Gay Rape...Does It Make You Gay & Attracted to Older Guys?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by Angellust, Jun 8, 2008.

  1. Angellust

    Angellust New Member

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    When I was about 8, I was raped by my little brother's dad while both my mom and sister was home, but strangely enough they didn't know or hear what was going down. I kept it to myself because I didn't really understand what was happening, but a part of me knew it was wrong and a part of me kind of liked it..I am 18 now and I still see my brother's father from time to time and we both act like it never happened and like ever since that day I found myself more attracted to guys than girls, I don't know if it was because being raped made me gay or if I always was attracted to guys and being raped made me realize it, but I am also somewhat attracted to girls so I consider myself bisexual and ironically ever since what happened I have only been attracted and have sex with guys that were older than me, like since the age of 13 to now I am only able to mess around with guys that were like 5-9 years older and if I knew they were the same age or a year younger I couldn't bring myself to get hard or in the mood. I know it's kinda weird but I just cant help it, I love older dudes and I am sure I am not the only one that experienced something similar to what I said.
     
    #1 Angellust, Jun 8, 2008
    Last edited: Jun 8, 2008
  2. Charles Finn

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    rape has very little to do with sex it is a horrible act.
    I was molested my me fathers second wife I do like older men and women but it has little to do with being molested it is just what I like
    I will turn 41 in just over a month and have a lot of issues with sex.
    I prefer guys but like older bigger women too.
    just be yourself don't put your self in a box don't label yourself.
    explore who you are.
    you have to love yourself before you can love anyone else
     
  3. 1BiGG1

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    Wow, by raped did he penetrate you, jack you off, suck you off?

    I was never raped but have been having sex with and known I was only attracted too other guys since I was seven. Never been into older guys except for those that were a few years older when I was young. Since 18 I was only attracted too those my age until I hit my thirties where my attraction went back too those from 18-20’s, maybe a low thirties.
     
  4. D_Bob_Crotchitch

    D_Bob_Crotchitch New Member

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    I'm not full awake yet but man you need major counseling. You were raped, and it has messed up your thinking.
     
  5. teddy03

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    Firstly what happened to you is terrible, and I personally could not let my mother be with a man who raped me. It's just wrong on so many levels. I seriously suggest you get some kind of help through therapy maybe, since whatever you may see it as, what happened is child molestation and you shouldn't let him get away with something as illegal and disturbing as that.

    But you can't "turn" gay because you were molested by a man. And your rape has nothing to do with your orientation, as nobody can be "turned" by an event.

    On being attracted to older men, maybe you're looking for a father figure-type? Since the man that molested you is your stepfather, maybe you're seeking out a fatherly connection with men you're with.
     
    #5 teddy03, Jun 8, 2008
    Last edited: Jun 8, 2008
  6. B_Demention

    B_Demention New Member

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    It's hard to say, but you were the victim of a horrific crime and you need to talk to somebody about it. You were robbed of all innocence and normalcy as a child and it's not fair that nothing be done about it. In addition, your feelings were not able to develop in a natural sort of way so who really knows what you're most attracted to? The ordeal has very likely fucked you up in ways you can't begin to comprehend.
     
  7. Mem

    Mem
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    Consider yourself lucky. I've heard that many children that were molested grow up to do the same.
     
  8. Dave NoCal

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    Angellust, maybe you were always gay and just didn't realize it, or maybe not. Regardless, a horrible crime was perpetrated on you and it probably robbed you of your own discovery process. People who experience violent trauma have their sense of self and sense of the world violated.The real question is how is your life working. Are the men you attach yourself to honorable and kind? Do you keep repeating the same mistakes? Do you feel like you are "in the driver's seat" of your life or is something else making your decisions for you. Therapy can be very helpful but also very stressful and painful, espcially so in cases of violent trauma. In these sorts of cases, therapy is for the long haul. I am saying this as a trained therapist with a doctoral degree.
    Dave
     
  9. EagleCowboy

    EagleCowboy Well-Known Member

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    I seriously doubt that the experience made you attracted to guys. You were most likely always attracted to guys already whether you realized it or not. It's a hard-wired in your brain type of thing to like one gender more than another, or to a varying degree. Myself, I like them both equally. A true 50/50 bisexual. (We're kinda rare) I think the age thing is personal preference.

    I hate that you got raped. I know that's gotta be a bitch to deal with. If it were me, I do believe I would systematically destroy his world and life in such a way that he loses everything. (even the clothes on his back, job, reputation, integrity, and anything else I could manage) Then I would let him know that I was behind it and WHY I did it.

    I seriously *HATE* child molesters and while I don't want to see anyone dead, I have no problem with seeing child molesters dead.
     
  10. dreamer20

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    This wasn't a "gay rape," it was rape by a pedophile. His having sex with prepubescent children is wrong. Your being raped hasn't made you like him as you are attracted to adult males. There is nothing weird or wrong in your case Angellust.
     
  11. snottybooger

    snottybooger New Member

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    maybe this guy doesn't have issues with sex and it is wrong to suggest he needs counseling. maybe he does, or maybe he has dealt with it in other ways that may be more affective. so don't assume he needs help. using forums is, for some people, a better and more affective way of counseling. he is asking a question, not crying out for help.
     
  12. D_Bob_Crotchitch

    D_Bob_Crotchitch New Member

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    You post your biz online, and you can expect honest comments.

    Being assaulted by your gender parent/step-parent not only causes trauma but sometimes confusion. As someone who was repeatedly assaulted, I had issues to work through.

    Now all the guys with nice butts bend over and spread em. I won a huge auction online for dildos. No need to thank me. It's my gift to you. We're celebrating the holidays in June.
     
  13. snottybooger

    snottybooger New Member

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    my friend, i totally understand and respect this. but you can not demand someone go to therapy for an event that happened in their life. we all go through trama and some people are better at dealing with things than others. i am just saying this as someone with some experience in sexual abuse (i dont want to go into the details) but i know i have dealt with things differently than others.

    as i said, these forums provide an alternative way of dealing with life's issues/trama.

    peace
     
  14. D_Gunther Snotpole

    D_Gunther Snotpole Account Disabled

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    I have to agree.
    Not only do some people rebound astonishingly well on their own to no matter what potentially traumatic experience they have had, but studies have suggested that some people do worse with therapy.
    Ultimately, healing is a matter of letting go of the sense of injury.
    Some people do this very naturally.
    Therapy, by encouraging an expression of suppressed pain and clarification of just what was abusive, is supposed to expedite this letting go.
    But many people in such therapy find they just wallow in the sense of injury. Therapy becomes like a slough.
    The pattern of recognizing injury and victimization is reinforced, not worked through.
     
  15. snottybooger

    snottybooger New Member

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    ok this is a very very good point. my mother is a counseller... but before she started counselling, she always taught me never to play the victim through the tramatic events that happened in my life through out.

    the one time i did go for therapy, it kinda fucked me up a bit.

    i found speaking with people (friends), being honest and positive was more affective.

    but then, not everyone has decent friends or perhaps have trouble being honest. maybe therapy is better for those individuals?
     
  16. D_Bob_Crotchitch

    D_Bob_Crotchitch New Member

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    Where you got that I was demanding they go to therapy is beyond me? I did strongly urge all men with nice butts to bend over. I am not a bottom, and would like to use this whole crate of dildos.
     
  17. D_Gunther Snotpole

    D_Gunther Snotpole Account Disabled

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    There's just no predicting who will be helped and who will stall or even regress in therapy.
     
  18. MichiganRico

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    Sometimes we just don't know what we don't know, particularly at 18. When you read between the lines of the victim's (yes, victim's) posting, one gets the feeling that there is significant guilt being expressed about somehow being complicit in the act...that this criminal pedophile wouldn't have singled him out if he hadn't seen something "gay" about the victim. And what about his mother? What does it say about the whole situation that he apparenly didn't feel comfortable at the age of 8 to tell his mom about what was going on. And then there's the issue of transference of father figure emotions (and just the basic need to feel loved and cared for) to the perpetrator. (I can only assume the victim's own father wasn't in the picture.)

    There are just all kinds of issues here which need to be explored with a competent therapist who specializes in the treatment of child sexual assault. All the doubts being expressed now will simply magnify as the years pass if there is no intervention. Reaching out to forums and others may be helpful, (if for no other reason other than it tells you you're not alone) but it certainly is not a substitute for one-on-one counseling and group interaction. And yes, as noted by others, there is no guarantee of "success." But to do nothing substantive, is, IMO, a real gamble with very poor odds.

    AND HERE'S ONE OTHER THING TO KEEP IN MIND. ANGELLUST, SINCE YOU'RE JUST 18, IT'S NOT TOO LATE TO CONTACT LAW ENFORCEMENT. YOU PROBABLY WEREN'T THE ONLY VICTIM AND CERTAINLY WON'T BE THE LAST. And if your initial reaction to this suggestion is, "Oh, I couldn't turn the guy in to the cops because I care about him too much," just think about how screwed up your thought process really is. That's probably why you didn't tell your mother in the first place--you knew that would be her reaction.

    In any case, what happened to you was brutal, unfair and certainly not your fault. Angellust, I wish you the best in your adult life and hope you're eventually able to answer the questions you pose for yourself with conviction and understanding.
     
    #18 MichiganRico, Jun 8, 2008
    Last edited: Jun 8, 2008
  19. BIGDP

    BIGDP Member

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    I had a friend whose dad was an alcoholic, and one night dad came home drunk and screwed my friend. Not sure what age it was, but it doesn't really matter.

    This caused untold guilt, shame, anger, and really messed up my friend's thinking about relationships, about sex, about a lot of things. Although his dad screwed him in the ass, he essentially screwed him in the mind, too.

    Anyway, Angellust, I agree with a lot of what has been said here. I would gently encourage counseling just to help sort some things out and see where it leads you. By speaking up, it sounds like you're ready to deal with it.

    Take care of yourself. Keep us posted if you like.
     
  20. cabodge

    cabodge New Member

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    I think it did make you attracted to guys - here is my rationale - a childs mind tends to see things in extremes - so it tries to sort things in a good pile and a bad pile. Because whatever happened to you probably felt good - you probably categorized it as good because you associated the pleasure - as most children would, with something that was good. You probably at some level knew that something wrong was going on, which confused you even more because the good sensation of the sexual stimulation, didnt make sense associated with the bad sensation of knowing something is going wrong. As you grow older your thinking becomes more sophisticated, allowing a person to categorize things in relation to qualifiers - so somethings may be good, but in certain instances, sort of a like a dialysis patient disallowed from bananas because it is bad in their situation, but good for a normal person. Your brain as a child probably associated that experience as something good because it felt good. Because of this experience - there may be some hardwiring changes in your thinking process, especially since you were a child just beginning to develop your neural pathways. However, you are not a robot that has been programmed, or even an intel processor - you don't have to stay the same - you can change, don't let anyone deceive you into thinking different. Of course you won't be transforming into a giraffe anytime soon, but you can, with work change your thought process and even your attractions. If you choose not to change - or you don't know how - at least admit it - be responsible for your thoughts, and creative in your solutions in addressing them.
     
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