In fact, there are usually only more problems if the guy (or girl) has strongly defined him or herself as within a sexuality. Rather than treating an encounter as just an action, they have to place it within the trend of being themselves, which can be hard considering people don't really know themselves anyway.
I hadn't thought of it that way before, but I think you may be onto something. Many of us define ourselves by our sexuality, religion, politics, etc. I think we sometimes create false dichotomies, and force ourselves to choose between X and Y. We generally like X better (or it's more socially acceptable, or our families disapprove of Y), so even though there are things we like about Y, we feel like we have to choose, so we choose X, and then spend the rest of our lives stuck exclusively with X, and perhaps missing great opportunities to enjoy Y. We may even find ourselves stuck in relationships we don't like, or lonely and unable to find a relationship, because we've shut ourselves off from so many possibilies that we can't even imagine them anymore. Many of us end up going through life wearing an identify that doesn't reflect our authentic selves.
When I was young, it was important for me to identify myself as a gay man and to embrace that identity. I joined the GLBT group in college, susbcribed to gay magazines, and wore a pink triangle pin. Many people got much more deeply involved in the "gay lifestyle" than I did. When I was in college, I had this sense that there were a lot of young men who were confused about their sexuality, reluctant even to identify as "bisexual." Many of them would say things like "I don't like labels." Those of us who had adopted a gay identity would often get impatient and frustrated with guys like that. I remember replying to someone who didn't know how to define his sexuality, "What's so hard? Either you like men, you like women, or you like both. You're either gay, straight, or bi." I realize now that it really isn't so simple, as much as I wish it were.
As I get older, I encounter more and more men whose sexuality is mysterious and ambiguous, who date women or are married but seem interesting in or curious about sex with other guys. It seems like younger people are better able to accept this ambiguity, both in themselves and others. I guess it's because same sex attraction is becoming less and less taboo, and thus don't involve any feelings of guilt or shame, that more young people are able to accept feelings and desires that may not fall into their usual pattern and to be willing to explore those feelings--whether that be a mostly straight guy having a sexual experience with another guy, or a mostly gay guy having sex with a woman--without having to adopt an identity that encompasses all the different manifestations of the person's sexuality.
Living in a college town, it's not unusual to see straight guys at the gay bar with their girlfriends or a group of friends, many of whom seem completely comfortable surrounded by gay men. It's not strange to a guy dancing with a girl and then another guy joining them. Of course, all I know is what I see on the dance floor. Maybe that's as gay as some guys ever get.
Is this "progress"? I wonder...
