'Gay Lifestyle'

[arthur]

Okay....I very rarely start a thread on this forum, but finally was driven to distraction by the number of people who still are convinced that being gay is something that is chosen. That it is a life 'style'.

I am sure that all of the out and practicing gay men and women here feel exactly the same. When are people gonna finally understand that being gay is not something that we choose because we like Barbra Streisand, or have penchant for Judy Garland records. I know there is a conservative right, both here and in the United States that would like to believe that we have just 'decided to be gay' to spite what the bible or any other righteous group would have us believe. Once and for all. We do not choose to be gay, we are born with the pre ordained sexual chemistry that attracts us to our own sex. Can we finally knock this absurd nonsense on the head and move forward in the 21st century and finally accept that we are not the children of satan. We are just gay...not 'fags' just gay.

Moreover this notion that you can 'train' yourself to be heterosexual is complete and utter nonsense. This is not so much a discussion as a fustrated member who has finally had enough of reading in too many misguided posts about members who have 'experimented' with their 'gay' side and 'taught' or 'trained' their mind into believing that it is not for them.

If the world did not condemn gay people how many of you would be gay and happy with it!?

Am I the only one who has had enough of this?!

 

[Industrialsize]

I don't have a lifestyle, I have a life.

 

[Kotchanski]

You're not the only one!

I long ago got used to the idea that people with that opinion are going to hold onto it for dear life regardless of what anyone else has to say on the subject, but the latest version, in my opinion is even worse than the previously held opinion...

"Your sexuality isn't a choice, but you choose to act on it. You could just be normal, you know, just don't do it!"

Yes yes, we want tolerance but refuse to tolerate those who don't tolerate us, we're just as bad as they are, blah, blah and some more blah... If you're too dumb to understand why your opinion is offensive, you could at the very least attempt to do the right thing and keep your nose out of shit that doesn't concern you, and leave us the fuck alone.

 

[petite]

I'm with you, Arthur!

Furthermore, I'm sick of the implication that there's anything wrong with being gay, which is what they're doing when they claim that a person should try to not be gay. If a person is ashamed of being homosexual, it's not okay with me if they try to shame other people about being homosexual, too. I'm sympathetic when a person can't handle his own inner demons and learn to love himself, but being hateful towards other people because you hate yourself doesn't make it acceptable in my eyes.

 

[bwhip1011]

I'm in complete agreement, but would like to add that I'm appreciative of sites such as this. When I was younger (I'm 2 years older than you, arthur) there wasn't any internet. I really love this type of site because it truly is such a mix of straight, gay, and bi. I'm hoping that helps to educate and enlighten on everyone's differences. I guess that I just don't really pay any attention to those that won't let go of the idea that it's a choice. I sort of see them dust or something that I need to clean up if and when I get the time.

 

[nudeyorker]

I don't have a lifestyle, I have a life.

^This! I don't know how to say it any better but I live my life the same as most of the people that I know gay and straight. I go to work, sometime I pick my friends children up at school, I come home and cook dinner and discuss the day and what is happening in the world. I worry about my friends and family. I pay my bills and taxes on time, sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and worry about the future. The majority of my daily activities do not have anything to do with being gay; I like to play tennis and surf and snow ski... do I do it more gay or something? What I do behind closed doors is another story; I still can't believe anyone cares about what I'm doing... I could care less what they are doing.

 

[B_Hung Jon]

In my own experience in high school especially there was a sort of hierarchy in terms of what was acceptable as far as sexual orientation went. Although people were publicly anti-homophobic, there was always the snickering behind effeminate gay guys' backs. Even though in liberal Los Angeles, people would still make fun of those who were "different". There was a underlying assumption that if effeminate gay guys wanted to be straight, they could just CHANGE. That's when I made the conscious decision to be open about having sexual relationships with both girls and guys. I find that I am attracted to certain men and certain women. It's just what I feel. There's no changing who I am. I think a lot of people are attracted to the same gender, but they sublimate it and pretend it isn't there. I find this especially true of guys who feel they have something to prove. I do notice more and more younger gay guys are admitting their sexual/emotional feelings for the same gender. At the same time I see some rabidly homophobic males are protesting that they deserve the same rights as gay guys...except that the straight guys were never really oppressed in the first place. It's hard for me to respect their sexuality in the same way I do gay people's.

 

[D_Relentless Original]

Can I ask a stupid question?

What is a 'Gay Lifestyle'?

 

[azladd]

Okay....I very rarely start a thread on this forum, but finally was driven to distraction by the number of people who still are convinced that being gay is something that is chosen. That it is a life 'style'.

I am sure that all of the out and practicing gay men and women here feel exactly the same. When are people gonna finally understand that being gay is not something that we choose because we like Barbra Streisand, or have penchant for Judy Garland records. I know there is a conservative right, both here and in the United States that would like to believe that we have just 'decided to be gay' to spite what the bible or any other righteous group would have us believe. Once and for all. We do not choose to be gay, we are born with the pre ordained sexual chemistry that attracts us to our own sex. Can we finally knock this absurd nonsense on the head and move forward in the 21st century and finally accept that we are not the children of satan. We are just gay...not 'fags' just gay.

Moreover this notion that you can 'train' yourself to be heterosexual is complete and utter nonsense. This is not so much a discussion as a fustrated member who has finally had enough of reading in too many misguided posts about members who have 'experimented' with their 'gay' side and 'taught' or 'trained' their mind into believing that it is not for them.

If the world did not condemn gay people how many of you would be gay and happy with it!?

