Gay Guys, Want Kids?

Discussion in 'Et Cetera, Et Cetera' started by jason_els, Oct 9, 2007.

  1. jason_els

    jason_els <img border="0" src="/images/badges/gold_member.gi

    Joined:
    Dec 16, 2004
    Messages:
    10,576
    Likes Received:
    25
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Warwick, NY, USA
    Yesterday was a brilliantly warm fall day here in Burlington and today we saw a lot of gay families. Vermont has more than its fair share of gay couples because it is one of the few states to extend complete marriage rights to gay couples. That and it's the most left-leaning state in the country.

    It got me thinking about how many gay people, partnered or not, want to have children. Unlike lesbians, gay men can't do this on their own and too there is the question of relationship status, income, lifestyle impact. Do you adopt or find a surrogate? Do you ask a female friend?

    I'm 41 and have thought about having kids. I find the older I get the more I welcome the idea. When I was young I told myself I wanted to be a young father but, sadly, that did not come to pass. Now I don't know if it will ever happen but I'm not all that disappointed... yet. It is comforting to know that I will be able to father children at any point should I decide I want to.

    Are you a gay dad? and I don't mean daddy :tongue: Have you thought of having children? What is your stance? Would you wait to be partnered first? Would you be willing to move to a state where you and your husband would have equal legal parental rights? Do you even want children?

    Most importantly, what brought you to the decision you've made?
     
  2. CityGuy82

    CityGuy82 New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 12, 2007
    Messages:
    45
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    8
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    LA
    I've always wanted a family for as long as I can remember. I always figured that I would meet someone special and we would be partnered and then start a family. I knew it would have to happen sometime after college.

    The way i grew up with families all around me and using my own family as a nice model, it doesn't surprise me that this is what I want for myself as well. As i get older I am finding that I want it more and more. The problem I'm finding, however, is meeting a guy even remotely around my age who wants an LTR. Alas.

    Anyone out there? haha.
     
  3. SpoiledPrincess

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Dec 28, 2006
    Messages:
    8,167
    Likes Received:
    29
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    england
    It's difficult for gay men, as you say they can't just go out and get pregnant like lesbian partners can. Gayness is about your sexuality not about your ability to be a good parent, having sex with men doesn't in any way mean you're less able to be a great partner and I think that there are so many kids out there who are unwanted that it should be a little easier to adopt, a lot of it seems to rest on how much money you have and your age too.
     
  4. findfirefox

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Oct 9, 2005
    Messages:
    2,143
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Portland, OR
    Someday...
     
  5. jason_els

    jason_els <img border="0" src="/images/badges/gold_member.gi

    Joined:
    Dec 16, 2004
    Messages:
    10,576
    Likes Received:
    25
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Warwick, NY, USA

    Adoption is tough and costly. Everything about you, your history, your life, your character, goes through a wringer. On top of that is the eye-popping cost of the process itself. Surrogacy costs even more. At least when you're gay and male, it seems you have to be rich to be able to have children.
     
  6. findfirefox

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Oct 9, 2005
    Messages:
    2,143
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Portland, OR
    It must be because there is such a limited amount of children that need a home.
     
  7. novice_btm

    Staff Member Moderator Gold Member

    Joined:
    Feb 25, 2006
    Messages:
    18,199
    Albums:
    4
    Likes Received:
    861
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Los Angeles (CA, US)
    I always thought that I'd have kids, but as passing days, turn into passing years, I wonder more, and I doubt more. It gets a bit crushing at times, especially because kids always love me, and I'm always told how good I am with them.
     
  8. davidjh7

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 12, 2006
    Messages:
    2,714
    Likes Received:
    13
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    seattle
    I think I have posted this before. My one real regret about being gay, is not getting to be a father. Yes, I know that in some cases, you can adopt (pretty difficult for a gay man or couple, unless you have LOTS of money to search and get through the process, and fight the endless laws and perceptions about the ability of gay men to be valid and decent fathers. We have a fair amount of that attitude represented on this site, so I know people are aware of it. I chose, when I was about 21, NOT to try and pursue a straight lifestyle, which would have allowed me to be a dad, and have a family---but at the cost of being a complete hypocrite and phoney to the very people who would be the most important in my life, and risking slipping. I love and respect women, and especially children, enough to never do that to a family. So, I made probably the most difficult choice of my life, and never pursued it. Others may or may not feel the privilege of being a parent is very special. Many people consider it a major burden, and have gone so far as to throw their children away, or even kill their own children. These acts sadden me and disgust me more than I can convey. So, yes, I always wanted to be a father, but for the sake of the family I never had, or will have, I went a different road.
     
  9. Zoeappeal

    Zoeappeal New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 29, 2007
    Messages:
    95
    Likes Received:
    2
    Sure gays want to have children...apparently WCU (my old school) is full of gays. I love my gay friends. I've been asked multiple times if I'll be the mother of their children. I don't see any thing wrong with it...I was asked to be on a 10 year plan-a kid every other year with one gay couple.

    I heard recently that there is a procedure where sperm can be made out of the bone marrow of a woman and used to impregnate another woman. That's an abomination...if that's the truth...then would we revert back to the days of Amazons-where men would only be needed for their cocks? and would that be so bad? haha.
     
