Gay family dynamics

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by MrHappy, Jun 21, 2009.

  1. MrHappy

    MrHappy Member

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    I'm not trying to be a jackass when writing this because I am totally for gay adoption and marriage because I'd like to have that right some day...but...

    In a gay relationship, how do the dynamics work out? Who is considerd the bride and the groom? How will the child tell his two fathers apart? Growing up, I've always just said 'mom' or 'dad', as have almost all children. How will this work in a gay relationship?

    I'm not trying to bash it in any way, I'm just wondering how it will work.
     
  2. houtx48

    Gold Member

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    yeaah whatever.
     
  3. littlejj

    littlejj Member

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    I understand man. That's a good question. Hopefully someone will answer soon.
     
  4. FuzzyKen

    FuzzyKen New Member

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    There is zero difference in dynamics in a gay family unit from those of a straight family unit. I have seen many adoption situations and my other half and I ended up with our Nephew when the "dynamics" of his "straight" family became so unhealthy that the kid nearly had a complete breakdown.

    The question you ask to me is the equivalent of "Who plays the boy and who plays the girl?" which my friend is demeaning and insulting. We got this question from a "Niece" when she was about 14 years old.

    I cannot speak for all gay families. What I can tell you about ours is that there is incredible communication. Our Nephew is well aware he is totally unable to play one of us off the other, and he is aware that his Uncle Shawn barks, but it is his Uncle Ken that he needs to watch out for because he is the one that bites and bites hard. Of our family I am the more dominant personality and in that single sense, if there were to be a male gender role, then I would probably be it. I am 5'9" and 190 pounds of "Bear" and my other half is 6'5" and 207. Neither one of us are in any manner effeminate. We live on a horse ranch north of Deming, NM and hobbies include hunting, fishing, automobile and boat racing and collecting vehicles.

    On some other family unit the dynamics might be different. The love and support and teaching the child to be goal oriented are important, the idea of making that child the best and most productive person he or she can be are the issues. It does not take two people of the opposite gender to accomplish that task.

    When we lived near Palm Springs, California and before the responsibility of our Nephew came into our lives one of the bar tenders at a gay bar we knew one evening relayed a story to me.

    He tended bar at two different men's bars in the evenings and he tended at a lesbian bar during the early afternoon shift.

    On a slow night he relayed the following story: He was present when there was a conversation between two very masculine leathermen. The conversation was the amount of profit that they had jointly made from hosting a "Tupperware" party. That same morning he had enjoyed a conversation with two lesbians who were discussing the intricacies of rebuilding the flathead V8 in the 1949 Ford they were restoring.

    To not understand dynamics or or consider them different this would tend to indicate that you asking the question maybe consider some stereotypes to be accurate. Dynamics are two parents trying to do a job and because kids do not come with an "owners and operators manual" they do the best they can with what they have to work with just like any heterosexual couple trying to undertake the same task
     
  5. Lynx

    Lynx Member

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    Not being an expert, but there is also the possibility of two ladies adopting...

    My thoughts would be that as in most relationships, opposites attract. That would mean that in any couple there should be a balance in personalities. Of course it is understood that gay family dynamics would be alternative and therefore subject to alternative methods in managing this balance. That is to say the traditional gender roles would not be as clear cut as in traditional families. I am being specifically vague because this issue is very complex and only generalities apply when speaking about all relationships, either traditional or alternative.

    As far as who calls whom what, I have experienced that the children just say mommy or daddy to both partners. Sometimes with a qualifier as *this is my other mommy/daddy*.

    Just as a footnote, this is not all that uncommon nowadays with step parents from traditional couples where children often have two mommies or two daddies in thier lives.
     
  6. D_Jerry_Atric

    D_Jerry_Atric Account Disabled

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    I have friends who are in a same gendered relationship and they have children and their kids both call them Dad/Daddy. They can tell them apart because both men are different, children are not stupid.

    They have friends who do happen to be both lesbian who have kids and there are children's books about same gendered relationships like Heather has two mommies, Daddy's Roommate, and King and King.

    As for the who is the bride and who is the groom question, two men are getting married, contrary to popular belief when two bisexual/gay/queer men get into a relationship there's none of the "Who is the man role and who is the woman role?" BS that most straight people think goes on with same gendered gay/bisexual male and bisexual/lesbian female couples.

    I know some dykes do the whole Stone Butch/High Femme thing but that's about gender roles and these women do not always consider themselves to be lesbians, dykes, and some see their gender and sexuality as being queer and separate from lesbianism, and the politics of Lesbianism. For more info on this see here: http://www.cardcarryinglesbian.com/.../high-femme-vs-stone-femme-one-interpretation (I found the first comment to be highly amusing but YMMV!) See also here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stone_butch and http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=high femme

    The flat out worst example of this question was when my friend's roommate who is a straight guy asked me when two men get married who gets the gold band and who gets the diamond ring. :rolleyes:
     
    #6 D_Jerry_Atric, Jun 21, 2009
    Last edited: Jun 21, 2009
  7. erratic

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    My two cents: Imagine you and your best friend. Only you wish you had more time to fool around, you're beyond tired of that "who's the wife?" bullshit, and your kids have figured out their own way to differentiate between you - despite whatever "daddy" and "papa" routine you thought there would be.
     
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