember never to repeat things you considered errors or mistakes that your parents made with you. That time when your Dad was not fair and did not hear you out, or that time when your Mom yelled at you for not cleaning up after the dog when it was your Sister's day to do it. Because you experienced things like that you will find it near instinct for you to react to a situation much as they did good or bad. There are a few times I have had to bite my own tongue to keep myself from repeating the same exact phrases my own Father used when they were maybe not as well researched as they should have been before hand.

    Parenting is sitting in the Doctor's office with your sick child when he or she has a 102 degree fever and a strep throat. Parenting is being there when your 22-year-old is on an operating table for cancer (something I have done) and trying to mask your terror in front of your child at the cancer diagnosis. It is enduring the absolute lunacy that occasionally takes place at the PTA meeting when you want to shoot the old bag on the podium because she is playing favorites with money for activities and resources. Parenting is dealing with the games of the High School Prom be your son or daughter gay or straight and trying to make an eighteen year old girl understand that a $6,000 prom dress is not practical no matter how good she would look in it. It is trying to explain that the $35 dollar per month data package for that iPhone is not something they absolutely have to have and that the iPhone is in and of itself a luxury and for a teenager not a necessity. It is explaining about the saga of text messages and the penalties for exceeding limits. You will have those discussions with your Son or daughter about feeding the fuel tank on the snarling financially sucking beast the drains your bank account at the pump. The hardest part is going to be the rare encounter with some adult individual who is absolutely certain that because you are gay that you are automatically molesting your Son or if you are female that you are molesting your daughter. They will tell you it is absolutely true because their pastor told them so. As a general rule remember that bigotry and homophobia are trained behaviors.

    We had a friend who is a single Mom raising her son. The Mom could not stomach another Christmas with her Parents. They spent last Christmas with us! The kid was so excited at 9 years old and went and told his Grandparents about the Christmas he had with his Mom, these two guys and their teenaged Son! The very Baptist Grandparents raised a horrible stink over this because she dared to expose their Grandson to "evil faggots" that she has more or less had to walk away from us because of her parents.

    Your problems over being gay will not come my young friend as much from the kids as it will from the Judgmental Parents of a school mate, or a neighborhood Extremist Pastor who believes you are unfit.

    The main thing is that you are the responsible one and that you are a better parent than 90% of the PTA and doing that won't be very difficult.

    All in all, parenting is a life long responsibility and generates moments of both tears and laughter, and most of all great anxiety wondering if you are doing the right thing, but if you use good common sense you probably are. . . . .

    Good Luck!
     
    Mustang86 likes this.
  13. D_Chesty_Pecjiggle

    D_Chesty_Pecjiggle Account Disabled

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    I love it. Two great insights!
     
  14. BuffaloMedic

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    Gay father of 2 young children (under 8). I was married. We get along fairly well. I'm not pursuing any relationships, and because what I do in the bedroom is my business, it's not currently an issue. I'm sure it will be before to long, but family and work are my priorities, so I'm not too worried right now.
     
  15. DavidXL

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    My youngest son has a very close friend who has 2 dads. They could not be better parents and are completely devoted to their son. One of the things I really like about them is that they always seem so happy just to be there for their son (e.g., back to school night, school picnics, hours on the soccer field, etc. - they're always smiling and seem thrillled to be there, unlike some parents who obsessively check text messages and are not fully engaged). Also, these guys are very popular and seem to have been fully welcomed in the school community.

    I think sometimes that if the bigots out there could see what caring, loving, and devoted parents these 2 are that it would diminish the hate (unless, of course, the thought of how good and devoted they are is what is truly frightening).
     
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