Gay Date Went Great (or I Thought So)

[zaynmlk1626]

So i meet this guy on grindr but instantly we follow each other on instagram and chat there. I kinda liked him looking at his photos but i can not say he was the most good looking guy ever. Chatting with him i did like him a lot, he was funny, down to earth and we seemed to have a lot in common. After a couple of days of chatting we decided to meet for a drink. I thought it was too soon but our problem was that it was a weekend, on Monday he was going on a trip to Spain for a week while on Tuesday i had to have a surgery so if we didn't meet that weekend we'd have to wait till next week.

He asked me to go see him where he lived, which was a 45 minute drive by car, he said his mother had cancer and he was the only one taking care of her so he didn't want to leave way too far in case she need's him. I did respect that and decided to go find him. It was not an easy road, it was a trip i never did before cause i had never been to the city he lived again, plus it was also getting dark and many times i thought i got lost driving to find him. Finally i was at the right place thank God my GPS helped a lot. While i was driving to meet him i was thinking ''hope it worths it, hope it works out''

When i arrived he was waiting for me outside of a church, when i met him in person i liked him a lot, he was cuter in person, a very kind guy, down to earth and a very calm personality. We decided to go sit at a bar have a drink and get to know each other. We had a lot of fun, discussed about our lifes, our families, we laughed a lot, he would constantly make comments like ''we should go on a trip together'' or ''we should go to the beach together'' which i thought was a good sign, he likes me and wants to see me again. He said he broke up with his ex boyfriend 8 months ago but he is not going back to him ever again. I was like ok then he looks like he knows what he wants.

After a couple of hours at the bar we decided to leave, he paid for my drink, and go for a romantic walk at the beach and later on he took me to my car cause it was getting very late. I asked him to get in my car and he did, i told him i liked him a lot, that it's been 5 years since i went on a date and i actually liked the guy, he said he feel honoured hearing that. Then we made out, it was a very sweet moment in our date, he commented about what a good kisser i was, plus i could feel he had an erection after a while. I asked him if we were going to meet again, he said of course we are, i was like ''well most of the times guys say that, but then they disappear'' he said ''i am not like them'', he said what a nice person i was. We decided to meet on Monday, before he leaves for his trip to Spain at night and i was very happy about it. We said goodnight and he asked me to message him as soon as i arrive home.

When i left driving back home, i was soooo happy about that date. I could not believe how good it went, i was really happy meeting this guy and i couldn't wait to see him again. It looked like he liked me a lot, we both had a great time, i was happy i met someone i could have a real conversation with, smart, kind, cute, easy going, i could not believe my luck. When i arrived home i did message him so that he knew i was fine.

Waking up the day after i was so happy, it was a Monday so i was expecting him to message me and arrange our new date before he flies to Spain. He didn't. It was afternoon and i was so stressed he did not contact me. I messaged him and he said ''i'm so sorry i had to do some university stuff before my flight and it stressed me a lot i don't think i will have time to meet you'' i was like ''oh ok then no problem i understand'' but i was thinking ''why didn't he message me to let me know what's going on?'' anyway, i asked him if he wanted to speak with me on the phone, i wanted to say goodbye before his trip and just talk to him in general cause then we'd meet the next week. he said that he'd call me in a while after finishing some house work. i was waiting for his call all evening but he never called. later i could see his instagram stories from the airport which made me really sad.

I decided i shouldn't contact him anymore, i thought i was going to be annoying. He knew very well that i had a surgery on Tuesday. I was thinking that maybe he would message me then, ask how i'm doing if everything was fine or something. He didn't. I could still see his stories from Spain though. I could also see him constantly online on Grindr too. That made me really upset. I decided to just stop thinking about him. It's been 3 weeks since our date, he's back from Spain of course, my surgery went fine. He hasn't contacted me again.

