Gay men and relationships

Joegrant43

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To any gay or bi men in a relationship, do you find it hard to stay monogamous? I have never cheated, but off and on for years I crave to get fucked by a huge cock and to find a guy who cums like a fountain. I thought the feeling would eventually would disappear but no the urge is as strong as ever. Talking to my partner about a threesome is not an option. Anyone else feel the stress of wanting more?
 

Laserbeak

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Most of the coupled men I know here have open relationships and have no problems either playing with a third or letting their partner play with someone else separately when they're busy.
 

Infernal

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It's about communication. Talk to your partner about your desires and needs in an honest manner. Tell him you have fantasies and see if he is willing to help you explore them. You both might discover a whole other side to each other that you didn't know about. Maybe he has fantasies as well.
 

Sexyguy

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Most of the coupled men I know here have open relationships and have no problems either playing with a third or letting their partner play with someone else separately when they're busy.

Yeah me and my ex had an open relationship. He'd always come first but we'd often have threesomes and both slept with other guys from time to time. I don't think there's anything wrong with it provided you both are cool with it.
 

FuzzyKen

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I have been in a monogamous relationship for many years. We have many jokes between us in that we are allowed to look and fantasize as much as we want to. It is normal to think of others and to have sexual fantasies. We are married not dead. It is also normal to think about sex outside a relationship simply because this is a relief for monotony or boredom. When I was a great deal younger I had my days of fooling around nearly endlessly. What is more important is that the focus of any relationship be the relationship itself and not sex. If sex were the most important thing and one requires variety in order to be happy then the relationship was not right to begin with.

In current times we still have numerous STD's which can be transmitted and the person serving as vector may not be aware, or not choose to reveal that he is carrying something. In the same line a "Marriage", "Union" or committed relationship has to mean something. If one is out and sexually active outside the relationship why the relationship?

I have known a very high percentage of committed monogamous relationships some stretching past 50 or 60 years in duration. Everybody is different and when I entered this relationship many years ago we both understood and wanted something that would last and did not involve violations of the commitment to each other based on convenience.

Everybody is tempted to cheat. There must be some written rule that the minute you get married or in a committed relationship that people start propositioning you, because that has certainly been my experience. Temptation will always be there and I find humor in it.

People have to think of commitment as just that. While the rules are different for every relationship as to what is acceptable and what isn't I, in my own case cannot see cheating or anything like this because I made a commitment and I am proud of the commitment I made. Like other promises in life I always try to keep the promises or commitments I make on all levels.
 

MuscledHorse

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I always find it interesting--and a little disturbing--that the gay world felt it necessary to adopt the Christian fabricated notion of monogamy or sex = love. People who understand the difference between our primal drives for sexual pleasure and love are the ones I've encountered as the most successful relationship. What gets them off has nothing to do with who they come home to or will do anything for. The number of so -called monogamous relationships--gay and straight--where I've encountered at least one person playing on the side is so high it say ot me there are a lot of very deluded people out there.
 

AlexDB9

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I'm built for monogamy. For me, the prospect of being with my loved one and screwing a bunch of other people is depressing. I was with one partner who told me after we'd been together for a while that he wanted an open relationship so we went our separate ways. The man I met after that wanted what I did.

I was raised on 2 hippie communes surrounded by naked people practicing monogamy, polygamy, open relationships, bisexuality, homosexuality, heterosexuality...it was all right there in front of me and they were all my loved ones. I'm fortunate not to have any religious baggage and I was exposed to many kinds of relationships.

Years ago I had a group of friends who hammered me for my beliefs in monogamy, telling me there was something wrong with the way I lived, heaping healthy dollops of judgment because I was different than them. Where are they now? Every last one of them is dead.

Open relationships aren't "natural" for everyone. One size does NOT fit all. None of this is a moral issue, it's just what feels right. And yes, there are lots of other men who believe as I do; water seeks its own level.
 
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BikerBear

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I have been with my husband for nearly 10 years now. We are each other's soul mates, through and through.

Although we have been monogamous, we have entertained the idea of a 3-way. Rules of that game are 3-way with each other; end of. To date, that has yet to happen.
 

malakos

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Years ago I had a group of friends who hammered me for my beliefs in monogamy, telling me there was something wrong with the way I lived, heaping healthy dollops of judgment because I was different than them. Where are they now? Every last one of them is dead.

Jeez!
 