  10. huw ginnit

    huw ginnit New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 2, 2007
    Messages:
    387
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    North West
    Parenting is one of the few things I feel I am missing out on, though that said I cope. Friends have offered to "help" out but the intricacies of the arrangement have never been thought through fully, either by them or me, so perhaps it's best not to venture to far down that road if the first obstacle becomes insurmountable.

    In Manchester there is a charity which helps you gay teens to live in a foster arrangment called the Albert Kennedy Trust, they do excellent work with young people who cannot live at home due to their sexuality, runaways and homeless kids in positions of danger, but then that isn't the same a raising your own kids. I don't know, I'm happy to focus that love on my partner and pets, the best surrogates I know of!
     
  11. B_All4show

    B_All4show New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 4, 2007
    Messages:
    697
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Midwest


    Here's the deal Jason, I think I can be candid with you and you will not go nuts.

    I look at it this way. I would love to screw 2 or 3 different woman a week and do threesomes with hot chicks etc. I know if I really tried, I could do it. (I have all of the tools necessary) But I do not. Why? Â…Because I wanted (and now have) a family.

    So if you have to make a sacrifice about your fantasies about having sex with guys etc, get over it. Show some self control, get out from behind the computer and meet a woman.
     
  12. Principessa

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 22, 2006
    Messages:
    19,494
    Likes Received:
    28
    Gender:
    Female
    I would tend to agree with you on that Jason, only because the gay men I know who have adopted have a combined income of over $125,000. I'm not saying it's impossible for a gay man or couple to adopt with salaries under $100K I just haven't met any who have yet.:redface:



    Sadly, that is not the reason.

    My God you are naiveFFF! It's kinda sweet, but now I have to worry about you being alone out there in the big, bad, scary world all alone.


    You have got to be kidding me! Did you not read the part of his profile which states that he is 70% gay?

    Let's say he were actually able to turn on and off his preference for cock over pussy like a light switch. Finding someone with whom you click and care about enough to bring a child into this world is not easy. Heck, I've been looking for the right guy to settle down with, off and on for the last 20 years!
     
  13. Industrialsize

    Staff Member Moderator Gold Member

    Joined:
    Dec 23, 2006
    Messages:
    24,286
    Albums:
    2
    Likes Received:
    2,154
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    United States
    Many gay men want to have children. I happen to NOT be one of them. I've been with my Husband since I was 20 and am 47 now. We've talked about it. neither of us feel like our life has lacked anything. We're very happy with each other(and the occaisional dalliance) and our 4 cats.
     
  14. B_All4show

    B_All4show New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 4, 2007
    Messages:
    697
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Midwest
    I didn't say it would be easy. Finding the right women, having kids and staying married to a woman could be the hardest thing he has ever done in his life. There will be sacrifices along the way.
     
  15. Dal2AR

    Dal2AR Member

    Joined:
    Sep 22, 2007
    Messages:
    60
    Likes Received:
    2
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Arkansas
    For a man who is truly gay, finding the right woman and staying with her is living a complete lie. Yes, I would like to have kids. But...I'm unwilling to meet a woman...take viagra and live a lie to have kids. If I figure out a way to adopt or meet a lesbian who likes the concept...then fine. For a gay man...there IS no right woman.
    To compare your choice of not to have multiple partners to denying one's sexuality is quite naive...
     
  16. DC_DEEP

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Apr 13, 2005
    Messages:
    9,029
    Likes Received:
    12
    No, I have never wanted to have children, for many reasons. But the main reason is just simply that I didn't want to have children.
    *me hitting you over the head with the sarcasm hammer...*
    Consider the source, dear...
     
  17. DaveyR

    DaveyR Retired Moderator
    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jun 15, 2006
    Messages:
    11,908
    Likes Received:
    8
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Northumberland
    No thanks. We love kids especially our nieces and nephews. We are too selfish. We love the life that we have and wouldn't want to change it. If you have kids then you make sacrificies of your own needs and put those of the kids first. We aren't prepared to do that.
     
  18. AlteredEgo

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 12, 2006
    Messages:
    14,453
    Albums:
    3
    Likes Received:
    6,542
    Location:
    United States
    The greatest sacrifice is that of the woman, and she might not even know it. She would sacrifice finding a man who truely is in love with her, and man who is very attracted to her, and who doesn't wonder every day if he's settled. She deserves a man like that, and their children? Well, they deserve parents who are well-adjusted and happy.

    You've got bizarre priorities. If you'd prefer to have a lifestyle which isn't monogamous, you needn't have settled for one in order to raise a happy familiy. In fact, your dissatisfaction puts your family's security at risk daily. Good job.
     
  19. Principessa

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 22, 2006
    Messages:
    19,494
    Likes Received:
    28
    Gender:
    Female




    Are you saying that all gay men are narcissistic and selfish? :tongue: j/k That was my lame attempt at sarcasm.
     
  20. DaveyR

    DaveyR Retired Moderator
    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jun 15, 2006
    Messages:
    11,908
    Likes Received:
    8
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Northumberland
    Nooooooo .....but I am :wink:
     
Draft saved Draft deleted