I have a stake in this argument. I have been HIV+ for over twenty years and have no intention of ever wearing a condom again.
I am a strict serosorter, which means that I only fuck fellow poz guys. I haven't even had an oral-only encounter with anyone who claimed to be negative in over three years. Serosorting, however, only works between poz guys. There is no such thing as negative serosorting, period.
I became sexually active in the mid-seventies, when I was a teenager. There was no knowledge of HIV then, and no one I knew wore condoms. When it seemed as though everyone around me was dropping like flies in the 80s, I like many others ran to the "safety" of relationships, but it was no guarantee of safety as it turned out, and I have buried three lovers.
I am certain that there are many among the members here who have successfully integrated safer sex practices into their sexplay, people who have learned to sexualize condoms. I never did,
To me, condoms were always a necessary bother. Whether I put them on myself or had help from the bottom, it was always pretty much the same thing: a break in the action just when I least desired one. There was never a moment when I would put on a condom that I wasn't reminded of why they were so necessary. And I'll go on record as saying that such reminders were never affirmations of the positive, life-affirming possibilities of a strong libido.
In the time that I've been serosorting and forgoing condoms (about three years now), I've had an incredible reawakening of interest in sex, and have explored aspects of my sexuality I'd put away in mothballs years and years ago. I've had some wonderful encounters with some incredibly sexy men.
But I've also suffered the pain and humiliation of two UTIs, one mouth infection that nearly cost me three teeth, and one bout with MRSA that almost cost me a leg. No one has to remind me of the risks involved in engaging in unprotected sex.
It's been just about a year since I've indulged in some of the crazier antics I've written about in my blog,
The Spin Cycle. I am taking some time to sort out priorities. But even if I've been less sexually active lately than at other times in my life, I've hardly been celibate. And I refuse to feel criminalized by others for my sexual activity.
If I seem a tad nihilistic, I guess I am. I honestly never expected to reach 30. I was shocked when I made it to 40. At this point, 50 seems like pretty much a sure thing (barring the proverbial bus), though I've learned to keep my aspirations simple and my goals few.
Just as I am unapologetic as regards my own behavior, I am sharp and on-point as regards a sex-positive HIV prevention message. I would never suggest that a neg bareback with a hook-up. I don't even encourage fellow poz guys to follow my lead. Everybody's got a brain (the largest sex organ, after all), and everyone can think for themselves. Life is all about taking educated risks. And ultimately, each of us is responsible for his/her own health.