Gay men in pursuit of straight men

[D_Pomeroy Pokingstick]

Forgive me if I mistaken, but it seems to be a common trend with some gay men. If a guy you are friends with tells you that he is straight is it something you accept, or are you always thinking it is a possibility?

Of course I am not saying all gay men do this, or that all straight men are desirable to gay men. So please do not be offended, I am just looking for a bit more understanding and perhaps spark a debate.

I have numerous gay friends and they don't seem to have this desire. However one of my friends does, it's been made clear to him many times that I am straight however it is very annoying having to deflect suggestive comments every so often. I enjoy being friends with this person, however advances like this are uncomfortable and it results in making me want to be more distant with him.

I think it could be compared to a feeling when a male/female friendship exsists and one person is pursing a relationship while the other isn't interested. Of course it is different that one has a straight/straight relationship, while the other is a straight/gay one. And yes I know, it's not all black and white and their are grey areas when it comes to sexuality, not everyone is 100% heterosexual or 100% homosexual (as evident with many LPSG members)

I dunno, I guess I don't understand, is it the chase? fun or challenge of trying to change their point of view at least temporarily?

Feel free and tell me what you think

 

[houtx48]

Maybe you should make an eye doctor appointment for him.

 

[D_Tim McGnaw]

Well I've never chased a straight guy in my life, and I'm not especially attracted to a guy just because he happens to be straight. In fact I tend to take people on face value and when a guy tells me he's straight psychologically he becomes almost like a woman to me, I can appreciate how hot he is but he becomes non-sexual to me.

However I've been pursued by comparatively quite a few "straight" guys over the years and fucked plenty of guys who told me they'd never had sex with another man before, or whom I genuinely believed had never had sex with another man before, and who would continue to identify as straight to this day.

In my experience it's not gay men who seek out straight guys but straight guys who seek out dick and a walk on the wild side, some experimentation, with their gay friends far more often.

I also know plenty of straight men who really enjoy flirting with their gay male friends and who can get pretty raunchy with them for fun, it seems like they get a buzz from it, as though it's extra-specially complimentary to be attractive to gay men.
Case in point I have a really long standing bromance with a straight mate of mine, every time we meet up he gets more and more flirtatious and more and more full on, he's lobbed the gob on me a few times and is always bugging me to have a look at my dick or to tell him about my latest sexual exploits... I know he gets well turned on by the whole thing and frankly I get a buzz out of how much fun he seems to be having.

I've been in situations like this before, I know at some point he'll properly proposition me. And all this happens without me even trying! It makes scoring gay guys seem like an effort LOL

 

[D_Pomeroy Pokingstick]

Creative advice houtx, appreciate your effort.

Maybe you should make an eye doctor appointment for him.

 

[D_Pomeroy Pokingstick]

Thanks hilaire, I guess I am not looking at the other side of things. I definately know and understand that "straight" guys do the seeking in some instances, just like from your experiences.

Well I've never chased a straight guy in my life, and I'm not especially attracted to a guy just because he happens to be straight. In fact I tend to take people on face value and when a guy tells me he's straight psychologically he becomes almost like a woman to me, I can appreciate how hot he is but he becomes non-sexual to me.

However I've been pursued by comparatively quite a few "straight" guys over the years and fucked plenty of guys who told me they'd never had sex with another man before, or whom I genuinely believed had never had sex with another man before, and who would continue to identify as straight to this day.

In my experience it's not gay men who seek out straight guys but straight guys who seek out dick and a walk on the wild side, some experimentation, with their gay friends far more often.

I also know plenty of straight men who really enjoy flirting with their gay male friends and who can get pretty raunchy with them for fun, it seems like they get a buzz from it, as though it's extra-specially complimentary to be attractive to gay men.
Case in point I have a really long standing bromance with a straight mate of mine, every time we meet up he gets more and more flirtatious and more and more full on, he's lobbed the gob on me a few times and is always bugging me to have a look at my dick or to tell him about my latest sexual exploits... I know he gets well turned on by the whole thing and frankly I get a buzz out of how much fun he seems to be having.

