Gay men who DON'T like pride events

[heirtothewind]

It's world Pride in Toronto right now. It is the lead story on the news for the last few nights. All coverage is positive, supportive and shows off the community to be proud, caring, fun, flamboyant. It includes gay, striaght, bi trans and many family events too. Canada (at least in the major urban areas) has moved past negative coverage. I'm proud to be me and very proud to be Canadian.

Canada is a more socially enlightened country -- universal health care, no death penalty, etc. The USA is intent on spending tens of billions to ''bring democracy'' to oil-rich countries half-way around the globe [while Cuba has been a dictatorship for over 50 years just 90 miles from Florida] and catering to the Bible bigots with their Bible babble. Even culinary feature stories about desserts describe them as ''decadent'' rather than ''delicious.'' We are ironically a nation held captive by puritanical bigotry. So, little wonder that our news focuses on the negative and extremes of gay rights, with which I am reluctant to be associated. I know some half-wit ''gay Republican'' [like an oxymoronic Nazi Jew] will tell me to move to Canada, and my response is ''Go to Hell.''

 

[kanhak]

Thank you!

The reason is gay men are physically violent and rude to other gay men. I have experienced it myself. There is big spectrum of abuse from gag men. One is rejection due to race skin tone and other stuff. One is rejection due to lack of money. Rejection due to various reasons. Rejection here is not rejection for sex but rejection totally because some gay men think they are too good to be friendly with certain guys who are different. Similarly, gay men are violent when they want to get a guy. They act like crazy. All this behaviour is seen in pride events maximum. And no one has any problem.

 

[Tight_N_Juicy]

I was invited by my best-bro to a Pride Parade a few years ago. I told him I'd think about it, as I'm not big on crowded places.. and he started going on about how he wanted to do me up all butch, and he'd go all fem. I'm not butch, and told him I'd prefer to just go as myself, because that's what the even is about.. being free to be who you really are inside. He started going on about "but it's Pride! You have to represent girl!" I totally get where he was coming from, but he was also embracing the stereotype, and asking me to be someone I'm not. I told him I just didn't want to go, and why. He understood completely, and had a blast with another lezzy-girl friend.

If someone is a totally flamboyant person, and wants to celebrate it, right the fuck on.. but it seemed like I wasn't supposed to go unless I played the part. That's just not what it's supposed to be about as far as I thought.

Update.

This year, I may have to attend, and I think I'll go dressed in masculine attire.

When I wrote this post, I was in a very fem phase. I had forgotten how that wasn't always the case, and in recent years I've been back to my more masculine expression.

I don't think I had fully come to terms with the fact that for Me, my sexuality can morph and flow in different directions from time to time. Now? I'm fully ok with the fact that some people never do that and that I in fact do. Maybe I'll even pull a fast one and start the event dressed masculinely and become more and more fem throughout the day.

 

[HorseHung40's]

Just wondering how many other gay men out there don't like pride parades/events. I've been to pride once. Didn't like it. It wasn't for me. For some reason it made me very uncomfortable. Keep in mind I'm out to all and don't make a big deal out of my sexuality. The older I get the more I see how it perpetuates negative steriotypes for gay men and women. For some, it also seems like a chance to be hyper sexual in public. Which I don't understand the need for as well. I realize a lot of people are going to tell me I'm wrong for feeling this way. Keep in mind I'm not out to win a popularity contest... That's not how I roll! I'd just like to see how many others share my opinion/view point.

You have expressed a sentiment that many of my gay male and female friends have uttered too: Most big gay pride events perpetuate negative stereotypes of gay people.

 

[3671131]

No, thank you.

 

[4097701]

I get tired of them, but they help a lot of people. In NYC, it's just too much... I prefer the one in Queens

 

[kewlkid75]

I went to the Pride Parade with a guy was dating last year here in Tallahassee and we're in our mid to upper 40s and it was pretty tame, no major over the top stuff, a few people dressed up for the most part, but I couldn't handle all those people. My anxiety was so high that I had to leave. So we got lunch and talked about the experience that we had.
I love the way people express themselves.