Am I the only one who has had enough of this?!

I was thrown off by the title of your thread. I wouldnt try to get too frustrated although it may be easier said than done. But the truth is, everyone is going to have their own view and belief about the issue no matter what. As long as you are confident with your own view and are at peace with yourself, this is what ultimately matters. Some people believe it is a choice because there are some gay people who feel it has been a choice for them. There are some gays who feel they were born that way but try to live a life that does not confront the issue at all hence "being in the closet". Others are totally convinced they are born that way and live their life accordingly. But everyone has their own reality . As far as lifestyle, that is a matter of opinion as well. Some gays live what some would call a normal life while others live their life around their sexuality-meaning they only dine at gay restaurants, go on gay only cruises, go to gay clubs and mainly have only gay friends. This can be viewed as a " gay lifestyle" for some. While people may disagree,those who don't aren't necessarily wrong. I think tolerance goes both ways. People have always had a tendency to stereotype minorities, people of different religions, genders. This will never change. But as long as you are at peace with yourself, this is what counts the most.

 

[Bbucko]

Moreover this notion that you can 'train' yourself to be heterosexual is complete and utter nonsense. This is not so much a discussion as a fustrated member who has finally had enough of reading in too many misguided posts about members who have 'experimented' with their 'gay' side and 'taught' or 'trained' their mind into believing that it is not for them.

If the world did not condemn gay people how many of you would be gay and happy with it!?

Am I the only one who has had enough of this?!

I'm really picky now about which threads I even bother opening these days, let alone those for which I might have any reasonable feedback/input. I can't say that I've noticed a conservative and/or anti-gay bias here on LPSG, and if I saw a post that I found distinctly offensive, I'd report it.

As to the larger question posed in this thread: I did not choose be be erotically attracted to my own gender to the near-total exclusion of the other. Anyone who thinks that it's a choice is trapped somewhere in the 1960s or earlier.

On the other hand, I have always chosen to be open and honest about it, frequently to my short-term detriment. I came out as a senior in HS in 1977, so really in a sense I was never in any closets: certainly not as an adult. I don't choose to wear clothing in public, but I do choose to wear things that are both currently fashionable and which fit me well.

I choose to live in the heart of a gay ghetto because I can; there was a time when I lived a perfectly assimilated lifestyle in Connecticut with a partner and a dog and a house on an acre and a half and nearly went crazy out of boredom and isolation.

I didn't really choose my current work in a gay bar as much as they were the only ones who'd hire me after I'd been eased completely off the schedule at a tony boutique after having contracted the shingles. I've been there five years now, doing a variety of jobs, and rewarded the chance I was given with a fierce loyalty.

Though I'm not comparing same-sex sexual orientation with an illness, I didn't choose to become infected with HIV, but I do choose to disclose it randomly and constantly; after 27 years it's as much a part of me as my eye color.

 

[CuteBoiSAV]

I'm here, I'm queer, I'll kiss my man in front of you, just like you do your wife. Don't like it, look away. Make a comment, I'll say something to you. Your rights end where mine begin.

I'm gay, I was born this way, and damn it, I'm gonna own it. Who the HELL is anyone to tell me what normal is? I am normal. I am normal for ME. I can sing Gaga, and scream at hockey. I can rock some stilettos, or some uggz. I can shoot a mussle loader, and hem my pants. I'm more MAN than most guys, and I'm still more lady than those guys could dream of handling or getting.

Just. My. Two. Cents.

 

[hungboy18]

I don't have a lifestyle, I have a life.

so true!

 

[B_subgirrl]

I'm with you, Arthur!

Furthermore, I'm sick of the implication that there's anything wrong with being gay, which is what they're doing when they claim that a person should try to not be gay. If a person is ashamed of being homosexual, it's not okay with me if they try to shame other people about being homosexual, too. I'm sympathetic when a person can't handle his own inner demons and learn to love himself, but being hateful towards other people because you hate yourself doesn't make it acceptable in my eyes.

This. Well said, Petite.

 

[arthur]

Thanks all for your contributions. Really appreciate your views. And yes many of you may well ask what a 'gay lifestyle' is. I personally haven't a clue?! It comes from one of the myriad of threads from some troll that decided to side line with some dumb ass ignorant view on being gay, hence the quotation marks.

But agree with you all. This is what you are getting. If ya don't like, don't look. And sure as hell don't comment and ask me to change just because you don't feel comfortable with it?! Still floored that these views are relevant today?! Can we please just move on?!

 

[erratic]

The gay lifestyle is the straw man in the far right's ridiculous arguments in favour of shoving their beliefs down our throats. They created it, and all of its various parts are reflective of what goes on in their brains, not our lives.

 

[arthur]

The gay lifestyle is the straw man in the far right's ridiculous arguments in favour of shoving their beliefs down our throats. They created it, and all of its various parts are reflective of what goes on in their brains, not our lives.

Brilliantly said.

 

[askew]

I don't have a lifestyle, I have a life.

Couldn't be said any better.

 

[arthur]

Bump...this discussion got lost far too quickly...;-)

 

[Cybearia]

Gay people, please could you stop being gay. It is spiteful and rude. You know you're only doing it out of pique and so you can claim all the best music, celebrities and holiday resorts as your own. Also, ethnic minorities, please could you try not to be quite so dark, I mean we alll llike a bit of a tan, but really. Oh and women...the boobs? Must you?

 

[ColonialBoy]

Never been to a gay bar, bathhouse etc. Play normal sports with normal guys who think i'm normal. Dont own pink underwear.

What's wrong with me.