Gay? straight?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by StormyB, Jun 30, 2008.

  1. StormyB

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    Omg I need help!

    Ok, so I have been living with my roomate for a year now and I am really begging to fall for him. Problem is I don't know if he is gay or straight :confused: See I know the simple solution would be to ask him, but I am not completly out myself, and I fear all the bad things that come with telling the wrong person your deepest secret. Here is were we are at, ok so he has a girlfriend, but it seems as if he just has her to cover his secret. We have a strong attraction that I can feel, like one night I was up on my laptop finishing some work for school the next morning, all the lights were off in the house, and I got up to get me a drink and when I walked out my door he was just sitting on the couch looking at my room door in the dark :eek: I thought phyco at first and got alittle scarred, but then I began thinking about it. Also once I was helping him with a film project on his top, and I went to get something from my room and came back and he had a gay porno pic. of some guy being done in the ass, and he was like "yeeeaaahh" :eek: Now that shocked me so that I didn't have anything to say, so I kinda played it off and was like "we have work to be doing crazy boy". Also, once I decided to see how he would react to seeing me half-nude (and I know thats way wrong to seduce, but I really like him) so I walked out of my room in my briefs and started talking to him. His reaction was like he had turned into a robot, he was like looking me in the eye as if he saw something in them, but when I pretended to be looking elsewhere he would take a quick glance at my package, he didn't think I saw him. I know all this makes it seem obvious that he is gay, but he has a girlfriend and that's the only thing that makes me think otherwise, and she is at the house everyday (I hate the bitch). Also once he told me he wanted to see me and his girlfriend to get into a "catfight" cause I yelled at her for coming to our house at 3am and I had school at 6am. He's done alot more that really make me question his sexuality, and he ALWAYS walks around in his briefs, only thing that's keeping me from asking him is that i am not out myself sooo ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!! what do you guys think, gay or not?
     
  2. TomSchmo

    TomSchmo Member

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    Well i would ask his girlfriend what she thinks.
     
  3. sandwulf

    sandwulf Member

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    Almost sounds to me like he is the one trying to find out for sure if YOU are gay or not.
     
  4. D_Rod Staffinbone

    D_Rod Staffinbone Account Disabled

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    in the realm of my experience i would say that these situations are tormenting for all concerned. if you want to be gay (or bi), find a guy who already knows he's gay (or bi) if your friend is so inclined and likes you in a sexual way he'll open open up and spill his guts to you one day when you least expect it. it makes everything a whole lot easier to go this route, trust me i've been through this and it's not worth ruining a good friendship over.

    there are a lot of other great guys out there who already are out.

    BEWARE:some dudes will even pull a bait and switch (ouch!) life can be strange, but i'm sure you know that already.

    offroad8x6
     
    #4 D_Rod Staffinbone, Jun 30, 2008
    Last edited: Jun 30, 2008
  5. B_enter today

    B_enter today New Member

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    That's what it seems like to me too.
     
  6. StormyB

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    O yes about her, she tries to compete with me, its as if she knows I like him. Not suprising to me at all as most women have better gaydars than most men, even gay men. But she puts those cuffs on him when i'm around you know like "always wants his attention" the bitch makes me sick. But yeah one day he wanted me to be an actor in one of his films, and he was like, I need someone over my shoulder like my main attraction. My friend Boray was like, why don't you get your girlfriend to do it, he was like NO! like really fast, then tried to find an excuss. She was mad at me that day because he was like set on me that whole day, she yelled "Why don't you get Brad. to do it!" then stormed out and went home. I laughed at her, and he was like "blah" and kept filming haha. Ever since then me and her have never liked each other.
     
  7. StormyB

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    I know, but it's hard when you are not completly out. I really like him and feel that there is noone else for me, but that could be all due to the fact that I live with him. I usually get over people quickly and I have never had lust for anyone as I do him. It's strange, but if I just knew if he was gay or not it would make it a hell of alot easier for me to either stop likeing him or make a move. Also, I have never had anyone reject me so I could be in fear of that...that would be alittle painfull.
     
  8. StormyB

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    hmmm intresting, should I give him little hints?
     
  9. D_Rod Staffinbone

    D_Rod Staffinbone Account Disabled

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    i went through this almost exact scenario w/ my best friend years ago,
    we weren't roommates though. it ruined everything, we ended up hating
    each other, it was probably my fault, but there is a lot of common ground here in your story. find someone who knows they're gay and is happy about it. believe it or not, the other side of the same coin while coming out is often homophobia.
    be careful, it's a very slippery slope you're on there buster.

    offroad8x6
     
  10. goldeneye

    goldeneye Member

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    Offroad's words of caution are definitely very valid, and for those reasons you need to VERY specifically avoid doing or saying anything directly in this situation. Because this is a "feeling out" scenario with someone who's supposedly straight, it's very likely that if you make an overt move or push too hard he'll go knee-jerk and run the other way and it'll never be right again. Unfortunately, if you want to pursue this, the only real option that leaves is the inch-by-inch one-step-forward-two-steps-back kind of teasing and gentle, good-natured soap-opera-style situational manipulation. (That enough hyphens for ya?)

    Examples?

    -Well, for one thing, tit for tat: have any gay porn pics or magazines? Leave one lying around in plain sight "accidentally." Or, let him VERY briefly catch you looking at some on your computer with your hand down your pants. Immediately turn the screen off or close the porn, yank your hand out of your pants, and--here's where you bust out the acting skills--pretend to be very nervous, surprised, and embarrassed, and pretend on top of that that you're trying to look like you're NOT. If he asks what you were doing, say nothing. If he presses, say you were browsing porn and thinking about jacking off when some gay popup appeared. Shrug it off and don't explain it any further. Fifteen or twenty minutes later, shake your head and mutter, "Jesus..." When he asks what's wrong, say that the popup showed the biggest dick you've ever seen in your life and your mind's all fucked up. Laugh while you're saying it, so it seems casual. Describe it in just a few words, say something about how thick and swollen and angry it looked, then shrug it off and quickly change the subject.

