Gay Guys - Do you have a gay primary doctor?

[earllogjam]

I'm a gay guy and up until now have had a straight male primary doctor.

I'm thinking of switching because I sense that there is this underlying unease about him having me as a patient. We established I was gay as soon as I picked him as my primary care physician during a routing physical.

I recently came down with a case of clymidia with some buring when I pee and he refused to even examine my penis or discharge. There have been other instances where I sense he is not 100% comfortable having a gay patient. I get the sense that he would rather not touch me. Like insisting that the nurse take my BP and having other nurses do prostate exams.

I don't know if how he is with other patients but isn't there something wrong when you have std symtoms and he refuses to check your gentials? I don't find him the least bit attractive and have never given him any cause to think I was coming on to him so I have to assume that he's just not comfortable with gay guys and if that IS the case then I wonder about the quality of my healthcare through a doctor who is uncomfortable with gay patients.

He's a nice enough guy but I'd rather just have a gay doctor I can go to who isn't overly PC or uneasy about treating a gay guy and all the gay guy health stuff that may come up.

Do any of you guys have a gay doctor and has it made any difference on the quality of health care you get? Is it just easier getting treated for gay related stuff like STD's?

 

[MH07]

I'm a gay guy and up until now have had a straight male primary doctor.

I'm thinking of switching because I sense that there is this underlying unease about him having me as a patient. We established I was gay as soon as I picked him as my primary care physician during a routing physical.

I recently came down with a case of clymidia with some buring when I pee and he refused to even examine my penis or discharge. There have been other instances where I sense he is not 100% comfortable having a gay patient. I get the sense that he would rather not touch me. Like insisting that the nurse take my BP and having other nurses do prostate exams.

I don't know if how he is with other patients but isn't there something wrong when you have std symtoms and he refuses to check your gentials? I don't find him the least bit attractive and have never given him any cause to think I was coming on to him so I have to assume that he's just not comfortable with gay guys and if that IS the case then I wonder about the quality of my healthcare through a doctor who is uncomfortable with gay patients.

He's a nice enough guy but I'd rather just have a gay doctor I can go to who isn't overly PC or uneasy about treating a gay guy and all the gay guy health stuff that may come up.

Do any of you guys have a gay doctor and has it made any difference on the quality of health care you get? Is it just easier getting treated for gay related stuff like STD's?

I was extremely fortunate to have a gay PCP in Dallas. He's excellent and if it weren't 5 hours away I'd go to him anyway, now.

My current physician is excellent, truly professional, etc. He doesn't like the gay aspect, but that's not going to interfere with his care of me, so I feel good about that. Like you, I established the gay situation the minute I walked in the door (if he hates fags, I don't need him).

Good luck with your search. It was GREAT to have Rob as my doc; I could (and can) tell him ANYTHING without discomfort or problems---but 4 hours is a bit far to drive....

 

[Justins_Thick84]

For what it's worth, regardless of his sexual preferences, I would find yourself a new doctor. You might look around online to see if you can find lists of gay/gay-friendly doctors in your area. I'm not sure where to look, but I'm sure that info is out there.

 

[Bbucko]

I've had several gay PCPs, most of whom were excellent, one of whom was the second-worst medical professional I've ever endured. Whatever you may gain in personal rapport is lost immediately if he's an unqualified quack.

The only PCP I've had since I began treatment for HIV who was as squeamish as the one you describe was a woman, and a nurse-practitioner rather than a full MD (fucking public HIV clinics ): she refused to examine me unless at least partially dressed. When I complained about a small patch of penile warts, she sent me to a dermatologist without so much as a glance. Combined with several other issues we had, that incident has forever branded her as the "worst" in my career as a full-time patient.

You need to balance your need for rapport with complete medical accreditation and experience with whatever host of conditions you bring to the exam table as a middle-aged (over 40) gay man. Your PCP is the CEO of your health, with you being the largest stake-holder (obviously). Doctor shopping is often messy, but, seriously, this is one area where no compromise should be tolerated.

