gay or bi.. really confused

janbas

Just Browsing
Joined
Mar 24, 2006
Posts
3
Media
0
Likes
0
Points
146
Gender
Male
Hi,
I'm quite new here.

This has been on my mind for a long time now.

I'm 27 years old.
Ever since I was 11 years old, I found myself to be attracted to guys.
For the last couple of years, I've dated some girls whom I liked, we had sex and I enjoyed it.
I've had a couple of sexual encounters with men as well, which I also liked.
So for a long time I've considered myself to be bisexual.

For about a year now, I feel that I'm much more attracted to men, even when just walking on the street and seeing a handsome guy.
I also prefer watching gay / bisexual porn, rather than the straight one.

The thing is that it's only physical sexual attraction for men, and that's all.
It's even only speciffic sexual things, like I have an obsession with men's ass and rimming.. I'm sure it probably sounds really strange and stupid, but that's what it is.. :smile:
I don't fall in love with men, I have no desire in a long term relationship with a man, dating etc..
It's more like an impulse to have sex, and that's it.
Even though my sexual attraction for women is to a much lesser degree,
I do want a loving long term relationship with a woman, and that's not because of the public pressure "to be straight"..

On the other hand, I'm wondering if it's not just me trying to convince myself that I'm not gay, because I know that my family defenitely would not be ok with it, and I don't want to ruin our relationship..

I'm still single, so for now it's not that important, but I'm afraid that when I do decide to settle down with a girl, I would not be able to have a monogamous relationship because of the constant drive to have a one night stand with a guy..

I've heard many saying that I should not label myself either way, and just go with the flow, but I just can't help it...

So, as you probably can tell by now, I'm really confused :smile:
These thoughts are constantly on my mind, and I cannot make them go away.

Sorry for the long vent :)

I've been reading a lot of posts on the forums here, and everybody here seems to be so sure about their sexuality..

Maybe some of you have been in a similar situation, and can relate.

It would be great if you could share your experience and give me your opinion.
 

notN2pussy

Worshipped Member
Joined
Mar 14, 2012
Posts
15,759
Media
201
Likes
21,957
Points
208
Location
Yuba City (California, United States)
Sexuality
99% Gay, 1% Straight
Gender
Male
wow, so many in your spot. Without the social pressures what would we do? I have a lot of friends in your spot, I always say who cares to label it, just go with what you enjoy. I think if you look at a guy past his parts, see his face and want to kiss him? Go for the big G label or stick with the bi, most of my friends I have met under 30 seem to enjoy both.
 

D_22

Cherished Member
Joined
Nov 4, 2011
Posts
2,383
Media
33
Likes
490
Points
228
Location
NYC
Sexuality
60% Gay, 40% Straight
Gender
Male
Just be yourself, no need to label yourself. Stop trying to find yourself, just be.
 

baimbyte

Experimental Member
Joined
Aug 13, 2012
Posts
65
Media
2
Likes
21
Points
93
Age
44
Location
Kuching, Malaysia
Sexuality
No Response
Gender
Male
Just be yourself whatever you feel and be faithful to partner (male/female)

that's all. I know it is not easy but you'll get over it. Trust me.

Cheers
 

JJumbo

Sexy Member
Joined
Mar 15, 2009
Posts
365
Media
4
Likes
42
Points
173
Location
UK
Sexuality
50% Straight, 50% Gay
Gender
Male
Don't be confused. What you say seems very normal indeed! It's just one of those things that is incredibly hard to talk about. Well done for being so honest. Being bi is tough...sometimes you feel like absolutely no-one trusts you when all you want to be is honest about who you are and how you feel to those you love. The splitting between love/female and lust/male is not abnormal...it's something guys have been doing for an eternity. Check out King James 1st of England.
 

erratic

Loved Member
Joined
Nov 27, 2007
Posts
4,289
Media
0
Likes
508
Points
333
Sexuality
No Response
Hi,
Ever since I was 11 years old, I found myself to be attracted to guys.
For the last couple of years, I've dated some girls whom I liked, we had sex and I enjoyed it.
I've had a couple of sexual encounters with men as well, which I also liked.
So for a long time I've considered myself to be bisexual.

You clearly enjoy having sex with men and women. You seem to prefer men over women, but not entirely.

If you're totally hung up on the label thing, then call yourself bi or queer. Otherwise, just do what (and who) you want to.
 

LGX

Expert Member
Joined
Aug 29, 2007
Posts
625
Media
0
Likes
236
Points
263
Location
San Francisco, CA, USA
Sexuality
50% Straight, 50% Gay
Gender
Male
Like carbon copy of me. The thing is that I have always crushed in girls. I want the full package, but with men I just want their bodies. For example, male strippers turn me on but female strippers not so much.
 

focus0t

Superior Member
Joined
May 4, 2008
Posts
1,586
Media
0
Likes
6,734
Points
418
Location
USA
Sexuality
90% Straight, 10% Gay
Gender
Male
God, I'm almost the exact same way. Sexually, I'm attracted to guys but mentally none whatsoever. I'm emotionally and sexually attracted to girls, but the sexual attraction is usually much less than men unless there's a girl I meet/see who i find just to be absolutely perfect.

