gay to straight?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by gymguy86, Oct 27, 2008.

  1. gymguy86

    gymguy86 New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 2, 2008
    Messages:
    1
    Likes Received:
    0
    I'm 22, came out as gay at 13 (I know, very young). I went through high school and college identifying myself as homosexual. Now in grad school I find myself attracted to females more and enjoy watching straight porn. I have never been in a heterosexual relationship yet desire to "try" it out. The only problem is that I don't really know how to connect with females on that level. For the past 10 years females have been nothing but friends and I've become comfortable with seeking males for companionship/sex. Any advice? Maybe someone who has gone through this before?

    Basically I'm asking how to pick up chicks (for someone who may be really inexperienced in that area). I've never had a problem attracting guys yet I feel like I've placed some sort of barrier between establishing that sort of connection with a female.
     
  2. Jason

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Aug 26, 2004
    Messages:
    9,926
    Likes Received:
    639
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    London (GB)
    I'm not a fan of the labels homosexual/hetrosexual. Human beings are sexual. Society tries to apply labels. Some people are happy with these - which is great - others are not. Seems to me you don't strictly fit either label. And no I'm not saying you are bisexual either, just that you are human.
     
  3. SpeedoMike

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 19, 2007
    Messages:
    2,940
    Likes Received:
    5
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    San Francisco Bay Area
    how did you pick up guys? have you thought it might work on gals?
     
  4. bstexas

    bstexas Member

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2006
    Messages:
    578
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    29
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Houston
    My thoughts exactly. You can tell when a guy is attracted to you, right? His eyes linger; he miles, give a nod. If you're too nervous to approach a female then just look at those cues. Hey, I'm not attracted to women "that" way and might not be some stud, but I can tell when I'm being flirted with ... by either sex. Can't u?
     
  5. Xcuze

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jun 6, 2008
    Messages:
    2,979
    Likes Received:
    5
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    In a treehouse
    In my experience boys who come out really young develop very gay traits. Dare I say camp? If this is the case with you then girls probably dont see you as an option for any sexual relations. Maybe you need to butch up a bit to send out the right signals to girls. But then you'd lose the real you. I have no idea what you are like in person & neither does anyone else here so its difficult to say what you are doing wrong. My point is that defining yourself at such a young age has probably made you more obviously gay than you would like to think. This handicaps you when it comes to girls. However.....

    Can I introduce you to Think Kink....
     
  6. Penis Aficionado

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Dec 1, 2007
    Messages:
    2,135
    Likes Received:
    18
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Texas
    "Picking up" doesn't work on chicks -- unless you are one of the maybe two or three out of 100 guys who is either so hot, so fascinating, so talented or so rich that chicks are willing to throw out their standard operating procedure.

    For the rest of us, forget about "picking up" chicks. If you think that way you are lost. Instead, go out and try to *meet* chicks. Do not expect sex the same night. If you expect it, or are desperate for it, they will know and find you repellent.
     
  7. B_josh762

    B_josh762 New Member

    Joined:
    May 2, 2008
    Messages:
    407
    Likes Received:
    3
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    In the midwest
    Being bi since I was 13 and have had relationships with both and married to females I find that ladies are harder to figure out. (Really ? DUH). If you find one you are attracted to, you are just gonna have to jump in with both feet and ask her out. If you are drop dead gorgeous then you won't have any problems. Otherwise like me you will have to work on your asking a lady out etiquette. Most women aren't as easy as guys.
     
  8. bigconscience

    bigconscience New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 24, 2007
    Messages:
    4
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Glasgow
    If you work out how to do this, let me know!

    That said, I think my problem is slightly different.

    I still have problems with objectifying women, whereas I have no such problem with men. And my tastes are quite masculine, in the sense that I find contrived frippery a bit of a turn-off. And I prefer flesh to be toned. But catch me in the right mood, with a confident, intelligent-eyed, mischievous-smiled person and either sex can do it for me - at least in theory. I've never done anything with a lady.

    There is someone I care about a lot, and I know that I could enjoy her physically; but she doesn't want to be my "experiment" and I don't want her to be. Yet I feel really bad at the thought of using someone else for "target practice". I have enough problems doing that with men.

    I came out early, but strangers still assume I'm straight. Getting women to fancy me is not an issue. But the expectations of most straight women scare me and the game that most of them play does not work for me.
     
  9. D_Chaumbrelayne_Copprehead

    D_Chaumbrelayne_Copprehead Account Disabled

    Joined:
    Jan 9, 2008
    Messages:
    8,978
    Likes Received:
    11
    Yeah...... as a bi guy, my experience is that it takes a bigger commitment of time and energy to hook up with a woman than another man. Although, there's always the Craigs List route, just posting an ad for a quick nsa hookup.
     