 

[D_Tim McGnaw]

My current GP is brilliant (after years of various mediocrities, both straight and gay, both sexes), a straight woman, she works in a rape unit in a big hospital here, she's seen it all. I don't think there's anything I could do or say which would make her even blink. I don't think the sexuality of you doctor is important I think the quality of their training and experience is what matters.

 

[SweetLovesVick]

I think you do need to dump the doctor/jerk you have now ASAP and find someone better. I do not think you have to find a gay doctor, just a good doctor who does his job.

I bet you are not the only male patient he is treating this way... please do not go back. Gay, straight, bi, purple, or green he should be a doctor to everyone he takes on as a patient or give up his license.

 

[earllogjam]

The problem is that I'm having great difficulty finding a gay doctor as they don't really "advertise" the fact that they are gay especially if they work in the suburbs in nice
family communities such as mine. I do know gay specialists like psychiatricst and dermatologists but no primary care docs who are. I wonder if it's worth traveling all the way into SF for a gay doctor. Then I have to screen him to see if he really knows anything as there are a lot of MD's out there that may have book smarts and a degree but really know nothing about diagnosis or treatment experience with real people.

Bucko, I had a female doctor and had the same experience you did with her being very distant and unsypathetic to gay male health issues. She lasted about 2 visits.

 

[earllogjam]

My current GP is brilliant (after years of various mediocrities, both straight and gay, both sexes), a straight woman, she works in a rape unit in a big hospital here, she's seen it all. I don't think there's anything I could do or say which would make her even blink. I don't think the sexuality of you doctor is important I think the quality of their training and experience is what matters.

Yeah, but if your doctor dislikes gay people you have a problem. Doctors are human too and are not above the downfalls of prejudice and hatred, despite the oath they take or how professional they appear and act. They aren't going to treat you as well as people they feel comfortable with or like.

 

[huskielover]

I have had five doctors as PCP's over the course of 30 years. Four have been women. Now I'm seeing two specialists for HIV and HIV-related illnesses. None of them were/are gay and none ever had issue with my sexuality. Neither have their staffs. In fact, my partner and I share the same PCP currently. And my partner goes with me to many of my appointments with my specialists. I've been fortunate.

Doctors should be treating people, not sexualities. If you do not feel comfortable with your current physician, find another. It's important to your peace-of-mind. That more than anything is what should weigh in you decision to stay or switch.

 

[SparkyNYC]

I have an awesome gay dctor, really understands my needs and knows which questions to ask. I think str8 doctors just don't get it sometimes that we have diferrent needs and sensitivities.

 

[Lambycake]

Having an MA take blood pressure is standard everywhere I've been. What did the doctor tell you to do about your penile discharge? Suck it up? Calling in a nurse to check your prostate is wrong too. Find a new doctor. Sounds like he will be glad to see you go.

 

[Rikter8]

You need to find a different doc period. You don't need a queer doctor. When you go for the consultation simply ask "I'm gay, is that going to be an issue?"
The question and the answer are up front, and can help you make a determination right off the bat.

I don't go into my doctors office as a Gay Man or a Straight man. I go in there as a MAN needing medical attention.

I think str8 doctors just don't get it sometimes that we have diferrent needs and sensitivities.

Different needs? Like??

 

[earllogjam]

"You got issues with me being gay?"

What professional doctor is going to answer, "Yeah, I hate homos, and refuse to treat them." or admit that they'd rather not deal with homo patients?

Rikter8, believe it or not some people, including doctors, get gossed out by homosexuals and want nothing to do with them. Yes. Funny, huh?

 

[Rikter8]

"You got issues with me being gay?"

What professional doctor is going to answer, "Yeah, I hate homos, and refuse to treat them." or admit that they'd rather not deal with homo patients?

Rikter8, believe it or not some people, including doctors, get gossed out by homosexuals and want nothing to do with them. Yes. Funny, huh?

Not funny, nor is it right for them to treat people differently.
My point is don't go throwing it out there on the table. When my doctor asks me if Im married, I simply say single. When he asks "Girlfriend?" I say no, single.
Believe me, I live in a very phucked up area with lots of homophobic people, and thats why I fly under the radar. The doctors don't need to know who I'm sleeping with. Theyre supposed to take precautions with all patients no matter what. You could have gotten it from a toilet seat for all he knows.