I've been with girls (sex, bj), but only fooled around with guys (spooning, seeing each other naked, showing off our cocks, etc) and have enjoyed both, but I just don't desire to date and have a relationship with a man. It's quite confusing :-/
 

Indybottombiguy

Experimental Member
Joined
Apr 29, 2008
Posts
110
Media
1
Likes
4
Points
103
Location
Anderson (Indiana, United States)
Sexuality
50% Straight, 50% Gay
Gender
Male
As was posted above, when you enter a relationship, be open and honest at some point before things get serious, it's probably not a good first date topic though. Just try to relax about it and let itself work out.

I am similar to you in that I like men for sex and friendship but don't desire romance. BTW, I'm married with kids. Get this figured out before things get complicated and painful. My wife was unaware for a while. She's supportive as she can be but it's difficult for her. I certainly should have been honest before we married.
 

D_Sal_Manilla

Account Disabled
Joined
Jan 4, 2012
Posts
1,022
Media
0
Likes
22
Points
73
Sexuality
No Response
This are things you find out for yourself over time. You have to accept who you are first. You might be bisexual or you just might not be ready to admit that your gay. As far as family goes, think of yourself, as selfish as that may sound. If your family doesn't care about your happiness or has a problem with it, then you have to decide what is more important for you. Your happiness or theirs. Like I said these things you find out by yourself.
 

DevonTexas

Worshipped Member
Verified
Gold
Joined
Jun 24, 2010
Posts
1,557
Media
150
Likes
18,766
Points
543
Location
Dallas (Texas, United States)
Verification
View
Sexuality
80% Straight, 20% Gay
Gender
Male
Yeah. If I were in my 20's again, I'd throw all the categorizations away and just live my life as I could. I'll have to join in and say I'm like you as well. Sex with guys is like playing a sport however, I want an emotional, love relationship with a female. Experiment, have fun and be safe.
 

Silvertip

Worshipped Member
Verified
Gold
Joined
Aug 22, 2007
Posts
7,419
Media
473
Likes
15,079
Points
468
Location
Alamosa (Colorado, United States)
Verification
View
Sexuality
Unsure
Gender
Male
I pretty much echo all of the above. And, like you, I very much lust for men but can only share my emotional love with women. I believe that the most important advice you are receiving here is to be honest about your man lust with any woman you start to get serious about, as you cannot readily change who and what you are. And though being candid about it with the woman you love is not easy, and bears some risk, it's far, far easier than trying to live a life in denial of your innermost feelings.
 

cgttown

Expert Member
Joined
Nov 3, 2005
Posts
435
Media
4
Likes
174
Points
173
Location
Tulsa, Oklahoma
Sexuality
80% Straight, 20% Gay
Gender
Male
I can relate totally to your predicament, and I've posted replies to that effect other places on here (if you want to do a search). In short, I think the being honest to yourself and others is the way to go about it. If you have no moral problem with either one, and it's just a matter of dealing with family issues, then I'd say you are "bi" for whatever that means. In my opinion it means you are sexually attracted to both genders. I am too.

For what it's worth, I didn't think when I was your age that I would be interested in a long term relationship with another man. I'm now almost 50 and have changed my mind. I married and I'm glad I did on several levels (not so much on some other ones), but I would probably NOT marry if I had it to do over again and just let my relationships take me where they took me.
 

earllogjam

Expert Member
Joined
Aug 15, 2006
Posts
4,917
Media
0
Likes
178
Points
193
Sexuality
No Response
Sounds like many bi men share your feelings about men for sex and women for relationships and that your situation is not unusual. So you're not alone.

As a bisexual your sexuality is fluid and not set in stone between men and women as you have experienced. It may vacillate or change as you grow older and wiser and as you begin to understand who you are. I don't think you need to define yourself but you should begin to think what is important to you in life in terms of a loving relationship if you don't want to be single for the rest of your life.

If you see yourself wanting a family with kids the choice is pretty clear. And if you go that route you can't have your cake and eat the other one too. lol.

Also be open to a male relationship. You just might meet a great guy who will change your mind. As a bi guy you have double the chances of finding someone special.
 
Last edited:

latinluva

Worshipped Member
Verified
Gold
Joined
Jul 31, 2009
Posts
1,783
Media
221
Likes
14,826
Points
543
Verification
View
Sexuality
50% Straight, 50% Gay
Gender
Male
I use to struggle back and forth with this. I like women....damn, no I like guys. I always had that feeling after I had sex. Just came to realize that both are a huge turn on for me. If I could have it my way, I'd like to have sex with a couple all the time.
 

bigunzippedstudent9

Legendary Member
Joined
Jan 10, 2005
Posts
585
Media
17
Likes
2,400
Points
398
Location
Ontario, Canada
Sexuality
80% Straight, 20% Gay
Gender
Male
i'm in a similar situation, and agree with most things posted. however i think this whole "attracted to men, but will only love a women" thing is a bit off the mark.

i think if you can be attracted to a guy, you could be in a relationship with a guy but you are not likely too even open up to that idea/guy b/c of the stimga (for lack of a better term) in being labelled gay. basically i think we (as i'm in a similar situation) were programmed this way in life/by soceity
 

bigunzippedstudent9

Legendary Member
Joined
Jan 10, 2005
Posts
585
Media
17
Likes
2,400
Points
398
Location
Ontario, Canada
Sexuality
80% Straight, 20% Gay
Gender
Male
my last post didn't really make too much sense. put it this way: tons of my friends in the past have said things like "i'm just not attracted to or see myself being in a relationship with a blonde/muslim/black/asian guy/girl".... until they let there guard down and end up with one of those, lol. swear i've seen it happen so often.

also a previous posters line about men fooling around with men as a sport sorta rings true too