well, as an average looking straight guy myself, I have only got hit on twice. by an openly gay man once, it happened about 7 years ago at a party and before that, when I was in college, a teammate on my athletic team tried as well.
the first time, he was a friend of my friend whose birthday party it was, and the party was in her home. He was also there with his boyfriend. both guys were very nice and very average looking, however (let's call him "J") J was sort of very flirtatious and rather effeminate in the stereotype that is commonly played up in main stream TV sitcoms etc. HIs personality was very much like the funny guy on Will and Grace (forget his name). now J's boyfriend "K" was much more reserved and quiet, but a nice guy and interesting to talk to. So the entire night J was hitting on me and flirting with me, which was fine with me as long as it was sort of joking, and I played along, since I am a pretty good sport and would never want to offend anyone, but then I became progressibely more uncomfortable as even though he was joking around he tried to sit on my lap and then hug me and peck me on the cheek and neck etc. I know he was joking and perhaps had a bit too much to drink, so I was a bit happy when he decided to move on to my friend
It was not really that upsetting to me so much as it just made me a little uncomfortable when he was doing the whole lap thing because while he felt that I was a genuinely nice person, I think he took a bit of advantage of that niceness, and I personally would never hurt someone by jumping at them and being mean. Anyway, once he stopped, I guess he jsut lost interest, he moved on to my friend, who when he has a bit to drunk becomes one of those life of the party guys, god bless him, and gets silly and will do anything for a laugh, so although very straight, he humored J a bit more and let him sit on his lap and made jokes and they got along well and everyone was laughing when J asked my friend to spank him in front of everyone. I thought it was funny and wasn't too terribly bothered by the incident, and afterwards, the boyfriend spoke to me for a few minutes and apologized to me in case I had felt uncomfortable. I told him I really didn;t mind too much and it was no big deal, all in good fun etc. and had a really nice interesting chat with him.
But I do worry about people like "J", because while I feel it does not necessarily give gay men a "bad name" or "bad image" I think it is playing with fire in that he is going to do that to the wrong person some time... the kind of person that would beat up or hurt just about anyone if someone said the wrong thing to them, regardless of orientation, but would use homosexuality and being hit on by a man as an excuse (justifiable in his own mind) to really harm someone.
The other time, I was 19 years old, at my college and me and about 6-7 other guys from our team were hanging out, at a house rented by a couple of the guys, and we had all dropped acid a couple hours before...me and several others had experience with it, but one of the guys, who had only even smoked pot only maybe twice, started to really freak out on the acid. He was sort of a dumb goofy jock guy, but had a good heart, and was not one of those mean jock types that are so stereotypical.
Having experience with LSD, I was a bit worried about him, and when he went upstairs alone and did not come down for a few minutes, I decided to check up on him after I used the bathroom. Anyway, there he was, call him "T", in his room with the door open, and he had taken off all his clothes except for his tightie whities, and he was just freaking out, and crying, and seeing things and was very very upset, so I began trying to talk him down. he was sitting on his bed on the edge, feet on the floor so I sat next to him and said "you're going to be fine...don;t worry....I'm not gonna leave you alone, you are going to get through this (I didn't have the heart to tell him he was going to have another 10 hours to go)...so he was crying, and saying "I am going to die, I wish this would stop, please help me please help me, call Sherry(his girlfriend, who knew absolutely zero about LSD, not a good idea)"
So I put my hand around his shoulder and said..."you aren't going to die, I am going to help you, I am not going let you have a bad time or die, come one, we're going to get out of this stuffy house and go to the park or the to the quad and hang out on the lawn and play frisbee (middle of the night, but hey it was college and you do what you want) so come on, get dressed, it;s a nice night...come on, we'll call Sherry to come over and meet us..."
and literally, out of nowhere, he picked his head up and leaned over towards my face really quickly and he tried to kiss me...tongue out and all...well predictably, I just kind of freaked and recoiled really quickly and pushed him back while at the same time saying "T!!!", and I stood up and took a step or two back really quickly ...and he didn't seem to realize and then for a second he was kind of shocked and then he realized what he tried to do, and that really caused him to become very scared and ashamed...so anyway, I was a bit shaken by this, and just then, two of our other friends came in the room, concerned, because they had heard me shout...and said "what's wrong"....by that point T was in a complete panic...he started saying over and over again "What's wrong with me, what;s wrong withm...I just tried to kiss him (me) oh no, oh no...please don't tell anyone"
so my friends were a bit perplexed, they noticed I was a bit shaken up, and asked me if that happened, so reflexively, I said "yeah but I think he was just freaking out..."
It was very weird, and to be honest, I was most concerned about the team attitude towards T, if it spread, because especially in the athletic locker room on teams, it could ruin a guys life and many of the guys were not mature, or understanding, or open enough to be able to deal with T if that was the case.
Nothing was ever said further about it, and I have not seen him in many years, but I think he definitely had some tenedencies, because a couple of months later I saw him at the college Psychology counseling offices, where i went on a weekly basis to rant about how much I hated my father and hated my major and hated blah blah blah...and then I saw him there, he was shocked to see me, as I don;t think he believed anyone he knew would be there...anyway, he said to me..."please don't tell any of the guys on the team you saw me here...I don't want them to know"
so I siad "T, getting psychological help is nothing to be embarassed about, everyone has problems, and you're much stronger for getting help then by leaving whatever problems you have to eat away at you."
He said, "just please don't tell anyone....It is hard enough for me to look in the mirror, please don't tell anyone...I don't want anybody to know".
Though he never specified what he "didn;t want anybody to know", it seemed sort of obvious to me when I thought about it, and obviously, I never said anything to anyone, but even though we were teammates, he never really spoke to me again, barely looked at me and was standoffish with me, as if he couldn't bear the thought that I knew his secret. What's worse for me, is that I was probably the one who would have been most understanding and least likely to judge him, having had a closeted father myself who tortured himself and my family for years and is still doing so, because he still cannot come out or even live the way he wants because of his fears of what others think, even though it would probably finally give him some peace in life.
Anyway, I haven;t seen "T" in about 15 years....I just hope he has found some peace for his soul, since it seems so obvious all these years later that he was struggling with something he knew he was yet could not handle at the time...
oh well.
sorry for rambling.
:smile: