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Gay Relationship Advice

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by 1144771, Jun 11, 2019.

  1. 1144771

    1144771 Guest

    Hello everyone.

    First time posting.

    20 year old here, in a year long relationship with someone a bit older than me, he is the first and only one i have ever had sex with. He has had multiple partners. I a lot of the time think about sex with someone else and feel a bit sad knowing i shouldn’t be thinking about it. He is completely against open relationships or anything. I would never cheat but don’t want to feel this way the rest of my life and dont want our relationship to fail. In honesty i wish i fucked around before this relationship before settling. Wish that this relationship had happened later on in my life. Any advice or anyone in a similar situation?

    Very appreciated
     
    ohiorod likes this.
  2. rayray

    rayray Superior Member

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    You are very young and the feelings you are having are very very normal. This may be your first relationship but it won't be your last. Be honest with him,tell him you are not ready to be in a monogamous relationship. Honestly is the most important thing you can do for yourself and your partner.
     
  3. emmyfan

    Gold Member Platinum Gold

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    Out of curiosity, how old is he?
     
  4. chancesare

    chancesare Cherished Member

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    I agree that you will probably get your chance to explore at some point, just be patient and give this relationship a chance. That said, I would not place the importance of sex over a person. Your curiosity is normal, but you don't want to sacrifice that which could be fleeting for something that could be long-term. I do think in the gay community, we often place too high a value on sex, often above people.
     
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  5. deano-uk

    Gold Member Verified

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    How would you feel if you left your man and had sex with other guys and thought I just don’t have the connection and love I had with him?
    Sex is fun, great, and a good part of a relationship, but sex on its own can just be a brief encounter without any worth.
    You never know how long a relationship will last, it may be many years or it may end tomorrow.
    Only you can decide how much you value your relationship and how much you want to shag around. Good luck
     
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  6. niceone0305

    Platinum Gold

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    Excellent adice deano-uk!
    Thought........there is 22 years between myself and my partner.We have been together for 26 years and got married this year
    in january.Become best friends first and all will fall in place in time.The sex is importatnt yes,but there is much more............
    I am 66 and my partner is 88.

    Good luck !! Cheers !!!
     
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  7. MisterB

    Staff Member Moderator Gold Member

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    I noticed you joined LPSG in December 2017 and this is your first post. Welcome.

    Most people at 20 are still trying to figure out who they are. It sounds to me like you are going through that process.

    Perhaps you are in a quandary about the unknown; what you have now versus that you've not experienced by dating other men prior to meeting your beau. Only you will be able to figure out if the unknown is a real itch that needs to be scratched or if you could/would be truly happy with your current situation now and ongoing. It may take some time for you to sort this out.

    Do know the dating world can be quite difficult. Some love the hunt and the thrill of the chase. Others are looking to settle down with one person. But that world is fraught with a lot of highs and lows. But again, that's a decision you'll need to make.

    Hubby and I knew a couple similar to your current situation; older experienced sowed-his-oats guy was an 18 year olds first gay experience. The 18 year old was smitten; they coupled up. All was pretty perfect, or so we all thought.

    Fast forward 25 years and the now 43 year old wanted out. Why? Because he'd never had the chance to date around. Fretted about all he's missed. He told his partner that he resented him for holding him back. All of us who knew them were WTF? Didn't see that coming.

    That leads me to my question: Where do you see yourself in 10 years? Can you imagine yourself happy with your beau? Or will you still be wondering, What If?

    The fact that you've taken time to pour out your innermost thoughts here tells me that you may not be 100% satisfied with your current arrangement. I think there will come a time for you to broach the subject with your beau. It will be a difficult conversation to have for sure. Or you can soldier on as is.

    Only you can decide what's best for YOU. Never lose sight of the fact that YOU need to take care of YOU first. You really do. And that's not being selfish.

    Good luck and please let us know how things progress for you. I hope you are able to find a solution that brings you the inner peace you seek.
     
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  8. seventiesdemon

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    Never smile at a Crocodile I'd say.
     
  9. ohiorod

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    I suggest that you make two columns on a sheet of paper. In the first, I would list the perks , pluses and favorite parts of your relationship. In the other, I would write down what the negatives of the relationship are as well as what you yearn for outside the relationship. Sometimes, looking clearly at it helps. A therapist may also be helpful in guiding you to decide. If you decide to leave, be kind express your emptiness or unhappiness, but don’t blame him. Good luck. I hope you end up not regretting whichever decision that you make. I don’t fully know what would be in those two columns, so I can’t advise you which way to go with the limited details that you gave.

    But if you leave, please take precautions to prevent HIV.
     
    rayray likes this.
  10. Beanie

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    Grass isn’t always greener on the other side. You could cool things off, fuck around and realise that he’s the best you had.
     
  11. 1222288

    1222288 Guest

    I think you already know the answer to your question. The bulk of your post is conveying that you want to experience more of life before settling down. For my part, I encourage that.

    You are 20, and this is your first bf. It is silly to even postulate that the guy you are seeing is The One, and that you will never find any better. Of course you are going to find better. Why? Because you are young, and have no idea of what you are going to become later. You are going to mature, and your tastes are going to change.

    So, this guy fills a gap now, but the guy you will end up having as a partner in 10+ years isn't going to be remotely similar. Until you get to that point, have fun. You shouldn't be 20 years old and have the regrets that you have right now. There is an entire life ahead of you.
     
  12. Burghf_er

    Burghf_er Worshipped Member

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    All sex is contextual. Sex with someone you love is, or at least could/should be, part of that love. Sex with someone you know and like is better than sex with a stranger, but not like with someone who you love and who loves you. Sex with a stranger is just getting off--it might feel great (or not), but it's not anything more than that. So sex by itself doesn't mean anything in particular; you need to know the context. What if you find out that your partner had sex with 20 guys, but five of them were friends and 15 of them were strangers, but you are the first guy he ever had sex with who he is in love with? You can decide what you think about the 20 others, but with you it's still special.
     
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