I've posted this little satirical piece before but this thread calls for a repeat.
Dave
Dear Dr. Laura,
Thank you for doing so much to educate people
regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to
share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone
tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them
that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be abomination.
End of debate.
I do need some advice from you, however, regarding
some of the other specific laws and how to follow
them.
1. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice,
I know itcreates a pleasing smell for the Lord - Leviticus 1:9.
The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to
them. Should I smite them?
2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery,
as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a
fair price for her?
3. I know that I am not allowed to have contact
with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual cleanliness - Leviticus
15:19-24. The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but
most women take offense.
4. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may indeed
possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from
neighboring nations. A friend of mineclaims that this applies to Mexicans but not
Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?
5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus35:2 clearly
states she should be put to death. Am Imorally obligated to kill her myself?
6. A friend of mine feels that even though eatingshellfish is an abomination
- Leviticus 11:10, it is a lesser abomination thanhomosexuality. Idon't agree.
Can you settle this?
7. Leviticus 21:20 states that I may not approach
the altar of Godif I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that Iwear
reading glasses.
Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there somewiggle room here?
8. Most of my male friends get their hair cut,including the hairaround their
temples, even though this is expresslyforbidden by the bible, in
Leviticus 19:27. How should they die?
9. I know from Leviticus 11:6-9 that touching theskin of a deadpig makes me
unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?
10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Leviticus19:19 by plantingtwo different
crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments madeof two different
kinds of threads (cotton and polyester blend). He also tends to curse a lot. Is it
really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town to stone
them? - Leviticus 24:10-16. Couldn't we just burnthem to death at a private family
affair like we dowith people who sleep with their in-laws? Leviticus20:14
I know you have studied these things extensively,
so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that
God's word is eternaland unchanging.
Your devoted fan,
Marty