Gay Men: Ever feel the need/desire for a child?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by shizno, May 23, 2009.

  1. shizno

    shizno New Member

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    Over the past few days, I have been realizing more and more how much I do not like kids/toddlers/newborns, strictly becuase of my (one flaw here) extreme impatience with people. The more I though, the more I realized that my being gay is more and more okay with me, because I will likely never have to risk procreation.

    But now I have this freaky 'pull' I guess... to be a father figure. I don't know about father in the strictest sense, but still be there for some young, confused teenager like I once was, to tell him that life is O.K. occasionally. (and oddly enough, though I am not sexist, I can only imagine this being a son, never a daughter.)

    So now I wonder how many other gay men feel this way? A need to be the father to a child, or at least to part wisdom and comfort/what have you to that person?

    Thanks for you time + your thoughts.
     
  2. rick65

    rick65 Member

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    I think that even as a gay man as you start to get older one wishes to leave a mini-me behind after you're gone.
     
  3. r0ckedout

    r0ckedout New Member

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    All the time. Haha. But I've worked with kids all my life (yes, even though I'm only a mere 20 years old)! My sister babysat all the time, and dragged me along, so I've grown up taking care of little kids. I even work at a pediatrician's office right now.

    I don't know, for me I've just always had the urge to have kids. I'd love to have a boy and girl, but really, just kids in general. I don't know, I think it's such a great..."concept." If that's the word to use. You get to have these babies, these clean slates, and help them create their own life. You get to help mold them into what they are, try to help them make their own decisions that are hopefully the right decisions, etc. etc...you get to protect them and I dunno. And then you see them grow up and hope that they're what you want them to be, and you can help make sure they have a great life. And if you had a bad life growing up, you can help make sure they don't have to struggle like you did. I'm just rambling now, haha. But it's just such a powerful thing to me. *shrug*

    Almost relatedly, this year I took a class called "Family Relationships" and at some point in the course we watched a birthing video. Now, I've seen them before in high school and such, and always had the "yuck" mind process. But I actually teared up while watching it....yes, I admit to it, I teared up while watching a birthing video. Haha. It was the realization that I'll never get to have my "own" child in that sense...you know, sure, I can have a surrogate mother or what not---but the child isn't mine and my partner's actual baby. It just really struck me that day. I'm still rambling, huh? Hahah.

    In short...yes! I'd love to have kids and definitely have that desire.
     
  4. midlifebear

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    Five years of teaching 4th and 5th graders did wonders for satisfying my "daddy" genes and the need for children. I like children, but have never wanted any of my own. However, The Squeeze and I are checking around for a new dog. I'm thinking Airedale. He's thinking standard poodle (caniche).
     
  5. IntoxicatingToxin

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    I think most men feel that way, gay or straight. I know my brother has, and he's 100% gay. But there are ways to be a mentor and whatnot without having to actually raise your own kid. Volunteer programs and stuff for troubled kids. Might be worth looking into if you have the time. :smile:
     
  6. DiscoBoy

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    You could always adopt an older child if you don't want to deal with infants or toddlers. But perhaps the best option would be to join a "Big Brother program" or one of those "gay mentor" programs. The child wouldn't necessarily become your responsibility but you would still get to guide them, lend them your wisdom and comfort them.

    To answer the question though, I'm still pretty much a "child" myself so I haven't even begun thinking about that :tongue:.
     
  7. MrToolhung

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    I have often wanted to have children but the desire is not huge. At one time my partner and I considered adopting a child but we decided that may not be the best thing to do in our lives. I have to admit at that time we were more concerned about the next party or social outing and dealing with a child would not have been conducive to our social life.

    Now anytime we feel the need to be fathers we just get our 6 nephews or niece and spoil them. :tongue: Then send them home all hyped up on sugar! :eek:
     
  8. canuck_pa

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    I've never wanted children but I enjoy my niece and nephews and great nieces and nephews very much.

    One of the great things about being an uncle is I can take them out for the day, have fun and return them to their parents at night. I can also talk to them differently than their parents can and they can ask me things they wouldn't ask their parents.
     
  9. shizno

    shizno New Member

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    grrr.... This guy attempts to draw a direct connection between homosexuality and pedophilia, then pretends like he didn't:
    Gay Mentors for Fatherless Boys
     
  10. Munely

    Munely New Member

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    I think that one of my problem as a gay man would be this inability to understand such concepts. In such a way that I get jealous of people who do understand and feel ''the pull'' or the need, to have a family: husband, children. I don't want to be left out, I want to be able to experience life as fully as I can, so to see people striving on something that I don't understand makes me feel like I'm missing out, again.

    Maybe it'll come later; I'm still young. I really don't feel the urge to have children. I feel that I haven't lived enough yet for myself to become part of my personnal family dynamics. Honestly, when I think about my future and how I'm going to live and who I'm going to live with, it's kind of a blur.

