Gay tokenism

[Altairion]

Even after being here as long as I have, I still feel that I have a long way to go to understanding gay relationships...hell I'm still working on understanding how to maintain a straight relationship myself

Anyway, I think it's great that some people are getting the courage to ask certain questions though. I'm sure that many of them seem stupid (I know I've probably asked a fair share of those myself) but it's the people that take the time to welcome questions and answer them intelligently that will eventually allow society to learn to adapt and accept.

 

[DC_DEEP]

I still contend that there is really not that much to understand. It is a relationship between two people who (hopefully) are in love and care about each other. My experience has been that most of the questions can and should be answered "the same as a straight couple", when it applies, of course. And yes, I have been asked some very rude and some very ignorant questions. When it comes right down to it, what questions could a straight person possibly ask that aren't either of the above? I don't mean to sound condescending, but what is there to "not understand" about a same-gender couple in a committed relationship?

 

[GoneA]

Hum. I think, perhaps, the issue here is our use of the word 'understand'. When I use the word, I don't mean it so much as to inquire about the nature of your relationship, but rather personal sentiments. That is, for example, your view of the dynamic you share (as a gay couple) with the rest of world; the marginalization of homosexuals, if you will. I'd ask those questions just the same as I would any other minority.

 

[headbang8]

Most of my friends:

• Have seen plenty of gay couples, and know that their relationships cover a wide spectrum
• Have negotiated some pretty unusual straight relationships themselves

So there's seldom anything more at a dinner party than good conversation. When couples discuss their relationships, my gay friends and I feel that we can particpate in the discussion on an equal footing with straight friends, and even engage in a bit of PDA if the mood is relaxed.

But I feel tokened when it comes to ceremonial occasions. I am everyone's favourite gay godfather/uncle/best man/groomsman.

Is it a case of "you'll never get married or have kids, so here's a sympathetic way to feel involved in the great parade of heterosexual family-making". Should I be touched, or miffed?

My brother's wedding was terribly, terribly gay. Gay best man, gay reverend, two lesbian bridesmaids. It began to look like they were trying too hard.

HB8

 

[Altairion]

DC, I'm with GoneA on this one. I didn't mean understand in a way that you may have perceived it. While I only know two people in real life that are gay (and in a relationship), I treat them equally and don't see things to be all that different. However the whole perception thing and how they deal with outside influences is definitely something I pay attention to and find intriguing as it is something that I'm not used to.

Yep, I admit it...I'm a strange person

 

[Matthew]

Yep, I admit it...I'm a strange person

Out of the closet finally! :wink:

I don't mind questions as long as they're appropriate to my relationship with the person asking. Would you mind being asked the correlate? And yeah, if you approach it like I'm a circus freak, you may end up with a few ego lacerations. But for example, I think LPSG is a great place for people to ask questions as long as they have a modicum of self-awareness about it.

And hey - nothing beats a little gay token after work. :439:

 

[Dr Rock]

stronzo is the token queer in a bizarre living hell of middle-class stereotypes! no wonder he's so angry :biggrin1:

 

[B_Jeff's Pole]

Most of my friends:

• Have seen plenty of gay couples, and know that their relationships cover a wide spectrum
• Have negotiated some pretty unusual straight relationships themselves

So there's seldom anything more at a dinner party than good conversation. When couples discuss their relationships, my gay friends and I feel that we can particpate in the discussion on an equal footing with straight friends, and even engage in a bit of PDA if the mood is relaxed.

But I feel tokened when it comes to ceremonial occasions. I am everyone's favourite gay godfather/uncle/best man/groomsman.

Is it a case of "you'll never get married or have kids, so here's a sympathetic way to feel involved in the great parade of heterosexual family-making". Should I be touched, or miffed?

My brother's wedding was terribly, terribly gay. Gay best man, gay reverend, two lesbian bridesmaids. It began to look like they were trying too hard.

HB8

HB8
I'm not sure what's happening in new york city but here on the west coast in la gays & lesbians are getting married or commited all the time, & also are having kids so i dont think they get invited to be tokens. i think they get invited becuz they're family or friends of whoever is having the ceremony. like i said before i have a uncle who has a guy partner & they come to everything our family has becuz they're part of our family.

 

[B_Stronzo]

stronzo is the token queer in a bizarre living hell of middle-class stereotypes! no wonder he's so angry :biggrin1:

and Doc is the token disgruntled recluse living his life vicariously through a penis-ridden message board.

no wonder he's such a skeptic :biggrin1:

 

[Dr Rock]

and Doc is the token disgruntled recluse living his life vicariously through a penis-ridden message board.

i'm living YOUR lives vicariously through a penis-ridden message board; i like them cos they remind me that mine doesn't suck as hard, comparatively

 

[B_Stronzo]

must get odd

 

[Dr Rock]

it does in threads like this one :wink:

 

[inkubus963]

But I feel tokened when it comes to ceremonial occasions. I am everyone's favourite gay godfather/uncle/best man/groomsman.

Is it a case of "you'll never get married or have kids, so here's a sympathetic way to feel involved in the great parade of heterosexual family-making". Should I be touched, or miffed?

HB8

Both, of course. Be touched that they think enough of you to include you in their most cherished functions, and value you enough to give you important duties and responsibilities, for whatever the reason may be. Be miffed that the current political climate keeps you from having all of those things yourself. Each person that thinks you're great is arguably one more who won't vote against establishing improved rights for us.

 

[Shelby]

i'm living YOUR lives vicariously through a penis-ridden message board; i like them cos they remind me that mine doesn't suck as hard, comparatively

*bows*

 

[B_Stronzo]

it does in threads like this one :wink:

why doc.. you seem grumpy. Take ten deep breaths and think of nothing but green fields. :wink: