Gay men's view of straight men -- please share

[B_henry miller]

Sorry. I don't have any answers, just a ton of questions. Sexuality is a mystery to me.

 

[NCbear]

I'm amused by some straight men's frantic avoidance of nakedness around other men. What, do they think (against all logic, by the way) that NO ONE ELSE IN THE WORLD has a dick?

I'm aghast at some straight men's misogyny. Do they really hate women that much? And how, exactly, does that jibe with their sexuality?

I'm amazed at the breezy freedom some straight men feel with other men's bodies. They hug, wrestle, playfully pretend to jerk each other off, what have you. I remember being terrified that another guy would feel my hand on his shoulder and somehow intuit that I was gay--so I didn't touch any of my friends until I was 18 and away from the homophobic small town where I grew up. And God forbid my wrist would go limp when my arm was resting on a chair! Someone might see it and DING! DING! DING! their gaydar would sense my sexuality. Seriously, that's how I felt.

Due to the environment in which I grew up, I'm not nearly as comfortable with my own body or with other men's bodies as most urban gay men seem to be. Even pushing past men in a club, I'm careful not to touch anyone--which is rather difficult, as you might imagine. I suppose it's the conditioning of having been under constant threat of physical violence. And no, I'm not kidding. Though open-minded and tolerant in many other ways, my small town was rather closed-minded toward anything gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender. Or queer.

In college, when I came out, I thought I'd be beaten up regularly. I was shocked when very little fuss was made. Still, I was surrounded once by a eerily silent group of about 20 or 25 frat boys who tried to "herd" me toward a shadowy area of campus; after that scary-as-hell experience, I made sure that if I went out after dark, I was either with people or on my (very fast) bicycle. It was an education in how women are made to feel in this society.

These days, it seems as though more and more straight men are completely at ease with men like me. Especially in academia. No pressure, no strings, no breaking of boundaries, no forced intimacies. Just some guys having fun hanging out together. I haven't had to reassure any straight man recently that he was safe from me because he wasn't my type.

All in all, I'm glad straight men are learning how to be good, close friends with gay men. It humanizes people who, early in life, I'd learned to avoid (and sometimes fear). It's deeply satisfying to learn that I can afford to let go of the great majority of that fear.

NCbear (whose straight male friends often have to be told several times before they really believe he's gay)

 

[cklover]

I get along very well, in the real world, with hetero men. I know they have a genetic predisposition to bash gay men to death, but if they understand that we all don't want to fuck them, etc, they're fun guys. It's all the biology and competiveness and striving for females, territory and food that motivates them. They piss and moan about women, never get laid enough, etc....but if you're gay, and realize and accept they do NOT have any sexual interest in other men, you can have some good pals.

 

[B_bobs3304]

I think this is a biased thread.

PEOPLE have different views of PEOPLE period.

Just b/c a guys gay doesnt mean he has any different view of me than any straight guy.

Hell most people on here probably think I'm a delinquiet moron - straight, gay, and women alike.

 

[B_bobs3304]

NC Bear - I think it's safe to say people are complicated.

Heh.

 

[B_henry miller]

I think this is a biased thread.

PEOPLE have different views of PEOPLE period.

Just b/c a guys gay doesnt mean he has any different view of me than any straight guy.

Hell most people on here probably think I'm a delinquiet moron - straight, gay, and women alike.

Reminds me of Principal Skinner's statement: "Oh, all I know is that nobody is better than anyone else and everyone is the best at everything."