    -Take a nap stark naked when he isn't home but you know he will be by the time you're up. Sleep over the covers. Leave your door wide open. Enjoy your nap knowing he'll probably stand in the doorway and gawk for a while.

    -Jack off when you know he's in the house. "Accidentally" leave your door just a liiiiiiiiiiiiiittle bit open. And moan. Not theatrically, for god's sake. Just lightly. Just enough so he can hear.

    -Take a long, super hot shower, the kind where the bathroom packs with steam and you can feel yourself sweating even while you shower. When you finally can't stand it anymore, get out and attempt to dry off as best you can. Walk out into the main part of the house ass naked and still very damp and head straight for the kitchen. Pass him, acting completely as if it's nothing at all, casually saying something about how you spent too long under a really hot shower and now you can't stop sweating and you're thirsty as hell. Pour a tall drink, lean against something, and gulp it down while he stares. Only look at him once or twice briefly during all this. Then casually ask what his plans are that evening; say you feel like going out somewhere but don't have any ideas, and ask for his input. Discuss that a little, still gulping your drink and occasionally dabbing at your sweat. Just once, very, very offhandedly fondle yourself or adjust your balls while you're talking. Finish the conversation (keep it to a few minutes), say you're gonna go try drying off again, and disappear.

    Manipulative? Machiavellian? Well, I'm kind of a soap bitch. Gets the job done. The good thing here is that all of these things can be explained away and look like minor, isolated incidents. But they'll get his cock throbbing, and he definitely will not forget. He might start giving more clues or making some kind of small moves. Report back.
     
  11. StormyB

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    wow, I will keep these in mind haha very nice :biggrin1:
     
  12. goldeneye

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    Oh. An alternative, if you're too shy for the naked-and-damp thing--jack off a little while you're drying off...get yourself about halfway to orgasm, then stop and wait till you have a half-boner, wrap the towel around yourself, and walk out visibly swollen and throbbing under the towel. Aces.
     
  13. Eboomo

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    Never had a crush on anyone I've roomed with, but i know how it can be not being out......... It makes a tough life sometimes.

    BTW StormyB can I ask how old you are? Private message me sometime I wouldn't mind chatting about being out.
     
  14. killerb

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    ok here's the deal - this guy is either curious to find out if you are gay or he's trying to drop a hint that he's at least bi-curious...

    either way, since you live with the guy, that complicates things...

    I will say that in my experience, hints & clues do not work...the direct approach is best...speculation sucks!

    I can also say that if he IS gay & has this gf in order to hide it, you may as well forget about him find someone more suitable for you.

    Have you considered it possible that he's with her because he really WANTS to be?
     
  15. nailbender

    nailbender New Member

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    Back in my college days I found myself in the same situation. I did most of the things goldeneye suggested Worked with both roommates.

    GOOD LUCK!!!
     
  16. 220483

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    ok, not being TOTALLY out for yourself isn't GOOD.. you should, first understand about YOUR own sexuality, and them bother with others. OK, IMHO you should just talk things over with him. JUST explain that YOU'RE gay [or think you are!] and tell your secret, cause it seams he's trying to understand that from yourself too...

    BE true to yourself, THAT'S my aadvice to you! :D
     
  17. deano-uk

    deano-uk Active Member

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    Hey Stomry

    I would have a few beers with him at your house, just talk casually about relationships and general stuff, get the conversation around to films, then porn, and say have you got anything you want to watch, I find a bit of bi stuff gets me horny, you get the best of both world, see a cute girl getting fucked, by a fit guy or two with a big dick
    That would be acceptable to most people, whilst watching say something like, fucking hell, this is really turning me on, I'm could do with jacking off, (who knows that may be the start of a beautiful friendship.)
    Obviously judge his reaction at each stage, I reckon most guys would go for bi porn without fearing they have to admit to being aroused by the guys.
    You might find, a hand comes across when he gets steamed up and starts feel your dick, then you've got the green light..
    Make sure the doors lock and his gf is not gonna come around.

    Let us know if it works..
     
  18. monsternmypant

    monsternmypant New Member

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    Dude,
    Plenty of men have gfs and even get married and produce kids while knowing damned well that they prefer sex with men and getting cock and ass on the side. That said, you need to just come out in a very natural way. Talk about some other guy you find hot or going to a Gay club.... that's a lot less stressful than "letting" him catch you jacking off to Gay porn. If the roomie can't handle it, he'll let you know, and you can move on to a situation where you'll be Out from the start.

    Best,
    Darren
     
  19. killerb

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    so true...
    I know someone who is about to go through that whole process! He's recently gotten himself a gf, and is already talking about getting married...he will do anything to keep his family from knowing the truth about him...he's the youngest of 5 brothers and is the only one who isn't married & doesn't have kids...
     
  20. B_RedDude

    B_RedDude New Member

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    No shit!

    I speak as someone who has had a very recent experience with this sort of thing; at work, of all places. Without a doubt, the worst interpersonal experience I have ever had!

    It's been almost seven months since the denouement, I left my job two months ago, and the thing is still bothering me.
     
    #20 B_RedDude, Jun 30, 2008
    Last edited: Jun 30, 2008
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