Gay Date Went Great (or I Thought So)

cherryboom66

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I really don’t see the “neediness” and “desperation” everyone is banging on about tbh.

You only said “it’s been 5 years since I’ve been on a date with someone I actually like”, the date was saying “let’s go on a trip!”. ?? Nahhhh, there was zero desperation.

You did you, you were authentically you. Don’t change that, why shouldn’t people be honest on a date? This is the biggest problem right now, people thinking they have to play games, play it cool, lie about who they are.

You do you, boo.
 

ItsAll4Kim

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I really don’t see the “neediness” and “desperation” everyone is banging on about tbh.

You only said “it’s been 5 years since I’ve been on a date with someone I actually like”, the date was saying “let’s go on a trip!”. ?? Nahhhh, there was zero desperation.

You did you, you were authentically you. Don’t change that, why shouldn’t people be honest on a date? This is the biggest problem right now, people thinking they have to play games, play it cool, lie about who they are.

You do you, boo.

Nobody suggested he lie. There's a time to reveal certain things.

We're all trying to provide advice based upon words on a screen to someone half a world away whom we've never met. What he wrote, the entirety of the situation, from not questioning the obvious sick-mom fallacy, to the things said during the date, to the multiple contacts post-date...added up to my assessment.
 

zaynmlk1626

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Nobody suggested he lie. There's a time to reveal certain things.

We're all trying to provide advice based upon words on a screen to someone half a world away whom we've never met. What he wrote, the entirety of the situation, from not questioning the obvious sick-mom fallacy, to the things said during the date, to the multiple contacts post-date...added up to my assessment.

how is 2-3 messages multiple contacts man? and that because he agreed to meet me that day come on
 
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ItsAll4Kim

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how is 2-3 messages multiple contacts man? and that because he agreed to meet me that day come on

I took the entire interaction, before during and after the date into account. Did he initiate any contact after the date? Your wording after the date sounded desperate. "I was waiting all evening for his call". "Why didn't he call?" "I was so stressed he didn't call me" These are not the words of confidence.

You seemed to be seeking suggestions for why things went as they did. A few of us read it as described. I'm not going to argue it or suggest you change anything. But you asked why this happened and I offered a possibility.
 

James211

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Instead of asking LPSG for advice and answers to your questions, why not ask the guy himself?

Just be straight upfront with him. What happened?

You say that he was always on Grindr, you must have been online as well to see this..

Ask him what happened instead of asking yourself
 

zaynmlk1626

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Instead of asking LPSG for advice and answers to your questions, why not ask the guy himself?

Just be straight upfront with him. What happened?

You say that he was always on Grindr, you must have been online as well to see this..

Ask him what happened instead of asking yourself

i'm way too diva for that
 

danimal32

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You have had several responses. I would move on and be grateful that you can look back on this one and think, "one and done." Not trying to be cold and callous, but at least you didn't waste a lot of time on him and chalk this up as someone who has a lot going on right now. He may not have time to be in a relationship. You can do better and more importantly, you will.
 

kiltiesfo

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I'm sorry for your heartbreak and disappointment. Some people fall hard and fast, even over multiple tweets and one date; rejection still hurts. I agree with what some commenters to your story have stated, and that is to learn to be comfortable in your own company and not rely on others to justify your worth. I think Hollywood has done a fabulous job in brainwashing the masses in believing "Rom-Com" movie storylines; where the couple lives happily-ever-after at the end of the movie; which doesn't happen every time in real life and when it doesn't we're left feeling deflated, disappointed and dejected.

I think that many people aren't comfortable being alone with themselves and will chase the 1st person who pays any attention to them (Exhibit A - You) and some people don't possess the courage, to be honest about how they feel the date is going and whether there will be a second date for fear of hurting another person's feelings - or sometimes they need some time to process how the date went before removing the rose-colored glasses and deal with the reality that there wasn't enough there to warrant a second date; i.e.: He decided he wasn't that into you - (Exhibit B - Him) - and we've all been on both sides of these dating scenarios. Harsh, I know, but sometimes honesty can be a cruel beotch. When this happens, take this to heart and remember it truly is "them", and not "you".You did nothing wrong; it just means you weren't meant for him, and he, wasn't meant for you. To quote Maya Angelo, "When someone tells you who they are, believe them the first time." I agree with others on here, in that you probably dodged a bullet and, profound disappointment and heartache with him not following through to communicate as promised. Quick and shortened pain - like ripping a band-aid from a wound that is still sensitive and not fully healed, still hurts like hell but is preferred, versus death and heartache by a 1000 cuts, lies and, deceptions.

However, let me re-tap that vein and re-visit the subject on the fear of being alone; living alone, doing things alone, going on trips alone, you get the idea. Not being comfortable with one's self I think, contributes to the "Butterfly Effect" in relationships; (The "Butterfly Effect" definition: one who goes from one relationship immediately into another, and then onto another because they would rather have short-term or unhealthy relationships than to be alone). For most of us, we enter the world alone, and for some of us, we will exit the same way, and there is nothing sad or wrong about it, it's just a fact in reality. I have witnessed several of my friends go from one unhealthy relationship to another with minimal alone time in between; I mean I've had dental crowns that took longer to make, and yet they wonder why they can't find "the one" - they chose to recognize the "red-flag" signs in the relationship and trudge forward in ignorant albeit fake bliss, then to god-forbid, go it alone. Society has plagued itself with qualifying the self-worth of an individual by whether they have paired up with someone or not. As a single person myself, I had many discussions where I've had to educate and correct their misconceptions and generalized assumptions of single people. Q: Wouldn't you like to be in a relationship? A. Sure, with the right person and I'm not going to settle just so that I can say that I'm in a relationship.

In closing, please take a moment to breathe, take a long hard look in the mirror and realize that you're perfect just the way you are and that someday, someone will come along who will want to be with you, have a second date, enter into a relationship with you or even marry you. However, if that day or man doesn't come along, it doesn't mean that you stop living, or that there is something inherently wrong with you, it just means that the person whose shadow crosses your path isn't meant to be your human. In the meantime work on being your own best friend and constantly work towards improving on yourself in whatever endeavors you entertain.

I wish you the best in this life and hope that you'll see yourself as the gift that you are.
 

ItsAll4Kim

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UPDATE

i can still see till today he views my instagram stories. which feels weird cause, he has ghosted me, if he is not interested in me anymore, why would he bother viewing my story?
Hh30 is exactly right.

Do you have enough time and distance yet to see that this guy is trouble? Not bunny-boiling trouble, but certainly not worth any of your time, attention, and most importantly...emotion. You are an emotional guy, that much is very clear in your posts. Orbiting is potentially hurtful. He ended this. Yes, it was early, but whatever there was, it clearly ended on his account. He should at least respect that enough to no longer send ANY type of message that "I'm still here" to you. You deserve that simple measure of closure. His orbiting is putting you through the same hell, over and over.

A good friend (actually the couple were friends) came home from a trip to visit her sick mom to her husband telling her he was in love with her best friend and wanted a divorce. A year later, he's doing what your guy is doing. Watching her, physically as well as online. I can see it chipping away at her.

I urge you to make the decision to show yourself the respect he won't give you: disconnect from him completely. Do whatever it takes to make yourself disappear. And make him disappear from your view as completely as possible. Delete texts, contact entries, block, everything. Make this a breakup. YOUR decision, not his.

At 29, you deserve to have healthy and mature relationships. Time for play is over, you're clearly seeking stability and something real. This small action of taking control over what you CAN control will build you self esteem, strength and character. When you have those things, others can sense it, and it's very attractive.
 

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You can always just message him and say hi and how his mother is doing. He might have a lot going on personally for a full blown relationship. It’s better to not smoother him. I had the same situation where I thought I found the right guy but I ended up stalking him on adam4adam and seeing that he was on and how far he was. Knowing he was lying to me that he was out of town. Basically had to break ties and stop messaging him. He reached out to me months later trying to hookup. Tried asking how things were going, but in the end he just wanted sex.