Gay Men : Lust or jealousy for hot guys?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by _Jack, Aug 8, 2009.

  1. _Jack

    _Jack Member

    Joined:
    Jul 10, 2009
    Messages:
    109
    Likes Received:
    4
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    London
    Hi there..

    I've been posting here for a while now but haven't really needed to start proper topic untill this one..
    Basically, I'm 19 and more or less gay. The thing is, when I see a hot guy, in real life, on the TV, wherever; more often than not I get an immediate disliking for him, and I can only put this down to intimidation or jealousy. Its especially bad when a ton of girls are swooning over some random good looking guy, I get really embittered.
    For example the current obsession with Robet Pattinson...I get raged just looking at him.
    Even if I secretly fancy a guy and someone makes a comment like 'oh he's good looking' I'll say something along the lines of 'No he's not' and then make a list of reasons why.

    Is this a maturity thing? Will I grow out of it? Do any of you experience the same thing....Its probably an attention seeking/insecurity problem, but yeesh I dont want to be going out with fugly guys for the rest of my life!
     
  2. B_mitchymo

    B_mitchymo New Member

    Joined:
    May 11, 2008
    Messages:
    4,706
    Likes Received:
    12
    Location:
    Rugby, England
    Being gay i LOVE hot looking guys and although people have their own unique tastes in what men are considered hot mine is the prettyboy type (although getting older the more rugged but classical look is becoming appealing too).
    I can sometimes get envious but for the most part i would have nothing but admiration (and lust)
    I tend to look for guys that i think are attractive but not so attractive that i percieve them as being out of my league (i don't like to get crushes on guys that i doubt would look twice at me) and perhaps this is an idea for you to consider, look for guys who you find attractive but perhaps only a little more or less attractive as yourself.

    It could very well be just a growing up issue as guys tend to fully mature at 21 unlike girls where it is 18 on average. Perhaps if you got to know some good looking guys and see them as people instead of objects may also change your attitude.

    Very curious this dilemma, very polar to traditional homosexual sentiment but i think you will grow out of it once you get older.
     
  3. B_Nick4444

    B_Nick4444 New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 24, 2007
    Messages:
    7,002
    Likes Received:
    12
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    San Antonio, TX
    unless you make a focused effort, no, you will not outgrow it
     
  4. Himura

    Himura Member

    Joined:
    Aug 20, 2008
    Messages:
    102
    Likes Received:
    5
    Gender:
    Male
    I was like... wow when I saw the topic... it's very interesting.

    For me it's lust... sometimes it's also admiration... wondering what it would be like to be 'gorgeous' ALL THE TIME!!.. that pretty much only applies to people like Levi Poulter... who is ridiculously outstanding...

    I found myself just the other day judging a very good looking guy because he came off as an asshole on his first impression... but I talked to him later and he was actually quite a nice guy.
     
  5. larocca

    larocca New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 12, 2008
    Messages:
    636
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Croatia
    Me too. :)
     
  6. DiscoBoy

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Apr 28, 2009
    Messages:
    2,706
    Likes Received:
    3
    Gender:
    Male
    I think there's the problem. Perhaps you haven't fully accepted the fact that you're gay and as a result, you dislike them because you lust for them. Accept it, embrace it and lust for all the men you want.
     
  7. Torque8

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Mar 16, 2009
    Messages:
    572
    Albums:
    7
    Likes Received:
    47
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    SugarLand
    Verified:
    Photo
    Tho I'm basically str8 and being 32, perhaps a little older, I have a hard time understanding what you're saying. For me it's just the opposite. I see another guy at the gym, work or someplace else and my most immediate thoughts are something like..."I'd really like to get to know him", or "God, his hairless pecs and abs are so damn perfect that I wish I didn't have to constantly shave", etc. The only other thing that I can say is "look for the good in everything" and don't allow 'negativity, jealousy and evny to rule your thoughts and actions.'
     
  8. D_Foscurinus Turtlepudd

    Joined:
    Jul 21, 2009
    Messages:
    63
    Likes Received:
    0
    I really don't think it's a maturity thing at all. I really think that perhaps you're suffering from low self-esteem. You just need to find someone whom you find attractive and tells you that you are attractive as well. Once you find someone you really like and you brighten up his day(i.e. you are the sun in his day, the moon in his night), I think your resentment will simply go away. I wouldn't worry about it. And by the way, no one is forcing you to go out with fugly guys, if you don't like him don't go out with him. No one says you have to settle. :tongue:
     
  9. koval

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Feb 14, 2006
    Messages:
    1,313
    Likes Received:
    21
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Dublin (IE)
    I tend to agree with you on this one. Sounds like he still got a few underlying issues to deal with.
     
  10. LittleDicky

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Oct 22, 2007
    Messages:
    4,831
    Likes Received:
    5,795
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    New York (NY, US)
    There's an entire area of psychology (which I've never completely researched) that equates homosexual feelings with envy. The envy and admiration somehow turns to sexual desire:

    "Admiration towards certain types of people soon turns to envy for teens contending with homosexual feelings. They are envious towards certain characteristics others of the same sex have that they don't.

    The desire to possess these traits is a strong motivating force behind homosexual attractions. They feel that finding completion in another who possesses such traits will make them whole and acceptable. "


    You can "Google" for more info.
     
  11. Kimahri

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 4, 2005
    Messages:
    1,291
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    113
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Bel Air (MD, US)
    I generally am in lust with hot guys. Not so much where it becomes frustrating because I can't get them.

    I won't recite what others have said too much. But consider your own sexuality for a second. If you're not content with being gay, you're probably going to have this issue.
     