I've been in situations like this before, I know at some point he'll properly proposition me. And all this happens without me even trying! It makes scoring gay guys seem like an effort LOL

 

[midlifebear]

I've never been interested in straight men. What's so fucking special about them? I find them dull, easy to intimidate, and generally uninventive. Basically, they are dull -- even the supposed "metrosexuals" said to inhabit Manhattan, Miami, and Los Angles.

I'm turned on by intelligence just as much as good looks. IMO gay men tend to be better looking and mellenia ahead of straight men in the evolution of being articulate, creative, and humane. Nope. As an old straight friend told his wife when we had a three-way back in 1971, "MLB didn't even touch me. I was disappointed." Whereas I fucked the Hell out of his wife who enjoyed herself just fine and admitted that she had to see her OBGYN a few days later because of vaginal tears that continued to bleed, adding, "If you want to get together with me again, just let me know."

Nope. Straight men, although often cute to look at, are the last thing I want to touch.

 

[lovethetoole]

Maybe you should make an eye doctor appointment for him.

That was un-called for.
​

Anyways

Back in my less mature days, there were straight guys in high school that I talked to, they knew I was gay, and I found them attractive. So occasionally I'd make some suggestive comments. And I think it got to them :sad:

I think there might have been a bit of "the chase" factor, but I think mostly it was just a turn on to say something suggestive to them and get a positive response from them, like a laugh or grin, but I think that only happened in the beginning. Then I got the clue to stop it once they'd start shaking their heads in response to my comments (without a smile/grin) or rolling their eyes, or just walking away. I was a horny kid surrounded by good looking bodies. PLUS there's of course the straight-male fantasy that many gay men have that I feel like was a contributing factor - no - the overall contributing factor. But in the end the guy is straight and the gay guy just has to deal with it.

It just needs to be made clear to the person that the comments are counter-productive and they're making you feel uncomfortable. If he never gets it, and he's still making you uncomfortable, then do what you need to, even if it means telling him off, or just ignoring him.

 

[cocktaste]

If it makes you uncomfortable, tell them. If they don't stop, keep your distance. They're not meant to be friends. I tell you this as a gay man.

 

[JessePee]

If it makes you uncomfortable, tell them. If they don't stop, keep your distance. They're not meant to be friends. I tell you this as a gay man.

Pretty much what he said.

 

[guynmn]

I have never "chased" a str8 guy and if a man says he is str8 he is str8.
I do make suggestive comments but these are not limited to only str8 men. I am an equal opportunity innuendo dropper. I don't care if you are 18 or 100, a lesbian, gay, str8, male, or female. I am a flirt. I also warn people I do this. If a friend communicates being uncomfortable by these I tone it down and make an effort to refrain from comments directed to them. In other words i stop. I have pointed out to some str8 guys That just because I joke doesn't mean I am serious. Even if they were gay I wouldn't suck their cock if I was drowning and it shot oxygen (I love That line).
I did have one str8 friend call me on it by unexpectedly grabbing my ass and telling me he was going to fuck me like his bitch. I was like What the f*ck dude get off.
Oh, there is also no difference between str8 male/female unwanted comments or pressure and gay male/str8male uwanted behaviors. Both are unwanted and offensive regardless of sexual orientation in my opinion.

 

[rbkwp]

Great and interesting thread
Nothing to contribute sorry
but real interesting reading everyones opinion, pretty well knowing theres a heap of truth in all contributions.
enz

 

[B_625girth]

i'm straight and in my 50 some yrs, only had 2 gay men who had to be told a second time. the one was a friend who kept making remarks like we were "together" and other misleading remarks. I finally refused to have anything to do with him. It was a waste of friendship. the thing I never told him was that even if I was gay, I was not attacted to him. poor guy was fugly and gay.

the other was a wealthy older man. he came onto to me twice, about 2 yrs apart. He is/was a big benfactor of the arts locally. we would converse and he would broach the subject carefully, discreetly, and I artfully told him I was not gay. the second time, we were at an art display/show, and I knew were he was going, so I tactfully introduced him to my wife when he got to a certain point in our conversation. He was always such a gentleman, and a good guy. He was very discreet and stayed in the closet until the 80's. He somehow thought that most people had no idea about him, but everybody knew, they just accepted it. He wasn't hurting anybody, he wasn't preying on young boys or men.

 

[runningwoof]

I am attractive to men in general, if something in them catches my attention, sexuality has little say in the matter...but I do not always act on this impulse. I have straight friends who like to flirt and actually flirt more with me than I do with them...Now, when I get drunk, I will flirt with anyone...which is why I don't drink, much!

There is also flirting in jest and flirting in hope. I will flirt with straight guys who like to be flirted with, in jest...we both know that nothing will happen. Rarely will I ever flirt (without cause) with a straight guy who may take it seriously. Maybe he is just joking with you, or purposefully trying to get your goat.

 

[Charles Finn]

when I worked as a dishwasher I was very open and i was the cooks pet we would all joke around and if one would say fuck you I would say to them you be the bottom
and they would all laugh
I love joking with straight guys
if a guy turns me on then he is usually not so straight.

 

[Stephenmass]

As a gay man myself, he is not respecting that you are straight. Or, perhaps he MAY think that because you KNOW he is gay, and accept him for who he is, that his humor doesn't offend you or you perceive it as a "come on". Maybe it isn't. He may be f'g around with you because he is comfortable around you. You need to tell him to stop if it is having that effect on you. Give him the benefit of the doubt.

 

[D_Pomeroy Pokingstick]

much appreciated replies and stories. I'm fine with dealing with it, and good to know anothers perspective. As many of you mentioned joking, carrying on around with the guys doesn't really matter whether they are gay or straight as long as it is funny.

I still may suggest or ask him to make that eye appointment



I hope the thread continues even though I've got what I need to know, if anyone else has stories or comments on the topic post your thoughts.

 

[B_Hung Jon]

I'm finding out through experience that most of my supposed "straight" guy friends aren't all that straight, in the sense that they have qualities in their personalities that make them sensitive or emotionally aware. They are generally more open to having intimate friendships (not necessarily sexual though). The only guys I can think of who are super straight, aren't that attractive or interesting to me, and they're more just acquaintances rather than close friends. For some reason many alpha-male straight guys almost seem as if they have blinders on when it comes to communication or sharing their life experiences with other guys. Maybe it's hormonal! ;-)

 

[HeBop]

I have many straight male friends and 99% of them I am not attracted to no matter how attractive they are. Then there is that 1% who seem to like leading me on. They say they are straight yet flirt with me, ask for massages, follow me around, seem jealous when I am around other men. This always confuses me and it ends up with me developing feelings for them that they then will not reciprocate.

So it's not always the gay guy pursuing the straight man. Sometimes they lead you on.

 

[Playinpitt]

You posed your question intelligently, respectfully and honestly, so good on you. I'm going to try to take a crack at responding; and I have deliberately not read any other responses so as to not color my advice. I apologize if I touch on anything anyone else has.

I have to say that I am attracted to who i am attracted to, irrespective of their orientation, preference or self-identification (there is another post I've made on LPSG re: the complexity of sexuality, which you also touch on, and how straight/gay doesn't begin to cover it. Look at my prior posts, if it might interest you.).

There are gay and bi guys (and gals) that do pursue straights.
And it does seem that some of them do it for the challenge (like guys that try for someone "outta their league" in hetero bars.). Hell sometimes a dog has his day.
Others seem to do it for the "freshness" of the person, that they are "unsullied" by gay life. This has always smacked of internalized homophobia to me. Hetero-superiority / Homo-inferiority. and I have no truck with that.. But again, Hetero life has it's parallels.. the guy that is always looking for the fresh young thing or even in some extremes the virgin...
So i don't think the behavior is out of the norm it is just the inversion of the straight male being the object of pursuit that makes it stand out and feel so "out of bounds".