 

[Scarletbegonia]

Ally here.
I have attended Pride events from London, to SF, Oakland, Dallas, and Denver.
In Denver I’ve attended and worked sound for the Community Stage. That stage is where you get nervous, new drag queens, all of the drag kings (still sexism in impersonation, perhaps?) the Deaf/HOH community, and honestly, other marginalized communities. Denver as a city is OK, but not fantastic about being representative of all our ethnic groups overall, and Pride is in the middle of the pack.

What I notice, and I use public transportation exclusively that weekend, is Pride is a place of positive identity for the younger ones, and my housemates see it as a symbol of how far they have come. (Married, 55 and 69, respectively. One spouse had his swearing in for citizenship this week. Yes, residency and citizenship based on a gay marriage. How far they have come indeed!)

yes, we have the party aspect, but it’s somewhere between LeatherPride and say, Sonic Bloom/ Burner events. Certainly not Folsom East.
I completely understand why NYC cuts loose. Pride is timed for Stonewall remembrances.
SF has the aura of “go west, young queer” and has the Wild West involved in spirit. Plus Northern California vibes. Plus, SF only recently nixed public nudity. Now it’s the beaches, not those cool older guys on towels with digereedoos in the Castro.

My feeling has always been that when one comes out, it’s a new puberty as one’s wings dry between chrysalis and butterfly. There’s frenzy, or they have traveled to a city where the strictures of convention from their town isn’t visible. It IS a party for them.

I’ve lived in mountain towns of less than 2000. I’ve lived and worked in a plains town of 650. People are curious, curious can be nosy. Nosy can be suffocating.

Pride can be oxygen.

 

[Demitri Jones]

Okay this is gonna be a long post because this thread truly fucking REEKS of self-hate and internalized homophobia. I've never been to PRIDE but but from the looks of it, it's meant to be a safe space for gays of all kind to shamelessly express what society typically prohibits or ridicules.

Every member of the lgbtq+ deserves the right to dress the way they feel and publicly share affection with someone they love. The obvious reason for that is our disgustingly and violently homophobic/transphobic society that likes to put down others who go against the forced norms.

I'm sure this goes without saying but we wouldn't even need Pride events if our society wasn't so backwards and hateful. Cishet folks have made public places excruciatingly uncomfortable for members of our community for so goddamn long that we need an outlet to feel proud and joyous for something they tell us we should hate about ourselves.

There are many kinds of Pride event so the OP and all others agreeing with him need to realize that not all those events are the same. Go to one more suited for you or just stop trying to shame the gays that you can't relate to. Instead of complaining about fem gays being their true confident, happy selves, you should be asking yourself why our hypocritical society hates things that their bullshit, man-made religion tells them to hate.

Please don't add to the already overwhelming amount of homophobia that's already ingrained in alot of people's heads by being a sadist.

 

[CUBE]

The last parade I went to featured people normally dressed with no floats. A few trucks but that was it. I thought the only difference between watching the parade and being in it was the difference between sitting or walking. Lol. Glad people enjoy them.

 

[concupisys]

i don't like pride events.... here in canada its kind of going obsolete because our laws on LGBTQ rights and freedoms have caught up to the times.... i don't like the amplified nature of pride and how it makes people act in public.... shameless, inappropriate, and derogatory... given the crap i went though growing up, watching people at pride only reminds me of all the stereotypes and negative things that caused me to be abused by someone over my character starting at the age of three.... yes... I WAS THREE YEARS OLD THE FIRST TIME I WAS GAY BASHED.....

aside from that, the main reason i don't like pride is because it coencides with my birthday on june 21.... kind of ironic.... one day of the year i should be out and proud in both senses of the term, but i shut myself in now.....

 

[creek47]

Hope everyone enjoyed their pride parades however I have a friend who isn’t a fan of gay pride parades. I asked him why and he said because most people are great but the 10% that go over the top he doesn’t like.

This reminds me of the 10% that normally ruin it for everyone. I’ll give an example, I don’t like going to football games anymore because the 10% that act like jackasses and ruin it. Don’t be the 10% that go way over the top.

 

[1347983]

I’ve never been to a pride event. It just doesn’t call my attention. Plus the artist that perform for the LA concert are never great.

 

[halcyondays]

I've marched for years. Flamboyant to functional I've always liked the broad spectrum of people who turn out to represent.

 

[51arledge]

When I lived in a smaller town, I used to visit the DC Gay Pride celebration and loved it. But since moving to DC 30 years ago, I think I've only been 3 times. The last year, about 5 years ago, it was all of the corporate sponsorships that turned me off. It se med like every Fortune 500 company wanted to show how gay friendly they were. I can handle all of our gay community's outrageous behavior, but not a bunch of companies trying to outshine each other regarding how tightly they can hold onto a rainbow flag.

 

[516778]

Just wondering how many other gay men out there don't like pride parades/events. I've been to pride once. Didn't like it. It wasn't for me. For some reason it made me very uncomfortable. Keep in mind I'm out to all and don't make a big deal out of my sexuality. The older I get the more I see how it perpetuates negative steriotypes for gay men and women. For some, it also seems like a chance to be hyper sexual in public. Which I don't understand the need for as well. I realize a lot of people are going to tell me I'm wrong for feeling this way. Keep in mind I'm not out to win a popularity contest... That's not how I roll! I'd just like to see how many others share my opinion/view point.

You sir. Have a 1000% valid point. I feel the exact same way.
I went to one and I felt so incredibly out of place. And its weird because I wish so hard to have more gay friends in real life and not online but this wasnt for me and wasnt it.
Even if I had a a super fit/skinny body I would feel that way. I'm just now okay wearing a shirt that has a rainbow flag on it or a pin with a rainbow flag on it out in public. So yeah a gay pride parade wasnt for me.
I totally get the perpetuation of stereotypes thing. Which I'm 9000% against. Not all gay people are like what you see at those pride events. Like I'm totally okay sitting at home eating oreos and watching netflix. That may speak more to my introvert personality but it also speaks to the notion that gay people morw often than not are seen and perpetuated as only consisting of those who are at those events. There is a pretty big range within the gay community of where people fall.

 

[516778]

You sir. Have a 1000% valid point. I feel the exact same way.
I went to one and I felt so incredibly out of place. And its weird because I wish so hard to have more gay friends in real life and not online but this wasnt for me and wasnt it.
Even if I had a a super fit/skinny body I would feel that way. I'm just now okay wearing a shirt that has a rainbow flag on it or a pin with a rainbow flag on it out in public. So yeah a gay pride parade wasnt for me.
I totally get the perpetuation of stereotypes thing. Which I'm 9000% against. Not all gay people are like what you see at those pride events. Like I'm totally okay sitting at home eating oreos and watching netflix. That may speak more to my introvert personality but it also speaks to the notion that gay people morw often than not are seen and perpetuated as only consisting of those who are at those events. There is a pretty big range within the gay community of where people fall.

Crazy enough I saw Michael Brandon(the pornstar) at one.
That caught my eye real fast like fuck I jerked off to a lot of his porn.
And I stayed about 30 mins and left.

 

[eric19831]

You sir. Have a 1000% valid point. I feel the exact same way.
I went to one and I felt so incredibly out of place. And its weird because I wish so hard to have more gay friends in real life and not online but this wasnt for me and wasnt it.
Even if I had a a super fit/skinny body I would feel that way. I'm just now okay wearing a shirt that has a rainbow flag on it or a pin with a rainbow flag on it out in public. So yeah a gay pride parade wasnt for me.
I totally get the perpetuation of stereotypes thing. Which I'm 9000% against. Not all gay people are like what you see at those pride events. Like I'm totally okay sitting at home eating oreos and watching netflix. That may speak more to my introvert personality but it also speaks to the notion that gay people morw often than not are seen and perpetuated as only consisting of those who are at those events. There is a pretty big range within the gay community of where people fall.

Mmmmm, Netflix and oreo’s... you’re speaking my language.

 

[Stratavos]

I've gone a bunch of times and while I do not feel like it's an event tailored to me (like, at all, it's more so for the straight and families to get a glimpse of what's supposedly gay stuff, minus the actual sex), it's still important for me to go.
It's also among the few times in the year that sexual tourism really spikes.

 

[yearites]

Love me some cookies, Walmart has got these tagalong type things, and then throw those on top of some vanilla ice cream with some hot fudge and a ghiardelli brownie, it's as close to heaven on earth as most of us will ever get without vallium and shrooms