Gay Guys in Straight Relationships

[pablovian]

Just curious how the gay guys who, for whatever reasons, are in romantic/sexual relationships with women get it up?

How do you have sex with someone you're not really that turned on by?

Just curious how the closet cases make it work.

 

[yuroneandonly]

I had a relationship from when I was 14 and my lover was 16 he was a beautiful man,, we were together for about 10 yrs and I made a mistake by experimenting with a girl .. I was 24 and she was 19 ... it was a one night stand but 9 months later my daughter was born... my partner left and I married the girl lasting only 6 years.. i moved on after the divorce met another man and have been with him for the last few years.. my daughter visits us and so does my ex wife... I dont regret my child but regret losing my first love...

 

[B_Hung Jon]

It's not necessarily that you're not turned on by a woman. Many times the woman may be an amazing person and you could grow to love her. Gay or bi guys don't hate women or women's bodies. Maybe they're just more aroused by a particular guy. I know in my case I was pretty surprised when I first made it with a guy. But at the same time I couldn't ignore the deeper attraction for him than just his body. As many of us have said all along on this site, sexuality is a complex part of being human.

 

[TomCat84]

As many of us have said all along on this site, sexuality is a complex part of being human.

This. :smile:

 

[BigDallasDick8x6]

I started being attracted to guys at puberty and jerked off to the Sears catalog underwear section etc. I met someone at work who was the smartest woman I ever met. Smart is very important to me. We dated and married. I fucked her 3X a day (she was 19, I was 20). Our record was 6 hours one Sunday afternoon. The marriage lasted 7 years.

Despite all that, I am gay. That's why these 100% straight guys who say one MM encounter makes you gay are clueless. I slept with a woman for 7 years and am still gay.

It's also why ex-gays who sleep with a woman and now think they are "cured" and straight are full of it. The infamous Colin Cook admitted he fantasized about men while having sex with his wife. That's ex-gay?? I don't think so. Later on it was found out he was having sex with the guys the various churches were sending to him to be "cured" and he was fired.

 

[sbat]

I started being attracted to guys at puberty and jerked off to the Sears catalog underwear section etc. I met someone at work who was the smartest woman I ever met. Smart is very important to me. We dated and married. I fucked her 3X a day (she was 19, I was 20). Our record was 6 hours one Sunday afternoon. The marriage lasted 7 years.

Despite all that, I am gay. That's why these 100% straight guys who say one MM encounter makes you gay are clueless. I slept with a woman for 7 years and am still gay.

It's also why ex-gays who sleep with a woman and now think they are "cured" and straight are full of it. The infamous Colin Cook admitted he fantasized about men while having sex with his wife. That's ex-gay?? I don't think so. Later on it was found out he was having sex with the guys the various churches were sending to him to be "cured" and he was fired.

I remember that. That was a funny funny story

 

[invisibleman]

Gay Guys in Straight Relationships...

I feel for them.

But then again...somehow it is beneficial...otherwise those particular gay men wouldn't do it.

 

[BigDallasDick8x6]

I remember that. That was a funny funny story

You might be amazed to know that story has TWENTY YEARS (!) of history to it. 1995 wasn't the first time.

From Wikipedia --

Colin Cook, an Adventist pastor in New York, was dismissed from the ministry following discovery of his homosexual behavior. After seeking spiritual healing, he declared himself recovered, was married, and in 1976 authored several articles in Insight, an Adventist youth publication, proclaiming that homosexuals could find deliverance through faith by claiming Jesus’ heterosexuality as their own. In 1978 Cook prepared ten hours of cassette tapes, titled “Homosexuality and the Power to Change,” which were widely distributed.

In 1980, many responses from people seeking help led Cook to found the Quest Learning Center (Quest) in Reading, Pennsylvania, where a live-in program combined counseling and involvement in a mutual support group, Homosexuals Anonymous (HA), which he co-founded. Soon the Adventist Church voted to provide more than half of Quest’s operating budget, the first denomination to fund such a healing ministry. Quest/HA was publicized in church periodicals, and as it attracted attention in public media and then other conservative churches, Adventist leaders enjoyed favorable publicity. After Cook’s appearance on The Phil Donahue Show, the church provided an 800 number to handle interests.

Dr. Ronald Lawson, an Adventist sociology professor at Queens College in New York City, interviewed 14 Quest clients and learned that none actually felt their orientation had changed, nor did they know of any others in the program who claimed this. Most of them were “fragile, very conservative church members with high levels of guilt and self-rejection,”[10] whose experience in discovering other gay Adventists resulted in confusion and turmoil because of the attractions they felt to each other. Lawson was shocked to learn that, in addition, they reported sexually inappropriate actions by Colin Cook, such as nude massages and close, prolonged hugs. Lawson felt obligated to report this exploitation to Neal Wilson, President of the General Conference. With Cook’s admission of guilt, Quest was closed within a week.

No public mention of this action was made by the church for seven months until finally, in response to questioning by Lawson, a brief announcement appeared in the Adventist Review, stating that Quest had been closed because of the director’s resignation. Nearly a year later, the church’s Ministry for pastors published a lengthy interview with Cook, who admitted his “incomplete” recovery that had led to his fall. This appeared to be an attempt to rehabilitate Cook and strongly endorsed his methods. Angered by this, SDA Kinship members picketed the General Conference offices in Takoma Park, Maryland, during the 1987 Annual Council, demanding that the church cease its support of Cook and that its many hospitals around the world begin to address the AIDS crisis.

Christianity Today published a favorable article about Cook in 1989 and four years later Cook moved to Denver, Colorado, where he started a new ministry called FaithQuest. Focus on the Family referred counselees to this ministry, and Colorado for Family Values invited him to speak at their seminars promoting a repeal of state gay civil rights. He began speaking regularly in area Adventist churches, received invitations from Adventist college campuses, and was contacted by young Adventist men struggling with homosexual feelings, since most Adventists had never been made aware of his previous fall.

Lawson was subsequently contacted by two of Cook’s new counselees who shared their experiences of Cook’s continued sexual predations. Lawson leaked the details to a reporter at the Denver Post and her article made the front page of the October 27, 1995, edition. Because of this publicity, Christian Right organizations backed away from Cook, and the Adventist Review announced that the church was not connected with Cook’s activities, but did not mention that it had failed to retract earlier church promotion of Cook. About this time, Cook’s wife divorced him, after several years of separation.[10]

 

[sbat]

A case of same shit, different zip code. There's a lot of this going on in convervative churches. Accepting homosexuality 20 years ago could have prevented sexual abuse suffered by thousands at the hands of trusted church officials in many different denominations of the Christian faith. I think it's the bloody irony that makes me laugh

You might be amazed to know that story has TWENTY YEARS (!) of history to it. 1995 wasn't the first time.

From Wikipedia --

Colin Cook, an Adventist pastor in New York, was dismissed from the ministry following discovery of his homosexual behavior. After seeking spiritual healing, he declared himself recovered, was married, and in 1976 authored several articles in Insight, an Adventist youth publication, proclaiming that homosexuals could find deliverance through faith by claiming Jesus’ heterosexuality as their own. In 1978 Cook prepared ten hours of cassette tapes, titled “Homosexuality and the Power to Change,” which were widely distributed.

In 1980, many responses from people seeking help led Cook to found the Quest Learning Center (Quest) in Reading, Pennsylvania, where a live-in program combined counseling and involvement in a mutual support group, Homosexuals Anonymous (HA), which he co-founded. Soon the Adventist Church voted to provide more than half of Quest’s operating budget, the first denomination to fund such a healing ministry. Quest/HA was publicized in church periodicals, and as it attracted attention in public media and then other conservative churches, Adventist leaders enjoyed favorable publicity. After Cook’s appearance on The Phil Donahue Show, the church provided an 800 number to handle interests.

Dr. Ronald Lawson, an Adventist sociology professor at Queens College in New York City, interviewed 14 Quest clients and learned that none actually felt their orientation had changed, nor did they know of any others in the program who claimed this. Most of them were “fragile, very conservative church members with high levels of guilt and self-rejection,”[10] whose experience in discovering other gay Adventists resulted in confusion and turmoil because of the attractions they felt to each other. Lawson was shocked to learn that, in addition, they reported sexually inappropriate actions by Colin Cook, such as nude massages and close, prolonged hugs. Lawson felt obligated to report this exploitation to Neal Wilson, President of the General Conference. With Cook’s admission of guilt, Quest was closed within a week.

No public mention of this action was made by the church for seven months until finally, in response to questioning by Lawson, a brief announcement appeared in the Adventist Review, stating that Quest had been closed because of the director’s resignation. Nearly a year later, the church’s Ministry for pastors published a lengthy interview with Cook, who admitted his “incomplete” recovery that had led to his fall. This appeared to be an attempt to rehabilitate Cook and strongly endorsed his methods. Angered by this, SDA Kinship members picketed the General Conference offices in Takoma Park, Maryland, during the 1987 Annual Council, demanding that the church cease its support of Cook and that its many hospitals around the world begin to address the AIDS crisis.

Christianity Today published a favorable article about Cook in 1989 and four years later Cook moved to Denver, Colorado, where he started a new ministry called FaithQuest. Focus on the Family referred counselees to this ministry, and Colorado for Family Values invited him to speak at their seminars promoting a repeal of state gay civil rights. He began speaking regularly in area Adventist churches, received invitations from Adventist college campuses, and was contacted by young Adventist men struggling with homosexual feelings, since most Adventists had never been made aware of his previous fall.

Lawson was subsequently contacted by two of Cook’s new counselees who shared their experiences of Cook’s continued sexual predations. Lawson leaked the details to a reporter at the Denver Post and her article made the front page of the October 27, 1995, edition. Because of this publicity, Christian Right organizations backed away from Cook, and the Adventist Review announced that the church was not connected with Cook’s activities, but did not mention that it had failed to retract earlier church promotion of Cook. About this time, Cook’s wife divorced him, after several years of separation.[10]

 

[killerb]

i've often wondered why gay guys do that...i have a friend who's in a relationship with a woman although he loves men...i asked him why & all i got from the conversation was that he was tired of the questions and she was a "good girl"...he also mentioned that they weren't having sex...

the whole thing is strange to me...but it's none of my business so i don't get involved...

 

[luka82]

I just could never have done it. I believe I only kissed a girl once, or twice. But it was for fun sakes.
IDK, and don`t have a problem when a guy is openly bisexual with his GF, but hiding it is just disgusting. I guess I have always respected women

 

[D_Shermie Shtoinkle]

As someone said somewhere in the threat human sexuality is very complex.
I personally for myself could not go near a womens bits but I do find some women amazingly attractive.
I have seen several cases where M & F got married and had kids and only after years the man finally came out gay. 2 of my friends actually said that they just didn't wanna disappoint and went that route. Even nowadays there are still many gay people who totallly repress their feelings just to fit in their society.
I am struggling to believe that someone who says of himself to be 100% (if you can call it that way) can have sex with a women or whether they are more bi sexual.

 

[alan_b]

Ive had many of oppertunities, but Ive never done it. I could never bring myself to have sex with a woman, fellas are where its at

 

[cklover]

