Gay Relationship Without Anal Sex

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by lopo2000, Nov 13, 2010.

  1. lopo2000

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jul 9, 2007
    Messages:
    1,567
    Likes Received:
    5
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Malaysia
    Hi to all,

    I have a question regarding relationships in gay world. I have never been in any relationship due to several factors, but one of them is because somehow sex scares me. And I'm comfortable with that, I don't see it as a problem. My friend told me that I might need to change my attitude if I'd like to be in a relationship soon, while another assured me that relationship with sex is kinda possible.

    Sex in my definition here is anal sex, which I do not quite want to do, whereby I can totally imagine myself sucking or other non-penetration sexual stuffs.

    What do you think? Is there a possibility that I can be in a relationship where anal sex is not practiced in it? Have you ever been one? Have you ever seen anybody in one?

    Thank you in advance.
     
  2. D_Chaumbrelayne_Copprehead

    D_Chaumbrelayne_Copprehead Account Disabled

    Joined:
    Jan 9, 2008
    Messages:
    8,978
    Likes Received:
    11
    I've seen lots of gay guys post in other threads here that they don't like anal, and they have really satisfying sex lives. Some of them are in LTR's with other guys who don't care for anal. Don't limit yourself to thinking there's just one kind of sex to have, and you'll have a great time!
     
  3. latinluva

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jul 31, 2009
    Messages:
    1,380
    Albums:
    28
    Likes Received:
    3,778
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Northern California
    Verified:
    Photo
    I think you can be in one without anal, but the other may not. I know I could never be faithful, without getting anal. So for me....IMPOSSIBLE!
     
  4. lopo2000

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jul 9, 2007
    Messages:
    1,567
    Likes Received:
    5
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Malaysia
    Ohh, yeah, it sounds pretty difficult because at least in my place, the sex aspect of gay relationship has been hugely defined by anal sex. Without anal sex, according to my friend, is not "gay enough." Which as latinluva has pointed out, can be upsetting to some gays, which may lead to infidelity.
     
  5. B_VinylBoy

    B_VinylBoy New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 30, 2007
    Messages:
    10,516
    Likes Received:
    7
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Boston, MA / New York, NY
    I know hearing the answers, "you just haven't found the right partner," and, "communication is the key," sound ridiculous, but there's a lot of truth to it. I'm more of a versatile person but my current beau is more of a top. I knew getting involved with him I wouldn't get many opportunities to be a top in this relationship (if at all). But we managed to find ways to deal with that kind of arrangement in bed that satisfy the both of us... ones that I won't go into too much detail, of course, but when you're with the right person then making a decision to make your partner happy doesn't become a thing you stress over too much. In many aspects I've been lucky. The times I have bottomed, I found people who were respectful and mindful of how I felt throughout the whole thing (including my current). I never really had to worry about someone disrespecting me or causing me pain because of their hedonistic feelings or lack of self control. I think that really plays a factor as well especially if you're not too comfortable with the idea to begin with.

    While I think it would be possible to be in a relationship where anal sex isn't practiced, I just don't think over a long period of time that it would be practical. Talk with your partner and get a lot of this out in the open from the beginning. It makes it a lot easier.
     
  6. exwhyzee

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jun 5, 2005
    Messages:
    4,578
    Likes Received:
    36
    Gender:
    Male
    I don't like anal, and I don't pursue it in a relationship. All of my past partners have sought it...and the lack of it has been a component (to different degrees) of failure in many of my relationships in the past. I think its de rigueur for most gay long term relationships today.
     
  7. lopo2000

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jul 9, 2007
    Messages:
    1,567
    Likes Received:
    5
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Malaysia
    That makes sense vinylboy, thanks for your advice. I think it's true, maybe I just haven't found the person with whom I can compromise, the person I love so much that not sacrificing a thing or two would be too selfish of me.

    Another question, my friend said (yes, I depend on what he said mostly because he's my source of gay world, I don't know many gays in my life, as I live in gay-intolerant culture), it's quite impossible to find the right person if I haven't done it to begin with. It's unfair to me and to him. He really suggested me to start having sex, while in my book, I really hope I'd lose my virginity to the right person who'd respect my idea that having my first time is a big deal (I sound like a girl, but it's what I believe). Do you think being in a relationship while you're still a virgin is possible? or practical?

    oh, exwhyzee, you too have the similar idea? That's reassuring. But I think now since you learnt how to adapt with it, you are in a better condition now?
     
  8. FastErik1973

    FastErik1973 Member

    Joined:
    Oct 20, 2010
    Messages:
    417
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    USA
    From what I heard from my gf's gay coworker's it seems like gay dudes are more into oral and straight dudes are more into anal. Has someone here done a poll on that it would be intersting to check out the percentage.
     
    #8 FastErik1973, Nov 13, 2010
    Last edited: Nov 13, 2010
  9. erratic

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 27, 2007
    Messages:
    4,410
    Likes Received:
    287
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Canada
    While it's simple math that the more restrictions you put on what you'll do in a relationship will limit the chances you have out there, it's also true that someone who's interested in you should respect your wishes. I'm certain you can find other people with the same values. It may just take you longer.

    Think about it: If you'll have sex with anyone who comes by you'll get a lot of sex, but how many of those people are good matches for you? If you have much higher standards there may be long dry spells in your love life, but the men you do find will be much better fits for you than any old guy who's willing to get his dick wet.

    Also, I too am not huge on anal. Krspdx said it well in his post above: There's a lot more to sex than putting dicks in bums. Over time I've gotten more okay with it. It's not a common occurrence in my sex life - which is fine with me and my husband - but it does happen. Don't rule out the chance that your thoughts on it will change in time.
     
  10. lopo2000

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jul 9, 2007
    Messages:
    1,567
    Likes Received:
    5
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Malaysia
    That'd be interesting fasterik! I tried the search function, but nothing came up, maybe my keywords suck.

    Thanks erratic for another reassurance. I guess it'd be more challenging and longer for me to find the one, but if I'm persistent I can end up finding one. And yeah, as vinylboy said, maybe when I'm in the relationship, I might change my mind as both sides have to sacrifice some things to make the relationship work. But if I find a guy who's okay not doing anal, I'd be very happy too.
     
    #10 lopo2000, Nov 13, 2010
    Last edited: Nov 13, 2010
  11. houtx48

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Sep 13, 2006
    Messages:
    7,095
    Likes Received:
    35
    Gender:
    Male
    I always thought str8 guys liked it in their ass....thanks Erik
     
  12. D_Raymond Handler

    D_Raymond Handler Account Disabled

    Joined:
    Apr 26, 2007
    Messages:
    378
    Likes Received:
    4
    I don't like receiving anal, and don't like giving it much either. I have been in many relationships over the years, and most have been satusfying without anal (well, an occasional finger and/or tongue is welcome!)
     
  13. Rikter8

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jun 30, 2005
    Messages:
    4,488
    Albums:
    3
    Likes Received:
    51
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    MI
    Once they get over the stigma of it...it's suprisingly fun
     
  14. kjguy

    kjguy Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Aug 14, 2007
    Messages:
    257
    Albums:
    2
    Likes Received:
    1,840
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Milwaukee, Wisconsin
    My feelings of it are actually starting to change a bit. I'm still not much of a fan of anal, but I CAN enjoy it, and get into it if it's what someone else is into. I used to be completely disgusted by the idea, but I tried it a few times. Now my views are kind of iffy. There are times I'm really not liking it, and some times I surprisingly enjoy it. I guess it depends on who you're with and how you prep. I've both topped and bottomed. Bottoming was a hard thing to try because it scared the hell out of me. And the few times I tried it, I hated the feeling and it didn't do anything for me. But I knew I loved being rimmed, and I bottomed with someone recently where I didn't hate it. I guess it just takes a lot of lube and an average to small guy, and I'm ok. Still if it was up to me, I probably wouldn't do anal at all.

    I LOVE oral!! I figured I can suck dick all I want when I'm with guys, and save actual intercourse for when I'm with women!
     
  15. Charles Finn

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Feb 20, 2006
    Messages:
    2,538
    Albums:
    3
    Likes Received:
    29
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Toledo Ohio
    I prefer oral and jack off
    I am all top
    I used to hate have my ass played with
    I am a good top but too many dirty bottoms turned me off
    so I still prefer to j/o and oral
     
  16. lopo2000

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jul 9, 2007
    Messages:
    1,567
    Likes Received:
    5
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Malaysia
    Thanks guys! I just hope I can find what I'm looking for.
     
  17. B_byond2010

    B_byond2010 New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 5, 2010
    Messages:
    510
    Albums:
    2
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Asia
    The most common one is frottage...a sex session without anal penetration.

    Speaking from my experience... I prefer oral sex and jacking off...anal sex is too painful for me.

    Judging from your geographical location.... the society is not that gay friendly.

    cheers :biggrin1:
     
  18. fortiesfun

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    May 29, 2006
    Messages:
    4,692
    Likes Received:
    18
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    USA
    The good news for you is that your friend is wrong: most gay relationships do not revolve around anal sex. Although this messes with everyone's head (gay and straight alike) anal is a minority taste even among gay men, and takes two guys who are into it to make a relationship around it, making it doubly unlikely.

    Gay men who are in LTRs are far more inclined toward oral sex and toward mutual JO.

    Now the bad news: Gay men in LTRs are far more likely to agree not to be monogamous. No matter what you do, or don't do, the idea that you and your partner will be your sexual everything for each other is unlikely.

    Sexual monogamy is a str8 concept having to do with paternity and plays only a small role in gay LTRs and marriages.

    Your fantasy partner could go find his anal elsewhere, and no matter what his taste, he is likely to find some significant part of his sexual satisfaction elsewhere. In gay relationships, the main question is how openly this is happening. For your own health's sake, it is to your advantage to be super open in conversation about this so that you know what health risks to which you are being exposed.
     
  19. bigboi69

    bigboi69 New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 11, 2010
    Messages:
    7
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    London, UK
    Yes, I believe as long as you are totally honest about your likes and dislikes you can have a lifelong and fulfilling relationship without anal sex. Lots of men I know don't like anal. If it's not your thing, it's not your thing. You should not compromise! It might lead to resentment. Find someone who feels the same as you.
     
  20. DevonTexas

    DevonTexas Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jun 24, 2010
    Messages:
    853
    Albums:
    5
    Likes Received:
    863
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Dallas (TX, US)
    me to :scool:
     
Draft saved Draft deleted