That's not what they would say - they would say they are not experienced in that field and cannot help you with your needs. You can read a doctor on the orientation visit anyway, and if your getting negative vibes - end it.
Speaking of that, the doc you had is clearly not a good doctor if he's having his nurses do the testing.
I'd just look for a different doc in general, M.D. preferred if you have insurance.

 

[jpk338]

i think you need to drop the "gay" from looking for a doctor. i;ve had gay and straight, and the 2 gay ones i had weren't worth a damn. they turned their practices into meat markets and therefore could not take time with their patients. as a result i ended up with diabetes because she told me everything was fine.. it wasn't. get a good referral from friends, relatives etc. you want a good doctor not necessarily a gay one. my new doctor is str8 and all my friends go to him (i'm gay)because he's a good doctor. good luck in your search. you didnt mention what city you live in.as there are also ways of searching on the web.

 

[flame boy]

I had a gay doctor and he was terrible. He was really unprofessional and when I went to see him about a really serious matter he just continued to gossip and chatter, he also made some very inappropriate suggestions about my sex life and my other half. I thought it could have been a one off, but my other half went to see the same doctor and he did exactly the same thing. I switched to another GP who is really lovely, he is straight but I told him I was gay and he assured me (unprompted) that I should feel absolutely comfortable talking to him about anything and he was not there to judge me. He also told me a brilliant story about how his best friend in university went on to become a successful drag queen. He managed to keep the level of professionalism you expect from a doctor, but maintained a comfortable environment.

Having a doctor you are comfortable and honest with is very important.

 

[BBB2.5]

For what it's worth, regardless of his sexual preferences, I would find yourself a new doctor. You might look around online to see if you can find lists of gay/gay-friendly doctors in your area. I'm not sure where to look, but I'm sure that info is out there.

I agree....You must feel comfortable with your Doctor...it's time to change.
Check out your local "Gay Magazine"..if there is one in your area.
Good Luck

 

[zpacifico]

agree with most of what has been said above. you being gay should not be an issue to any doctor, not giving the right treatment based on someones sexual orientation is against the law (at least where I live). and in the end you don't have to declare yourself at all. you can always ask your friends about to which doctors do they go to, right?

 

[Rikter8]

JPK338 and Flameboy have had the same experiences as I with "Gay" doctors and services. I'm sure that there are good ones and bad ones like everything else, it just seemed that for their services, it cost more and you got less just for that specialty.

Take the brain out of the equasion, and you have a human body. Built the same as everyone else, works the same as everyone else.
.... Just some of us need more Bondo.

 

[NY4Curious]

Find a new doctor at once. While I don't think the Doctor needs to be gay he does need to be accepting and respectful of you as a human being and who you are. To place any moral or social stimga on your sexual behavior (no matter what it is) is not only unethica and unprofessional it utterly violates the entire purpose of the medical profession which is simply to "heal the sick." Find a doctor who you as a man can communicate with honestly and become his patient as soon as possible. I have been a patient of both gay and straight doctors and found their sexuality to have little effect on their skill at practicing medicine. Remember a patient and his primary care Doctor have a reltionship and relationships are based on give and take. My current primary care Doctor has said, I'm not an easy patient, but I'm a good one. I tell him how I feel about my medical problems and his suggestions to treat them, but I also do know about my body and how it operates. I've had it for a number of decades and in fact care for it and communicate with it much more than my current doctor has. However I think the key to our relationship is they we like and respect each other as individuals. I do not see him as someone who's primary role is to keep perscribing medicine, which I may not need, to me and he sees me as someone who wants to maintain his health and enjoy his life as long as possible. That he wishes to be part of that part of my daily living is what makes him a good doctor.
Good luck, there are good doctors everywhere, as there are bad ones. Gay doctors can be as good and bad as squeamish and frightened as straight ones. Look for a doctor that practices medicine and you have a good and open communication with. (Refer to a past episode of the clap on your first visit, check the Dr's reaction, that'll give you an idea of the person's sensibilities and you can go from there.)