  12. _Jack

    _Jack Member

    Joined:
    Jul 10, 2009
    Messages:
    109
    Likes Received:
    4
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    London
    This could be true...I'm not entirely 'out' as it were and I really cant stand that stereotypical horny camp gay guy who swoons over every guy who walks past.

    To be honest I'm quite surprised at people's responses, I was expecting you guys to be like 'ohh yeaaa happened to me all the time'.

    When I was writing the post I kept thinking about this interview I saw with Zac Efron (who by the way I don't find attractive and am not jealous of :tongue: ) and they were asking him (weirdly enough) about celebrity crushes and he talks about leonardo dicaprio (i know, right?) and he says around the time of Titanic that 'however much you liked the guy and the movie, with all these girls swooning over him you just inately hated him'.

    bi_guy08 talked about low self-esteem...thinking about it- this makes some sense...i'm apparently very good looking (i dont see it myself) and have been scouted by a modeling agency, but i turned them down. however many compliments i get about the way i look i have zero self-confidence...and am usually thinking about hot guys: "oh why cant i look like him? why is he so lucky?" and then comes the wave of envy.
    but then again there was a guy at school who i fell completely head over heels with and (i dunno, maybe the 'young' use this word too freely) was in love with, and kind of still am. Did anything he wanted...I think he knew how i felt and kind of took advantage, hah. Anyway he was super good looking and i would be the first to compliment his looks if the topic of conversation arose.
    but anyone else, nooo way josé.

    I think thats it,,maybe the little confidence i have needs these compliments and if they go to someone else i get jealous and bitter...hah that sounds so self-involved! woah, this post has become a little soul searcher..just realised its pretty long and more or less written to myself.
    Thanks alot guys, this forum is great!

    (off topic but am watching the english patient and doesnt it just have that sort of mesmirising sweeping beauty that is only found in a great peice of cinema.)
     
  13. SlickWilly

    SlickWilly Member

    Joined:
    Jan 13, 2006
    Messages:
    181
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Valencia, CA
    bing bing bingo! Not sure about the OP, but this is very true for me. Am very intimidated by drop-dead gorgeous guys, thinking that they have it all... and can get it so easily. Recently, I've been with some really SMOKIN HOT guys, who seem to be into me, but I still tend not to believe their comments.

    My advice is to work on your self esteem issues NOW... it's becomes much harder to address as you get older.
     
  14. invisibleman

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Oct 10, 2005
    Messages:
    9,976
    Likes Received:
    39
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    North Carolina
    Fugly guys, eh? :rolleyes:

    I do lust after the hot guys I don't know--mysterious men. But I wait around to see signs of intelligent life and inner strength and beauty. Sometimes, you get a really fugly soul in a beautiful chrysalis of a man.

    I do have desires but I am not jealous of any man.

    Maybe you should really ask why you feel the way you do. Why do you discount a hot guy? Have you had some bad luck with good-looking guys? Well, I think that every gay guy has had a problem with a guy. But not all men are good for us no matter how hot they may be.

    I have yet to figure out why sexuality and sexual attraction compels us. A test...a battle of logic and hormonal compulsions? Who knows? Maybe more introspection is needed.

     
  15. DiscoBoy

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Apr 28, 2009
    Messages:
    2,706
    Likes Received:
    3
    Gender:
    Male
    That's fine, you don't need to swoon, but why repress the desire? You see someone you think is hot, take his beauty in, appreciate it and humour a fantasy or two, et voila, positive thoughts/feelings.
    Yes, I absolutely adore that movie! Roger Ebert compared its 'cinematic epicness' to Lawrence of Arabia.
     
  16. _Jack

    _Jack Member

    Joined:
    Jul 10, 2009
    Messages:
    109
    Likes Received:
    4
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    London
    The death of Anthony Minghella was a true loss :frown1:
     
  17. B_thickjohnny

    B_thickjohnny New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 2, 2007
    Messages:
    2,874
    Likes Received:
    42
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Atlanta GA
    My BF and I have talked about this. I look at guys constantly, he doesn't. If I see a hot guy he sees me looking and comments about it. He even knows or senses when I'm looking through my sunglasses. I can't help it. I like looking for fuck sake. It is more a lust thing, I guess. Good looking young guys turn me on. I'm 52, not gray yet, not really fat but could be in better shape but that said, there are guys who still find me attractive. BF sees them looking too and doesn't like it at all. After 3 years however he's come to be more accepting.
     
  18. B_Lewis1

    B_Lewis1 New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 4, 2007
    Messages:
    82
    Likes Received:
    0
    I have seen girls swooning over anything with a celebrity status. Robert Pattison is sexy in his own way but he is very very average. I would be mad to but um
    it sounds like you subtly stereotyping good looking guys as not being good or something
    These days if youve got a nice body everything is almost considered goood looking some guys really arent that attractive but some guys are really adorable

    My mom looks at a magazine and sees a fit guy and says "ooooh, now thats a man you need to be like this and oooh he fine" I be like no he aint and dem muscles aint nuffin (although sometimes i think the same things) but it annoys me that she equates a good body as being good looking (sighs)
     
  19. bigbull29

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Apr 24, 2006
    Messages:
    5,740
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    2,427
    Gender:
    Male
    It's your heterosexual side coming out (I'm being serious).:wink:
     
  20. B_Hamadim

    B_Hamadim New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 12, 2009
    Messages:
    474
    Likes Received:
    1
    Raging Lust for Hot guys.
     
Draft saved Draft deleted