Gay relationship advice!

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by hairyversmuscle, Feb 13, 2011.

  1. hairyversmuscle

    hairyversmuscle Well-Known Member

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    Hey I am a bi guy. After several failed relationships with girls, I met a guy about 2 years ago, he is hot, amazing muscled tank like body, his cock is about 8.5x6, sex is pretty damn amazing and so is everything else about us together. No issues in our relationship at all.

    SO WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME THAT I CAN'T RESIST CHEATING?

    I have done things like remove profiles from hook up sites and stopped going to cruisy gyms, got rid of all my old phone numbers from fuck buds and basically every possible way for me to hook up - yet I still figure out a way do it. Not too often but it happens. I don't go seeking it out but when the opportunity arises I jump into action.

    When I am in that mood I sort of turn into a different person, forget I even have a BF and just go for the fuck. When I am done I regret it. Since my early 20s, I grew into my body well, and got a great dick. Could it be, that for the last 20 years I have been able to fuck whoever whenever I want and i just can't shut that part of me off? Mentally it feels completely different than when I am with my guy.

    Anyone else out there got the same problem straight or gay?
    Anyone have advise as to how to go forward? :frown1:
     
  2. B_Nick4444

    B_Nick4444 New Member

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    monogamy is natural only for chicks (the nesting instinct)

    unless he has a problem with it, there really is no issue; the only wrinkle is that it would be ethical to let him know, so that if there are emotional or security (i.e. exposure to possible diseases) concerns on his part, he should be given the opportunity to discuss or disengage
     
    #2 B_Nick4444, Feb 13, 2011
    Last edited: Feb 13, 2011
  3. nudeyorker

    Gold Member

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    I don't really have much advice other than the observation that you may be dealing with the issues that you are getting older and you want to do the things that you did in the past to console yourself that nothing has changed.
    If you want a relationship grow up and have one. Otherwise be honest with you BF that your are not a keeper and give him the chance at the relationship that he thinks he has with you but with someone who is actually honest with him.
    It's interesting that you say you don't go seeking it out but it just happens. Since I became committed to a relationship I did not seek it out either but when it presented itself... it did not happen. You have a choice and you seem to want to make the choice not to be in a committed relationship.
     
  4. Charles Finn

    Gold Member

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    bi open and loving it
    all my relationships I have honest and i have prefer them to be open because to me if it is open there is no cheating.
     
  5. sexplease

    Gold Member

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    monogamy is self chosen. Forcing it or expecting it for others is doomed to failure.
    Be open and honest...you just may meet the person you are
     
  6. erratic

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    If you really can't resist cheating, find a guy (or a woman) who doesn't mind if you fuck around (responsibly). They exist. Just don't get jealous when they fuck around, too.

    Wonderful. This is you taking ownership of the problem.

    Even better. "I" still figure out a way... You're taking ownership.

    And here you go trying to get out of owning the problem. You can't just unconsciously find a guy to fuck, go home with him, sit on his dick and ride it until he cums. It doesn't just "happen" and you are "seeking it out."

    It sounds like your major problem is with impulse control. That requires a lot more help than an internet message board can provide you. I'm not saying to go to some sex-hating, shame-based "sex addiction" clinic, but you may want to seek professional help from a therapist or clinic that specialises in impulse control or what they call "sexual compulsivity." Basically, professionals who say they help with "sexual compulsivity" are less likely to believe that sex outside of wedlock is terrible and you're a dirty cheater. Professionals who use the term "sex addiction" tend to be much more conservative, and I wouldn't feel right urging a bi dude with a boyfriend into a situation like that.

    This is called cognitive dissonance. You want to believe that you're a good dude and you can be monogamous, but when you cheat you provide your brain with evidence that that's not who you really are. That guilty/regretful/confused feeling is known to everyone for different reasons.

    Even ugly guys with grody dicks cheat. By fucking other men without your boyfriends knowledge and consent, you - ***you*** - are cheating. It's not the other guy's/woman's fault, it's not your sexy body's fault. You did it.

    Maybe that's just who you are? Maybe monogamy is not for you? There's nothing at all wrong with that. What is wrong is breaking your trust with your boyfriend.

    Do a thread search. This issue has come up many, many times before.

    Absolutely. I'll say to you what I've said to other men on this forum before: There's nothing at all wrong with not being monogamous. Nothing. However, to be non-monogamous and maintain your status as a good, honest man, you have to be honest about your non-monogamy. That means having a partner who is cool with you fucking around. That means having an agreement as to how that will happen, and how you'll both keep it safe. After all, non-monogamy without safety is inherently a problem - to you, to your primary partners, to all your other partners, and to all their partners.

    You are very lucky, sir, in that you have the option of falling in love with other men. You are exponentially more likely to find another man who is willing to let you fuck other men than you are to find a woman who is willing to let you do so.

    Alternatively, you can try to go monogamous and manage your impulse control. That's a lot of work, and you have to ask yourself how much you want to manage your sexual compulsivity. Sex, like eating, is a natural appetite, and blaming yourself for wanting to fuck (which is what many "sex addiction" people do, so again, please stay away from that) is like blaming yourself for wanting to eat. There's nothing wrong with that impulse - but there's nothing wrong with trying to control it, either. (To compare to eating again, there's nothing wrong with eating food, but there is something wrong when you can't say no to it.) So it is a lot of work, but it is also something that many, many people have successfully learned to manage.

    So the choice is yours.
     
  7. luchoarg

    luchoarg Member

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    Go to a psicology and tell him your issue. I´m sure a profesional will be able to help you from a objective point of view.
    Hugs.
     
  8. heist

    heist New Member

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    It is entirely possible you aren't ready for a relationship. (Who knows, maybe you never will be -- it happens.) The point is, you don't seem to know what you want, and that is where you should start. Once you figure out what you really want, you will be able to settle on a good course of action. Whether that is finding out there is something that you don't realize right now you're missing in your relationship (and fixing the situation by finding that thing in your relationship), or whether it is breaking up with your BF, who knows?
     
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