Gaydar does it exist and do some ppl have better gaydar than others? (long post)

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by lokican, Dec 11, 2008.

  1. lokican

    lokican Member

    Joined:
    Oct 27, 2004
    Messages:
    221
    Likes Received:
    2
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Canada
    .

    I just wanted to write down my thoughts about gaydar. In my opinion their is such thing as Gaydar, now I don't know if it's just being observant of signals, or sensing certain "vibes" people give off, or if it's some kind of instinct but I can usually tell if someone is gay usually within a few minutes of meeting them. A lot of straight people I find have no real gaydar. They rely on stereotypes and use them to judge if someone is gay or not. Gay men often put out little hints or signals that they can often pick up on. Bisexuals on the other hand, (this coming from a lively discussion with 3 bi's s have talked about it and we can not only pick up on these gay singnals but seem to be able to also sense straight people who are curious or have a bit of a gay side to them, albeit not that obvious. I myself have fooled around with a few straight guys who i'm sure no one would think twice about their heterosexuality. Some of my friends have confided me in to fooling around with football players and other jocks. But some of my gay friends have some pretty bad "gaydar" when it comes to straight people whom they think would fool around. I wish they would actually do a real scientific study on this to prove if some people had Gaydar, but it would be impossible to prove I guess. Just to many factors, and I mean let's face it even defining Gay, straight or bi could be a problem, because it does not mean the same thing for everyone.

    I don't know why it is, but it just seems to me that bisexuals are just better on picking up on these "vibes", maybe being attracted to both sexes give us a unique perspective. Or maybe it's just that fooling around with a bisexual seems less threatening to their sexuality than fooling around with a actual gay person. Anyways thats just my opinion on the subject, whats yours? I'm always curious to hear other people's views on this.

    This is from my new blog I have started, fell free to check out and get a candid look at the life of being Bisexual, the ups, the downs and my god the complications that arise when one likes both men and women
     
  2. Industrialsize

    Staff Member Moderator Gold Member

    Joined:
    Dec 23, 2006
    Messages:
    24,333
    Albums:
    2
    Likes Received:
    2,192
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    United States
    yes it exists
     
  3. B_Think_Kink

    B_Think_Kink New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 25, 2006
    Messages:
    10,742
    Likes Received:
    17
    Gender:
    Female
    It has to exist, I don't know what else to blame for my disgustingly accurate way of picking out gay men.
     
  4. Average_joe

    Average_joe Member

    Joined:
    May 10, 2004
    Messages:
    124
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Minnesota
    I think it exists, but it's not the sure-fire thing that some people make it out to be. I know some gay guys who get false-positives ALL the time, and some straight guys who can pick out the quiet, unassuming ones from fifty yards.

    I think it has more to do with a person's sensitivity to social cues. Some groups of people, as a whole, are probably better at it than others.

    Myself, I only have a knack for picking out bisexual girls. Go figure.
     
    #4 Average_joe, Dec 11, 2008
    Last edited: Dec 11, 2008
  5. Smartalk

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Feb 8, 2008
    Messages:
    1,730
    Likes Received:
    11
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    8 miles outside of Manchester
    It certainly does exist, and what annoys me most is my totally straight friend has the most amazing gaydar and is never wrong,
     
  6. Principessa

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 22, 2006
    Messages:
    19,494
    Likes Received:
    28
    Gender:
    Female
    Gaydar does it exist and do some ppl have better gaydar than others

    Yes, it exists and some people have it while others do not. I find that my gaydar tends to wax and wane over time. However, I cannot detect bi-guys they skew the radar.
     
  7. B_Nick4444

    B_Nick4444 New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 24, 2007
    Messages:
    7,002
    Likes Received:
    12
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    San Antonio, TX
    I can't tell

    just a lot of wishful thinking on my part
     
  8. Corius

    Corius New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 1, 2007
    Messages:
    718
    Likes Received:
    6
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Michigan
    Thanks for posing the question. It would appear to me that, whatever term you may apply to the way in which potential partners connect, there are those folks who seem to have better luck in making the connections than others. As a fifteen year old, I was horny as the next guy; in my mind I had wonderful sex with both males and females; in real life I was "properly reserved" and it was only when I became a friend to the new guy in town that I found myself on the road to real sex. Since both of us thought of ourselves as "normal guys" it took a while for our inhibitions to be set aside and for the development between us of the kind of intimacy between boys which did not fit any of the models we had in our community. The sex we enjoyed in the last two years of high school was fantastic and transforming; it confirmed the bond of friendship and love that existed between us. It came about naturally and seemed so right. The two of us ended up as conventionally married men; we haven't had sex since high school, but the love we had then is still there.

    In college and again in my first years of employment I had the good fortune of having a roommate and a housemate with whom I enjoyed long term fully sexual relationship. I ask myself was this all just dumb luck or was there something that drew us together as sexual partners? Did I choose them or did they choose me?

    In the end I have concluded that there is that quality which we call serendipity with which I have been blessed. In no case was I seeking a sexual partner since I have always thought of myself as being much like my peers--heterosexual. But, I have always been open to friendship and when friendship becomes genuine love I have not turned away from intimacy, even sexual intimacy. From what I read on this site there seem to be a lot of men who say they want sex with no strings attached; they seek relief and a temporary thrill. I appreciate all my friends; I desired and have had sex with only a very few of them.
     