    I guess it's all going to be a question of time and place, and especially if its the right person or not.
     
  11. invisibleman

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    No. I don't have the urge to leave any kids behind. I have a bunch of nephews and nieces in my immediate family. YEAH, I can get a woman if I wanted kids. I just don't have that urge. I would be a great father if I were one. :smile:
     
  12. lilbear

    lilbear Member

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    Yes- I used to have those paternal instincts every now and then when I was younger.
    Fortunately they never lasted very long!
     
  13. SEXXXX

    SEXXXX New Member

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    I'm in the same boat, and I am doing something about my nonexistent patience and my impetuousness

    I am planning to have one in the near future (boy not girl)

    Why? I believe age has something to do with it
     
  14. thadjock

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  15. erratic

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    Totally. I've wanted to be a dad since I was a kid and it's getting more and more pressing every year. The bf and I are starting the adoption proceedings soon.
     
  16. D_Jared Padalicki

    D_Jared Padalicki Account Disabled

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    That is great, congrats man!
     
  17. Joll

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    Yep, kids are cool. Would love a family at some point - but need to sort out other aspects of my life first, lol.

    (I know the thread was strictly aimed at gay men, but thought I'd answer anyway, :p).
     
  18. FuzzyKen

    FuzzyKen New Member

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    I can with little hesitation relate to all of this. As a teen growing up I absolutely hated kids. Now I must admit that the only real exposure I had endured to younger children and parenthood were the totally misbehaved little brats belonging to two stepsisters. What I later came to realize in life was that there were two problems. The first was that my judgment was based on my very limited observations, and two, my own theory in life is that if I criticize some other person for their parenting skills, can I do better.

    I cared for a failing parent for years. I survived dementia, incontinence, and many other things that would have tried the patience of a saint in the parent towards the end of her life. The level of work on this exceeded anything I could have ever imagined.

    After accomplishing this task and being there for her till the very end, I realized that my fears of parenting were basically the fears of responsibility for the long term consequences of my actions. My doubts were there because I felt that I would either not be quaified as a parent, or, because I was afraid.

    In 2005, kicking and screaming I found myself a parent or at least fulfilling that role when we inherited my Nephew. I watched my Nephew as he was abused again and again and again at home by a mentally ill younger sister and a mother who had simply no understanding of how to improve anything.

    The point came along where I actually could not take what I was seeing any longer. In July of 2004 my nephew came to stay with his other uncle and I in Palm Springs, CA. He was with us for two weeks. In that period of time a great deal about his home life came out. His blood Uncle became more and more angry at all that had transpired in the first 17-years of his life. I finally had endured enough when in January of 2005 the poor kid was driven to nearly a complete mental breakdown by his younger Sister.

    We talked to his Mother and began the process of taking this poor kid and trying to fix all the damage that had been done.

    Psychiatric and medical examinations of this teen revealed so much that was so disconcerting that we knew that wing it or not we could not possibly do any worse than what had done.

    Most kids spend their 18th Birthdays celebrating, my nephew spent his 18th on a Greyhound Cross Country bus leaving home just after HS graduation.

    I have never regretted the decision to take on this challenge. I have grown to love him and now feel that there is little difference between he and a child I would have sired. It was the right decision. Personally, there have been challenges to overcome to fix the damage. The psychiatric professional treating him diagnosed him with the worst case of Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome he had seen sice he had treated Viet Nam Vets. He's now 21 and we will with little doubt have him until his late 20's. Because of his mental trauma, and the problems of being born to an alcoholic parent, his development and common sense maturation were greatly retarded. He has an I.Q. which tested at 130, but, because of his parents at age 21 he has the mental maturity and decision making ability of a sloppy 17-year-old. I have embraced parenthood and I have shared some moments in the process of giving him direction that will be with me till I leave this world. There are other things that are interesting. Medical testing in California revealed by accident while looking for something else that he was born with virtually zero myostatin levels. This makes him about 1 in 150, 000 men. He initially wanted to be a farrier (horse shoer) for those not familiar with equestrian pursuits. We put him in the gym and with nothing but work and OTC sups he went from 125 to 190 pounds of pure muscle in about a year. He is now pursuing a short term career in bodybuilding to earn enough money to pay cash for a college education. He is very special and has a great work ethic. For us, the adventure still continues. Three months ago we received a very weird announcement. His older Sister (age 25) came out to us as lesbian and simultaneously he came out to us and to his mother as gay as well.

    Like any parents we wonder where this adventure will lead us. Time will tell.
     
  19. .A1guy

    .A1guy Member

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    I have never felt the slightest inclination to be neither a father nor a father figure or mentor to any child. Never have, never will...I just wouldn't have the patience, dedication or the time to devote.
    I have a niece and a nephew, both very nice... but I thank god that they are not my progeny or responsibility.
     
  20. luka82

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    I`d love to have kids,adopt or have on my own,i find it the same :)
    First i have to find a good man!
    Any offers???:)
     
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