  10. Symphonic

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Mar 12, 2008
    Messages:
    1,748
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    45
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Minneapolis (MN, US)
    I'm not sure how to help you. Perhaps you just present yourself, regardless of how you truly identify, as bisexual for the time being? It will at least give a more open door; go to a bar while at it. I hear drunk women are easily picked up.
     
  11. Symphonic

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Mar 12, 2008
    Messages:
    1,748
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    45
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Minneapolis (MN, US)
    > >; Really...?
     
  12. HiJinx

    HiJinx Member

    Joined:
    Dec 9, 2006
    Messages:
    91
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Portland OR
    Xcuse has some sage advice. Take it and butch it up a bit. The girls will find you, if you can be sensitive to their needs without a purse falling out of your mouth when you speak.
     
  13. JP0724

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Feb 15, 2008
    Messages:
    216
    Albums:
    2
    Likes Received:
    18
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    New York City, NY
    Verified:
    Photo
    I feel like you are in the exact same boat that I am. I came out very early also, at 13 years old, and have been living as a gay man for the last 12 years, but I am finding myself more and more attracted to women, but I have no idea how to even go about it. I feel like a scared teenaged virgin. It's horrible. I have never had trouble getting men, but don't even know where to begin with women, and I fear the social stigma that might come with switching teams mid game. If you figure it out, let me know.
     
  14. rickygNOLA

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 5, 2008
    Messages:
    4,885
    Albums:
    2
    Likes Received:
    524
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Las Vegas (NV, US)
    just approach her as you would if you didn't have sex in mind. just talk to her normally. worked for me years ago when i used to sleep w/women.
     
  15. D_Iskepee_Longwoodee

    Joined:
    Nov 7, 2006
    Messages:
    826
    Likes Received:
    2
    I suspect your bi...no straight. Straight men do not continue to have sexual encounters with men, bisexal men do. Gay men do no continue to have encounters with women, they have sex with men, unless their bi.

    Most gay men, know their gay, and do not have this confusion set in later in life. However, I'm also referring to the guys who came out when or knew they were gay at an average age, say like 18 et cetera.
     
  16. cbrmale

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Dec 20, 2008
    Messages:
    1,442
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    15
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Canberra, Australia
    100% straight all my life. Attracting women takes patience, and women are generally conditioned to be very selective when choosing a partner. Once they choose, you will know. They are interested in the whole package, not just sex, although sex will come when the relationship is established.

    What women are attracted to is maturity, confidence and a good sense of humour. Dressed well doesn't do any harm at all, and being well-off ups your chances as well. Remember that subconsciously she's considering you as a potential father for her children, even if the relationship is never going to lead in that direction. But typically, she will be considering you as a potential life-partner, a potential father, and potentially someone to look after her when she is pregnant or just given birth. Hopefully this will give you some clues as to how to present yourself, and what to say and do.

    To get a woman who you think is interested in you into a potential date situation is easy enough: an invitation to share a cup of coffee or whatever is usually all it takes. If she is interested, she will agree. If she isn't, she will be busy. From there, if it goes well, all it takes is asking her to see her again. If she's still interested, she will agree.
     
  17. B_Hung Jon

    B_Hung Jon New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 4, 2007
    Messages:
    5,008
    Likes Received:
    16
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Los Angeles, California


    While I realize what cbrmale says is basically true, it's the very thing that I dislike about how women operate or about how some women operate. It's very much like catching a fish or using a guy to create your future plans for stability and baby-making. The female biological imperative seems so rigid and limited. Where are the women who would like to hang out with a guy because they "love" him or want to be with him, instead of looking at him as a meal ticket or whatever. What a fucking drag. I think it's best to date women who have no desire for children if you want a real relationship.
     
  18. cbrmale

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Dec 20, 2008
    Messages:
    1,442
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    15
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Canberra, Australia
    In my experience my scenario is true for most women most of the time, even those who don't want children. It is a biological imperative that women don't even realise, they just get attracted and fall in love with certain types of men, and feel nothing in particular towards other types of men. I have also noticed this attraction pattern with many women from many different cultures.

    If any of us ask a woman why she was attracted to the man she loves, she would recognise his maturity and confidence attrributes, but not in the context of being a possible father to her children.

    It's the same with many women who don't place an emphasis on having children at all, and suddenly they get hit with this overwhelming desire that seems to come from nowhere. It's not a case of the way women operate, it's just the way women are.

    Similarly there are certain aspects about the way men typically are and what we are attracted to, and there's not much we can do about those things either. Most of the pysical attributes of women which we are aroused by are associated with fertility and reproduction, so in an unconscious way we are just as bad.
     
  19. ring27

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 28, 2008
    Messages:
    62
    Albums:
    4
    Likes Received:
    525
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Boston (MA, US)
    Verified:
    Photo
    I was abused as a kid (12 yrs to 15 yrs), when I thought may be I am gay but grew out of it and now I have been with many women to know I that girls are what I want.
    (I hope this helps!)
     
Draft saved Draft deleted