Gay Relationships

[Himura]

I'm a long time lurker... and I'm also not very familiar with the gay community outside of the internet >_>... well anyway.... I fell like now... because I'm 18... and 100% gay... I want to pursue a mate...

I've recently accepted being gay etc...


My questions are...

Do other gay people honestly look for partners for the future? Especially younger guys?

Is HIV a problem amoung younger gay guys? Like... if you go to a club... would a large percentage of the people there have HIV? lol...

These are really silly questions... but I don't really know anyone else to ask besides you guys .... I know yall will give a great response too..

 

[HotBulge]

Welcome Himura,

Hopefully you will read look back on other threads about relationship advice on this board: there's a lot of collective wisdom written down over the years.

A few recommendations

• You may want to adjust your sexual orientation ratio from 100% straight if so.
• You are 18. Regardless of your orientation, you are at the age where you probably do not need to worry about life partners. You may want to focus more energy on establishing friendships with other people your age. Relationships can flow later after you've discovered mroe about your self and others like you.
• if you go to a club, go for the dancing. Don't go with the intention of finding a partner. More often than not, if you pick someone up from a club, that will be more for a sexual experience than for a relationship. By the way, don't base your sense of self-worth on whether or not you pick someone up at a club. that's the most stereotypical and sueperficial way to view gay culture.
• Are you in a college or university setting? You will probably have a better chance of meeting someone through a class or in your dormitory or at the campus coffee shop than in a random night club.
• In or outside of the club, risky sexual behavior is still risky. If you have sex, make certain that it's with a condom. Also, as a male or female, it's probably better to take a shower after sex and to use the restroom (about 5 to 10 minutes) to reduce the risk of infections and skin irriation.

 

[craig_uk]

My questions are...

Do other gay people honestly look for partners for the future? Especially younger guys?

You are 18. Why are you thinking about a looking for a life partner when you have yet to meet anyone at all? Live a little first, have fun and get to know yourself and you will have more chance of meeting Mr Right in due course.

Is HIV a problem amoung younger gay guys? Like... if you go to a club... would a large percentage of the people there have HIV? lol...

Not only HIV but all STIs are an issue for all men whether straight or gay, young or old. The young are not an isolated group and whilst some infections are more prevalent in different age groups the risks are there and the consequences of some are considerable (ie. life changing).

HIV is a very big problem for people who do not take sensible measures to reduce the risks. Some younger people seem to think they are in someway immune or that there is a cure for HIV and a sizeable minority of people in the gay community ingage in unprotected sex with multiple partners. Always practice safer sex, use a condom and where you can avoid having sex with people that you know are engaging in high risk activities. Once you are sexually active get yourself tested on a regular basis.

 

[open501s]

• I've recently accepted being gay etc...
  
  You are so far a head of so many other men here. Congratulations.​
• Do other gay people honestly look for partners for the future? Especially younger guys?
  
  I wasn't looking for a partner when I found the one I have now. he was a one night stand that stayed around for over 15 years. The best way to get into a relationship is not look for one.​
• Is HIV a problem amoung younger gay guys? Like... if you go to a club... would a large percentage of the people there have HIV? lol...
  
  Always assume the other person is infected. That way you don't have to think about it and will know how to play with less risk.​
• These are really silly questions... but I don't really know anyone else to ask besides you guys .... I know yall will give a great response too..
  
  These are far from sill questions. You will have a lot more as you get to know the gay culture and real relationships; and not just the part of our community that is on the internet.​

 

[arthur]

My questions are...

Do other gay people honestly look for partners for the future? Especially younger guys?

Is HIV a problem amoung younger gay guys? Like... if you go to a club... would a large percentage of the people there have HIV? lol...

Agree 100% with posters above. Don't be looking for a partner!! Especially at your young age, have some fun!! And furthermore, when you do eventually feel like you'd like to settle down, don't go window shopping!!! You never find what your looking for when you do!!

And yes HIV is a problem with younger guys, at least in my experience, too many are still ignorant of the real statistics regarding HIV and far too many think it's as curable as the common cold!! And I quote a shockingly ignorant 25 year old I met last year. Like matey above said, always assume someone is affected then you can be in charge of your future. Don't leave it up to a total stranger to decide it for ya.

But other than that well done for dealing with it so young, but enjoy yourself for a while!!

Oh and go see 'Milk'...think that needs to be on the curriculum in Homosexuality1001!!! (But that's another topic, I am waffling now)

 

[Himura]

haha yeah I'll go see Milk eventually... I saw the screen writer's acceptance speech at the academy awards, and I thought it was really touching...

I'm really grateful for all of your responses... I have another question though... I meant to edit my main thing, but the site went down >_>

Is it common for on night stands? Are there values amoung gays? lol... as in... Do they value sex? I just don't see myself fucking on the first date lol....

 

[larocca]

To be able to accept the fact that you're gay is a big thing for an 18 year old; some have trouble dealing with it even years later. I, myself, am still very much confused; I'm standing at a point of my life where nothing is happening, I'm just standing still and watching while others are getting friends and lovers.

 

[avg_joe]

Be careful about the HIV/AIDS. I have seen a lot of people who got HIV from both oral sex and anal sex. Always use condoms.

 

[Primal_Savage]

My questions are...

Do other gay people honestly look for partners for the future? Especially younger guys?

Wasn't really looking for a partner after years of brief encounters and short term relationships. In my early 20's, I refused to accept the fact that I'm gay. More less stumbled upon my current bf (long distance relationship). We share a lot in common despite my being 39 and seven years older than he is.

Is HIV a problem amoung younger gay guys? Like... if you go to a club... would a large percentage of the people there have HIV? lol...

We used condoms for the first five months despite repeated testing for STDs including HIV.

These are really silly questions... but I don't really know anyone else to ask besides you guys .... I know yall will give a great response too..

They're not silly questions and as often said "It's better to be safe than sorry later."

 

[butch518]

Hot Bulge has some great responces to your questions. Couldn't agree with him more.
If you live in or near a larger city or town there are always groups for you to join. There are sports leagues, (biking, hiking, softball, bowling, swimming, etc.) Bowling would be easiest for someone nonsports oriented, don't even need to know how, learn as you go. There are groups that do diner nights, movie nights or just day trips. Getting a few close friends should be the first thing. They will always help you through the bad times. Just jump in the gay life with both feet, if you meet someone out that knows you, well there also there, so they are no diffrent then you are. And it could always be someone you would like to know better. Accepting your self is the first step, you took that, now go see whats out there. And yes to the most important thing, young people do become infected. I know a couple in there early 20's. Some may say there are better meds now to control it, which is true. But do you want your life controlled by medications? Long term use can lead to other problems like liver damage. Get out there and have fun and be carefull is all.

 

[erratic]

I'll try not to retread what other people have said.

>Do other gay people honestly look for partners for the future? Especially younger guys?

Yes, absolutely. Lots of them.

>Is HIV a problem amoung younger gay guys? Like... if you go to a club... would a large percentage of the people there have HIV? lol...

HIV is a universal problem.

>Is it common for on night stands? Are there values amoung gays? lol... as in... Do they value sex? I just don't see myself fucking on the first date lol....

Most men value sex. Lots of guys have one-night stands. There's no rule that says you have to

 

[ginger_qboy]

Do other gay people honestly look for partners for the future? Especially younger guys?

Yes. It's human nature to "look" for someone, even younger guys look for partners.


Is HIV a problem amoung younger gay guys? Like... if you go to a club... would a large percentage of the people there have HIV? lol...

a problem? no. It's become a norm to have safe sex for many people. those that consciously have safe sex do not stray from their beliefs, they protect themselves. so it's not a problem.

no, i wouldn't say a large percentage have HIV, I don't really think of it either.

Is it common for on night stands? Are there values amoung gays? lol... as in... Do they value sex? I just don't see myself fucking on the first date lol....

I would say that one night stands are more common with gays than straights, yes. a very high percentage of gay men value sex, it's easy to get in large cities.
There are some that will not fuck on the first date. There are gay guys that want to know the person first, they want the attraction to be for who the person is and not just physical.
There are far fewer of the "wait for sex" types though...

 

[Earthbound]

Not all gay men are sluts. I'm 46 years old, knew I was gay in 6th grade (although I didn't understand it much at that point in time). I've never had a one night stand. I've been sexually active with only two men (no women, I know that isn't for me and I won't use someone as an experiment just to confirm it). The 1st lasted for several years but wasn't a "relationship." The 2nd has been my partner for 15 years.

 

[OCMuscleJock]

Not all gay men are sluts. I'm 46 years old, knew I was gay in 6th grade (although I didn't understand it much at that point in time). I've never had a one night stand. I've been sexually active with only two men (no women, I know that isn't for me and I won't use someone as an experiment just to confirm it). The 1st lasted for several years but wasn't a "relationship." The 2nd has been my partner for 15 years.

So you're saying that anyone that has ever had a 1 night stand is a slut? I hate to stir the shit here on this one...but this is an unfair statment.

 

[flame boy]

Do other gay people honestly look for partners for the future? Especially younger guys?

Not everyone, as with anything, but some do. I got my fill of one night stands very early on in life and I was done with them and ready for more (ie a relationship) while I was still considered very young (about 18). So the answer is quite vague, not every guy you meet will be looking for anything more than just a hook-up but that doesnt mean that there are no guys looking for partners / relationships.

Is HIV a problem amoung younger gay guys?

HIV is a risk among any group of people. As long as you play safe and use a condom then you are being sensible. Sexually transmitted infections (STI's) are quite rampant amoung younger guys who aren't clued up about using condoms. As long as you are smart and use a condom and get yourself tested at a sexual health clinic every so often to make sure you're clear of anything you'll be OK.

Is it common for on night stands? Are there values amoung gays?

If you go out to a club etc you are much more likely to encounter someone looking for a one night stand, so it depends on your venue, but I would say that yes, its common for one night stands when out on the scene.

Do they value sex? I just don't see myself fucking on the first date

Once again the answer is some will, but not all. To some people fucking is just a release and are looking for something quick and fun - that doesn't mean they dont value sex, it's just not the same values you share. If you don't want to fuck on a first date then that is totally your decision, I can't honestly see many guys not being able to handle that.

You sound pretty well sorted out, if you're smart (which you sound) then you'll be fine :smile::biggrin1:

 

[SpeedoMike]

I'm impressed with all the positive posts on this subject!

 

[Himura]

Thanks guys... another question though...


is it still necessary to use condoms in a faithful relationship?

 

[arthur]

Yes!!!! Up until the time when you know that you are BOTH in a 100% faithful relationship.

In which case get tested and wait, what most clinics will tell you, is at least three months after your tests to have condomless sex and do make sure it what both you and your partner want!!