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I just hate this type of question..... Why is that if you Gay you can not be monogamous? I have been with my Husband for 14 years. If your in a real true loving relationship like ours, there is No need to invite other or go outside your relationship...period.
 

kayman

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I always find it interesting--and a little disturbing--that the gay world felt it necessary to adopt the Christian fabricated notion of monogamy or sex = love. People who understand the difference between our primal drives for sexual pleasure and love are the ones I've encountered as the most successful relationship. What gets them off has nothing to do with who they come home to or will do anything for. The number of so -called monogamous relationships--gay and straight--where I've encountered at least one person playing on the side is so high it say ot me there are a lot of very deluded people out there.

You obviously haven't been around people with functional patterns of monogamy, have you? Monogamy within same sex couples does occur (with sexes). :eek: Just because you don't see it for yourself doesn't mean it cannot happen and isn't happening more often than not with others.

I could go into a tangent about the delusions that that last sentence, but I'm not in the mood to even go there because that can of worms is so "readable" as the "kidz" says.
 

erratic

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Like FuzzyKen and AlexDB9, monogamy totally works for me. I also feel like I'm "built for monogamy." I have no problem with how other people choose to form relationships, but I just have no appetite to open mine up in any way. I enjoy sex with my husband, he's beautiful, I feel safe with him, and anything else feels like a silver medal - at best. Sure, there are lots of great-looking men out there, and if I weren't married I'd probably be all over them, but (to me) opening my relationship would feel like a step down from a place where I'm extremely happy.
 

Kdeimos

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I just hate this type of question..... Why is that if you Gay you can not be monogamous? I have been with my Husband for 14 years. If your in a real true loving relationship like ours, there is No need to invite other or go outside your relationship...period.

See, I think this is an equally problematic stance. No one here is saying that if you're gay you MUST be non-monogamous. Of course you can if that's what you and your partner both want! If monogamy works for you and your partner, awesome!

But relationships do not come in a "one size fits all" box.

The beauty of non-heteronormative relationships is that we should feel free to not ascribe to either end of the ridiculous binary. I've known couples in open relationships that you would NEVER accuse of being in anything but a "true loving relationship." They clearly adore each other in every possible way, and are 100% committed to each other. To say their relationship isn't "real" because they like to spice it up now and then just kind of makes you look like a judgmental asshole.
 

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Some people do feel ok with open relationships where they each sleep with others or where it is ok to bring someone else. i think the later may be ok depending on the circumstances but a relationship is about making the other person as happy as possible. i've been tempted about having threesomes, but i never went through with them bc i felt like i was being too selfish if i did. i think monogamy is the way to go. it is not about following a christian way of life. it is about showing affection, commitment and not being selfish about your needs and sleeping with others, but putting your loved one's needs above yours. it is definitely possible, but you need open, clean, honest conversations and finding that special someone who's happiness is more important that yours.
 

robi06

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Like FuzzyKen and AlexDB9, monogamy totally works for me. I also feel like I'm "built for monogamy." I have no problem with how other people choose to form relationships, but I just have no appetite to open mine up in any way. I enjoy sex with my husband, he's beautiful, I feel safe with him, and anything else feels like a silver medal - at best. Sure, there are lots of great-looking men out there, and if I weren't married I'd probably be all over them, but (to me) opening my relationship would feel like a step down from a place where I'm extremely happy.

well said eratic. i feel the same way when i'm in relationships
 

Amaethon

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I am 100% monogamous. I abhor the sleazy/whorish/slutish 'culture' that I expected to embrace, so I opt out. If a guy I date can't handle it, then he and I aren't meant to be. I believe that monogamy is the best expression of love.

I just hate this type of question..... Why is that if you Gay you can not be monogamous? I have been with my Husband for 14 years. If your in a real true loving relationship like ours, there is No need to invite other or go outside your relationship...period.

I'm happy to hear you guys have been together for so long! It makes me so happy to see other homosexual couples in it for the long run like this :smile:
 
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I am 100% monogamous. I abhor the sleazy/whorish/slutish 'culture' that I expected to embrace, so I opt out. If a guy I date can't handle it, then he and I aren't meant to be. I believe that monogamy is the best expression of love.



I'm happy to hear you guys have been together for so long! It makes me so happy to see other homosexual couples in it for the long run like this :smile:

Love is great and once you really find that person, it's magic.... :smile: