So, my bf and I (gay guys) have been going out for 8yrs. About 4 or 5 yrs ago the sex really died off. It was right at the time that he started working particularly hard. And after long discussions it turns out that stress really kills his libido.
I tried to be very understanding and not push for sex too often. This seemed to work for a while, but then I realised that when we were doing it he wasn't really enjoying it. He was just doing it to please me. After getting very upset with him about it and talking about it, not much changed. I understood where he was coming from. So I backed off even more.
I thought if we didn't have sex at all then he would be more likely to get horny and want it when we do. That seemed to work for a while, but then I also got busy with work. Between the two of us being busy and not talking about it again it sometimes ends up being 3 or 4 months between sex.
The sex is really great when we do do it, but I would like to do it a lot more, and not feel that I am asking him to do something he doesn't want to when I do ask for it.
I worried that talking to him again won't have much more effect than the previous times we have spoken about it.
Please can I have some advice on what to do?
I tried to be very understanding and not push for sex too often. This seemed to work for a while, but then I realised that when we were doing it he wasn't really enjoying it. He was just doing it to please me. After getting very upset with him about it and talking about it, not much changed. I understood where he was coming from. So I backed off even more.
I thought if we didn't have sex at all then he would be more likely to get horny and want it when we do. That seemed to work for a while, but then I also got busy with work. Between the two of us being busy and not talking about it again it sometimes ends up being 3 or 4 months between sex.
The sex is really great when we do do it, but I would like to do it a lot more, and not feel that I am asking him to do something he doesn't want to when I do ask for it.
I worried that talking to him again won't have much more effect than the previous times we have spoken about it.
Please can I have some advice on what to do?