So many of us gay men reacted to our terror of straight society's ostracism and humiliation of homosexual men that we took steps to avoid being identified with it. Some of us created whole 'straight' lives in order to avoid the straight world's negative reactions to us. Some of us, were inspired to stay in the closet when we first saw elements of the gay world like bars and other clubs in which we felt uncomfortable and horrified by the behavior and general unpleasantness of the men in those places and ran back into the closet. One of the ways to come out partially, anyway was to claim bi-sexuality, have relationships with women, and thus feel the fitting into straight life and retention of some of its approval (and safety from its humiliations). Others just kept in deeply hidden and followed the course of straight life. Women were lied to and cheated on. The "bi's" and homosexual "straights" cling desperately to their covers and will fight to the death to hold on to their claims that they are NOT homosexual. Eventually they either come out totally, or become compulsive hit and run players (convincing some of the bar types that they can 'bag' themselves a straight man). So many straight women and gay men have been hurt deeply by gay men like this. Utter fear of straight society drives some of us into these behaviors, it's up to us gay men to get honest with ourselves and the world and help diminish that fear.

 

[Corius]

At the tender age of 15 I met and bonded in deep friendship with the new guy in town. We soon were sexual partners and assumed that our male peers were having similar experiences. We thought of ourselves as regular guys.

The summer after our junior year in high school he was away on his grandparents' ranch in Montana. His father had sent him off with a supply of condoms just in case he might "be messing with girls"--his dad wanted him to be prepared and not stupid.
That was the summer of my inititation into the wonderful world of sex with a dear young lady (five years older than I) whose loving attentions made me feel comfortable and confident about sex on that side of my sexuality. Somehow I knew that one day I would marry. And I did, but not before I had two other male partners and one otherfemale partner all in long term relationships. And, I was always a faithful partner.

Two of my male partners were divorced soon after they married. They simply found they could not function as traditionally married men. Both have been in long term and very discreet gay relationships since.

In sum, I would say that it is dangerous to generalize in this area. Yes, I do miss m2m sex;but, I also remember fondly the sex with two other women who were loving partners, but the love I had for them continues and I would not do anything to cause harm to their present relationships or my own. Life is choices and mature persons accept the restraints which choices place on our activities.

 

[pablovian]

Hhhmmmmm - all very general responses. I guess I am more looking for mechanical answers. How do gay guys who aren't very physically attracted to women get erections hard enough to have fun in the bedroom?

 

[petite]

Hhhmmmmm - all very general responses. I guess I am more looking for mechanical answers. How do gay guys who aren't very physically attracted to women get erections hard enough to have fun in the bedroom?

That's a good question. I wouldn't know.

I just have to say, I can't stop looking at your avatar. It's both hilarious and drop dead sexy. So much joy in one little picture!

 

[TomCat84]

Hhhmmmmm - all very general responses. I guess I am more looking for mechanical answers. How do gay guys who aren't very physically attracted to women get erections hard enough to have fun in the bedroom?

Perhaps they aren't 100% gay, or perhaps whatever other qualities the woman presents turns him on, or maybe they don't have vaginal intercourse....a lot of variables...

 

[Viking_UK]

Hhhmmmmm - all very general responses. I guess I am more looking for mechanical answers. How do gay guys who aren't very physically attracted to women get erections hard enough to have fun in the bedroom?

It's not quite that simple and it's different for each guy/couple.
Some never do, and live in sexless marriages.
Others have occasional sex with their wife - it's a case of when you're horny, you'll screw anything.
Some guys fantasise about men while having sex with their wife.
There are guys who are attracted to men, but who fell in love with a woman and she's the only woman they're attracted to. They often fixate on one or two things about her - boobs, lips, legs, voice, hair... and that's enough to get them by.
To some guys a partner is a wank with skin attached. They just focus on themselves and she's just a fleshlight with extra bits.
Plenty of other couples use roleplay and toys - again, when you're worked up and horny, you'll screw anything.
Then, there are the guys who resort to drink, drugs, porn, aphrodisiacs etc. If you're drunk, either you'll screw anything or you've got the excuse of brewer's droop. Same with drugs. Porn gets you turned on to the point where you'll screw anything...
Other couples get into group sex, swinging, dogging - not to say that every guy who does is a closeted gay man, but some are.


There are probably as many ways of doing it as there are gay men who are married to women.

 

[pablovian]

Thanks Viking UK