OK i get it, he's probably not that into me. Why didn't he tell me? Why did he make comments like ''going on a trip together'' or ''meeting again tomorrow''? why did he made out with me? He liked me on the date but the next day he changed his mind? i can not understand all of that behaviour, it makes me really upset thinking about him and what happened. why just disappear like we never met? what did i do wrong? I am trying to find love for 15 years and it's always things like that. I am very psychologically tired with all these bullshit, i really think i am going to stay alone forever cause i am tired of searching for someone. Not sure why i write this post, i can not read comments like ''he is not that into you'' again, i know that, probably i am writing my experience cause i have the need to share it. Never mind.

 

[1340611]

It's nothing you did man, guys really just love to tell you what you want to hear and they know you'll just eat it up exactly like you dude unfortunately. It's probably not the first time youre gonna be in this position, or sadly, the last, but when you do find the right guy it will be all the more sweeter because you know he'll mean those things .

I've been there so many times dude (especially the heart crushing feeling when they say theyre busy and will talk layer but you seem them on grindr/active on social media), don't beat yourself up too much, hope you forget about this ordeal soon.

 

[longjohnny21]

Maybe find something to occupy your mind, and dating stuff put it on the side and not focus on that (and keep really low expectations).

 

[knobwaxer]

perhaps u should watch the film, He's Just Not That Into You (2009)

In my opinion, u rushed things. Your narrative makes it seem as though you went on a date expecting a life partner.
The, "I haven't been on a date in five years" comment certainly would've sent me packing.
Then again, maybe given his family situation the guy simply needed a friend to talk to.

Yes, find a healthy hobby.

 

[ItsAll4Kim]

I was suspicious as soon as I read that he didn't want to leave his sick mother alone to meet you, but was flying to Spain for a week.

 

[cherryboom66]

Pretty much all of the above. I’ve been there, my friend. This story is pretty much every date I’ve ever been on. I think, by nature, men are weak. They hate confrontation and....well... lie. Quite often to themselves, too.

Whilst with you, he might have felt all of those things, he got swept up in the date. Then in the cold harsh light of the morning.... Not so much.

Pro tip - always expect the worst and never give yourself up like that so quickly. I never have sex on the first date now, if it’s the only date I’m getting with them, like fuck am I going to let them use and abuse me.

 

[zaynmlk1626]

Pretty much all of the above. I’ve been there, my friend. This story is pretty much every date I’ve ever been on. I think, by nature, men are weak. They hate confrontation and....well... lie. Quite often to themselves, too.

Whilst with you, he might have felt all of those things, he got swept up in the date. Then in the cold harsh light of the morning.... Not so much.

Pro tip - always expect the worst and never give yourself up like that so quickly. I never have sex on the first date now, if it’s the only date I’m getting with them, like fuck am I going to let them use and abuse me.

we only kissed

 

[cherryboom66]

we only kissed

Good! Very happy to hear that. Nothing worse than feeling used x

 

[zaynmlk1626]

I was suspicious as soon as I read that he didn't want to leave his sick mother alone to meet you, but was flying to Spain for a week.

made exactly the same thought but on his defence, i suppose his mother would stay with his father while he was on trip, so i can not blame him for that...

 

[BIGBULL29]

I know how much you want to be loved by another man. This is okay to feel this way.

My only advice: learn to become best friends with yourself. That's not to say that you cannot search for someone again.

I am sorry that you cannot find a partner.

Not matter how sad and lonely you may become, everything is really A-okay! I mean that with all my heart.

 

[cherryboom66]

I know how much you want to be loved by another man. This is okay to feel this way.

My only advice: learn to become best friends with yourself. That's not to say that you cannot search for someone again.

I am sorry that you cannot find a partner.

Not matter how sad and lonely you may become, everything is really A-okay! I mean that with all my heart.

Preach!!! I always thought I couldn’t ever be happy on my own, like I needed a man. Fuck that, self love is what we all need.

 

[BIGBULL29]

Preach!!! I always thought I couldn’t ever be happy on my own, like I needed a man. Fuck that, self love is what we all need.

Isn't that the truth?! Amen.

 

[rayray]

So i meet this guy on grindr but instantly we follow each other on instagram and chat there. I kinda liked him looking at his photos but i can not say he was the most good looking guy ever. Chatting with him i did like him a lot, he was funny, down to earth and we seemed to have a lot in common. After a couple of days of chatting we decided to meet for a drink. I thought it was too soon but our problem was that it was a weekend, on Monday he was going on a trip to Spain for a week while on Tuesday i had to have a surgery so if we didn't meet that weekend we'd have to wait till next week.