However, since I am attracted to the hyper-masculine (body hair, musculature, risk takers, cocky attitudes, etc..), I often find myself drawn to men that were/are straight and not so much to some gay men that look or act a little too primped and made up. So, in my life I have been guilty of being "that guy" and hit on a guy who was or was identifying as straight.

Sometimes it was because i was young and too stupid to realize how rude I was being.
Sometimes it's been a moment of mania/drunkenness and well, inhibitions get lowered.
And sometimes, the attraction, physically and emotionally has been so powerful that I just couldn't not tell them.

That last point is because in my life, I've also been "that OTHER guy" the one the "straight" guy feels comfortable enough with or identifies with and decides I'm safe to experiment with.. I've even ended up dating some of the "straight" (str8?) guys for extended periods.. and before and after me all of their partners have been women. Other guys used me as "training wheels" to try the gay and then went bi or full on gay... after. So, in my experience, it's worth putting the info out there.

All that said, it is worth noting that I am also a very flirtatious person with men and women. It's my shtick, it's what I do. But if attraction is there... I can be guilty of turning it up a notch. This could be the case with your friend. He's identified you as attractive AND safe to banter with.

When I've crossed the line, I've felt bad after. The guys that have shut me down with humor and fun or with flat out, non-emotional, "dude, i get it, you want my jock; but it ain't ever gonna happen" have been the ones that I picked up on fastest and re-adjusted. the ones that laugh or groan or say nothing, I've sometimes missed the cues. I've also done the same with actual homo-gay-queer type guys too.

I will say this though.. I don't understand why this bothers some people (I'm not saying this includes the OP). I've seen guys hit on by very unattractive women and never has the "anger/frustration" issue arisen. Only when they are getting hit on by men. Is it a function of subtle/unconscious fear that they might also be perceived as gay? Or that others viewing it expect them to be outraged? I dunno.

Franky, all my life I've dealt with come ons from women and other men that I haven't found reciprocally attractive. I've never been angered or bothered by it. At the core, it is a compliment. And the banter and flirtation can be fun. I save my frustration/ire for the ones that have over stepped the physical line and made it an issue in that way.

Forgive me if I mistaken, but it seems to be a common trend with some gay men. If a guy you are friends with tells you that he is straight is it something you accept, or are you always thinking it is a possibility?

Of course I am not saying all gay men do this, or that all straight men are desirable to gay men. So please do not be offended, I am just looking for a bit more understanding and perhaps spark a debate.

I have numerous gay friends and they don't seem to have this desire. However one of my friends does, it's been made clear to him many times that I am straight however it is very annoying having to deflect suggestive comments every so often. I enjoy being friends with this person, however advances like this are uncomfortable and it results in making me want to be more distant with him.

I think it could be compared to a feeling when a male/female friendship exsists and one person is pursing a relationship while the other isn't interested. Of course it is different that one has a straight/straight relationship, while the other is a straight/gay one. And yes I know, it's not all black and white and their are grey areas when it comes to sexuality, not everyone is 100% heterosexual or 100% homosexual (as evident with many LPSG members)

I dunno, I guess I don't understand, is it the chase? fun or challenge of trying to change their point of view at least temporarily?

Feel free and tell me what you think

 

[D_Pomeroy Pokingstick]

I guess I could try an answer your question you touched on.
For me I do take it as a compliment, I know gay men have just as high of standards if not more than some women. I think it is a major insecurity that is present in some people who can't accept a compliment or being flirted with initially by the opposite sex. I have seen it happen all the time, unfortunately it's not uncommon for homophobic comments to be made afterwards. I think what you said is true, they may have a fear that they could be perceived as gay, sad to say but again it comes down to their own insecurites and self-confidence.

I will say this though.. I don't understand why this bothers some people (I'm not saying this includes the OP). I've seen guys hit on by very unattractive women and never has the "anger/frustration" issue arisen. Only when they are getting hit on by men. Is it a function of subtle/unconscious fear that they might also be perceived as gay? Or that others viewing it expect them to be outraged? I dunno. QUOTE]