    #8 Corius, Dec 13, 2008
    Last edited: Dec 13, 2008
  9. Xcuze

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jun 6, 2008
    Messages:
    2,979
    Likes Received:
    5
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    In a treehouse
    I dont think Gaydar is all that reliable, frankly. Men are far more metrosexual these days & its acceptable for very straight guys to have what were once perceived to be very gay traits. Its also OK for guys to be emotional now & show sensitivity. A lot of media that was once Gay orientated is now mainstream so u cant so easily tell someones sexuality by their taste in Tv & music etc

    But, of course, sometimes a persons true sexuality just leaps out at you...:rolleyes:
     
  10. Domisoldo

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 23, 2008
    Messages:
    4,079
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    23
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Pacific Northwest
    Nothing is more thrilling to me than being proved wrong (gaydar registering a false negative).
     
  11. AsA3DollarBill

    AsA3DollarBill New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 16, 2008
    Messages:
    29
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Indiana
    One time my mother and I were walking out of the church from my cousin's wedding and ran into a woman she knew, who turned out to be related to my cousin on his other side of the family. This woman's son was walking with her, and we made eye contact briefly, instantly communicating in that way that we do, "I'm gay, you're gay, you know you're gay, I know I'm gay, you know I'm gay, I know you're gay, we're both gay and we both know it." Then as soon as we were out of earshot, I asked Mom if that woman knew that her son is gay. Mom paused, dumbfounded, and said she was just about to tell me that that woman is having a hard time accepting her son.

    But the deeper type of gaydar is when you pick up on subconcious signals over time. I thought one of my co-workers was super-hot when I hired in a year ago, so much so that I had a hard time looking him in the eyes. Then I got promoted and reported directly to him, and as I got to know him my attraction faded completely. Which is not to say that I dislike him -- he's funny and smart and a great guy. But now that I've been promoted again and we work together on multiple projects, I no longer even see what I previously saw in him. All of which tells me he's 100% straight.

    On the other hand there are two "straight" guys at work that I've grown more attracted to over time. (Thank god neither one of them works directly for me.) One of them is totally not my type but is really funny and personable. He's a total schlub, but I've been growing more and more attracted to him, and then I found out last week that he propositioned a gay co-worker in that I'm-totally-kidding-unless-I'm-being-serious way that bi-curious guys do.

    The other guy is so freaking hot I can't stand it (nor can my gay co-worker). And the more I get to know him, the stronger my attraction gets. He's a complete goofball and laugh-out-loud funny, and supposedly straight. And he's too skinny for my tastes. But when I stand close to him, I can barely contain myself. I look at the curve of his shoulders and all I want to do is hug him. I see his pouty butt bounce down the hall, and all I want is to eat his ass and then fuck him senseless. And I'm a total bottom! He wears a t-shirt with a Bible verse on it and all I can think about it what it looks like underneath that shirt. He mentions his girlfriend, and my mind wanders to all the wonderful things she gets to do to him. And unlike other guys, this attraction is getting stronger, not weaker. That's my gaydar telling me he's not 100% straight. I'm convinced of it.
     
  12. HungBoyRN

    HungBoyRN New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 2, 2008
    Messages:
    72
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Male
    I believe in gaydar but sometimes feel I'm relying too strongly on stereotypes. I'm completely baffled by a co-worker of mine. Maybe you can help me out. When I first met him, I just assumed he was gay. Then he started dating a girl at work and she told me (we're good friends) that sex with him is "amazing." So on the gay side we have: he hates sports, has NO male friends, stands with his hip cocked and his right leg straight out at his desk, has LOTS of female friends, dumped my friend when she wanted to get engaged, says stuff like "fabulous" and "no worries," acts completely ill-at-ease with straight males and compensates by calling them "dude" and "brother" which is very uncharacteristic of his verbage. On the straight side we have: he's good with power tools and allegedly fucked my friend very well. Does my gaydar need an overhaul? Am I just judging him on his stereotypical behavior? Or should I just trust my first instinct and wait for him to come flying out of the closet?
     
  13. exwhyzee

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jun 5, 2005
    Messages:
    4,578
    Likes Received:
    36
    Gender:
    Male
    I'm notorious among friends for not having gaydar. I'm clueless and have no idea who is gay or straight. Therefore, I tend not to believe in mystical homosexual identification sensibilities.
     
  14. D_skeaflea

    D_skeaflea New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 26, 2008
    Messages:
    213
    Likes Received:
    0
    I don't know. . .I can just tell by the way a guy talks, or walks; Something just seems "different" about him. I've noticed this in a few different guys, and i've later found out they were gay.

    Example: I got this sort of "not-quite straight" vibe from a guy once. He was security at a gay bar up in Cleveland, but affirmed that he was straight. I felt guilty about my intuition; I felt that it was a sort of "wishful thinking", even though I wasn't attracted to him in the slightest. His friends told me one day that while they were all drunk, they asked him if he were gay. He said "I'm not gay; I'm bi!". When they mentioned this to him later, his face turned bright red and he stuttered, saying that he was only drunk and that it wasn't true.
     
Draft saved Draft deleted