He asked me to go see him where he lived, which was a 45 minute drive by car, he said his mother had cancer and he was the only one taking care of her so he didn't want to leave way too far in case she need's him. I did respect that and decided to go find him. It was not an easy road, it was a trip i never did before cause i had never been to the city he lived again, plus it was also getting dark and many times i thought i got lost driving to find him. Finally i was at the right place thank God my GPS helped a lot. While i was driving to meet him i was thinking ''hope it worths it, hope it works out''

When i arrived he was waiting for me outside of a church, when i met him in person i liked him a lot, he was cuter in person, a very kind guy, down to earth and a very calm personality. We decided to go sit at a bar have a drink and get to know each other. We had a lot of fun, discussed about our lifes, our families, we laughed a lot, he would constantly make comments like ''we should go on a trip together'' or ''we should go to the beach together'' which i thought was a good sign, he likes me and wants to see me again. He said he broke up with his ex boyfriend 8 months ago but he is not going back to him ever again. I was like ok then he looks like he knows what he wants.

After a couple of hours at the bar we decided to leave, he paid for my drink, and go for a romantic walk at the beach and later on he took me to my car cause it was getting very late. I asked him to get in my car and he did, i told him i liked him a lot, that it's been 5 years since i went on a date and i actually liked the guy, he said he feel honoured hearing that. Then we made out, it was a very sweet moment in our date, he commented about what a good kisser i was, plus i could feel he had an erection after a while. I asked him if we were going to meet again, he said of course we are, i was like ''well most of the times guys say that, but then they disappear'' he said ''i am not like them'', he said what a nice person i was. We decided to meet on Monday, before he leaves for his trip to Spain at night and i was very happy about it. We said goodnight and he asked me to message him as soon as i arrive home.

When i left driving back home, i was soooo happy about that date. I could not believe how good it went, i was really happy meeting this guy and i couldn't wait to see him again. It looked like he liked me a lot, we both had a great time, i was happy i met someone i could have a real conversation with, smart, kind, cute, easy going, i could not believe my luck. When i arrived home i did message him so that he knew i was fine.

Waking up the day after i was so happy, it was a Monday so i was expecting him to message me and arrange our new date before he flies to Spain. He didn't. It was afternoon and i was so stressed he did not contact me. I messaged him and he said ''i'm so sorry i had to do some university stuff before my flight and it stressed me a lot i don't think i will have time to meet you'' i was like ''oh ok then no problem i understand'' but i was thinking ''why didn't he message me to let me know what's going on?'' anyway, i asked him if he wanted to speak with me on the phone, i wanted to say goodbye before his trip and just talk to him in general cause then we'd meet the next week. he said that he'd call me in a while after finishing some house work. i was waiting for his call all evening but he never called. later i could see his instagram stories from the airport which made me really sad.

I decided i shouldn't contact him anymore, i thought i was going to be annoying. He knew very well that i had a surgery on Tuesday. I was thinking that maybe he would message me then, ask how i'm doing if everything was fine or something. He didn't. I could still see his stories from Spain though. I could also see him constantly online on Grindr too. That made me really upset. I decided to just stop thinking about him. It's been 3 weeks since our date, he's back from Spain of course, my surgery went fine. He hasn't contacted me again.

OK i get it, he's probably not that into me. Why didn't he tell me? Why did he make comments like ''going on a trip together'' or ''meeting again tomorrow''? why did he made out with me? He liked me on the date but the next day he changed his mind? i can not understand all of that behaviour, it makes me really upset thinking about him and what happened. why just disappear like we never met? what did i do wrong? I am trying to find love for 15 years and it's always things like that. I am very psychologically tired with all these bullshit, i really think i am going to stay alone forever cause i am tired of searching for someone. Not sure why i write this post, i can not read comments like ''he is not that into you'' again, i know that, probably i am writing my experience cause i have the need to share it. Never mind.

You sound like someone worth getting to know. Grindr has a reputation as a quick hook up site . It really sounds like he wanted a quick hook up and you wanted a date. You sound like you were so much more than he deserved. He actually did you a favor by being rude and inconsiderate from the get go . Don't give up and don't look for your happily ever after on hook up sites like Grindr.

 

[BIGBULL29]

People look for love in the wrong places. And they tell themselves "stories" that aren't true about the other person. In other words, people are delusional when they first fall in love. That is the problem.

Again, learn to love yourself. If you don't love yourself, you cannot be happy. It's the truth

I am grown to become much more comfortable being in my own skin from mindfulness meditation. I have nothing to prove, nothing to become, nowhere to go...I am just "me", and I love me and being me.

Peace.

 

[windibundu]

It's worth knowing too that you can never know why he behaved like this. He may have genuinely had a good time but then been overwhelmed by anxiety. Many lonely people and sad people are scared by change and scared to put THEMSELVES at risk of getting hurt, so they close the door first. I'm not saying this to excuse his behavior, but only to explain that a lot of times, it really is THEIR problem and not yours.

 

[knobwaxer]

You sound like someone worth getting to know. Grindr has a reputation as a quick hook up site . It really sounds like he wanted a quick hook up and you wanted a date. You sound like you were so much more than he deserved. He actually did you a favor by being rude and inconsiderate from the get go . Don't give up and don't look for your happily ever after on hook up sites like Grindr.

Truth.
Like my daddy always would say. You can't turn a Ho into a Housewife.

 

[328982]

I asked him if we were going to meet again, he said of course we are, i was like ''well most of the times guys say that, but then they disappear'' he said ''i am not like them'', he said what a nice person i was.

Trouble is you were doing all the work here. He just went along with it. You drive out all the way to where he lives, you ask him for the second date, you message him when you get home, you message him again when he stands you up. Your 'most guys disappear' makes you sound needy and self-pitying. Red flag. Could have played it much cooler. As for him, what a shit. His sick-mother-carer line is pure bullshit, a cast iron excuse to do what he likes. I know his type, paying for your drink was his miserable get out clause. Honestly, better off that you just wasted one evening on him.

 

[852838]

Sorry that happened to you. A few years back I too had what I considered to be the perfect first date. We laughed, had a lot in common, two hours turned into four and that wasn’t us hooking up. We didn’t fool around and he agreed he wanted to see me again.

I attempted to schedule another date for 3 weeks. He always responded to my texts but always had a reason not to get together again. Finally I told him if he didn’t want to go out again just say the word. He got super offended and told me what a jerk move that was and how he had just been busy and that he really didn’t have time to date. I almost asked him why he was on a dating site if he had no time but held my tongue and never heard from him again.

Dating is hard. I get it. We’ve almost all been there. You sound like an nice guy. Hang in there.

 

[chancesare]

Unfortunately, I have been there . . . and that was just with a friendship. There is nothing comforting anyone can say. I learned that there are places to meet quality guys, and apps and gay bars are not on that list. I'm not sure what is, but if you try to make a meaningful connection with guys you meet through those venues, prepare to get hurt.

It is possible that his mother really did have cancer and is going through a really bad time. Having been in that situation, it's very difficult to navigate. He may have been particularly connected to you because he needed the human connection in the midst of his pain. If this is all true, there's a small chance he might resurface after she passes; however, I wouldn't hold my breath. And if he does, be sure to guard your heart.

It might be best to unfollow him and try to get him out of your mind. Easier said than done.

 

[ItsAll4Kim]

I agree that your actions and words conveyed a certain desperation or neediness. That's a turnoff to many. But on the flip side, you may have dodged a bullet. For the truly sociopathic, you are a wet dream...and they can spot this and take full advantage, stringing you along like a fish on the line. You think you're in love, you think they love you, but things never quite add up, or work out, and you can't figure out why until long after you've been tossed onto their pile of relationship wreckage.

Dating is hard, and first dates are especially hard. Everything you say and do is under the microscope. Be careful, and look out for you, because your date is most likely not.